WolfeLord by Kathryn Le Veque

CHAPTER FIVE

“Ido not understand why he keeps coming to see me,” Lily said. “It has been well over a week since he first examined me, but he comes back every day and performs the exact same examination as he did the first time. Why is he doing this, Will? What is he looking for?”

Will was standing in the big chamber, listening to Lily’s question but also listening to Atticus whine and fuss because Adria was trying to clean the lad up before dressing him. It was a chilly morning on the borders, a clear morning after several days of an unseasonable rain. Everything was drying out under clear skies, at least for the moment.

But Will was facing a situation he’d been avoiding for an entire week.

Lily was growing suspicious.

Unfortunately, her physical situation hadn’t changed, according to Tarraby. Lily’s symptoms were still consistent with what he’d first diagnosed and only two days ago, she passed a significant amount of blood, something that had the midwife in a panic. She was so panicked, in fact, that she’d sent for Tarraby right away, whose diagnosis was only confirmed when the midwife told him what had happened.

More than ever, he believed Lady de Wolfe was in mortal danger.

Still, Tarraby went about the motions of listening for the child, trying to see just how much he was moving about. Lily didn’t seem to think that the movements of the babe had slowed any, but Tarraby really couldn’t tell. He didn’t know her or the child well enough to be aware of any change. Even so, he told her that the child was still moving and avoided her questions about the show of blood. He knew that Will hadn’t told her anything yet and he didn’t want to be the one to break the bad news.

But Will knew that the time had come for total truth.

He simply couldn’t keep avoiding it.

He’d had more than a week to think about how he was going to tell her, more than a week to mull over the words. He still couldn’t belief it himself, so how was he going to convince her? All he knew was that he trusted Tarraby. The man wouldn’t lie to him or lead him astray, and he certainly wouldn’t be mistaken about something as serious as this.

When a man was about to lose his wife and unborn child.

“Will?” Lily said. “Did you hear me?”

Will had been staring off into the chamber, not really seeing anything, simply pondering the situation and trying to summon the courage to speak on it. Atticus picked that moment to bolt away from Adria, running across the chamber, naked, and disappearing into the stairwell. As Adria went in pursuit, Will grinned weakly.

“I think she has her hands full with that terror we are raising,” he said. “I feel a good deal of pity for Adria these days. Atticus has been more than a match for her.”

Lily waved him off. “She handles him better than I do,” she said. “But you haven’t answered my question. Why do you send Tarraby to me every day? What is he looking for?”

Will sighed heavily. With Adria and Atticus out of the chamber, he figured now was as good a time as any to do his duty and tell his wife what he knew.

He lowered himself onto the nearest chair.

“He is listening for the child,” he said, but realized that sounded as if he were pretending everything was well. He was about to start off on that lie again. Scratching his head, he looked her in the eyes. “You and I must have a discussion, Lil. There is indeed a reason why I send Tarraby to you every day.”

“What is it?”

He looked at her; really looked at her. She was still as pretty as she had been the day he’d met her. She had the de Lohr blue eyes, the fair hair, but the shape of her face was purely her mother’s, a Welshwoman born Alys but who went by the name Kaedia as a tribute to her Welsh roots. It was something the women in her family did, having proper English names but adopting a Welsh name in tribute. Lily’s name was, in fact, Lily Rhianne, only Lily refused to use her Welsh name. She had been born English and that was what she preferred. But her brothers – Morgen, Becket, Tobias, Rees, Dru, and Kade – all had the Welsh streak in them to varying degrees.

It made for some interesting dynamics.

One of those dynamics was the Welsh strength. Lily had that. She had the stubborn streak, the no-nonsense outlook on life. She was pragmatic. But she was also brusque at times, spoiled, and demanding. Will had never known her to lose her composure except when the situation didn’t go the way she wanted it to. Lily didn’t take disappointment well and she never had. He’d learned that very early in their relationship. Therefore, he really didn’t know how she was going to react to the news.

There was only one way to find out.

“Tarraby told you of his education and qualifications,” he began carefully. “I’ve personally seen the man heal wounds that were quite severe and when he first came to Carlisle because I was injured, he healed a wound in my thigh that could have easily festered.”

“I know.”

“I could have lost my leg.”

Lily was nodding patiently, which was unusual because she wasn’t normally patient. “I know,” she said again. “I was there. I saw it.”

“Then you know the man has talent and experience.”

