Nanny for the SEALs by Cassie Cole

56

Heather

All you mothers out there who pretend like pregnancy is easy? You’re the same ones who lied about how childbirth itself is beautiful and natural and easy.

Well guess what: it’s not easy. It’s not beautiful, either. But it’s definitely natural, in the same sense that watching a tiger maul a gazelle is “natural.”

It was also painful. More painful than riding the Tour de France on a bike seat made of razor blades. So, yeah. To all you moms out there: thanks for sugarcoating what was the most painful two hours of my life.

I’ll spare you most of the details, but take it from me: giving birth fucking sucks. Next time, if there was a next time, I was going to demand a C-section. Cut me open, doc.

But I got through it. All three of my men were there, wearing hospital gowns over their pristine Navy uniforms. They took turns holding my hands while I pushed and screamed and cried.

One of the nurses made a comment about which one the father was. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was not a compliment.

When it was done, the doctor held the baby up. Brady immediately burst into tears.

“It’s a boy! Oh, and what a boy!”

“You’re looking at the umbilical cord,” the doctor said while making a little snip. “But you are correct. It’s a boy.”

He—it was a he!—screamed as his lungs breathed air for the first time. His eyes were squinted shut and he was covered in goop, but he was the most beautiful little bundle I had ever seen in my life.

The doctor placed the baby on my bare chest. Bare skin contact was very important, a fact which I had learned in the thousand and one pregnancy books I read over the last month. As soon as he touched my body, the baby immediately ceased his crying.

“Oh my God…” I said.

It was a difficult sensation to explain to someone who hadn’t gone through it. I had never loved something so much in my life. It was like having an adorable new puppy resting on my chest, except the puppy had come from inside of me.

Oh, I know how to describe it: like a sixth sense. Now I had sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell, and unconditional love for this baby. It was a special feeling, one that changed the way my brain worked in that moment. I could see why women went through all the horrors of pregnancy and childbirth to get here.

Hey, look at that. My hormones were kicking in and making me forget about all the bad parts.

I fell asleep with the baby on my chest. Some time later, in a different room, I woke up and the men got to hold him. Rogan kissed the baby on the head and inhaled his scent. Asher couldn’t stop smiling.

When Brady had held him, I reached for the baby. “Nuh uh. I’m never letting go of this little guy,” he told me. “Go make another one.”

I smiled and let him hold the baby a little longer.

“Micah and Dustin will be happy to have another brother,” Rogan said.

Asher nodded. “Cora said she was hoping for a little sister, but I think she’s going to love taking care of a little brother.”

Things were a blur. I ate some food, then slept. The nurses woke me up and told me it was time to nurse the baby, so I did that. The baby took my nipple easily, and wasn’t fussy.

Maurice and Jason visited the next day. “What are you two doing here!” I exclaimed when I saw them walk into the room.

“Our flight to Honolulu doesn’t leave until this afternoon,” Maurice said. “Heather, honey! You’re glowing!”

“You told me that yesterday, at the wedding, when I was a walking beach ball,” I replied.

“Yes, but today I actually mean it!” He gave me a hug. “Where’s my nephew? I demand to hold him first. Jason, you can wait outside.”

“One day married, and I’m already playing second fiddle,” Jason said with a grin.

Maurice kissed him on the cheek. “You know who you married. Rogan. Baby. Now.”

Rogan handed over the little bundle of person. He was wrapped in a blue blanket, and was sleeping gently. Maurice watched him for a few moments, then looked around the room.

“He has Asher’s cheeks,” he noted, “Brady’s curly black hair, and Rogan’s dark eyes.”

“Sweetie?” Jason put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not a geneticist, but I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“I’m saying it’s sweet that we can’t tell who the father is,” Maurice replied. “It could be anyone.”

“Or a fourth man I never told you about,” I chimed in.

All three of my men swung their gazes toward me in alarm.

“She’s cracking jokes already?” Maurice asked. “The childbirth must have been easy.”

“It was not,” I replied. “Sorry for missing the end of your wedding.”

“You’d better be. I intended to toss the bouquet directly at you, but didn’t get a chance. Some little girl I don’t even know caught it instead. Ugh. If you’re under sixteen, you shouldn’t be allowed to catch the bouquet.”

I smiled as Maurice bounced the baby in his arms. I was glad there was no obvious father yet. I wanted all of them to love him equally. Not that they played favorites with their own children, but you know what I mean.

“Knock knock!” said Mr. Howard in the doorway. He had a plush teddy bear in his hand. “There’s my favorite student.”

“I am here, yes,” Maurice said. “Don’t forget to say hi to Heather, too.”

Mr. Howard ignored his joke and bent down to squeeze my hand. “I brought this for the child. What is it?”

“There’s no tail, so I’m pretty sure it’s a human,” Brady said.

Mr. Howard gave him a patient look. “A boy, I’m assuming from the blue blanket?”

“He’s a boy, that’s right.”

Maurice handed the baby to Jason. He was so small in his arms, but the massive SEAL was tender and gentle with him. Maurice immediately took out his phone and snapped a photo of his new husband holding him.

“Oh, I can’t wait to have one of our own,” he said.

Mr. Howard reached in to squeeze the baby’s cheek. “And what are we calling this future actor, hmm?”

I smiled at Rogan, Brady, and Asher. I hadn’t told them yet, and they hadn’t asked. “His name is Mark. Mark Eugene Hart.”

Mr. Howard swung his head around. “Eugene?”

“I think Eugene is a beautiful name,” I said.

“Mark Eugene,” Asher said, tasting the words. “I like it.”

“His initials are M-E-H,” Brady said. “Hey, do you like Heather’s baby?” He shrugged. “Meh.”

Everyone laughed at that. “Stop it, you’ll ruin the name!” I said, but I was laughing as hard as anyone.

“Thank you, my dear,” Mr. Howard said. He kissed the back of my hand. “I’m sure he will grow up to be a fine young man. He looks like a young Adrian Grenier. And speaking of acting, I hear that your agent at William Morris is champing at the bit to submit your headshot to Netflix. There are several upcoming pilots they want you to audition for. Only when you’re ready, of course.”

“Are you?” Brady asked. “Ready, I mean?”

“Don’t rush her,” Rogan warned. “It’s been one day.”

“I’ve actually been giving it some thought,” I said. “And I have some thoughts about those Netflix pilots…”