Lured into Lies by Melanie Martins

Chapter 3

Petra Van Gatt

While the staff told me Alex was busy having a meeting with his dad, I have spent the last hour lying on our bed, contemplating how I can persuade my fiancé to tell me his secret once and for all. I just hope his dad already laid out the ground work as he told me he would. Damn… Why on earth is it so hard for him to trust me in the first place? The fact that everyone knows his secret but me is driving me crazy.

All of a sudden, the door cracks open, and I tense up seeing Alex stepping in. “May I?” He waits for my approval and after telling him a barely audible yes, he just walks in and locks the door behind him.

While I pretend I’m reading a book, Alex slides the double doors apart, walks into his closet, and closes them behind him. Yet, from the bed, I can hear a drawer opening and his clothes moving as he takes them off. I wonder in which mood I will find him once he returns into the bedroom and whether he will be naked or in his boxers alone. My heart pants in a fury as my anxiety grows. The rational part in me would rather face him and deal once and for all with his past, but the other one—mostly composed of raging hormones—just wants to get laid. I slap myself mentally for such a stupid thought. Forget about his dick!

I have to talk to him. He is hiding something quite serious and important from me, and I shouldn’t take it lightly.

As Alex walks in, I ignore him, and, despite my intense heartbeat, remain focused on my book. My fingers rub the corner of the page, as if I’m anxiously awaiting what will happen next in the story. We haven’t spoken since our argument this morning, which left a pretty bad impression on me, and most likely on him too. Even during dinner, we didn’t say a word to each other. I feel the nerves boiling down in my stomach as I wonder if I should be the first one to talk. Once Alex slides in bed, I give a quick glance at him. My eyes alight on his delicious, sculpted torso but the rest is hidden under the sheets. He takes his iPad from the nightstand, turns it on, and starts focusing on it. This is beyond ridiculous; we are on the same bed, yet neither of us dares to talk. Silence fills the room as we both remain distant, engrossed in anything but the other. And while I’m pretending to be into my book, flipping pages I haven't even read, I come up with a question about his day in order to break the ice between us. “Um, did you manage to speak to your clients?” My tone comes off about as sweet and cute as it gets.

He turns and looks at me, his expression softening. “Yes, they were a bit confused at first, but at the end, they had a good laugh and asked if they were invited to the wedding.”

The word wedding eases me and brings a smile to my face. “Great, I guess that is good news, then.” Not knowing what else to say, I exhale quietly, and my attention falls back on my book. I press my lips together, pondering how to confront him about his past. Decidedly, I realize that there aren’t a thousand ways to do it, so I look again at him and ask, “Is there any reason why you don’t want to tell me what’s going on?”

Blowing out a breath, Alex remains silent for a moment, his eyes still pinned on the iPad. “Ryan and I agreed it’s better to keep it this way.”

What? My heart falls to my knees, and it takes everything in me to not shout at him. Instead, I swallow my anger and say, “If you trust me—”

“If you trust me,” he repeats immediately, cutting me off, his eyes drifting to meet mine. “Then accept it and move on.” I can’t help but shake my head at his deplorable request. “You didn’t disclose that you weren’t on the pill either. And yet I moved on, remember?”

“What?” I can’t believe he’s bringing this up and comparing what I did with what he’s hiding from me. “There’s no comparison possible. And I told you after that I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, because you were pregnant,” he interposes. “You lied and hid it until you couldn’t. And despite that, I forgave you and moved on,” he snaps back. “Now it’s time for you to do the same.”

