Witch Undecided by Debbie Cassidy

Chapter Thirty

Istared at Rune, uncomprehending. Had he just said he was on the cusp of becoming varga? No, that couldn’t be right.

But the sinking sensation in the pit of my belly told me it was. “I don’t understand…”

He slow-blinked. I was infected ten years ago in a skirmish with the varga.

Infected? “Oh, God.”

The usual protocol is to kill an infected wolf immediately, he continued, but as the only male descendent of the Holm bloodline, they couldn’t afford to lose me.

Leif placed a hand on Rune’s back and the wolf bowed his head. “We’d come to learn that if a shifter was infected while in wolf form, the infection would be dormant for a while, only activating when he shifted into human form. We just didn’t know how long it would remain dormant.”

So they penned me up, watched and waited. Days turned to weeks, and once a month had passed, I was allowed out of my pen but kept under guard at all times. A year passed and the infection remained dormant, but it’s still inside me. Waiting. I can feel it.

He’d been a prisoner for a year? Penned up for a month, then under guard for the rest… I couldn’t imagine how that must have felt to him. Was this why he hadn’t wanted me to visit his pack house? He’d been afraid I’d find out.

I can feel it inside me, Cora, a wrongness, a hunger, a darkness. The varga can too. The other night in the clearing, the alpha, Vax, spoke in my head. They want me to join them and…and for a moment I was tempted. He sighed. To be free, able to shift back and forth at will, but the cost…The cost is madness and the lust for human flesh. The cost is leaving you. I can’t.

What did it feel like for a shifter to be forced to remain in his beast form? What kind of strain did it put on Rune? The pain in Rune’s tone, the torment in his hazel eyes told me it was too high a price.

I crouched in front of him, hands coming up to bracket his wolfy face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He dropped his head and closed his eyes. I didn’t want you to think of me as tainted or broken. I didn’t want you to fear me. I can’t be with you like Tor or Leif. All I have is this body, the wolf who can make you feel safe and walk beside you. I didn’t want you to see the monster inside me. I didn’t want you to know it was there, hungry and waiting.

What the fuck? A twisting pain lit up my chest. “I wouldn’t have thought any of those things. I’d never fear you. Rune, you’re the gentlest, sweetest man I know.” I pressed my forehead to his, my chest tight with a tumult of emotions. Mine and his. He was infected, body in preparation for becoming one of them, but he wasn’t one of them yet. He was Rune. My Rune, and I would never let them have him. “There has to be a way to get rid of the infection.”

“There isn’t,” Tor said. “We’ve been studying it for decades. The Magiguard managed to get a sample. The infection is a combination of mystical and chemical and there is, to date, no cure.”

No cure but death. I’ve come to accept it, Cora. This is my life now.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek to the side of his head. “Our life, Rune. This is our life now.”

Cora…

There was more I wanted to say, needed to say, but not while we had an audience.

I pulled back so I could look into his eyes. “You can’t come with us.”

He gave me a quizzical look. I have the infection inside me. The rift will allow me through.

“Yeah, I get that, but you’re still not coming. You don’t know how the infection will react to being on that side of the rift, and even if there is no reaction, the varga want you. They see you as one of them. I’m not risking them getting hold of you.”

“She’s right,” Leif said. “It’s not safe.”

I won’t let you go alone,Rune said, showing his stubborn streak.

“And if you come and the infection takes hold and you go varga, what then? What happens to the seal? What happens if you get a surge of bloodlust and I’m the only prey?”

He flinched as if I’d struck him. I’d never hurt you.

I hated that I’d needed to paint that picture, but I needed to keep him safe. “No. You wouldn’t. But the varga you’d become would. You need to stay. I’ll be safe with Jasper and The Elites. We’ve got this.”

Tor’s jaw was tight, but he nodded curtly, and Leif exhaled in resignation.

“Now can we go?” Jasper drawled.

I nodded. “Yes, let’s—”

“Last one to the cabin’s an arsehole.” Jasper gripped my arm and the world shattered.

The cabin’s lounge materialized around me, and I shrugged off Jasper’s grip, fixing him with an irritated glare. “Why did you do that?”

