The Puck Drop by Jaqueline Snowe
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Michael
Cal shoved fries into his mouth and chewed with his mouth open.
Disgust rolled through me. “Close your mouth when you eat, Jesus.”
“Just cause you’re a coach now doesn’t mean you can boss me around.” He smirked like he had the best zinger in the world.
“I’m saying this as a human being who likes food, not as your assistant coach. If I wanted to boss you around, then I would. You can’t do shit about it.” I took a slow sip of my water and rolled my shoulders, wishfully thinking it would ease the pain there.
One week since my life shifted. One week since seeing Naomi. She wanted to be friends, and we hadn’t talked once. Friends sure felt like a death sentence. I scratched my chest as the pang flared there, and I focused on Cal. I stayed true to my word about not telling a soul about the nights we drank together, but we had to change things now that I was on the staff.
God, an assistant coach at twenty-four. It didn’t seem real. But again, a lot of moments in my life didn’t feel real until they happened. The nagging sensation in my gut disappeared and was replaced with something like peace. Like this was what I was supposed to do.
Even my sister was thrilled for me. You found your place in the world. You’re meant to lead others on the ice like you always have. Enjoy it, bro. Her words helped ease the pain of losing Naomi, but the ache remained there.
It didn’t seem fair that getting an opportunity for my future came at the cost of the first person I’d opened up to in years. What sucked was that I understood her hesitation about me coaching. I did. I just… assumed she knew I’d be different. Or I’d hoped she’d give me a chance.
I fisted my hand and powered through the pulsing in my temple. Focus on the good. The coaching opportunity. On learning from Coach Simpson. On the fact I got a salary. A decent one.
Even as I listed all the good news in my mind, the one glaring bad moment remained fresh. Naomi deciding it was too hard to try and be together. I scrubbed a hand over my face and regretted it because I had ketchup on my fingers. Annoyed at her, myself, and Cal’s loud chewing, I groaned.
“Dude, you’re grumpier than normal,” Cal said, grease dripping down his chin. He wiped it with the back of his hand, and I snorted. He was uncivilized.
“Yeah, that can happen.”
Cal furrowed his brows and set his food down, leaning onto his elbows and frowning at me. “Your parents are cheering for you, you know? With you getting this job. They’ll be proud.”
My throat tightened, and for the life of me, I wanted to cry. The absolute understanding in Cal’s eyes was enough to set me over the edge. Suddenly, I had to move. To run. To do something other than sit here and feel and think. “Let’s go.”
“Uh, I’m not done.”
“Fine, stay and finish. I gotta get out of this place.” He had like four fries left. I stood and tossed a twenty on the table. I didn’t wait to see if he followed before walking out of the cafe and breathing in the crisp fall air. The chilled temperatures always soothed me in a way that some people talked about the summer heat.
The cold was less personal and comforting than warmth, I knew that, but I preferred the sting in my throat, the way my nose tingled from the wind. It was familiar and safe like back home. I stood at the edge of campus and focused on things to ground myself. The leaves changing color since Thanksgiving was right around the corner. The fading colors of the bricked buildings with the clouds covering most of the sky. The throngs of students walking to or from class.
I wished I could call my dad and ask for advice. For him to tell me what to do or how to get these feelings to go away. I wanted to hear my mom’s voice.
I called Ryann.
“This is Ryann’s phone,” Jonah answered, and my first instinct was to yell at him for picking up her phone.
But they lived together, had been together for years, and he was good for her. I didn’t have a complaint about him except for the fact they figured out how to make it work when I couldn’t. “Hey, J.D.”
“Everything good? Your sister’s in the shower, but I can get her if it’s urgent.”
“No, it’s… not.” I sighed and scratched my chest again.
“Cool. Congrats on getting the coaching job, by the way.” He sounded like he genuinely meant his words. “Can’t think of anything better suited for you.”
“Nice words, coming from you,” I said, a sliver of my old self returning.
“I mean, damn.” He cleared his throat. The guy was horrible at compliments and general conversation unless it was with Ryann, so I cut the guy some slack.
“I appreciate it, Jonah, I really do.”
