The Eagle by Hildie McQueen
Chapter Nine
It had been a night filled with tossing and turning. Stuart’s mind going from one thing to the other and still he had no idea what he wished to do. Searching deep inside himself, he came up empty.
Nothing motivated him and that was the problem. It infuriated him that for so long he’d lived in the shadows of his brothers. He’d always done what he could to help but had lost a sense of who he truly was.
Although a restlessness had come over him, the stirring in his soul came without direction or guide. Instead, all he felt was a deep sense of wanting to do something different. To find his true purpose.
Then there was Cait. Despite how hard he tried to put any thoughts of her aside, the beautiful woman invaded his every waking moment. The thought of not including her—in whatever his future may be—brought hesitation. He’d dreamt of having a conversation with her and asking if she wanted to be with him. Because he wasn’t sure he could leave her behind.
She would not remain unmarried for long and the thought of her with someone else was unbearable.
It was a wonder she wasn’t being pursued already. Then again, perhaps she was, suitors weren’t always obvious.
With a growl, he threw the blankets aside, and pushing past the pain from the beating he’d received, he got up. There was much to do, and he could not remain abed waiting for inspiration to come.
One thing he knew for certain: His destiny’s call was strong.
Stuart stomped down the stairs to the great hall. There were a few cots with injured men along a far wall in front of the large hearth. The fire from it would keep them warm as they recovered from their injuries.
Several servants meandered between the beds, reassuring the men as they replaced the wet rags on their foreheads.
He continued to the study, where he walked in to find Darach and Isobel in a passionate embrace. The couple was so engrossed in each other, they didn’t hear him enter and only pulled apart when he dragged a chair back and sat.
Isobel blushed and smiled up at her husband before looking to Stuart. “I am glad to see ye about. How do ye feel?”
“Why are ye not in bed?” Darach asked, his over-protectiveness rearing as he assessed Stuart’s injuries.
“I am not so injured that there was need for me to stay in bed any longer.”
After a lingering look to her husband—that promised more to come—Isobel walked out. Darach followed her progress for a bit before turning his attention to Stuart.
“Ye asked for me to let ye go. What do ye mean to do? Where do ye intend to go?”
The direct questions caught Stuart off guard. He’d expected Darach to try to talk him out of leaving.
He was prepared to let his brother know he still planned to leave, without a destination or a purpose in mind. Now he wondered if it would sound childish and petty to leave when he was needed at the keep.
“I can go to one of the posts, either in the north or south. We’ve had two encroachments in the last few months, we need more vigilance.”
His brother watched him for a few moments. “Every man needs to prove their worth. Ye have proven to be brave and taken charge when it was needed. There is no reason to go away. I need ye here.”
There was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he tried to explain to his brother that his life had been quite the opposite. He’d not done anything as worthwhile as any of his brothers, except for Gideon, who was too young yet to compare himself with.
“I have done nothing more than any other guard. Stood up for our clan and protected the family.” Standing, he stalked across the room. “I want to do something that matters. To our clan. To ye. To myself.”
“Very well,” Darach said moving closer. “Perhaps I am selfish in wanting our family to remain close. I understand the need to have yer own life.”
“I am restless and have to do something.”
“Go to yer land. The people in the village there are in great need.”
For a moment he was confused. His lands were a day’s ride to the northwest. He’d not had time to return since the first time he’d gone there several months earlier. For whatever reason, his father had ignored that region for years and the people were accustomed to it. If anything, they were probably the ones who needed leadership the least.
“They are independent and will be resistant to anyone coming to bring them under any control.”
“They are Clan Ross and must be loyal to me and our family. I have had reports they are going through a trying time. Apparently, the constable is overstepping in his authority. They need ye, Stuart.”
He let out a long breath. “So, I have failed them as well.”
“If anyone failed them it was me. So much has happened that I’ve barely had time to take care of those who need us. I have kept ye away from them for too long. Do as I say and stop making it about ye.”
The words sunk in, and Stuart straightened. “Ye are right.”
“Be sure to take enough seed, livestock, and whatever ye think is needed to settle there. Ye have a lot of work to do to prepare. I suggest ye get started.”
For the first time in a long time, Stuart was filled with anticipation of what was to come. “I will ask to see who wishes to go with me. I can find farmers and men from the village once I’m there to help with all that is required, but first, I will need to have people alongside me that I can trust. Can I take six men with me?”
“Take as many as ye think are required. Give them the option of remaining or returning if they do not like it.”