I’ve got so much more to say, but I don’t. I slam my book down in defeat. I’m tired of our fights and don’t have the energy to keep up with his snide remarks. Jeez… Here we are having yet another one. My head is spinning, and I need some fresh air, so I leap off of the bed, march toward our terrace, yank the glass door open, and leave our heated argument behind. Alex doesn’t retain me, and I’m glad he doesn’t. I take the stairs going down to the beach. It’s dark, but thanks to the moon and stars, there’s some light piercing through the obscurity of the night. I follow the sound of the waves, my pulse beating just as fast as I’m running toward them. As I reach the sea, I’m welcomed by the lukewarm waters soaking my feet. Then, I shut my eyes since I can’t shut my heart, and focusing on my breathing. I inhale and exhale the fresh breeze of the evening. It’s quiet and inviting, so I take a few more steps, letting the water reach my knees. And because it feels better in the water than outside, I keep walking farther in until I can stretch my arms and legs and let myself float. The water carries my body so effortlessly that I barely feel the meek waves under me. Water truly has got some healing powers, or at least, appeasing ones as I feel myself more at peace, finally able to think with more clarity…

I know relationships are not perfect––I know they require work and compromises even in the best scenarios––but damn, do I really want a relationship like the one Hendrik has with Mona? One filled with secrets? Is this the type of relationship Alex is really looking for? If that’s the case, then it’s very far from what I’d imagined our relationship would be like. I thought we’d be like a team, fighting in the same direction, for the same goals. But how can a team go in the same direction if I know nothing about the other team player? And while my body remains afloat, my heart is sinking from anger and frustration. I’ve always been an open book with him; he knows everything about me and even my past crushes! Not even Emma knows about so many details of my life. And yes, I lied about the pill, but it’s not my lie that is being used by my mother to compromise our present and our future. It’s not my lie that can land him in jail… Fuck, why can’t he trust me on this one thing? That’s what I really want to know. But how can I persuade him to tell me if he doesn’t want to?

“Petra! Can you come back inside please?” His loud voice startles me instantly.

Opening my eyes wide, I stop my relaxing hovering and put myself back on my feet. Despite the darkness, I can discern his figure standing onshore and slowly walking in my direction. The dark shadow of the sand kicking up from his angry footsteps alerts me that he’s closer than I’d thought.

“Stop it!” I yell, seeing him now entering into the water, most likely to take me back home. “Leave me alone!” I hear nothing from his side, yet he’s getting closer and closer to me. “I said stop!”

Alex finally stands still only inches from me, but in a quick move, he grasps my wrist, leaving me even more angry at him. I do my best to release myself from him, walking backwards while trying to pull my arm away.

“What a child you can be sometimes!” he chides, his hand still firmly holding me. “Can’t we just talk?”

“Leave me alone!” With rage consuming me, I clench my other hand and pummel his chest as hard as I can multiple times. “I hate you! Leave me alone!”

“Hey, hey, hey…” His tone is hurried but softer, his hand releases my wrist, but only for him to bring me into his arms. “I know you’re mad…” His soothing whisper doesn’t work, and I push him away.

“I’m fucking tired of your secrets!” I manage to spit out from the depths of my lungs. “Do you know how it feels to be excluded? Fuck! You don’t! You don’t!” I point at him in disgust.

“Petra, enough!”

Eyes on eyes, I don’t vacillate, I don’t tremble, I’m just too tired of his bullshit. “I’m not marrying someone who will keep secrets from me.”

“Oh, stop it…” he brushes it off like I don’t mean it, but I do. His grip loosens ever so slightly, but he doesn’t let me go.

“I’m not joking.” Alex sighs in annoyance and most likely also in disbelief. I roll my eyes in response, thankful that it’s too dark for him to tell. “I don’t want to be kept in the dark. I fucking do not.”

“Petra…”

I’m too furious at him to listen. “I left everything behind for you! Without questioning a thing! I love you to a point that is ridiculous,” I chuckle at my own stupidity. “And you know it.” Angry tears brim my eyes, but I push them back. “You know I love you to a point beyond rational, and you play with it! You like to push and push and push to see how far you can go.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not.” I sniffle, tired of so many fights. “Your mom told me you are an expert in manipulating women to make them do what you want,” I fess out, tears gathering in my eyes. “And I thought it was only sexually, you know, like with the plugs and so on. But now…” I let my words trail off, before taking a breath in exhaustion. “Now I get it—you just wanted to keep them away from knowing your true self.”