“I do now,” she said. “I’m sorry I thought he was simply a barber-surgeon. Clearly, he is much more. I suppose I just never took the time to find out more about him.”

Will held up a hand to quiet her on the subject. “It is of no matter,” he said. “What I am trying to say is that I trust him. That is why I wanted him to see to you because he has more knowledge than a midwife, as good as she may be.”

Lily nodded again. “I agree,” she said. “But you still haven’t answered why he has seen me daily for the past week.”

Will sat forward in the chair, elbows on his knees as he steepled his fingers thoughtfully. “I was concerned about your fall, as you know,” he said. “Tarraby examined you and after he did, he told me that when he was an apprentice in Toledo, his master had a patient who was a contessa. She was pregnant and close to giving birth when she fell from her horse and started exhibiting symptoms just like you have been having. The aching back, the pains in the belly, the bleeding. The very same things.”

Lily looked at him with interest. “Is that so?” she said, perking up. “So something did happen when I fell in the mud?”

Will nodded. “Apparently,” he said. “That is why I have had him check you every day, to see if there is any change.”

Lily pondered that for a moment. “Then what did he tell you about the blood two days ago?” she asked hesitantly. “I told him not to tell you this, but it wasn’t the first time. Over the past week, it has been every day, only two days ago, that was the most it had ever been. I knew you were worried enough and I did not want to add to your concern.”

Will took a long, deep breath. “That was noble of you, but unnecessary,” he said. “The blood has some significance. When this happened to the contessa, the fall caused the nourishment sack that attaches the child to the womb to pull away from the womb itself. That is where the blood came from, like an open wound.”

A light of understanding went on in Lily’s eyes. “And that is what happened to me?”

“He believes so. That is why you have been bleeding and experiencing pain.”

Lily digested what he was telling her, thinking she knew what he was going to say. “Then I must stay in bed until it heals,” she said. “That is why you have asked Adria to tend to Atticus, because I am not permitted to leave my bed. I understand now.”

Will was feeling increasingly despondent with what he had to tell her because he could see that she didn’t understand at all. She thought she did, but she did not.

“Nay,” he said softly. “That is not all of it. You see, when this happened to the contessa, she gradually weakened. Because the sack has pulled away from the womb, the child was slowly starving to death. There is no way to repair this injury, Lily. There is nothing to be done. It will not heal.”

Lily stared at him for quite some time. He could see the thoughts rolling through her mind, her expression shifting as she began to piece together what he was trying to tell her. He watched her as the color drained from her face and she began to blink rapidly, as if blinking away tears.

“What are you telling me?” she asked quietly. “What happened to the contessa’s child?”

“He died.”

“And the contessa?”

“She died.”

Her eyes widened slightly. “Am… am I going to die?”

Will could feel the pain of those words, stabling him like a million steely knives of anguish. He’d never voiced those words himself so to hear them coming from her was a shock. A painful shock.

But he’d come this far.

He couldn’t stop now.

“The blood is because of the open wound in your womb,” he said. “Because there is no way to heal the wound, Tarraby believes that you will eventually weaken too much to survive.”

Lily simply looked at him, struggling to understand what he was telling her. “And my child?” she rasped.

Will simply shook his head, hanging it.

His silence told her everything.

The impact of the news hit her full force. Lily fell back against her pillows, looking at her husband’s lowered head, dazed and in disbelief. As she realized the situation, her gaze moved away from him, to the window and the sky beyond. It was bright blue, a brilliant blue, and she could see birds flitting around. It was a gorgeous day, far too bright and lovely to be the day when she found out she was dying. It was an insult, this bright day, going along as if nothing was wrong in the world.

But, evidently, everything was wrong.

The news hit hard and she swallowed, closing her eyes tightly before opening them again, seeing that bright blue sky beyond again. A beautiful world that she would soon no longer be part of. Somehow, it all seemed terribly unfair.

She could hardly believe it.

“And Tarraby is certain of this?” she finally asked.

Will lifted his head, tears in his eyes. “He is,” he said hoarsely. “He has seen it before.”

Lily was staring out of the window. “He could be wrong,” she said, grasping for the last vestiges of hope. “Remember last year when that foolish physic from Carlisle diagnosed me with a stomach tumor?”

“I remember.”

Lily’s breathing began to come in heaves as she struggled with her emotions while remembering that horrible time in her life. “That idiotic fool,” she hissed. “He told me that I was dying of a tumor. He bled me and had me eat foods that rendered me so weak that I could hardly move. I was so… frail. But it was his fault because of what he did to me. I was weak because of him!”