Darach pulled the map of Ross lands and spread it across the desk in front of them. He then circled the lands Stuart was gifted upon becoming laird. “There is a loch and ye have the seashore not too far. Ensure the people are utilizing both for their needs.”
“Here.” He pointed to a specific spot. “There is a house here that with some repairs will be a good place for ye to live. There is another one in town.”
Stuart nodded his chest expanding at the thought that this had to be his purpose. “Thank ye, brother.”
“Ye may be cursing me after a few weeks of trying to bring those people and the land to heel.” Darach chuckled.
Walking out of the study, Stuart asked a servant about his mother and was told she and Isobel were in the parlor. He found the women sewing in quiet companionship.
“Mother,” he stated, getting her attention. “I just spoke to Darach. I have decided to go and live on my lands.”
His mother’s lips curved, but her gaze was sad. “I do not wish for ye to leave. Why do ye feel the need to?”
“I am needed there more than here. My lands and people are not faring well.”
“Do ye wish for Cait and I to go with ye?”
At the mention of the maid’s name, his stomach tumbled. “The house is not habitable yet. Ye can come once I settle, and all is as it should be.”
“Are ye to marry then, before leaving?” Isobel asked. “Lila Maclean is set to arrive soon, and we should have a good reason for turning her away.”
Stuart blew out a breath. “At this time, I do not wish to marry the maid or anyone else for that matter. I have much to do. I care little what Lila Maclean, or her brother are told.”
At Isobel’s wide gaze locked to a place past him, Stuart turned to see Cait standing in the doorway with a tray, looking pale as a ghost.
Somehow, she managed to hold her head high as she walked in. The tray shook just enough to alert those in the room that she was doing her best to keep her emotions under control.
Everyone was silent, except his mother. “Thank ye, Cait. How is yer hand? Ye should be resting.”
“I am well enough to do my tasks,” Cait said. “I prefer to work and take care of my family rather than expect anyone else to do so. I will be going home for a pair of days. Greer has allowed it.”
Isobel nodded. “Aye, of course. Take as long as ye need.”
Head bowed, she brushed past him and left.
His mother stood. “Ye are an idiot.” She walked out behind Cait leaving only him and a glaring Isobel.
“Why did ye say that?” Isobel demanded. “Ye have made us all believe ye are interested in Cait. I cannot believe ye were so cruel.”
“Do not walk out.” Stuart moved sideways to block Isobel from leaving.
“I am walking out. I have nothing to say to ye.”
He shook his head. “I do care for Cait. If I were to remain here, there’s a definite chance I would court her.”
“Ugh.” Isobel took a couple of steps but stopped when Stuart blocked her once again.
“Can ye explain it to her?” he asked. “I need to do this. To take care of the people I am responsible for.”
The woman lifted her hands up. “Oh, no. I definitely will not. Ye hurt her and it is up to ye to explain yer quest for manly greatness and hope she forgives ye.”
When he looked down, Isobel dashed around him and left.
A few moments later, he trudged back through the great room to the kitchen. Greer and her group of cooks and maids hurried about working on meal preparation. The red-faced woman glanced up and looked at him with concern.
“How are ye faring?” She placed a warm hand to his forearm. “If ye go to the dining room, I will have someone bring ye something.”
Stuart shook his head. “I do not require anything. I seek Cait.”
Finella, Greer’s daughter, waved to the window. “She left in a cart. I believe she went home to rest.”
Leaving the kitchen, he headed outside to where the guards trained. Several stood in circles talking, others practiced. He spotted Gideon and a guard sparing while Artair sat on a stool and watched.
“I must speak to ye,” he said to his brother as he walked up. Though he made sure to keep enough distance to not get accidentally cut.
“About what?” Gideon called out and blocked a strike.
“He is trying to help ye, by distracting ye,” Artair called out laughing when Gideon jumped back and yelled out a curse.
Both men lowered their swords and waited for him to approach. “What is it?” Gideon asked wiping sweat from his face with the front of his tunic. “I am not in the mood to discuss duties. I am preparing to go to the south post. Or is it the north?” He looked up to the sky as if for an answer. “I forget.”
“South,” Artair said in a bored tone.
Stuart met their gazes. “I have decided to live on my lands and see about the people there. What I want to ask is who ye think would wish to go with me.”
The duo gaped at him as if not understanding.
“Is this permanent?” Gideon asked, his eyes widening. “Why now?
Artair studied him with confusion. “Where are yer lands?
“Northwest coast,” he said to Artair, before answering Gideon. “Aye, it is permanent.”
His brother and cousin exchanged looks. “Why?” Gideon repeated.
