Baby From Frost by Ashe Moon
1
Delos
One,two, three drops of ice tonic into the soil of each pot, along with a measure of cold spring water. I sat back in my chair and watched my desk full of snow plants react to their weekly feeding, their white, fuzzy leaves curling outwards in appreciation. An iron boiler in the corner of my room spewed thick white clouds onto the floor, settling in a foot and a half of cold fog that kept the ambient temperature comfortable for both me and my plant friends. The insulated door was always kept sealed. No windows, no candlelight or gas lamps, just the pale azure glow from a crystal orb I kept on the corner of my desk, filled with a luminescent liquid I’d alchemized myself.
The station had become much livelier ever since Altair’s mate Grayson had joined the flight with his daughter Dalia, and just a couple of months ago, Rainor was mated to Thomas, who frequently visited. I did my duties for the fire flight, alchemized ice orbs and healing salves for the Watch, and spent time playing with Dalia, but mostly I kept to myself. I needed that time to be alone, to not implode from the effort.
I heard a soft scratching sound on the outside of my door.
“No,” I said firmly. “Go bother one of the others.”
The scratching continued, punctuated with a banshee-like yowl. I sighed and got up to open the door. A black streak zipped into my room and hopped from my bed to the side table next to my desk where I’d made a cat-sized nest of fur blankets. Soot had arrived just on time to pester me.
“Don’t you get cold in here?” I muttered. “I’m closing the door, you know? You’re stuck in here.”
He blinked lazily and yawned as he stretched himself out into the furs, kneading them with his paws.
“One day I’m gonna shut you in here by accident and make a cat-shaped ice cube.” I sat back in my chair and scratched his head. “You idiot.”
I went back to what I was doing, writing down detailed instructions for how to care for my plants while I was gone and how to activate and mix the substances that would maintain the right temperature in my room. My destination was Stonvale, the city closest to Old Shore Port north of the Ivilirst forest, where I was to look for lore on how human omegas birthed dragon hatchlings. Grayson and Thomas were both pregnant, and there hadn’t been a dragon and human mated pair here in generations. We were a small town, with a small population of dragons. Most didn’t remember the old lore, and even fewer seemed to recall human-dragon mating at all. Stonvale was a city, and there were institutions there with big repositories of books and scholars. Rainor was our resident lore fanatic, and he knew of a place in the city that he felt had to have the information we needed.
I would’ve been a lot happier if he were the one going instead of me, but he and Thomas were finishing supervising the training of the Watch with my ice orbs. Everyone in the flight had their hands tied with something, except me. I suppose I should’ve felt lucky to be able to take what was essentially a vacation, but it felt wrong to leave. As the flight’s ice dragon, I was the one with the power to put out the fires. Well, at least I had been. Things were going to be a lot different now that we had humans equipped with dragon ice. A lot different for me. It was good. More time to spend with my plants.
I got up to go downstairs with my sheet of carefully written instructions, and Soot followed behind me like a shadow. I’d been in my room since my last patrol, and it’d gotten dark outside. When I reached the staircase, the cat leaped to the banister and up to a cross beam where he proceeded to climb to the most precarious position possible, twenty feet over the open space we used as a training area, dining room, and kitchen. On the floor directly below him, Dalia played with a wooden dragon Thomas had carved for her. She’d just had her third birthday a week ago. Grayson sat at the table, stirring a cup of tea as he watched her.
“Oh, Delos,” he said, looking up to see me. “I didn’t hear you come down.”
His pregnant belly had grown a lot over the past month, and very quickly. It seemed like it was nearly the size it’d been when he’d first come to us three years ago—and that was already at the end of his pregnancy with Dalia. He shifted on the bench, groaning.
“You good?” I asked.
He nodded, but his smile seemed somewhat forced. He was nervous about the unknowns of the pregnancy, I could see that. I suppose we all were. We’d had enough trouble helping him give birth to Dalia, and we’d had books to refer to. This time, we were going in entirely blind.
“Where’s Altair?” I said, looking around.
“He just stepped out for a moment, he’ll be back soon. Rainor and Thomas should be done soon, too. Did you need something?”
“Just was going to give him these instructions,” I said. “A guide to keeping my plants alive. Maybe you could hold on to it.”
“Think you could trust me with such a responsibility? What about Rainor?”
“You’re meticulous,” I said. “And you’re careful. Rainor has the opposite of a green thumb. You should’ve seen the lily plant I gave him for his birthday a few years ago. The easiest plant to care for, and the thing was somehow dead by the next day.”
“Oh, poor Rainor. He must’ve been devastated.”
“Sulked for days.” I handed Grayson the instructions. “It’s all pretty straightforward. Altair is familiar with all the potions, he’ll know what to do.”
He nodded. “Hey, I’m really thankful you’re making this trip out to Stonvale for us. I know Thomas feels the same way.”