Alex exhales loudly in return once again, but he doesn’t refute my statement. Instead he just says, “Why is it so damn difficult for you to trust me on this?”

“I could ask you the same,” I snap, glaring at him.

Nothing but heartbeats and loud breaths can be heard.

“I do trust you.” Alex glances around, uneasiness setting in. “I just…”

I wait a few more seconds for him to say something, and when he doesn’t, I mutter, “Just what?”

“What happened in the past is totally irrelevant. I did things I’m not proud of. That’s it.”

I frown in confusion. If it’s irrelevant then why isn’t he sharing it with me? Unless he’s scared I won’t react well. “Are you afraid I’ll judge you for it?” And before he can answer, I add, “Because I won’t.”

Alex lets out a sigh, tired at my insistence. “You aren’t gonna stop, are you?”

“I can’t…” I tell him, my tone just above a whisper. “It hurts like hell being excluded while everyone else knows.” As my words sink into him, Alex remains quiet, considering me. “If you are serious about us, then I can’t be kept in the dark. I know you’re upset about the pill thing, but you know I wouldn’t keep something from you like you’re doing to me. I just want to feel like you care.”

He rubs his eyelids tiredly before staring away toward the dark mystery that is the ocean. And as we stand here in total silence among the shadows, our bodies half dipping in the warm waters of the Caribbean Sea, I hope this time he’s taken me seriously enough to assess my request. I never thought I’d have gone as far as putting forth an ultimatum, but I can’t be excluded any longer. Not from him.

“Can we at least go somewhere dry?” His voice sounds defeated, but his anger has seemed to have faded all together.

My brows raise up at his question, giving me a glimmer of hope. “Oh, um, okay.”

As we walk back to the shores, Alex takes my hand, and the gesture feels so good and familiar that it warms my heart, comforting me. To my surprise, it now feels chilly outside, and I shiver as a quick breeze passes through us, leaving my wet skin with goosebumps. We go to the cabana where we had been earlier in the day, and I find two dry towels sitting inside. While I take one for myself, Alex puts the other one on my shoulders, rubbing my back to warm me up.

“Warm enough?”

“Thanks,” I mumble. The small gesture makes my stomach quiver out of excitement.

Then Alex sits on the mattress, and I do the same. I keep myself positioned so that my feet are touching the sand, while he props his entire body atop of it. While my feet start tracing a line in the sand, Alex seems to be taking in the surroundings. “It’s a beautiful night…” he fumbles out.

I follow his gaze and look at the moon and stars spread amongst the dark sky and admire how peaceful the beach is. Now that I’m drier, it’s actually pretty enjoyable outside, and the quiet of the night actually helps me relax. “It is.”

“If I tell you what happened,” he begins, sounding still on the fence. “Do you promise me to never ever talk about it with anyone? Not even Emma?”

“Of course.”

“And that you will never use it against me, no matter how angry you are at me?” His tone is deeply serious, and I start wondering how bad it can be.

“Yes, I promise,” I answer.

He looks me in the eyes, his lips in a straight line. “Petra, I’ll be extremely disappointed if you talk to anyone about this.”

I swallow thickly at the seriousness in his tone. “I know.”

He breaks eye contact, glancing around as he thinks something through. I begin rubbing my thumb and pointer finger together to soothe the quietness of the moment, anticipating what his next words may be. “Okay, well…” Then, he takes a deep breath, exhaling louder than usual. “It was twenty years ago, and I was, um, kinda of drunk and fucked up, and…” He runs a hand through his hair, while another gush of air rolls off his lips, but he doesn’t finish his sentence. Yet I keep my eyes pinned on his face as I see him struggling to tell me the rest. “And I killed someone.” My eyes widen, but I keep my mouth shut waiting for him to dig in. “It was an accident. But um…” Wow. I’ve never seen Alex struggling so much to open up before. “Your dad was with me, and he tried to check on her, but it was too late… she was dead.” He turns, looking at me, but his expression remains just as serious as his voice. “She was the daughter of someone very close to my family.” He looks down at his lap, breaking his eye contact almost as quickly as he’d initiated it. "So we decided to bury the body and keep it to ourselves.”

