The Masks We Wear by Lee Jacquot

 

FIVE

 

I’m ass naked, handcuffed to Liliana’s fucking bed.

Whatever dream I’m having, I need to wake up from it. My entire body both hums and burns with the after-effects of her touch. Everything hurts and feels euphoric at the same time. It’s a contradiction I no longer want to be a part of.

I pull against the cold metal, an attempt to feel anything other than the heat coursing through my veins. My free hand kneads at my chest, rubbing away the odd heavy sensation burrowing in.

Something isn’t right.

No. Nothing is right.

How could I be such a dumbass and end up like this? Hell, she wouldn’t even kiss me. If that’s not the biggest red flag, I don’t know what is. Not to mention, I’ve waited for this moment longer than I care to admit, and this… was too easy.

It sounded like my Liliana—felt like her. But when I looked at her, she was someone else, from those dumbass contacts to her stringy blonde hair. Even her normal light lavender smell was drowning in some expensive rose perfume.

I fucking hate the smell of roses, especially fake ones.

Muffled voices seep through the walls, and my eyes dart around the room for my clothes.

I need to leave. Now.

Clenching the key in one hand, I search with my fingers to find the hole and unlock the cuffs. Just as I slip the key inside, light from the hallway blinds me when the door opens, thrusting me into a temporary daze. I sit up as far as I can, shielding my eyes with my forearm. The silver glint of a phone is the first thing to come into focus before Lily flips on the light.

No. My heart bottoms out, landing in my stomach with a dull thud. My limbs scream for me to move, run, and never fucking looking back. But my dumbass stays, confusion begging to find reason.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” Her voice slices through the air, severing whatever piece of me still held onto the possibility of this being a misunderstanding.

The reason is she’s a horrible, miserable bitch, who I’ve let waste my time. Again. But now, with the added perk of a full hard-on.

“Oh, my God! Fucking perv was waiting in your room, naked!” The screeching of her friend, Amora, slices down my spine, lighting my back on fire.

My eyes stay trained on Lily’s, whose face is twisted in disgust, a rose tint paints her cheek, and her ears burn a siren red. No part of her demeanor says she’s surprised or ashamed...

My throat closes, nearly suffocating me, while anger boils in the pit of my gut. The room spins, and the only thing I can focus on is Lily’s hand on her necklace as she pulls it back and forth. Something hot spikes in my chest, but I ignore it while I finish unlocking the handcuffs and bend to grab my clothes.

Maybe I should feel more embarrassed, but the rage rolling through my extremities leaves a dark substance floating around me, numbing my reaction.

I jerk on my sweatpants, balling my shirt in my fist as I push past the blonde twinkies standing in the door frame.

“That’s fucking disgusting. You need to file a restraining order, Lily!”

I think I hear a laugh, the same fictitious one from class on Friday, and it hammers the final nail in the coffin of what we were.

Amora’s shouts are soon drowned in the music downstairs, and thankfully I’m able to slip out without a second glance.

I pull my shirt over my head and round the corner to my house. There’s a bite to the air that wasn’t there before sending jolts of goose bumps down my arms. At least that’s what I tell myself until my phone vibrates in my pocket.

It’s a video from Lily. I don’t have to play it to know what it is.

Liliana: Keep your mouth shut, or everyone will know what a twisted, depraved freak you are.

I pinch my eyes closed against the burn that’s suddenly crept into the sockets and take in a large gulp of air.

For two minutes, I could breathe.

For two minutes, I could see the girl that was my everything.

For two minutes, I didn’t hate her.

But now, I remember just who Lily Conley is, and I can’t wait to forget her.

“FUCKING BITCH SET ME UP.” My fists curl around the edge of Remy’s footboard, my knuckles blooming white.

After Lily sent me the video, I couldn’t go home. I would have called William and done something stupid, something I would have regretted. Hitting up Remy was an impulse, but I’m glad I did. She told me to calm down and come over, so here I am. Standing at the edge of a princess bed, surrounded by hues of pink and piles of books.

I clench the railing impossibly tighter, ignoring the stabs of pain in my palm. My pulse continues to ravage through my head, the pounding in my ears making me dizzy.

For half a fucking second, I almost trusted her—thought maybe she actually wanted me the way I want her. How can I still be in denial after all this time? I’m so goddamn stupid. And that text… keep my mouth shut. I have no fucking clue what she’s even talking about, and that pisses me off more.

“Fuck.”

Remy’s eyes widen as she slinks back into her fluffy pink futon, pulling a cream blanket to her chest. Her head shakes slightly as she searches for words. “I-I don’t understand. Why would she do that? I mean, she’s not the nicest person, but I’ve never heard of her targeting someone l-like this.”

There’s no way I’m going to tell her the truth. The sad fucking fact that I’m pathetic and still harbor some feelings for the damn Devil herself. So instead, I lie, thinking of the only thing that might make any sense. “So she doesn’t have to do any of the project.”

Remy’s small head jerks back, her eyebrows knitting together. “That seems...juvenile. Not to mention idiotic. You would have done the project alone anyway. Are you sure that’s it?”

I sigh, scrubbing my hands down my face. Maybe I do regret coming over. Remy’s smart enough to see through the bullshit I’m spewing, and I have no intentions of rehashing the dirty details of my past. “I’m sorry for coming here. And being so loud.”

Remy flicks a hand around the room. “Don’t apologize, Spencer. We’re friends. Heck, I think you’re my only friend. You can come here anytime. And don’t worry about being loud. My dad works at the hospital overnight.”

She lifts her blanket, patting the empty space next to her. I nod and flop down, surprised by how good the plush fabric feels. “Thank you.”

Her bright teeth peek through her pillowy lips as she smiles and pushes back her glasses. “I’m here when you wanna talk.”

She grabs the oversized tub of popcorn from her side table and sits it in her lap. Pushing play on the Hallmark movie, I interrupted, she nudges me with her elbow.

I lean my head against her shoulder, accepting a handful of popcorn, and something in the air shifts, suddenly making me nauseous. This aura—I’ve felt it once before. It was when Liliana stopped being just the girl in the backyard and became the girl I needed. When she became my fresh air after a suffocating day at the hospital with my mom.

I told myself I would never let this happen again—needing someone to get through the dark. But then Remy glances down, her jet black waves brushing against my ear, and rests her head on mine.

A rush of calm floods through my core, my body relaxing at the connection. I don’t think Remy will be someone I need to get me through the dark. No.

I think she’ll sit in it with me until I find my own way out.