“I’d play for you in a heartbeat,” he grumbled out, and the weight of his statement made me nod. There was no higher compliment coming from a laser-focused guy like J.D.
“Thanks, man.” I coughed to clear the feelings creeping into my voice. “Hey,” I asked, nerves exploding in my gut. “Back when you were with… my sister and were afraid to tell me and the team, what made you change your mind?”
He sighed, and I pictured his dark eyes widening in panic. We didn’t discuss this stuff, ever. I talked with Ryann about it, but J.D. and I had a mutual understanding that if he hurt my sister, I’d hurt him. However, the parallel of their relationship and what I had with Naomi was too similar to ignore.
“Picturing life without Ryann wasn’t something I ever wanted to do. That meant… well, when you found out before I could talk to you, it scared the fuck out of me.”
“What would’ve happened if I said I hated it and didn’t approve?”
“I wouldn’t have cared, Reiner. Ry would’ve been upset, and we would’ve worked through that together, but it was about us. Ryann and me. Look,” he said, his tone shifting to a softer one that I hadn’t heard before. “Whoever she is...because let’s be honest, this isn’t about me and your sister. Don’t let someone else determine what the two of you want.”
“Right. Thanks,” I said, emotion clogging my voice, and my face burned. Despite how we got to this point, I trusted Jonah. He was a part of our family now. Even if he and Ryann never decided to get married, he was part of our circle. “Just have Ryann call me later, please.”
“Sure thing.”
We hung up, and something hard and sharp formed in my heart, like an icicle. Piercing, cold, and painful. Jonah’s words repeated, and the meaning of them took root. I wasn’t the problem with Naomi. It was her dad. Her baggage with hockey. She was the one letting the past determine us being together. Only, it was my new job. She never once mentioned her dad in her reasoning.
It seemed that I was more invested in her than she was with me, and it stung because I knew better. I told myself to not get too involved, but it happened so easily. Effortlessly, even. The way she understood me and talked to me about life. The way she laughed and smelled.
Fuck.
“You always such a dick?” Cal asked, moving to stand next to me.
His sudden appearance had me snort. I shrugged. “Don’t you have something better to do than bother your assistant coach?”
“Not really. My roommate’s an asshole, and what else could I do on a Friday morning?”
“Not bother me,” I said, laughing to take the sting out of the words. “Come on, if you want to continue annoying me, let’s make use of the time. We can watch some old games and discuss your ego on the ice.”
He groaned, and that made me cackle for real. “No need to be a bitch about it since you’re in your feels.”
“Oh, I’m not. This is for the team, Cal. It has nothing to do with getting back at you.”
He could’ve walked away, but he followed me to the rink, talking about nonsense. The number one thing I learned since that night in the bar was that Cal wasn’t as shy and quiet as I thought. What I mistook for arrogance and attitude was, in fact, a kid struggling with his life and not knowing what to do.
He wanted attention—which I understood.
But sweet Jesus. The kid liked to gab, and I refused to be legit annoyed by it. I had a handful of mentors who helped me when I was younger, and it was not only the right thing to do but also something that mattered to me. Giving back to the hockey community. Paying it forward. And hell, if guiding Cal was a part of that, I’d see it through.
We approached the block the rink sat on, and I stopped, dead in my tracks. Naomi.
The sight of Naomi walking with her dad and sister felt like a punch to the sternum. I hadn’t seen her since Sunday when she decided being with me wasn’t worth the risk. This had to be heartbreak.
I’d heard about it. I’d seen teammates go through it, but fuck. It was worse than I thought. My stomach cramped when she smiled at Cami, and then her gaze moved toward me. We had to be at least a hundred feet away, yet I felt her stare in my soul. You ended this. You did this.
Cami stopped walking and elbowed Naomi, the two clearly whispering.
Cal cleared his throat. “Is there a reason we’re in a mini stare down with Coach’s twin daughters? Which, can we talk about the fact Coach has twin girls? Like, what the fuck, man? Twins! They don’t even look like him.”
“Shut your mouth.” I shoved my hands in my pockets and took a deep, cold breath. My heart hammered in my chest, and everything got hotter. My neck, my face, my fucking palms.