“An accident?” I ask again. “Like in a car accident?”

“Yes, a car accident.” He smiles briefly at me, before proceeding. “Your mom knows who the girl was, and if she says the truth to her family…” he lets his words trail off, thinking something through. “That family has always been a strong ally and client of ours, Petra. We can’t create friction with them.”

“Who are they?” I ask him.

“Do you really—”

“Yes,” I cut him off. “I need to know. Who are they?”

“The De Vries.” He looks pensively to the sky, before lowering his gaze back at me. “She was Jan’s daughter.”

“Who’s Jan?” I ask, even more confused.

“He’s like a brother to me,” Alex explains. “Sebastian, Jan and I were very close when we were younger. Jan is the oldest, followed by Sebastian, and I’m the youngest out of our bunch. Our families have always had a very strong bond. And by strong I mean, centuries of alliances and loyalty.” So he buried the body of his friend’s daughter? Wow. It’s incredible how far he would go to protect such alliances. “He’s going through a very nasty divorce at the moment, but you’ll meet him and his family at the wedding.”

“So you killed the daughter of a close friend of yours and buried her body?” I repeat to make sure I heard him properly and it’s not me making this whole thing up. Alex nods, and my jaw drops, not knowing what to say. I let out a quiet, “Oh, wow…” That’s all I can manage while I continue processing everything he just told me. “Well, now I kinda understand why you don’t want Mom to put it out there.” My leg bounces up and down in the sand as I come to terms with what he has just told me. Yet, wondering how that would actually turn out, I ask, “What if Jan learns the truth, though? What can he do to you?”

“I don’t even want to think about it.”

“But what if he does?” I ask again, forcing him to face the potential realities of the situation. “Won’t Jan forgive you? After all, you said it was an accident.”

He shakes his head, staring away. “He won’t forgive me, no,” he answers just as fast. “That I’m certain of.”

“Even after all these years?” I keep asking.

“It doesn’t matter. Blood over friends.”

I frown in confusion. “What?”

“Blood over friends,” he repeats, this time looking at me. “It’s one of the principles you grow up with. Family is always above friendship. And Jan is a firm believer of that.”

“That sounds ridiculous,” I snap. “I would rather chose you over my family any day for the rest of our lives.”

“I’m not saying it makes sense. But that’s how we grew up.”

I might not know much about Jan, but I can’t imagine a grown-up man seeking revenge for an accident that happened twenty years ago. It sounds a bit far-fetched to me. “I’m sure if he’s a close friend of yours, he’ll forgive you. It has been so many years now.”

“Not everything is forgivable, Petra,” he replies, keeping his tone grave. While I do understand not everything is forgivable, I doubt his friend will seek out deadly revenge. It’s not like he did it on purpose.

“We buried her body and lied to him when he asked us if we had seen her.” I can see the uneasiness in his gaze by the way he keeps looking around to see if someone is listening and feel the shame his words carry. “They searched for her for years… If Jan found out we lied to him and his family about his daughter, I don’t want to imagine what he’d do to us.”

“What is he capable of?”

Alex chuckles at my insatiable curiosity. “Anything.”

He says that word with so much conviction that my skin prickles with the shiver I fought off. I don’t know Jan, but he does. And now that I understand what my mom has against him, all I can say is, “Thank you for trusting me with this.” I lean into him, my head resting on his shoulder. “You have no idea how much it means to me.”

Alex doesn’t reply, instead he puts an arm around me and presses his lips to my forehead. As we remain silent, reveling in each other’s company amid an empty beach and a blanket of stars, I know perfectly well it took everything in him to share such a dark part of his life with me. And I know he did it only and solely because he cares about us more than anything else.