Scarred Wolf by Charlene Hartnady

22

Everleigh

The apartment feelslike a silent sanctuary by the time we get home. We drove in silence; me hunched in my seat while lost in thought. Jaxon kept his eyes firmly on the road. I was aware of him throwing furtive sidelong glances at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. Truth be told, I did the same thing, too. He was clearly warring with something mentally, because the hard line of his jaw would be disrupted by a flicker in his cheek now and then, as if he was clenching his teeth.

“Are you okay?” he asks as we get inside. He has his hand on my arm and I take comfort in it.

“I just feel so…tired,” I say at last. My voice is reedy, I barely recognize it.

“That’s to be expected,” he says. “You’re going to need rest.” He’s steering me toward my room, but I pull back a little.

“I don’t want…to be alone,” I whisper. “Will you stay with me?”

His eyes flicker, but it’s the only sign of emotion he gives before he nods curtly. I feel my breath shudder out in relief. It’s barely midday, but I feel like I’ve been up for days. It’s as if every fiber of me has been strung tight, and then released abruptly. I give no resistance as he leads me to my room, sitting like a child when he hunches down at my feet and tugs off my sensible work sneakers, first one and then the other. He’s still kneeling there when I look down at him, eventually.

“What’s going on with me, Jaxon?” I say hoarsely. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” I have to fight back tears. Everything feels like it’s crashing around me. Barely a week ago, I had my whole life ahead of me, and now my job is on the line. I feel like, at any minute, I might lose control and do something unspeakable.

He puts his hand over mine, and his fingers are warm, strong. “It’s quite the opposite, actually.” His expression softens. “You’re just about to learn who you truly are.”

“A wolf?” My voice is tortured. Two octaves from panic. “Is that who I truly am? What I truly am? An animal?”

He shakes his head. “No, Everleigh. Something better. Something remarkable. All of the good things about the old you, and more.” His expression is earnest, nothing like the hard-assed jerk he’s been portraying himself to be since we met. I know there’s more to all of this, and I need to press him for details, but there are so many questions, I don’t know where to begin. I start with the most important one.

“Am I dangerous?”

“Only if you choose to be,” he replies immediately. “You’ve already shown that today.”

I’m not convinced. The episode with Hilary showed me precisely the opposite. “I could have killed her!”

“But you didn’t,” he says. He’s threading his fingers through mine now, as if the closer contact will make his words sink in better. “You controlled yourself, Evie, don’t you see that?” I’m shaking my head because I can still feel the sensation that had swirled in me then. The feeling that I was about to taste her blood. And I loved it. Jaxon presses on, “You were poised for a kill, and you held back. Do you know how long it takes some of us to reach that point? Yet you did it without ever being shown how. Some wolves take months before they have that level of control. You mastered it in a day.”

He stops and frowns a little, seeming to be mulling over his own words. I see him stare off for a moment. “It’s all just coming so naturally to you,” he continues, at last. “I can show you more, to make it easier, but it’s all there, right within you. You simply need to tap in.”

I heave a breath. “You’ll teach me? Show me how to…how to… tame her? The wolf?”

His lips quirk up. “You don’t tame her, Evie.” He shakes his head. “She’s wild. She’ll always be wild. And she’s not apart from you; she is you. The wild, beautiful side that always lurked beneath the surface. You’ve just never been told she was there.”

His words make me long for my mom and my dad. “Why didn’t they tell me?” I murmur.

I feel him stiffen.

“Why didn’t my folks tell me any of this? Surely they should have said something?”

“They probably thought they had time,” he finally says.

“We were close. We mainly had each other. We moved often when I was young. They never really made outside friends. It wasn’t until Di that I had a close ‘outsider’ in my life. I don’t get it. We spoke about everything.” My mouth turns up as I recall our evenings together. “We ate dinner together every night. We were tight. They could’ve said something.”

“I’m sure they would have.”

“What about you?”

He narrows his eyes and gives me a quizzical look.

“Are you close to your folks?”

His eyes cloud for a second, and then he shakes his head. “Nope. My mother died when I was young.”

“Oh!” I gasp. “I’m so sorry.”

“My dad was never the same afterward.”

I want to ask him how it happened, but I hold back. “I’m sure. That’s a big deal. I can relate.”

“I know you can.” He seems to choke out the words. “I have a good relationship with my Uncle Garrett. He’s a great guy. He’s always been there for me. He was born with a deformity, but he’s so gracious about it. He’s just such a great person. It’s the same as with your folks…” He falters for a second and I’m not sure why. “I have a good relationship with him. I can talk to him about everything. I’m sure your parents were keeping you in the dark for your own protection.”

“Protection from what?” I frown.