Will simply nodded, feeling great sympathy for a wife who had to endure that horrible diagnosis that turned out to be incorrect. When the physic from Carlisle realized that he had been wrong, he did indeed weaken Lily with regular bleeding and tiny quantities of food, anything to prove she was frail and dying so his misdiagnosis would not be revealed. What had actually been a severe but non-lethal belly ache had turned into something quite darker.

The physic had tried to kill her to prove his point.

Needless to say, that man was no longer around to harm anyone else because Will had taken care of him in the worst way possible. In that sense, he didn’t blame Lily for being wary of yet one more physic telling her that she was going to die.

This time, unfortunately, it happened to be the truth.

“I know,” he said after a moment. “And although I do realize that terrible incident has made you leery of another physic’s diagnosis, I will reiterate that Tarraby comes to us with a great education and great experience. Given your symptoms and his knowledge, he believes this to be the correct diagnosis.”

Lily was still looking out the window, closing her eyes briefly as Will spoke those words. Somehow, she was hoping for doubt, but there was none.

“And you believe him?”

“I do.”

She paused. “Very well,” she finally said, resignation in her tone. “When… when will this happen?”

Will shook his head. “I do not know,” he said. “He says the child’s movements will become less and less until he moves no more and then with you… when your body decides it is time to give birth, that will be the time when…”

Lily turned to look at him. “That will be when I bleed to death from this wound in my belly.”

Will nodded with deep regret. “Aye.”

“And there is nothing to be done?”

Will sighed heavily. “He asked me if he wishes for him to cut into your belly and try to save the child’s life, but that is almost certain death for you.”

“But if we wait, the child will die and I will die, anyway.”

Will could barely nod his head. Lily’s hand found her way onto her rounded belly, feeling the babe moving. He was active today.

But he was dying, according to the physic.

God, this isn’t happening!

But it was. According to her husband, it was. Will had never lied to her, so she knew he was telling her the truth as he understood it. She could see how painful it was for him to speak it. It was equally painful for her to hear it.

She simply couldn’t believe it.

“Will,” she said after a moment. “Will you leave me now? I would like to be alone and… think.”

His head came up. “I will stay with you.”

“Nay,” she said firmly. “Please. Leave me for now. I want you to.”

“Why?” Will sat up in the chair. “Lily, I realize we have not been too terribly close over the years, but this child is mine and you are my wife. You do not need to be alone at this time and I would prefer if it if I can remain. Please let me.”

She grunted softly. “Not been too terribly close,” she muttered, repeating his words. “It’s ironic to hear you say that. Sort of the unspoken state of our marriage, I suppose. We’ve not been close over the years, that is true, but it is not as if I dislike you. Clearly, I like you. We have conceived children together even though I will admit it is a duty to me. Is it a duty to you?”

Will sat back in the chair, wearily rubbing his forehead as they touched on a subject that had been unspoken for years. It was difficult to speak of something you couldn’t quite put your finger on, only that you knew it existed. But if she was being honest about it, he supposed that he could be as well.

“Aye,” he said honestly. “A duty. We are married and we have an empire to sustain, and that is part of it.”

Lily looked at him. “Tell me something, Will.”

“If I can.”

“When did you stop loving me?”

He was shocked by the question because it wasn’t something they ever spoke of. Those were terrible words to acknowledge, but the truth was that he couldn’t remember when he’d last told Lily that he loved her, probably because it had been ten years or more. But looking into her eyes, he could see that pragmatic side of her, the logical and sometimes emotional woman he had married. She wasn’t asking in an emotional state, only a truthful one. She wanted to know.

Maybe the time had come to speak of it.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “You have been part of my life for nearly all of my adult life. I would not say that I do not love you.”

“But you are not madly in love with me.”

“And it is fair to say that you are not madly in love with me, either.”

There was a glimmer of mirth in her eyes as she looked at him. “We are great friends, Will, but as lovers…” She shook her head. “When I first met you, I was smitten with you, but in fairness, my tastes were fickle back then. I was smitten with many men, but only briefly. Still, my father saw my interest in you and we were married within the month. Do you remember?”

Will smiled faintly. “Of course I do,” he said. “Before I realized it, I had a wife and a responsibility.”

“You were not ready for it.”

“I was still a young man,” he said. “It happened so fast.”

“Do you regret it?”

