When Stars Fall by Wendy Million

Chapter Sixteen

Wyatt

Ten Years Ago

Before today, I’d never thought about the heaviness of a casket, the weight of a body once the soul was gone. But it keeps running through my head as I hoist Kabir’s coffin onto my shoulder. It’s heavy and light, which makes no sense. I mixed too many pills before the ceremony. Since I was eating oxy and Adderall like candy, I didn’t care.

My knees are wobbly, and I’m trying not to stumble out the door to the hearse. There are so many cameras and photographers, I wish I’d put one of the pills back in the bottle. Just one.

Ellie clutches Isaac’s hand. He looks vacant, checked out. My mirrored expression will probably be splashed across the gossip rags tomorrow. We slide the casket into the rear of the hearse. Other people are talking around me, but I can’t focus on anything or anyone.

Ellie moves beside me. Her hand starts on my lower back and travels to my shoulder. I close my eyes. Without her, I’d be lost. She’s earthquake-proof and nothing shakes her. I turn, scooping her to me, and I bury my face in her neck while she squeezes me tight.

“Isaac and Tanvi are coming in our limo to the graveside service, right?” she asks into my ear. “I can’t find Anna.”

I shrug. My brain is fuzzy. My memory’s checked out for the day.

“I think so. Tanvi said something about it.” She leaves me to go to Isaac’s mother. Ellie’s phone is in her hand, and she’s texting someone. When she glances up, her expression brims with concern. God, I love her face. I could sit and watch her age minute by minute and never get bored.

Kyle appears at my shoulder. “Sir, Ellie requested I get you to the car. She’s escorting Tanvi and Isaac.”

Of course she did. I yank at my shirt collar, which is always too tight. As we walk to the car, Kyle is silent. That’s not unusual. We’ve known each other for years, and the silence is often comfortable.

My mind drifts to Kabir. Massive heart attacks shouldn’t be a thing. Fifty-year-old men who act more like my father than my father shouldn’t die out of the blue. When I’ve thought about that over the last few days, I’ve reached for a glass of lean or one of my pills more than usual. My life could be half over right now and I’d never know.

Cameras follow us and click as we walk. I glance at Kyle and then I stop in my tracks. “Where’s Ellie?” My heart pumps in my chest. She’s been swarmed before. When I went into the crowd to get her, I threw punches at anyone who blocked my path. There was a court date for that one.

“Ellie organized for Tim and David from the security firm to come today, and she’s with them. She thought it might be a zoo.” Kyle glances at me out of the corner of his eye. “She was worried about you and Isaac, sir.” He motions with his hand for us to continue walking to the vehicle.

We get to the limo first, and I slide in. Kyle has the divide down between us. “Ellie’s always looking after me.”

“She looks after all of you,” Kyle says.

The back door opens and Isaac stumbles in, followed by Tanvi, and finally Ellie slides in beside me. She squeezes my leg, and I loop her arm through mine, lacing our fingers together.

“Anna is still out there,” Tanvi says, and she peers out the window. “We need to wait.”

“Isaac.” With my free hand, I shake his knee. “You in there, man?”

Tanvi glances at him. She’s been a rock, like Ellie. Isaac, Anna, and I are eroding from the inside out.

“I’m fine,” Isaac mumbles. His mother grabs his hand, and he squeezes hers without taking his focus from the window.

The rear door of the limo pops open, and Anna falls in, almost landing on Tanvi’s lap. Tanvi scooches closer to Isaac to make room for Anna, who tugs on the hem of her dress.

“You were going to leave without me?” Anna glares at Ellie and then me. “Abandoning your sister?”

If I wasn’t so fucking high, that comment would sting. When my parents lost my acting income, they threw her into modeling. We don’t talk about what happened to her from twelve to eighteen, but I can imagine, and it’s all toxic.

“No,” Ellie says. “That’s why we’re still here. You know Wyatt wouldn’t do that.”

We don’t mention our drugs or alcohol around Tanvi, but Anna’s still got powder on her nose, and I kick her foot. When she turns toward me, I pinch my nose. She runs the back of her hand across hers and then stares out the window.

The silence in the limo is oppressive as we follow the hearse to the grave site. Kabir’s brother is doing a speech, and Ellie agreed to read a poem. The rest of us couldn’t face the performance. Did Tanvi experience this aching hollowness in her chest when her own parents died? Whenever the pills wear off, my brain is sucked into a black hole. That’s Ellie’s term, not mine. She calls it the black hole of doom.

On those days, I’ve wandered the house raging about parents. One way or another, parents devastate their kids, either by being shitty like mine or dying like Kabir. The world is tilted, and I’m not sure it’ll ever level out again. This is a depth of heartbreak I never realized existed.

“Are you okay?” Ellie asks in a low voice.

I shake my head. Examining her hand, I lift it and press her palm to my lips. She leans her head against my side and sighs. “I can’t imagine a worse day,” I say.

The ceremony passes in a blur of other people’s tears and the bottom of a pill bottle. When my brain checks in, I’m standing in the middle of my living room alone. I’m not sure how we got back to my place.

“Ellie? Isaac?” I call out.

“Why are you standing there?” Ellie emerges from the hallway with her brow creased.

“No idea.” I shrug.