“The world, Evie.”

I sigh, thinking about them. “I guess you’re right.” I wish things could be different. That’s all. I wish I wasn’t alone.

Not alone,a husky voice murmurs in the back of my mind. I get the sense of a great, powerful beast padding quietly up behind me. Within me. Surrounding me.

I run my eyes over the imposing form of the man at my feet. Even on his knees, I can get a sense of the power in him. It radiates from him, and I remember the fact that he’s like me. Also a wolf. I feel the beast in me rousing slightly in acknowledgment. But at the same time, I feel a step away from being boneless with exhaustion. When he pushes me back against the pillows, I sink back and feel darkness descending. As I sense him rising, I tighten my fingers through his, where they’re still clasped.

“Don’t go,” I murmur.

“I’m right here, Princess,” his voice washes over me.

Sleep takes me.

* * *

Jaxon

Hours passbefore I feel her stirring. The afternoon has slid by and the shadows are lengthening as we head toward twilight. She’d been pale with exertion when we’d returned earlier. It was hardly surprising. To be so close to shifting and able to restrain it…to be warring with the physical urges and changes that are traumatic to the best of us… Not to mention the emotional toll this must be taking. I feel a pang of sympathy for her. For what she must be going through. All the wolves I know have grown up in a pack. Sure, it’s not a warm, fuzzy life; we grow up tough. But we belong. We know what we are. Who we are. When our time comes to turn, it’s a natural evolution. We welcome it.

She’s had none of that. This whole deal has been flung at her with all the delicacy of a bucket of ice water.

I give my head a shake at the inadequacy of that analogy. Yeah, right. Discovering that you’re half-beast is exactly like a bucket of cold water. Not. It’s like being thrown into an icy ocean far out to sea, surrounded by sharks…and realizing you’re just as much a predator.

I look over at her as I feel her moving against me. After she’d drifted off, I’d settled myself beside her on the bed, half dozing, half lost in thought. Waiting. It wasn’t as if I had a choice; she has a death grip on my hand. And there’s something else. A feeling of being utterly unable to break the connection.

She told me not to go. And I couldn’t have left if I’d wanted to. Not that I want to, but still—

“Mmm…” I hear her sigh beside me as she stretches her limbs. Her lips curve up as she surfaces slowly, her face soft and sweet in those last moments of sleep. And then her eyes open and I see everything come crashing back.

“You’re okay,” I say, keeping my voice low and soothing. “Everything is okay.” I stroke a strand of hair from her forehead. I know exactly what she needs right now, and I sit up abruptly as it dawns on me.

“Take off your clothes,” I tell her, and she blinks like a deer in the headlights. “You need to dress to go running. I’m taking you to the woods.”

She’s up in an instant, all signs of uncertainty dashed away as my words sink in and she understands we’re about to start her first lesson. There’s a smile now, replacing the terrified expression that had been there earlier. She bounds across the room and stands in front of the closet, then glances over her shoulder at me.

“Do you mind?” she says, raising an eyebrow. “A little privacy?”

“You’re kidding me?” I chuckle. After all we’ve been through? “You were the one who told me not to leave you.”

“That was then, this is now,” she says, her voice taking on an edge of firmness. I haul myself up and head for the door, swatting her ass as I pass. If she thinks I’m going to get out with my tail between my legs, she’s got another thing coming.

By the time she emerges from her room, I’ve dressed in a pair of sweats, a black t-shirt and my sneakers. She’s in running shorts and a luminous green tank top that sets off her tan. I note that she’s wearing her work sneakers, since she’s destroyed her others. It’s not ideal, but where we’re going, I’m hoping there’ll be no one around, anyway.

“Bring a jacket,” I tell her. “We may be out late.”

Evie nods and we head out soon after. An hour later, we’re standing in a clearing in the forest I grew up in. It’s far enough from our regular hunting grounds that I have no fear of running into any of the others, but the area is familiar, and I’m pretty sure we’ll be safe here. The drive over was dominated by a conversation in which she bombarded me with questions.

She was afraid after what happened with her boss, and that’s hardly surprising. I go to great lengths to explain that she’s not an uncontrollable killer. Although I know, deep inside, how close the other woman came to losing her life today. It’s something we’re going to have to face up to soon – Everleigh’s terrifying capacity for violence. She wants to know other things. Things about our species; where we live, how we got here, what we do. I’ve told her all I can about the history of our kind. How our pack moved into the area countless generations ago. How we’ve roamed in the area, keeping to ourselves, but mingling with humans as we’ve needed. I’ve given her as much information as possible, without revealing too much personal detail. Because once she learns who my family is, how it’s been connected to her own…things are going to get complicated fast. She will need to know soon enough. One step at a time, though. There’s only so much a person can handle. Particularly if that person is a new wolf.