It seemed to Will that this was the first real moment of utterly brutal honesty in their entire marriage. At this raw and terrible moment, Lily was asking for total truth. She was giving him total truth. Somehow, it made the moment beautiful. Tolerable.

Painful.

“When I look at Athena and Andrew and Atticus, most certainly I do not,” he said. “But there are times when I wish I had been able to live as an adult unmarried knight longer than I had. There are things I wanted to do, things I wanted to see, but I had a wife and I could not leave her. I had responsibilities. We had Athena so soon after we were married that I think we were both thrust into something we were not ready for.”

Lily nodded faintly. “That is very true,” she said. “I was so young when we met. Honestly, before I met you, I had a new love every week, so falling in love with you was nothing new. But my father acted on it, which he had never done before. I am sorry if I have not been a good wife, Will. You deserve to have a wife who loves you madly and throws herself at your feet.”

Will smiled weakly. “I would not know what to do with her if she did,” he said. “But… do not apologize to me for not being a good wife. You did your best, as did I.”

Lily continued to look at him, the gleam in her eyes growing faint. “Will you do something if I ask it of you?”

“You know I will.”

“If there is no hope for me, then I want you to try and save the child. Will you do that?”

The warmth faded from his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“You said that Tarraby asked if you want him to take the child by force,” she said. “If there is even a chance of saving him, I want you to do it. Please.”

He looked at her in mounting horror when he realized what she meant. “Do you realize what you are asking?”

Lily nodded steadily. “Listen to me,” she said, seeing that he was growing upset. “I will try to explain this to you if I can. I have given birth to three children and I love them all desperately. You will never know what it is like to grow a life inside of your body and see it emerge, becoming strong and vital. I cannot imagine my life without Athena or Andrew or Atticus. They deserve to live, Will, as this child does. This child is alive right now, in my belly, but if what you say is true, he is dying. How can I, as his mother, allow that to happen if I can save him?”

The tears were back. Will stared at her, tears pooling in his eyes and streaming down his face as he realized that she was more than willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. “But it will cost you your own life, Lily.”

“If I do nothing, it will cost him his life, too.”

Will blinked and the tears spattered. The problem was that he understood what she was saying completely. If they did nothing, he would lose them both. But if he allowed Tarraby to save the child, at least there was a chance that one of them might live.

“God, Lily,” he muttered. “You must understand what you are asking. Truly understand it.”

Lily was surprisingly in control as Will was threatening to come apart. “I do,” she said. “Let me ask you this – if you are in battle with Tor or Jeremy or Nathaniel, or any of your younger brothers, and a situation arises where you can save them but you know it will cost you your life, what would you do?”

“It is not the same.”

“Of course it is the same,” she said. “I am willing to sacrifice my life to save my child. He deserves his chance to live, Will. I am going to die either way, according to Tarraby. Why let my son die, too?”

Will simply closed his eyes and looked away. After a moment, he got up from the chair and moved across the vast chamber, pacing to the other side of the room and looking from the windows that faced northward. Outside, over the walls, he could see the green hills, the blue sky. He could smell the river. He could smell the life of the land all around him and it all seemed so unfair when he was faced with a life or death choice at this moment. But there really was no choice at all. Lily had already made the decision.

The problem was that he understood it perfectly.

But he didn’t want to.

“I will leave you alone now,” he said, turning away from the window and moving sluggishly towards the door. “We do not have to make any decisions right now. Rest and think on it. I will speak to you again later.”

He was almost to the door as she spoke. “I am not going to change my mind,” she said quietly. “If I am going to die anyway, I want to save the child. You cannot take that away from me, Will.”

He didn’t say anything. He was afraid to. Just as he neared the door, it opened again and Adria appeared, dragging Atticus behind her. The child had breeches on this time but nothing more. She nearly plowed into Will, quickly moving aside when she saw him standing there.

“He made it all the way to the outer bailey,” Adria said, towing the unhappy child behind her like a barge. “My lady, after I finish dressing him, I will see to your morning meal. Do you feel like eating this morning?”

She was clearly oblivious to what had been happening in the chamber while she’d been gone, but that was for the best. Whatever was happening was purely between Will and Lily, and Lily’s focus was still on Will as she spoke to Adria.

“I think I could eat something,” she said. “Finish dressing Atticus quickly and let him go with his father, please.”

