The Setup and the Substitute by Jiffy Kate
Chapter 36
Owen
“Please tellme you’re not going to shut that girl out.”
My mom’s statement makes my shoulders tense and my heart squeeze in my chest. I didn’t realize she was listening in on my conversation, but I’m not surprised. She’s been watching me like a hawk ever since we got here.
I know she’s worried about me, but I’m going to be fine.
As soon as all of this is over, the kids and I will be okay. We’re resilient like that.
“I’m not shutting her out,” I tell her, even though I know it’s a lie the second the words are out of my mouth. And so does she.
“You’re putting up those walls. I see it.”
I let my head fall between my shoulders and sigh.
God, Sophie’s voice cracking and the rejection that rang so clear is still echoing in my head.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit. “Ever since the day Lisa walked out, I feel like I’ve been on autopilot, just trying to survive and keep my kids healthy and happy. When Sophie walked into our lives, she took us all by surprise and I dropped my guard. But I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”
“It is,” she insists, walking over to force me to look her in the eyes. “Not every woman is Lisa. Sophie is not Lisa.”
I know that.
Of course, I know that.
She’s the exact opposite of everything Lisa is and isn’t. She’s caring, compassionate, and selfless. Not to mention affectionate and fiercely protective of those she cares about. I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m with her.
“I know you’ve carried misplaced guilt for a long time, but it’s not yours to carry. It wasn’t then and it definitely isn’t now. Whatever happens, you had no hand in it. Do you hear me?”
Glancing up at her, I see the sincerity in her eyes and I feel mine burn with buried emotions.
“We have seasons in our lives—good times, bad times, easy times, hard times. That’s the nature of living. If it were all easy, we’d never learn from our mistakes. Not saying any of this was a mistake. You and I both know everything you’ve been through is worth it because of those two precious children, so we won’t even go there. But Lisa was a season, and that season is over. Don’t let her deny you the joy of the next season.”
Swiping the back of my hand across my eyes, I clear my throat and swallow, knowing everything she’s saying is right and true.
“Trust your gut and listen to your heart,” she says quietly, squeezing my arm. “I believe in you and I believe in love. Look at me and your father.”
Croaking out a laugh, I shake my head. “You two are soul mates. You make the rest of us look like bumbling idiots.”
“We are,” she agrees. “But don’t think we haven’t had our fair share of troubles. We have and we took care of them by never letting them fester and always keeping our hearts open.”
That’s easier said than done.
“I see it in your eyes,” she continues. “You love her.”
I expect that statement to make me shut down or go into full denial, but I don’t. I can’t.
“I do.”
“Then do something about it. Don’t let her go.”
When my mom leaves the kitchen, I slump against the counter, feeling like I just pitched nine innings. I’m emotionally spent, but somehow, I’ve got to pull it together.
My kids need me.
Sophie needs me.
My team needs me.
I’ll be back on the road in less than twenty-four hours, heading to the west coast for an entire week of games. As much as I’ll miss my kids, what I said to Sophie is true. They need to have some fun and not worry about anything for a few weeks. Plus, it’ll give me time to work on myself and make things right before they come back.
When I hear footsteps, I assume it’s my mom coming back with more words of wisdom, but instead, I look up to see my dad. He’s wearing the half grin that he so often does and has two beers in his hand.
Stretching his arm across the island, he offers me one.
“Let’s go out back.”
I nod, accepting his offer of the beer and the quiet companionship.
I’ve always loved this about him. Unlike my mother, his advice and support is subdued. It comes in the unspoken words and silent gestures. He understands the more introverted side of me and I’m happy for the reprieve.
The few hours we spend out on their deck, soaking in the night sky is exactly what I need.
* * *
After huggingMolly and Ryan a million times and my parents at least half a dozen, I finally left the house just in time to make my flight back to New Orleans. Since I knew being at home alone would be hard, I didn’t even go there. Instead, I booked a flight that got me back just in time to meet up with the team and head to California.
Now, I’m sitting in my seat next to Ross, staring at the black screen of my phone and trying to decide if I should call or text Sophie.
“Just do it, man,” Ross mumbles sleepily, rolling his head to the side to give me an annoyed glare. “I’ve been trying to sleep for the past hour, but all of your fidgeting and sighing is keeping me awake.”
“Sorry.”
He chuckles, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t apologize. Talk to her.”
Besides my parents, Ross knows the most about my business.
While I was gone, he called me to find out exactly what the hell was going on when he realized I wasn’t on the roster for the last two games before the break. It wasn’t that I was trying to keep him in the dark, but everything happened so fast I didn’t have time to tell anyone, except Buddy and Christy.
“Everything I want and need to say would be better said in person.”
“A week from now,” he retorts. “Who knows what she’ll think or do between now and then, man. You kind of left her hanging.”
I know I did. I hate it and I want to fix it, but my heart and mind are still at war. I know I love Sophie and I know she’s worth the risk, but taking that final leap and telling her is still a feat I haven’t conquered.
“You’ll lose her,” Ross deadpans. “A girl like Sophie isn’t single forever. She’s sweet and beautiful. And she knows what she wants in life. She’s not after your money or any sort of fame or notoriety. That’s a rare gem, my friend, and one that will get snatched up. Mark my words.”
The knife that’s embedded between my ribs twists painfully as I think about exactly what he’s saying. Just the idea of Sophie being with someone else is enough to make me sick to my stomach.
A few weeks ago when Molly told me she’d talked to Gavin, even though I know the guy isn’t a threat, I still saw red.
I’ve never felt this kind of jealousy in my life.
It’s just not in my DNA.
But Sophie brings out so many things I didn’t know about myself.
Like, cuddling. I’ve never been a cuddler until her. I actually have never truly enjoyed sharing a bed with another person, but now that I’ve shared space with her, I can hardly sleep without her.
I miss her in the mornings when I’m having coffee.
I miss her during the day when one of the kids does something cute or funny.
I miss her during the hard times and the good times and everything in between.
I miss the way her hair smells and the feel of her skin on mine.
I miss her smile and the way she lights up when I walk into the room.
Fuck.
I want her.
I love her.
And I need to tell her all of this, but it feels lame to do it over the phone from hundreds of miles away. Especially after how I’ve handled the past few weeks. She deserves better.
“At least let her know you’re thinking about her,” Ross nudges. “Women love that kind of stuff. Even if she doesn’t reply, it’ll open the lines of communication and you might have a fighting chance when we get back.”
Taking his advice, I tap the screen to bring it to life and I pull up my text conversation with Sophie. Reading through the last few stilted conversations I want to kick myself in the balls.
Damn, I’m such an asshole sometimes.
Inhaling deeply, I hover my thumbs over the keyboard, trying to think of the right thing to say.