Fighting Conviction by Greer Rivers
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Ellie, come on. Pink or blush?”
Ellie opened her eyes to see Virginia holding up two semiformal dresses that looked suspiciously like the same color.
“Honest to God, Virginia, I can’t tell the difference. You’d look great in both.”
“Jesus, girl, were you sleepin’ standin’ up?”
“Maybe.” Ellie groaned and pretended to snore against the wall. It wasn’t actually that uncomfortable.
Virginia tsked and tossed both dresses back over the changing room stall. “You need to sleep, girlfriend. You can’t be out all hours of the night.” She went into the changing room and poked her head out. “At least not for work. You should do somethin’ fun.” She popped her head back in.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” She didn’t want to be anywhere near the mall, but she needed an outfit for her date with Dev. What she actually wanted to do was curl up in bed and forget about the fact that for the first time she could remember, she wasn’t celebrating her birthday with her best friend.
“Oh my God, do you think this is fun? ‘Cause I think it’s fun!” Virginia called from behind the door. “Be still my beatin’ heart. I’m officially havin’ fun with my roommate.” Ellie snorted and rubbed her aching eyes.
“But seriously, I’m worried about ya, girl. You’ve been burnin’ the candle at both ends. Eventually, you’re gonna run outta wick.”
Ellie huffed in annoyance before replying in as dry a voice as she could muster to hopefully steer the conversation away. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Okay, but like, what if you fall out and I’m the only one around? I’m not like you. I don’t have a sexy giant teachin’ me how to lift buses and shit. I can’t carry you!” A sharp gasp behind the door made Ellie jump and dart her glance around. “Oh my God, I bet you could totally carry me! We should try it on the way to the food court.”
Ellie placed a hand over her rushing heart and tried to relax again by forcing herself to concentrate on laughing at Virginia’s joke. “He uses tires to train me, not the whole bus. And no thanks, I’ll pass on dragging your butt around the mall.”
“Such a party pooper. But on the real… isn’t there someone else who could do your job? I don’t know what all your sister-in-law’s got you doin’ at her law firm, but doesn’t she see you’re workin’ yourself to death?”
Ellie frowned for a moment until she remembered the job at Jules’s firm was the lie she’d told her roommate to help explain why she was gone all hours of the night and couldn’t go to any parties.
The secrecy behind Sasha Saves was perfect for survivors, but the result was Ellie having to lie to everyone around her. Yet another strain on her psyche.
“There’s no one else to do the job.” There, she didn’t have to lie. It was partially true, at least. The whole truth was Ellie didn’t want anyone else to do her job because no one could be as good at helping survivors than a survivor herself. No trauma was the same, but at the core of it, survivors spoke the same language. No one else at the clinic was as fluent as her.
Well, except for maybe Nora… and Naomi… She shook the reasoning away.
“But, El—”
“Leave it, V. ‘Kay?”
Virginia sighed in defeat. “Fine. But will you at least try on that gorgeous dress? That green will bring out your eyes. And with those kick ass gold heels from the store next door? Your man’s jaw is gonna duh-rop.”
Ellie glanced down at the wrap dress. It was nicer than any she’d ever worn, and it looked like something that might even be comfortable to move around in, but it was no Sasha original. The last time she’d needed a fancy outfit, she was going to that stupid party where her whole life changed.
She’d wondered over the past year if she and Sasha were the first to be stolen at a party like that in Ashland County. It was a yearly party, so to think it was a pattern sickened her. The thought had crossed her mind to try to go again this year. She’d even hinted and outright asked Dev if the Crew was going to do anything about the scholarship party, but he always went tight-lipped. At the time, she didn’t push for more answers because she hadn’t had anything to offer to help stop it from happening again.
But now I do…
She’d been practicing self-defense and all manner of survival tactics for the better part of half a year. Maybe she should approach Dev about doing a little recon to help figure out who was behind it all. Familiar faces at the party might even help jog her blotchy memory. She shivered at the thought. She’d purposely avoided digging too deep into her memories out of fear of the panic attacks they caused. But now that she was stronger, she’d go through it a thousand times to prevent someone else from suffering like Sasha had.
“El!” The creak of Virginia’s dressing room door cracking open brought Ellie back to the moment. “Girl, are you fallin’ asleep with your eyes open now? Jesus, I’ll get you home so you can nap before your date. Let me finish tryin’ mine on while you try on yours and we’ll go, ‘kay?”
Ellie glanced around the changing area at all the tiny stalls and slowly shook her head.
“Nah, I think this one will fit. I’ll just take it home.”
Virginia groaned and closed the dressing room door again before tossing a dress over the top. “God, to have your body. I’ve never been happy with anything I haven’t tried on. Must be nice to have the body of a mannequin.”