Will was almost out the door but he came to a halt when he heard Lily, a command to him disguised as a reply to Adria. He stood in the doorway, unable to look at her, as Adria quickly put a couple of tunics on Atticus against the cold morning and yanked on his shoes, tying them tightly. The boy bolted over to his father, who put his big hand on Atticus’ head and directed him out of the chamber.

Will shut the door, shutting out Lily and the terrible situation behind him. He was glad to leave her with Adria. He was so rattled with the conversation that he could barely walk, but Atticus was tugging on him, demanding attention.

“Papa!” he said. “I want mush!”

Will struggled to focus on his youngest. “Mush?” he said. “Very well. Let us go to the kitchens and see if they have it.”

“I want bread, too.”

“We’ll find it.”

Atticus had him by the hand, pulling on him as they came off the stairs. They made it out of the keep, but Atticus spied Bradford and a couple of other young pages over near the great hall and tried to run over to them, but Will held on to the lad and directed him away from his nemesis and towards the kitchen yard.

Even in a world of upheaval, some things never changed – like Atticus hating on Bradford.

Somehow, that was oddly comforting.

The kitchens of Carlisle were mostly outdoors, so everything they had cooking was evident as soon as they entered the kitchen yard. They were just passing through the gate when Will caught sight of Marcellus coming off the wall and heading in his direction. He didn’t feel much like speaking to anyone, so he tried to ignore Marcellus, thinking the man would simply go away, but he had no such luck.

Marcellus caught up to him in the kitchen yard.

“Good morn, my lord,” he said, grinning as Atticus ran straight to the cook and began demanding food. “He never stops eating, does he?”

Will watched his son make demands of the round woman, who immediately started handing over food. “He knows what he wants and how to get it,” Will said. “Though I fear he is sounding like Hermes more and more every day. It’s that wild, arrogant de Norville blood in him.”

Marcellus chuckled as he looked at him. “You have that blood.”

Will nodded in resignation. “Actually, he behaves like my mother,” he said. “He even looks like her a little, I think. She had pale red hair.”

“She was wild and arrogant?”

In spite of himself, Will smiled weakly. “She was a woman who knew what she wanted,” he said. “She feared nothing. Hermes has that trait. That is very much my grandfather, Paris’, trait. Wild, arrogant, and fearless.”

Marcellus nodded, now looking to see Atticus stuffing his face with bread and butter. “Speaking of fearless, how is Lady de Wolfe today?” he said. “I’ve not seen her out and about in several days. I hope nothing is amiss.”

Will looked at Marcellus. He’d known the man for years. He’d come from Lioncross Abbey, so he was entrenched with all things de Lohr. He’d known Lily even longer than Will had, so in a sense, Marcellus was like one of the family, at least as much as a knight could be. He was also Will’s second in command, meaning he should be aware of everything that went on at the castle.

The good and the bad.

Will thought he might as well tell the man what was going on because, at some point, it would no longer be a secret. He may need Marcellus’ help at some point if he was emotionally unable to command.

It was only fair.

“I must speak with you about that,” he said, looking at Marcellus and fighting off the emotion that the subject provoked. The pain from his conversation with Lily was still very fresh. “Please do not repeat this, not to anyone. When the time comes to speak of it publicly, I will do so.”

Marcellus grew serious very quickly. “Of course, my lord,” he said. “What is it?”

Will sighed heavily, sorrow evident on his face. “There is something amiss with Lady de Wolfe,” he said. “Because I may be busy with her in the near future, I will need for you to assume full command. I cannot worry about commanding Carlisle and my wife’s health at the same time, so please be prepared to assist me in any way you can.”

Marcellus was clearly concerned. “You know I will be, always,” he said. “May… may I ask what is wrong? I hope it is not serious.”

Will couldn’t look at him. He could hardly bring himself to speak of it. “It is very serious,” he said. “It is more than likely fatal. That is all I will say, so please do not ask me more. Just know that these next few months will be… difficult ones.”

It was all he could say on the matter. He abruptly headed off to tend to Atticus, leaving Marcellus standing there, stunned with what he’d been told. He stood there watching Will and Atticus as the boy complained that he wanted “sweets” before finally turning around and heading out of the kitchen yard.

Dazed, Marcellus made it to the ladder leading up to the wall walk before taking a detour and ending up in one of the many shallow alcoves that lined the interior of Carlisle’s wall. For a moment, he simply stood there in the shadows, rolling one word over and over in his mind. That one horrible word from his conversation with Will that he was hanging on to.

Fatal.

Putting his hand over his mouth, he closed his eyes tightly and wept.