“Why not?” He moved over to the hearth and held out his hands as if he needed the warmth. “Or were you planning on another interlude with one of your mates? Tor maybe. In the restroom.” His lip curled. “You seem to prefer the cramped, dirty places to silk sheets and luxury rooms.”

He was referring to the imposed retreat he’d taken me on a year ago. Champagne, sex on silk sheets, and fancy meals, but I’d been a prisoner. Or had I? Everything looked different now. Everything had changed.

My neck heated with embarrassment and then anger, because I had nothing to be embarrassed about. Leif, Tor, and Rune were my mates, and Jasper was… Jasper was so many things I needed to untangle and learn about.

I took a step toward him. I needed to fix us. To let him know how I felt.

The door slammed open. “Anyone here?” Sloane called.

Fuck. Our chat would have to wait.

The Elites filled the room, bringing a gust of cold air with them.

Jasper’s smile was thin and cold. “I guess it’s time to get to work.”

Jessie stoodwith her back to us, hands held up to the night air. The chill bit at my cheeks and fingers. Thank God I’d wrapped up warm in jeggings, a sweater and fleece-lined jacket, and my favorite frost-crunching boots. This pair was a soft slate-gray lace-up mid-calf boot with a fleece lining and snow-safe soles. The inside molded to the shape of my feet. Perfect comfort while keeping my feet protected and toasty. Not the sexiest of boots, but practicality and comfort occasionally took precedence.

I didn’t feel the cold as much as a human, but I did feel it, unlike my shifter mates who stood to my left, sans coat, arms crossed, watching Jessie work her magic. Literally.

Jessie had a gift when it came to warding and opening rifts. A natural instinct for what needed to be done. But for this particular task she’d needed a few items to ground her and amplify her ability.

She worked in silence, hands moving in the air in intricate runic patterns. Long seconds passed, and silver streaks began to follow the path her hands tracked in the air. The silver streaks got thicker and longer until the runes were visible in the air for seconds at a time before fading.

“It’s working,” Poppy whispered.

“Never had a doubt,” Sloane said.

I sensed Leif and Tor tense in anticipation to my left. Rune stood behind us, his golden body bathed in the silvery light of the moon. Jasper was beside me, his arm brushing mine, sending a gentle thrum through me. Sloane and Poppy stood to the other side of him. In a moment the rift would open, and we’d be through. Just one moment.

A sharp pop followed by a hissing sound cut through the silence. The air a meter in front of Jessie split, revealing silvery light laced with crimson threads.

“That’s it,” Leif said. “You did it.”

“Course I did.” Jessie brushed her palms together. “Shall we?”

We were doing this. We were about to step into unknown territory. Okay, so I’d been through rifts before. A place called the Eye in Necro City, and into the fae realm just recently, but this…This felt different. My stomach was in knots, anxiety swelling in my chest.

I looked over at the guys to find their attention on me. Their eyes were filled with fear and apprehension.

For me.

These were their emotions tangling with mine, confusing mine.

Jasper took my hand and confidence bloomed in place of the anxiety.

“I’ve got you,” he said.

Sloane and Poppy approached the rift.

“See you on the other side.” Sloane stepped through and Poppy and Jessie followed.

“The rift won’t stay open for long,” Leif said. “Don’t linger.”

“Yes, because we plan on taking a full tour of the place.” Jasper rolled his eyes.

Tor took a menacing step toward him, but I stepped forward to intercept and his attention dropped to our joined hands.

Jasper raised our hands and kissed my knuckles with a smirk, his gaze fixed on Tor. The fucker was needling him.

Irritation flared in my chest, echoing the rumble in Tor’s.

“Not the time, Jasper.” I locked gazes with each of my mates. “I’ll be back soon.”

I tugged Jasper toward the rift and stepped through.

Needles rasped against my skin, bringing pain, and hot bile clawed its way up my throat. I was torn apart and spat out onto hard-packed earth. My palms sucked up the chill from the ground, knees burning as if they’d been skinned. We’d made it. We were through.

I stood, surveying the moonlit rural landscape. Trees surrounded me, and if not for the strange, sweet tang in the air, I’d have been forgiven for mistaking this for the earthly realm.

Wait, where were Sloane and the others?

I looked over my shoulder for Jasper.

He wasn’t there.

I was alone.

Fuck.