“Because I have to see about the people. They are in need and it is my duty to see to them.”
“I will go with ye,” Artair said without hesitation. “Ye cannot go alone.”
“What about yer father?” Stuart asked. “Is he still unwell?”
Artair frowned in thought. “I will speak to him; he is doing better.
“I plan to take some men with me. I can find servants and someone to farm the land from those that live there,” Stuart informed them.
Gideon frowned. “I could go with ye. My lands are almost empty and do not require much.”
“There are two fishing villages on yer lands,” Stuart replied. “When the time is right, ye need to start visiting more often.”
His brother shrugged. “I go every fortnight or so. The people there are self-reliant and they often come here to speak to Darach. No need for me to do much.”
Once again, Stuart considered how he’d been too involved in his duties, not to notice his own responsibilities. He had not been aware that Gideon went to his lands so often to see about the people.
“Ye cannot go,” he told Artair. “Uncle Angus is not well and requires yer help.”
“Then who goes with ye?” Gideon asked.
“I was thinking I might ask Ewan to go with me and help me set up. He recently built a home and settled into his lands. Already he has productive fields and is self-sufficient with livestock and such.”
Gideon nodded. “Grand idea.”
Mind made up, he discussed a few more things with Gideon and Artair before heading out to visit Ewan.
He would have to see about Cait before leaving. But first, he had to start getting things in order.
Despite some soreness,the ride to Ewan’s lands gave him a chance to clear his head. More than anything Cait was at the forefront of his mind. The look on her face when she’d overheard what he’d said in the parlor made him cringe.
He’d hurt her feelings and it wasn’t fair. She shouldn’t have to pay for his confusion about what he wanted. A part of him wanted her to be in his life so badly that he almost turned the horse toward the cottage to find her and convince her to go with him. But no matter how much he wanted to, it made no sense to approach her about leaving. Not only did he not have a clear plan, but they’d not had enough time to get to know one another.
By the timehe arrived at Ewan’s, Stuart was excited at the prospect of starting the new phase of his life. Spotting his brother standing by the corrals that housed several horses, he dismounted and walked over.
Everyone said he and Ewan could be twins. His brother had the same dark wavy hair that fell to his shoulders. They stood at the same height. And they were both archers, to boot.
He approached Ewan and they embraced.
“What brings ye?” his brother asked looking him over. Upon noticing the bruising on his face, he frowned. “I could have come to the keep.”
“I am not so hurt that it bothered me to ride here. I came to speak to ye about the process of settling here on yer lands. Darach suggested—and I agree—that it is time for me to go to my lands and see about the people. It is time to take control of my life.”
His brother met his gaze for a long moment. “I understand. But remember ye always have us to help and assist ye as needed.”
“I have no doubt that ye and our brothers will be more than happy to meddle even without my asking.”
Ewan chuckled nodding. “Very true.”
“Which is why I want to ask if ye will go with me and look it over? I need yer advice.”
Ewan’s expression was warm, it made Stuart realize how lucky he was that despite, or perhaps because of their father’s cruel ways, he and his brothers were so close. They’d depended on one another since childhood and that had forged a strong bond.
His brother opened his arms and turned in a circle. “This is hard work and at times ye will feel like giving up, but in the end it is worth it.” He met Stuart’s gaze. “Now, I cannot think of anything better than having my own home, productive lands, and a beautiful wife to share it with.”
For days, Stuartworked tirelessly to prepare for his upcoming move. It was easier than he expected to find men who wished to travel. Dougal Ross—a third cousin—and his wife, Bree, were eager to accompany him. Also, a group of single men volunteered even after he told them it would be hard work. It seemed some loved adventure and their excitement was contagious.
Anton was a harder sell. Although the young man wished to go, he wasn’t sure about living away from his family.
“I have made a decision.” Anton approached him early one day.
“Oh?” Stuart said as Anton stood beside the hearth in his bedchamber. Despite Stuart usually not requiring his services, Anton took his duties as squire seriously. Every morning he appeared at Stuart’s door with news about the weather outside, or to let him know how his horse was doing.
“Father insists I go, so I will.” Anton gave him a crooked smile that did not disguise his nervousness.
“It is a long ride to the village from there, but ye can make it in a day. No need to worry. If ye wish to visit yer family, I will allow it.”
Anton brightened. “That is what Father said.”
Stuart found himself anxious to get going. But first there was livestock to choose from his brother’s herds, and decisions as to what needed to be taken. Already there were wagons overflowing with grain, seeds, plantings, and tools.