I can’t think about that now. I have to show her she’s not alone.

“What now?” she says as we finally face each other once we reach our destination. The moonlight is filtering through the trees, dappling us. It’s only been a day since the full moon and the silver orb that’s inching up in the sky is still bright and compelling. I feel a shiver as it calls to me.

“Now I show you who I am,” I say, toeing off my shoes and reaching for the hem of my shirt, then pull it over my head. She licks her lips as I tug at the waistband of my sweatpants. “It’s easier without clothes,” I explain, rolling the clingy fabric down the muscles of my thighs. I kick my clothing aside and stand before her, naked. Her eyes are hot on me, and for a moment, I’m almost sidetracked. Her scent is strengthening. Ripening. And I realize it’s been a day since the wolf last sated herself. I have to pull my mind away from the thought. Otherwise, shifting with a hard-on will hurt like a motherfucker.

I focus on the changes that have become so familiar to me; tendons, bones, sinew, all shifting and realigning. The rush as my pelt comes in. The heat that surges through me as I drop onto all fours and feel the soft forest soil beneath the pads of my paws.

It’s over in an instant. Just long enough for me to hear Everleigh suck in a sharp breath. She’s standing, transfixed, staring at the place where there once stood a man.

And now stands a wolf.

Her eyes are like saucers, wide and startlingly blue. She hesitates for a second and then takes a tentative step forward. I remain motionless, not wanting to scare her. I’m huge in my wolf form. My thick coat is as dark as my own hair, mottled with silver. She steps closer still, and reaches out, running the palm of her hand along my fur. I feel it like a caress on my skin.

“You’re…you’re beautiful,” she whispers, letting her fingertips stroke into the dense strands. She walks a circle around me, as if examining me from all angles, and I remain motionless for the examination. She comes around in front of me, stroking a hand over the soft fur between my ears, and then along the silkiness of my snout. Our eyes meet and I know she’s looking into the same silver of my human form. It’s unsettling for many, but I’ve never had to explain it – certainly not to a human woman. Which, until today, Everleigh always thought she was.

“Can you do this whenever you want?” she murmurs, her fingers still stroking. I tilt my head slightly in response. There’s no sense in answering – it’ll only emerge as a deep throaty rumble. I’m not sure if she’s ready for that yet. So, I simply show her.

Seconds later, I’m towering over her again, looking every inch the man she’s come to recognize. Her hand is on my bare chest…palm warm against the place on my skin where another wolf once left its mark on me. Her fingertips stroke at the vicious scar over my heart. She’s staring at me and I’m getting hard. There’s something intense about revealing myself to her this way.

“Do it again!” she says eagerly, her face alight with such delight I want to laugh.

“No. Your turn,” I tell her. Uncertainty flickers across her face. That, and excitement.

“But…how?” she says.

“Just think it,” I tell her, realizing that I don’t actually have the words to explain it. It’s always come as naturally to me as breathing. Somehow, having watched her go through this, I imagine she’s going to take to it the same way.

I reach out a hand and touch her shirt. “Take this off first. You’ll wreck it if you don’t. And it’s a good idea to leave your things someplace safe, where they won’t be picked up by someone.” It’s rare – we’re generally hypervigilant, but you can never be too careful. She already has her tank top over her head, revealing a black sports bra. There’s no sign of her previous reservations about me seeing her undressed now. She shimmies out of her running pants and has a hand behind her back to unclasp her bra. The fabric falls free, and I have to fight not to groan at the sight of her lush breasts.

Lord have mercy!

I look up at the canopy of branches overhead.

Focus, Skau! We’re here for a reason.

Her sneakers are off and she’s peeling her shorts down over her ankles, wriggling her hips to get out of a pair of plain black panties that I want to reach for and hold to my nose.

We’re facing each other, naked, the night air swirling warm around us. I resist the urge to clear my throat, then regret it when my voice comes out like a hoarse growl. “What do you want to do now, Everleigh?”

“Run! I want to run through the trees!” Her eyes are wild, glowing blue.

“Then do it!”

If my own shift was fast, hers is downright mind-blowing. The silver and gray mottled wolf is in front of me before I have a chance to blink. Suddenly, she’s off through the woods, churning leaves and soil in her wake. I hesitate as I see her coat gleaming like a beam of moonlight among the trees as she bolts away from me. And then I’m on my paws and after her, blood rushing through my veins like fire as I pick up speed.

Not enough speed, though.

She’s fast! Fuck, she’s fast!

The thrill of the chase quickens within me, and I surge forward to catch up.