Jerk It by Lani Lynn Vale

CHAPTER 19

I’m going to stand outside so if anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

-Mavis to Murphy

MAVIS

“Hello?”

I answered the phone before it’d even had a chance to ring a full rotation.

Like always over the last few weeks, I’d hoped and prayed that each time the phone rang, that I would answer it and find out that a heart had been found for Murphy.

Yet, each time I answered, it never happened.

I glanced at the man that was lying on the pillow next to me and found him wide awake.

His eyes were heavy, dark bags were underneath of his eyes, indicating he’d been awake. Likely for a while.

Shit.

I’d gone to sleep thinking he was asleep himself.

Had he been faking?

“Ms. Pope?”

I sat up and wiped the sleep from my eyes. “That’s me,” I croaked.

“This is Jeremiah Flannagan.” He paused. “The bakery owner that has a shop next to your husband. We spoke yesterday.”

I closed my eyes.

Murphy was my husband. How had he known?

“Hey,” I whispered softly, not wanting to interrupt the hospice nurse and Murphy.

“Yeah,” he croaked. “I just wanted to call you and tell you that the dogs…one of them perished during the night, and the other one isn’t looking too good.”

I felt myself stiffen. “What?”

“I don’t think this other one is going to make it, ma’am,” he whispered.

I closed my eyes as something close to devastation, utter and complete depletion of feeling, washed over me.

We started Murphy on hospice care today. They were supposed to be here at eight in the morning. I glanced at the clock and saw it was close to seven thirty.

When the nurse had arrived early, I’d wanted to close the door in her face.

“I’ll come after eight…” I hesitated. “Is that okay?”

He knew why I was waiting until eight.

Yesterday, when I’d met him, he’d told me that he would watch them. Take care of them.

And I’d thanked him and told him that if he ever needed me, I would be more than happy to come after eight, because that was when I knew for sure that Murphy would have someone here to help him if he needed it.

Then again, between his mom and me, we were always there.

This morning, the hospice nurse hadn’t been the only one to show up. It was more than obvious that when Guilia arrived this morning, she wasn’t the only one that didn’t want to leave.

I invited her in and set her up in Vlad’s bedroom since it was the only one with the extra bed.

Vlad would be happy.

Now, we were both watching miserably while the nurse did her thing with the man that we loved with all of our hearts.

“Don’t,” he said softly. “I’ll take care of them.”

I closed my eyes. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

That’s when my voice broke, and he started to murmur to me softly, “I’ll take care of everything down here, babe. Don’t worry.”

Like a punch to the gut.

Repeatedly.

The blows just kept coming.

My sister had sent me a text telling me that Vlad’s father was in town, but I seriously couldn’t care less.

I wasn’t leaving the house any time soon, so why would I care if he was here?

“If you need anything, let me know,” he murmured.

As we said our goodbyes, I was once again left staring at the nurse in front of us.

I hated her.

Literally, I hated her.

I hated what she represented.

I hated that she had her hands on my man.

I hated that Murphy was laughing softly.

I just…hated her.

Murphy, upon sensing me done with my phone conversation, held out his hand for me.

I swallowed hard past a lump in my throat and walked toward him.

Guilia snickered as I passed, and I shot her a ‘watch it’ glare.

She looked away with a smirk on her face, her eyes going to Vlad who was busy playing with the nurse’s stethoscope.

She really was nice.

I wouldn’t have given my stethoscope to him.

Apparently, though, it was one she had for backup. And one her own child played with from time to time.

At least, that was what she said, anyway.

When I got there, Murphy’s hand came out to me. The hand that now had the IV in it.

“Everything okay?” he asked quietly.

I smoothed my hand into his and squeezed lightly.

He squeezed back, and I felt like fucking crying.

Because I knew he’d given it all he had.

“Yeah,” I lied through my teeth. “Everything is fine. That was Jeremiah. Just checking in.”

Murphy may be dying, his body failing him one organ by one organ, but his brain was still sharp as a tack.

He didn’t call me on my lie, though.

Not until the nurse left after giving him some meds to help.

“What happened?” he asked again the moment the door closed behind her.

I sighed and pressed my forehead into his thigh.

“I don’t want to tell you,” I admitted.

I felt his fingers sift through my hair, and I groaned and pressed a little deeper between his legs.

He was in the recliner propped up with some pillows.