“Please, I’m not the size of a—” Ellie looked down at her baggy sweatshirt and glanced to the side at one of the aforementioned mannequins. She pulled the bottom of her sweatshirt tight and her jaw dropped as she realized her sweatshirt wasn’t just baggy, it swallowed her whole. Even though she’d grabbed the size she’d worn forever, the dress in her arms might not even fit her.
She’d always been slim, but never skinny. Granted, it’d been hard to find the time to eat lately because she was always on the go. But, heck, now that she thought of it, she couldn’t even remember the last time she had something more than a protein bar.
Ellie dropped the hem of her sweatshirt and sighed. The weight of the breath leaving her body made her dizzy enough to feel like she was about to tip over. The lounge chair in the corner of the changing area was practically calling her name, so she opted to take a seat while Virginia tried on her eleven hundredth outfit.
“Gah, I love shoppin’. Thanks for comin’ out with me today, by the way. I really needed a dress for formal and the ones I brought from home wouldn’t do. Plus, we got to hang out and you got a new dress, too.”
“I don’t even need this dress,” Ellie mumbled. It had to be too fancy for whatever date Dev had in mind. There was no way he’d opt for a candlelit dinner.
“Girl, no one ever needs a dress this pricey, but it can’t hurt to have one just in case so you don’t have to come back out here.” Ellie heard the door open but didn’t feel the energy to look. “Hey, what do ya think?”
Ellie peeked an eye open at Virginia’s newest dress. The long, pink, one-shoulder chiffon and lace dress had an asymmetrical hem which was “in” right now, or so she’d been told when Virginia picked it out. It fit Virginia like a glove. Sasha definitely would’ve approved. The thought made her smile and didn’t hurt nearly as bad as she expected it to.
“It looks gorgeous on you, V. I like that one.”
Virginia squealed. “Yeah, I agree. I love this one!”
“Awesome.” Ellie shifted to stand up. “You ready to go?”
Virginia’s mouth fell open. “Go? But I’ve only decided on one dress.”
Ellie stared at her and waved her hand to indicate Virginia’s whole body. “But you found the dress you love…”
Virginia busted out laughing. “That doesn’t mean I’m done. I’ve got like ten other dresses in here. I’ll try these on real quick and we’ll go. Promise.”
Ellie groaned and Virginia laughed as she shut the door. After a moment Ellie began to rest her eyes again until Virginia spoke up.
“So… how ‘bout that redhead, bus-flippin’, giant trainer of yours? Y’all goin’ steady, yet? What the heck does that even mean, anyway?” She giggled and Ellie couldn’t help but smile along with her.
“No. But things have, uh… sorta heated up.” The memory of Ellie watching herself come with Dev’s mouth on her flashed across her mind.
Now, these are flashbacks I don’t mind having.
Virginia squealed and Ellie heard her muffled clapping. Maybe a dress was in her hands? “Oh my gawd. That’s excitin’. Have y’all gone on a date yet or will tonight be y’all’s first one? Where will it be? I need all the details.”
“First one and I’m not sure.”
“Ugh, okay, fine, Miss Silent Violet. Keep your secrets. I see that I’ll need to be doin’ all the talkin’ in this friendship.” She opened the door and did a twirl in a flowy—but still pink—dress. “How’s this one? Cute, right?”
“Very cute. Just as cute as the last one.”
Virginia gasped and her face crumpled. “El! Don’t say that!” She stomped her foot. “Now it’s gonna be hard to choose. Ugh.” Virginia slammed the dressing room door after her and Ellie giggled at the theatrics.
The changing room grew silent, with only the susurrus of fabric in the background. Ellie searched for something to say to keep from being a “Silent Violet”, but her brain wasn’t functioning properly.
She had two tests coming up, one in Russian and one in psych that she needed to study for. But she hadn’t had the energy after running, training, class, therapy, and work to go to the library. And studying at her dorm was impossible. She couldn’t stand being awake and staring at those walls. She only felt comfortable enough to sleep once she was dead tired. Which coincidentally she was at that moment. Virginia’s suggestion of a nap sounded perfect actually.
“All done.”
“All done?” Ellie asked and glanced at her phone to see what time it was.
Dev: Hey angel, what’re you up to?
Ellie felt her smile grow as she typed back.
Dress shopping
Dev: Nice. What’s the occasion? Birthday date with me? ;)
Ellie felt her lips widen on impulse but stopped as soon as Virginia crooned, “OoOo” in several different notes. “Is that the boy?”
“Maybe.” She did a little dance with her shoulders as she stood up, only for the world to fade in and out at the edges. She took a few steadying breaths and her vision cleared again.
“Hey girl, could you help me carry some of these? I think I bit off more than I could chew.”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” Ellie walked the few feet to Virginia’s open dressing room before shaking her head to clear the fuzz. Big mistake.
Her body felt lighter than the gravity pushing it down, and as she leaned against the open door, a hand grabbed on to her arm.
“Good, God, El, are you alright?”