“Wyatt, man, why aren’t you changed?” Isaac enters the living room from the opposite side of the house.

I stare at Ellie while I try to get my bearings. I glance down, and the pieces of my suit seem to be in the wrong order.

“We should stay home.” Ellie crosses to me and wraps her arms around my waist.

“Short Stuff, don’t let him wimp out on me.” Isaac narrows his eyes. “Pull your shit together, Wyatt. He was my dad.”

“I never really had a dad,” I whisper.

“Yeah, mine was a good one.” There’s an edge in his voice that yanks me into the moment.

“What’s that mean?” I take a step toward him. “He was good. He was a hell of a lot better than mine. You were lucky.”

Isaac’s dark eyes are glossy. He sniffs and shakes his head. “Get your shit together. We’re going out.”

“I’m not sure,” Ellie says, but Isaac shoots her a glare that would get him punched if I was even close to sober.

“Short Stuff, my dad died. I watched my dad be put in the ground. I’m never gonna see him again.” Annoyance spills out of him. “You can tag along to babysit Wyatt if you want, but we’re doing this.”

I stagger into our room, and Ellie follows on my heels.

“I’m not sure about this.” She plays with her hair. She’s already changed into a dress fit for the club. Stripping off my suit, I leave it on the floor. “Wyatt, did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I heard you,” I snap. “He wants me to go, so I’m going.”

“The two of you have been out of it all day. I’m worried, and your sister is going to be there, and she . . . She makes things worse.”

“What are you trying to say?” With one leg in my jeans, I stop to stare at her.

“We’re all sad, but I’m worried that one of you might go overboard.”

“Get whoever it is to the hospital, have our stomach pumped or whatever they do to fix it. Tell my PR guy to label it ‘exhaustion’ and litter the place with NDAs. Voila. Problem solved.” I slide my second leg into my pants and do them up. “It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve had to cover up some bullshit.”

She drums her fingers on the doorframe as I continue getting ready. She wants to say more, but she doesn’t dare.

“Look, Ellie. I’ll slow down if that’ll make you happy, okay?”

She nods but doesn’t make eye contact.

The shirt she loves that matches my eyes is in my hand, and I slip it over my head. I cross the room to stand in front of her. “You don’t understand what this feels like.”

“Do you?” She searches my face. “You and Isaac have popped so many Xanax and oxy and who knows what else the last couple of days. You’re chugging lean smoothies for breakfast. I’m not sure how you feel anything.”

“Thanks for everything you did today. What would I do without you?” I sigh and loop my arms around her waist, tugging her close.

Ellie frames my face. “I don’t want to lose you. I love you. You’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring you?” Normally, I’d brush off her concern, but she’s making no effort to hide her true feelings.

“I’ve never seen you like this. You’re losing time—gaps in your memory. You’re not you when we’re together.”

“I don’t want to accept this loss.”

“Take all of it down one notch. I’m not saying stop; I would never ask you to stop.”

I give a curt nod. Slowing down is easy. No issue.

“I’m worried about Isaac too. There’s something wrong with him.”

He lost his dad. He found his dad dead on their kitchen floor. She’s overreacting. I leave her to get my wallet out of the front pocket of my suit pants.

“You should talk to him.”

We talk all the time, and if something was really wrong, Isaac would tell me. Neither of us is any good at keeping secrets. I grab my pill bottle out of my other pocket, and I shake it. Empty. “Did you have any of these?”

She stares at me for a beat before shaking her head.

Going to the en suite, I count the pills out loud as I collect some from the various prescription bottles in the medicine cabinet. Variety is the spice of life. Then I add a few more. Tomorrow, I’ll slow down.

“I’m not policing you,” Ellie says when I come back into the bedroom. “I’m worried. It’s a real thing.”

“I don’t usually count pills. Maybe you can start keeping track for me.”

“How would I ever do that?”

“I counted them out for you just now.”

“That’s bullshit. You probably added pills after you stopped counting.” Ellie turns to the doorway.

I grab her arm. “I love you. I’ll slow down, okay? I’ll slow down.”

“You two lovebirds done fighting?” Isaac appears at the bedroom door. He pushes his phone into his pocket.

“Who are we going out with besides Anna?” I tug Ellie close so I can kiss the top of her head. She can never stay mad at me long.

“Jimmy Walker, Bryson McCoy, and Aman Paul.”

Those names don’t mean anything to Ellie, but I recognize them. “Since when?”

“What?” Isaac laughs. “I’m expanding my social circle.”

“They’re the same dickheads who got Anna in so much trouble the last time. I had to send Kyle to bail her out of fucking jail for disorderly conduct.”

“Nothing like keeping it in the family.” Isaac chuckles. “I’m the brown brother.” He takes out a pack of cigarettes. “Come on, Wyatt. It’s bygones.”

“I’ll come out ’cause you asked me to. But I’m not talking to those jackasses, and I’m keeping Anna the fuck away.”

“You take things too personally. Pop another Perc. I see a sharp edge poking through.” He backs up toward the front of the house. “I’ll meet you in the car.”

I grab my keys off the table.

“Who are those people?” Ellie’s hand is grasped in mine.

“Bad news,” I say. “Nothing good comes from hanging out with them.”