Mistakes I’ve Made by Jordan Marie

39Reed

I hear the door open, but I don’t move. I’m sitting in the dark, wondering how life can do such a one-eighty so damn quick. I smell the scent of wildflowers before Callie even enters the room. God, I’m going to miss that.

I’m going to miss her.

I’ve gone around and around it in my head, and I’m praying I’m wrong, but I don’t see her agreeing to stay with me. Why should she?

She comes in and the light clicks on.

“Reed?”

I take another drink, unable to look at her.

“Oh God,” she exclaims.

I look up at her, my eyes burning. After I dropped Chas off, I came home and cried. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I had myself convinced that there was no way Chas was pregnant, but I saw the report myself in black and white. I even spoke to the nurse, and he looked it up on the computer and confirmed the information was accurate with Chas standing right there.

I’ve ignored every call that Callie has made today, wanting to know what is going on. I knew as soon as she got off work that I wouldn’t be able to hide any longer. So, about an hour ago, as time began ticking down, I went into town bought a fifth and I’ve been sitting here nursing it. I haven’t had enough to be drunk, but I did drink enough to knock the edge off. When I look up and see Callie’s face, I’m wishing I’d finished off the whole damn bottle.

“She’s pregnant,” Callie says, and I drop my head down, squeeze my eyes shut and wish I could just go back in time and change everything.

But I can’t do that.

I wave the paper in my hand in response. “Got it in one,” I mutter, my words almost slurring and making me wonder if I’ve had more than I should have.

Callie comes over, yanking the paper out of my hands. I watch her, the paper shaking in her hands as she reads it.

“She’s pregnant,” she says again. “Okay, so there’s still a chance it’s not yours, right? I mean, she could have slept with two other guys that same night, Reed. And these things aren’t exact. Hell, Chasity could have slept with the entire football team in a week. This doesn’t prove the child is yours,” she argues.

“There’s a very big chance the baby is mine. I can’t be a hundred percent, but I slept with her, neither of us can deny that.”

“So, we wait. Nothing has to change, Reed. We wait until she has the baby and then we test the child. If it’s yours…”

“If it’s mine, what, Callie? Are you going to help me raise a child by the woman I slept with while in love with you?”

“If I have to, yes.”

“Wrong answer, baby.”

“What does that mean?” she cries.

“That means, being with me shouldn’t be something you feel like you have to do. If we stay together, I’m going to make you miserable, Callie. You deserve better.”

“I…You said nothing had to change. You said—”

“I didn’t think she was pregnant!” I roar, throwing my bottle across the room. Callie lets out a startled cry and jumps back.

“We can still be together, Reed. This doesn’t have to change things.”

“Callie, it’s going to change everything.”

“Reed—”

“Do you see Chas being any kind of a mother to a child, Callie?”

She stares at me, her mouth tightening, and I nod because I know she gets it.

“I… I don’t know what you want me to say here, Reed.”

“There’s nothing to say, Callie. Chas isn’t any kind of a role model for a child. She definitely doesn’t have any type of nurturing instincts about her. Chas has always done whatever she wanted and worried about herself. There’s no way I could ever trust her with my child.”

“So, we bide our time until after the baby is born and if it is yours, we sue for custody.”

“You have it all figured out, don’t you, Callie?” I laugh, the sound bitter and hollow.

“I’m trying! What else can we do?”

“I can let you go.”

“What? I don’t understand. Why are you saying all of this? You said you loved me, Reed. You said nothing would change!”

“I said nothing would change the way I love you, and it won’t. But I can’t ask you to stay with me through this shit.”

“You don’t have to ask, Reed. I’m here, telling you I will.”

“Nothing I can say would keep you from staying with me, huh Callie?”

“Reed, I love you.”

“How about the fact that Chas is needing to move in because her parents kicked her out because she’s knocked up. They’ve decided she’s my problem now.”

“I…You’re going to let her stay with us?” Callie squeaks, feeling as if he sucker-punched me.

“Where else would you have me put her, Callie?”

“Send her to a damn hotel!” Callie yells. “So, she’s pregnant. That doesn’t mean you have to move her in with us!”

“Who’s going to pay for the hotel, Callie? We’ve got what in savings? Three hundred dollars socked away, if that. That’s going to run out quick, baby.”

“Tell her to get a job, Reed. She’s pregnant, not an invalid.”

“The guy I spoke with at the clinic says she’s extremely high risk right now, Callie. Her little fight with you was dangerous, but thankfully everything checked out okay—”

“Hold up, Reed. I didn’t attack her. She came after me.”

“It doesn’t matter. She was pregnant and—”

“I didn’t know she was pregnant!” Callie cries and Jesus.

I’m making a fucking mess of all of this.

“I know that. I didn’t say you did anything wrong. I’m saying it was dangerous. They don’t even want her to be on her feet right now.”

“You already agreed didn’t you, Reed.”

“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you, first.”

“Reed—”

“It’s inevitable though, Callie. I mean, what else can I do?” I ask, feeling cornered.

“Gee, I don’t know. Am I mistaken in thinking this is my house too? Hell, don’t I need to be consulted before decisions are made about who will or won’t be sleeping here?”

“Callie.”

“You even admitted that you think she drugged you! And here you are just moving her into our apartment. Are you mental?!?!”

“I’m trying to do what I can to protect my child right now, Callie. That’s all I have on my mind. If I could think of any other way…”

“Okay, what about low-income housing? There are apartments in town—”

“Most of those places have a year to two year waiting list, Callie. I drove there before coming home.

“Then, what about the Crisis Center? They’ll take her in and start her on the fast track to getting an apartment. Remember Tina Louise from school? When her parents died, she went there, and they gave her shelter and food and got her on her feet so that she could go to college and have housing. She’s going to be a dental hygienist now. There are other avenues, Reed.”

“You want me to put the woman who is having my child in a shelter, knowing that I’ve been told she’s extremely high risk and could lose the baby if she’s not cared for properly.”

“I don’t understand how I got to be the bad guy here, but it’s clear that you’re going to paint me to be the villain no matter what.”

“I’m the villain, Callie. This is all on me. Don’t you know I’d rather cut off my arm instead of hurting you?”

“I’m not sure I can handle being under the same roof with her Reed. You can’t expect that of me.”

“I don’t.”

“So, you want to break up with me.”

“No, not really, but I’m giving you that option,” I mutter, rubbing my hands through my hair, feeling hopeless.

“Where am I supposed to go while that bitch is in our apartment, Reed? You’ve thought of everything else, so why don’t you tell me that?”

“I wouldn’t kick you out. Jake said I could crash with her at his place.”

“Where will Jake be? That’s a one-room apartment and a pull-out sofa. If you sleep with that bitch—”

“Jesus. I’m not going to sleep with her. Jake won’t be there.”

“Is he moving in with Katie? I know they talked about it, but I didn’t know—”

“He had a friend call from Cheyenne. He’s going to get a second shot at his dream. He’s leaving town.”

I see her flinch and I know she’s worrying about Katie, but then the reality of what I’ve just said seems to hit her. I knew it would, but I didn’t imagine the extent of the pain I’ve caused her or what it would look like on her beautiful face.

“You expect me to just wait here in our apartment while you share a place with that slut?”

“I was hoping you would, but I wasn’t going to ask, Callie.”

“Tell you what, Reed. Don’t worry about going to Jake’s. Bring her here.”

“You think you can—”

“I’ll be with Katie,” she says, as she walks away.

I let her go. I knew how it was going to go from the moment Chasity told me she was homeless.

I just prayed I was wrong.