The ones who were going also had their own belongings to pack onto wagons. Albeit the single men didn’t plan to bring much.
It had been several days since he’d seen Cait. Once she returned from her time away, it was obvious she did everything in her power to avoid him. He’d even tried to seek her out in the kitchen and then in the garden, but she must have seen him coming and hid.
At first meal, the family sat in the dining room, away from those who came early and mingled in the great hall.
“I suggest ye leave behind anything of sentimental value in yer bedchamber,” his mother advised once he sat. “Ye do not wish items to become lost while ye work.”
Isobel frowned in his direction. “Who is going with ye? I hear Bree and her husband are. I will miss our trips to the village.”
“Aye, Dougal and Bree are going. So are four guardsmen, Anton and two men from the village.”
The rest of the conversation as they ate was about his upcoming trip and the more they talked, the more anxious he was to head out.
When he finished eating, he hurried up to his bedchamber to begin packing. A cool breeze blew in through the open window and he went to peer out. Cait was standing at the well with Cora, who was quite animated and pointing towards where the guards sparred. Cait shook her head and crossed her arms.
From where he was, he couldn’t see Cait’s expression clearly, but from the way she stood she was not happy about whatever the other woman had said.
Cait took Cora’s arm and they walked around the side of the house. Intrigued, Stuart went to his other window to see what happened.
The women stood watching the guards practicing. Every so often they’d talk and then continue watching.
Stuart looked to the field to see who was there. It could be Cora was telling Cait about someone who was interested in courting her. And although reluctant, Cait had agreed to speak to whomever it was.
Upon noting they had an audience, several of the men picked up the pace, grunting loudly to get Cait and Cora’s attention.
It was ridiculous to be annoyed and yet, Stuart found himself storming from the room, down the stairs, through the great room, and out the front door.
When he rounded the house, Cait and Cora were still speaking in low tones.
“Speak to him. Perhaps he will tell ye what…” Cora stopped talking. “Mister Stuart.”
Cait didn’t turn around. “Mister Stuart,” she said turning her face just a bit so not to be disrespectful.
“May I speak to ye, Cait?” Stuart asked looking to Cora, who remained where she was her gaze pinned on Cait. Finally, she gave Cait a worried look and walked away.
Since Cait didn’t turn to face him, Stuart rounded her standing between her and the guard’s field. “I have been meaning to speak to ye. I owe ye an apology.”
“There is no need to apologize for a comment I was not supposed to hear.” Her reply was curt. Her gaze remained fixed on a point past his right shoulder. “If that is all Mister Stuart, I have duties to attend to.”
“It was thoughtless of me to refer to ye in such a manner. Ye are important to me and I am not sure why I said it. The only excuse I have is that I am a horse’s arse.”
She didn’t move or look up at him. “I am a servant; therefore, ye did not say anything that should affect me.”
“It was thoughtless and not at all true. I do have feelings for ye and hope to get to know ye better.”
They were silent for a long moment until Cait finally sighed. “May I go now please?”
“Forgive me,” he repeated. “Allow me to make it up to ye.”
She nodded. “Ye have nothing to make up for.”
“I am leaving,” Stuart blurted. “To my lands.”
“Aye, I have heard. I wish ye well.” Again, her tone was flat.
As she went to turn away, he reached out and touched her still crossed arm. “Perhaps ye and yer family will wish to move there. Once I get everything settled.”
It was then that her gaze lifted to his. For a moment he was struck silent by her beauty. The woman appealed to him like no other. Leaving her there would be one of the hardest things he could ever do.
“Say ye will come,” Stuart repeated.
“I cannot.” She let out a long breath. “I do not understand what ye wish from me. I have been clear that I will not be more than a servant to this household.”
“Is something wrong?” Torac, her half brother neared, his eyes fixed on Stuart. “Mister Stuart is there something ye require of Cait?”
Stuart shook his head. He was not intimidated by Torac—quite the opposite—he admired the willingness of the man to stand up for his sister. “I was telling Cait that I am leaving and asked if she, her mother, and her brother would be interested in going to the northwest eventually.”
Torac studied him for a long moment before looking to Cait. “It could be something beneficial for ye. To start at a new household.”
“I will consider it,” Cait said, and gave her brother a searching look before turning to him. “Is that all Mister Stuart?”
“Will ye truly think about it?”
She let out a sigh. “I will.”
Stuart nodded.
She then looked at her brother. “I must speak to ye about something that is of great concern.”
Dismissed, Stuart walked away, lighter at the being given a glimmer of hope that Cait would consider moving.