Ellie nodded but quickly regretted that decision. “Yes… yes, I’m fine. Just stood up too fast, is all.”
Virginia’s brow furrowed in concern like she didn’t believe her. “You know what? Let’s get somethin’ to eat on the way home. You’re scarin’ me.”
Ellie’s stomach twisted with guilt at the worry etched on her friend’s face. “It’s alright, V. I promise. I got up too fast.”
Virginia shook her head and led Ellie by the arm away from her dressing room.
“No ma’am, it’s your birthday and you’ve got the rest of the day off. I’m forcin’ some Chick-fil-A down your throat and then tuckin’ you in for a nap before your hot—”
The world was going by quicker than her eyes could adjust. “V, can you slow down?” she mumbled but wasn’t sure if the words came out right. The twist in her belly roiled up her throat, making her feel like she was going to get sick. Ellie covered her mouth with one hand and tugged the other away from Virginia’s grip.
“Please, V. Stop.”
“What? We’re not movin’—Oh my God, Ellie!” Virginia dropped the dresses and grabbed Ellie by both arms, but it was too late. Ellie fell backward, hitting something on her way down. Three white walls stretched over her, caving her in.
“Someone call 911!” Her friend bent over her. Ellie was on the floor, but she wasn’t certain how she got there. Before she knew it, hands passed over her and Virginia was being peppered with questions too fast for Ellie to register.
“I’m okay…” The words mumbled past her lips as she tried to sit up. She was grabbed from all sides and she tried to shake them off and push the panic away. The world came back into blurry focus only to have a stranger in her face shouting something at her and one yelling behind her. There were people everywhere, crowding her. She tried to see past them but the only things in her vision were walls and people grabbing, pulling, holding her down, closing her in. Trapping her.
“Ma’am. Ma’am, we think you passed out. We’re gonna check your— ma’am? Oh shit, she’s hyperventilating.”
“What the fuck is going on?”
“Dev?” His name came out of her mouth all fuzzy. He was yelling but he still sounded too far away.
“Sir, we’re gonna check her out. We think it might be exhaustion but she’s hyperventilating so it might be—”
“She’s fucking claustrophobic and you assholes have her in a goddamn dressing room. Get the fuck out! I’ve got this.”
“Sir, she fell here. We shouldn’t move her until we’ve—sir, wait—”
“I found you, angel. You’re safe.” The deep voice coated her like a salve before strong arms cradled her. She nestled into the cinnamon scent, relaxing to the gentle, warm vibration against her ear. She reached her hand out and only felt air. She was free.
Her vision came back into focus, and the rumbling grew louder until she could tell what it was.
“You are safe. You are in control. You are safe. You are in control. You are safe. You are in control.”
She mumbled the words back and the soothing effect on her nerves was instant. They repeated the mantra until cool air blew on her cheeks.
“I’m safe. I’m in control. I’m with Dev.”
“That’s right, baby. You’re safe with me. Just breathe. We’re outside and you’re safe. Breathe deep for me.”
Her eyes had been open but on the first big inhale of cold air it was like a shock to her system and she could see for the first time. It snapped her back to the moment and she concentrated on breathing at the same speed as the man holding her.
“You are safe. You are—”
“I’m okay, Dev. I’m okay.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself up farther in his arms.
“Thank God.” Dev moved his hand to cradle the back of her head. His lips whispered over her forehead and she closed her eyes at the overwhelming sense of peace and security cleansing her body of tension.
“Ma’am? Who is this? Do you know this man?”
“I’m her boyfriend and a naval medic. Get the stretcher out and you can check her vitals before we go.” Whoever he was talking to, must’ve sensed the authority behind his command because soon enough she sat on an upright stretcher outside of an ambulance.
Multiple EMTs took her vitals, fed her a fake sugary, chocolate substance, some beef jerky, and a Gatorade while asking her questions—most of which Dev answered for her—but it was nothing like the crowded feeling she’d felt right after passing out.
It could’ve been because she was finally feeding her body, but it also could’ve been because she was safe. Dev’s hand never stopped touching her. He moved to accommodate the EMTs but they stayed connected and he remained in her vision at all times.
After a while, a portly medic approached her with a clipboard. “Ma’am, we think you suffered from exhaustion and then a panic attack. We don’t think you need to go to the hospital, but we can take you if you want.”
Dev’s hand squeezed hers and it was the only answer she needed.
“No. I’m safe with Dev.”
The stranger nodded but Ellie checked out of the conversation, trusting Dev to take care of the rest.
Eventually, despite the fact she’d been given the all-clear to go, Dev insisted on carrying her off to his truck. The gentle sway of his footsteps lulled her eyes closed. She was functionally okay, but she was still exhausted from… everything. He set her in her seat and clicked the seat belt in, kissing her forehead before he left.
“Rest, angel. I’m taking you home.”