I was on the ground after just slipping his feet into some warm socks.

Except, I hadn’t realized how comfortable I was.

How tired.

How…

I fell asleep right there and wasn’t woken up for an hour.

Not until the cramping in my leg forced me to move, and I realized what I’d done.

Lifting my head slowly, I looked up at Murphy who was staring down at me.

He had tears coursing down his face.

I was on my feet in an instant, my eyes wild, as I took everything in.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “I’m so sorry I fell asleep.”

He held his hand out to me, and I reluctantly crawled in his lap, being sure to put the majority of my weight toward the side so I wouldn’t hinder his breathing any more than it already was.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated again.

He pressed his forehead against mine before saying, “I don’t want to leave you.”

A sound, one similar to a wounded bear, left me.

“Alessio…” I whispered. “Don’t.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” he repeated. “I want to grow old with you. I want to have five babies with you. I want to have them all running around us while Vlad chases them in our fully restored house. I want to go on vacation with you to Disney World and experience all the chaos it brings with it. I want to go to CrossFit forever and watch your ass in your leggings as you accomplish your goals. I want to bring you food at work and spend your lunch hour with you. I want to buy you an American-made car.”

Tears, hot and heavy, were running down my face as I pressed my cheek to his. Our tears mingled.

“I wish I’d never spent the last few years ignoring you. I wish I’d had more time,” he gasped.

“I want more time,” I told him, whispering it so softly. “But in the last few months, you’ve given me everything that I ever wanted. I’ve never been so happy in my life.” I paused. “And even though you’re leaving me way too early, I know that you’ll always be there, influencing every single decision I make. And I promise, Murphy. I’ll buy an American car next time.”

He laughed, which caused him to start coughing.

But the smile on his face made it worth it.

Dinner that night was between Guilia, Vlad and me.

We all sat at the table, but Vlad was the only one to make noise as he happily ate the chicken and rice that Guilia had made for dinner.

“Do you think…do you think…” Guilia cleared her throat.

“Do I think it’ll be soon?” I asked quietly.

Though we weren’t in the same room as Murphy, he could still hear most of our conversation if he wanted to.

“Yes,” she whispered, her hands shaking as she brought another forkful of rice to her mouth.

The words partially stuck in my throat as I tried, and failed, to get them out.

Her eyes read my lack of answer, and she closed them, breathing deep.

When she opened them again, her eyes were swimming with tears.

“A mother is supposed to die before her child,” she whispered, her shaking hands coming up to cover her face. “I failed him. I failed him so badly that now I wonder if I should’ve just admitted I couldn’t make it.”

I reached forward and caught her hand with mine. “You gave him thirty-three beautiful years.”

Her breath hitched as she said, “I was a stubborn fool.”

I tilted my head in confusion. “What?”

She sniffled. “My mom and dad kicked me out when I was young,” she said. “Pregnant with Alessio. We were a big, loud and proud Italian family, and my dad the proudest of them all.” She rested her hand against her chest. “I was poor, proud, and refused to ask for help. When I found that job with your grandmother, it was the best opportunity that could’ve ever been given to me. And that’s why I’m not mad, because despite being ‘let go,’ I was still there for two years. That was enough time to get me settled and grounded. But, when we left, I was so wrapped up in making our paths on my own, that I didn’t notice how my son was suffering.”

I swallowed hard at the look of utter desolation on her face. “I mean, I let him starve to the point where he had to beg, borrow and steal to feed himself. If I’d just admitted that I needed help…there are so many government assistance programs made for people like we used to be. But no. Just so damn stubborn.”

I smiled then. “Don’t you think that you’re being a little too hard on yourself? I mean, Murphy is just as stubborn as you are. He doesn’t blame you.”

“No,” she agreed. “But he should.”

“I think, deep down, you love him so fiercely that you wanted to be the provider. And you eventually became that, even at the young age that you were at. With a child to boot. I’m not sure that even I could’ve done as well had I not had my sister and my nursing job to fall back on in case of an emergency.” I pointed out to her. “And I was much older than you were when you had Murphy.”

Dinner was a quiet affair after that.

Together, Guilia and I got Murphy into bed.

He didn’t even open his eyes as we situated him.

We stared at the man, so deathly still, taking up the majority of my king-sized bed and knew.

Today was the last day that he would be alive.

Today was the day that he went home.