“Sure. Of course. You don’t need to worry. And besides, it’ll be nice to see a new place.”
“And that’s going to be fantastic. I’m jealous! I wish we could be going with you.”
Dalia came over and tugged on my hand. “Uncle Delos? Uncle Delos!”
“Dalia, Dalia,” I replied, imitating her.
She laughed at me. “Stop!”
“Stop what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She squealed and hung onto my hand like a little monkey. “Can you make an ice slide for my dragon?”
“Okaaay.” I sighed, pretending like it was the hardest thing in the world to do, and Dalia laughed again. Her bright disposition could never be stunted, even by my grim self. I knew I tended to bring down the temperature of a room, which was part of the reason why I kept to myself. I didn’t want to rope others into my headspace.
I filled a mug of water from the faucet and sat with her on the floor, and she watched wide-eyed as I slowly poured the water over my hand. It froze in a gentle cascade, like a waterfall in deep winter. Then I lifted my hand diagonally to create an angle for the slide until it was about a foot tall.
“There you go.”
“Let’s play!” she said.
“Dalia, Uncle Delos has a lot to take care of,” said Grayson.
“No, it’s no problem,” I said.
I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone on this trip, so I wanted to get some time in with her. Dalia was one of the only people who brought true joy into my life. The bond I shared with Altair and my other flight mates was strong and unconditional, but it was different from how I felt about Dalia. Being there for her birth, seeing her grow and helping to raise her had been a reminder that I could still feel something. That it didn’t always have to be so dark all the time.
I watched her run around holding her wooden dragon over her head, and she made whooshing noises as she dropped it down the ice slide. Then she bounced around and dropped into my lap, talking to herself while she tweaked the dragon’s wings and shook it in the air.
“Your slide’s going to melt,” I said, pinching her earlobe with frost-covered fingertips.
She giggle-shrieked and batted my hand. “Stop!”
I poked her nose. “I’m going to freeze your nose off.”
“Nuh-uh.” She hopped to her feet. “You’re the baby. I’m the dragon, okay? Now lay down in your crib. Right there.” She pointed at the floor next to the dripping slide. I touched a finger to it and refroze the ice, giving my biggest sigh as I curled up on the floor.
“Now what?” I asked.
“Babies don’t talk.” She turned to Grayson. “Daddy, I want to brush the baby’s hair.”
Grayson looked at me and I shrugged. Chuckling, he left and came back with a hairbrush, and Dalia kneeled next to me and brushed my hair. I could see Soot still perched on the beam above me, his black shape barely visible in the darkness, just a pair of eyes like floating emerald gemstones.
The station’s front door banged open. Rainor, Thomas, and Altair walked in, each of them carrying wooden crates.
Rainor saw me on the floor and laughed. “Looks like it’s Delos’s turn to be the baby today,” he said.
“Papa! Uncle Rainor!” Dalia sprung to her feet and zipped over to Altair, and he set down the crate to take her into his arms. He kissed her on the forehead and then leaned her over so she could kiss Rainor, too.
“And what about your Uncle Thomas?” Rainor asked.
She looked shyly at Thomas but reached out to hug him.
He ruffled her hair. “Hi, Dalia. It’s okay, she’s still getting used to me.”
“You all didn’t fly?” I asked, wondering why they hadn’t come in through the roof entrance.
“Horse,” Rainor said. “Altair wanted to try riding.”
“You can be sure you won’t find me doing that again,” said Altair.
“He only bit you one time,” Thomas said as they lugged the crates into the kitchen.
“I don’t want to be bitten at all!”
Rainor smirked. “Unless it’s Grayson doing the biting, right?”
“Excuse me, I don’t bite.”
“That’s not completely true, is it?” Altair said, and he laughed when Grayson punched his shoulder.
“What’s all this?” I asked, nodding at the crates on the counter.
Rainor pried the lid off of one and tossed handfuls of shredded newspaper onto the floor. Grayson stared at the growing pile, and it looked like he was about to throttle him.
Thomas noticed and nudged Rainor’s arm. “You’re making a mess, you know.”
“Don’t worry,” he said to Thomas before turning to Grayson. “I know what you’re going to say, and I’ll clean it up.”
“Damn right.”
Rainor lifted out a bottle of shimmering, honey-gold liquid. He grinned. “Premium firewater. Surprise, Delos. You didn’t think we’d send you off without giving you a goodbye party?”
“And crabs, sea urchin, and tuna,” said Altair. “Also, fresh cheese from the market. And grapes. Look at these grapes.”
“Wow,” Grayson said, admiring the grapes with wide eyes. He wrapped his arm around Altair’s waist and pressed his cheek against his shoulder. “Those look great.”
“Don’t they?” said Altair. “Here. Try some.” He plucked off a grape and fed it to him. Grayson happily bounced back and forth on his feet as he ate, and then kissed Altair.
“I want grape,” Dalia announced, tugging at Grayson’s shirt.