“Coach, good to see you again,” Coach Simpson said, his voice loud and cheerful. He held out his hand, and I shook it as I forced a tight smile.
“You as well. You heading out?”
“Sure thing. Naomi crashed my standing lunch with Cami, and I lost track of time. Gotta run to my condo.” He put his arm around Cami in a hug and did a watered-down version on Naomi. “See you in a few hours, Reiner. Tonight’s your debut, officially.”
Shit. I didn’t even think about that. My first night as the assistant coach on the bench. My tongue felt too large for my mouth, and he must’ve known.
He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “Hey, you’re made for this. Things work out for a reason. But I have some gear for you later. You gotta represent Central.”
“Of course, sir.”
He slid his gaze to Cal and then back to me. “Keep him in line.”
“Always do,” I said, earning a scoff from Cal. “We’re about to watch some films.”
“Good. Good. Okay, I really need to go. Can’t get talked into hockey stuff now, or I’ll never get there on time. Bye.” He took off toward the parking lot, leaving the four of us standing in a weird circle. It reminded me of high school. Awkward.
Naomi took a step closer to us with a hesitant smile.
How dare she smile at me after she made me fall for her? The nerves about the game and the lingering heartbreak shifted to anger, and that icicle in my soul guided me. “Naomi,” I said, not happy at all. “Cami.”
“Hey, Coach,” Cami said, winking at me before approaching Cal. “Can’t wait to see you on the ice tonight. Holt, you ready for the game?”
He nodded, and the same serious face I was used to seeing replaced the relaxed one that was just there. Interesting.
“Walk me to the coffee shop, would you?” Cami asked him, holding out her arm in an obvious attempt to leave me and Naomi alone.
No thank you.
“He’s with me.” I shook my head and ignored Naomi’s large brown eyes pleading with me for something. What did she want? To hang out? To pretend like this past week didn’t fucking suck? That I didn’t lose my best friend here?
“It’ll be quick. He’ll be back in five minutes.” Cami’s tone was a little harsher, and she took Cal by the arm and dragged him down the sidewalk.
He met my eyes for one second, his brows scrunched together. I nodded. Something melted inside me that this punk ass kid was worried about me. He didn’t know a thing about Naomi or me. I hadn’t told a soul about us, but it was clear the air was heavy.
Tense as hell.
I watched Cami and Cal get smaller as they walked farther away, and I slid my gaze to Naomi. My heart fucking hurt seeing her this close. Her hair was pulled into a bun, and her large brown eyes looked anxious. She kept moving her attention to my face, then my shoulders, then my face again. She wrapped her arms around her Central State sweatshirt and rocked back on her heels.
“Hey,” she said, her voice husky and nervous. “How have you been?”
“Naomi,” I said, anger seeping into my tone. “What do you want to say? We don’t need to do this.” I waved my hand between us, motioning it left and right. Jonah’s words came back to me. He’d known the risk about being with Ryann but chose it anyway.
I knew it with Naomi and chose it anyway.
She just didn’t.
She chewed her bottom lip and sniffed. “I thought… Michael, look.” She gulped and blinked a few times before glancing up at me. “Could we talk or something?”
“About what?”
The wind picked up, the cold breezing sending a chill down my spine. It was a good reminder to step back. To never let someone tear my guard down and cause me pain.
“Us.” She shivered and reached out to touch me but dropped her hand. “I miss—”
“We’re friends now, right? That’s what you wanted. That it’d be easier for you now that I’m an assistant coach,” I said, my voice getting louder. “Well, it’s not easier for me, okay?”
She tilted her head to the side and scrunched her cute nose. “What does that mean?”
“It means that this… it’s done. All of it. I can’t…” I shook my head and wanted to punch a wall. With one final look at the girl who’d gotten into my soul and sliced it open, I cracked. I couldn’t go through this again. “I would’ve risked it all for you.”
“Michael,” her voice broke, and her eyes got watery. I didn’t wait to see if she had more to say though. I went into the rink and focused on the only thing that had always been there for me. Hockey. It’s what I knew and did best.