“One second, honey.”
I watched as they unpacked the food, Rainor and Thomas working over the seafood while Grayson and Altair figured out the cheese plate. It felt nice to be around two happy pairs and a full flight, but at the same time, it was hard not to feel like the odd one out. But I was the odd one out. Always had been, and always would be. My head was somewhere else, and so was my heart, and I’d long accepted that that was just how things were going to be. It was something I didn’t talk about very much, and Altair and Rainor never pushed me about it. I’d told them the story once. They knew I’d had my heart broken, and that was that. The reason we could call each other flight brothers was because we shared an understanding that went beyond words. We knew what we wanted to keep to ourselves and respected those boundaries.
I’d been told that everything got better with time. I wished that was true for everyone. The more time that passed, the more I believed that, for some people, some scars healed. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe I was an idiot. I knew I was. I should’ve been more precious with my feelings, should’ve been smarter. Things would’ve been different. I would’ve been different. I tried hard to remember what kind of person I was before the night I arrived in Old Shore Port, but it all felt like a blur in my head, and it was only getting more obscure. I knew that soon, I wouldn’t be able to remember it at all. Pure ice is what I’d be. And I didn’t want that.
I sat with my glass of firewater, listening quietly to the others as they talked and joked. Altair offered me a refill and I took it. He put his arm around me and gave my shoulder a hard, affectionate squeeze. I may not have had a mate, but I wasn’t alone, and everyone made sure to remind me of that. It was just enough to keep this icy heart from completely freezing over.
Not a cloud in the sky. Wind blowing steadily to the northwest. Perfect weather for long-distance flight. We all stood up on the watchtower as I made the final preparation to go, Altair holding Dalia on one arm, Grayson next to him, and Thomas and Rainor on their other side.
“Don’t forget to maintain the temperature,” I reminded. “And double-check for that dumb cat. He likes to hide in my room.”
“Understood,” Altair said. “Don’t worry.”
“Don’t get lost,” Rainor said. “We don’t have the dragon power to mount a search and rescue for your cold ass.”
“I won’t get lost,” I replied flatly. “You, don’t touch my plants.”
“Hey, don’t you trust me? Not even a little poke?”
“No.”
“I’ll keep him away from your things,” Thomas said.
“Oh yeah? How are you gonna do that? You think you can stop me from—”
Thomas cut him off by throwing his arm around Rainor’s neck and putting him into a headlock. Dalia giggled with amusement.
“I’ll send word when I arrive.” Then I turned to speak to Grayson and Thomas. “Don’t worry. I’ll find all the information we need.”
“Well, you better, and you’d better do it fast,” Grayson said, resting his hand on the top of his belly.
Thomas nodded at me. His belly was also swollen, and much more pronounced than was expected for a human only a month pregnant. “And take it easy on that wing,” he said, referring to where I’d been struck by lightning two months ago.
“It’s healed,” I said.
I stepped towards the perch, ready to shift into my dragon form when Dalia said, “Wait, Uncle Delos! I don’t want you to go.”
Altair set her down, and she ran to me and grabbed onto my thigh. I kneeled next to her, unsure of what to say. I wasn’t used to comforting Dalia. I played with her, but when she was upset, she would always go to Altair and Thomas. Now she was pouting into my side, face all scrunched up as she clutched me tightly, and it surprised me that she was so bothered by me leaving.
“I’ll be back soon,” I said.
“When?” she asked.
“I don’t know, exactly. Don’t worry. It won’t be too long.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, of course. I promise.” I kissed her head and tapped frost onto the tip of her nose. “I will always come back to you.”
I picked her up, hugged her, and passed her back to Altair. Then I walked onto the perch, shut my eyes, and shifted into dragon form. A moment later I was in the air, and Dalia’s little wave goodbye grew smaller and smaller as I rose to a long-distance flying altitude. Soon I was up where the air was cold and comfortable, surrounded by nothing but the open blue sky. Old Shore Port was tiny below me, like one of Dalia’s toys. Ahead of me was a carpet of green stretching to the base of the mountains, and beyond that, my destination. I should’ve been happy to be completely by myself for once—glorious quiet—but I already missed them. Dalia had reminded me how much I cared for them and how lucky I was to have them as a flight. I didn’t want to be alone, despite the spectacular job I did at keeping people at arm’s length.
“Just enjoy it, Delos,” I told myself. “Enjoy the solitude, because you’re going to have an entirely new place to deal with soon.”
I was the worst person for this job. I was no good with new people, or people in general, and I was going to a city. A city! I was about to be surrounded by strangers, and I’d have to talk to them. It wasn’t my idea of a good time at all.
“I wish everyone could come with me,” I muttered as I caught a thermal current and broke into an easy glide. Then I shook my head in frustration. “No! No, I’m fine by myself. Perfectly fine.”
Why was it so hard to convince myself that I was okay with being on my own?
