Cheap Shot by Brittney Mulliner
Haley
I hurt him.I saw it in his eyes. We’d been laughing and flirting, and everything was so perfect until he asked the one thing I wasn’t ready for. He carried on through the rest of dinner like things were fine, but we both knew that was a lie.
He hugged me when he left me at the entrance to my dorm building, but it felt like a goodbye. Not the beginning of something more.
We were so close. He told me he wanted me. I agreed.
Why wasn’t that enough for me?
Would I ever be able to tell him? Or anyone?
I hadn’t said the words out loud in almost a year. I’d been able to lock the memory away and push it to the very back of my mind. Reid was asking for me to pull it back up and open up that box. It was too painful. Too humiliating.
All the work I’d done to get to this point was at risk of being undone if I told him. Hours and hours of therapy were forgotten. The meditation and journaling to work through what happened felt like it was all for nothing.
I couldn't tell him about it, and he was the person I trusted most here.
I wasn’t healed. I hadn’t really worked through anything if I couldn't talk about it. I was letting him win.
The control I thought I gained was all a facade. I was ignoring my problems, pretending like I’d overcome them, when all I was doing was hiding.
I dragged my feet down the hall and stopped at my door, staring at the lock, not wanting to go in there to a dark, empty room. I glanced down at the girls’ closed rooms. I needed friends. I needed someone to talk to about all of this.
As if they could sense me, Ella and Sadie’s door opened, and four heads popped out.
“Haley?” Krystal called. “Can we talk?”
My pride wanted me to walk straight into my room and block them out, but it wasn’t what I really wanted. I’d hear them out and then decide whether or not to forgive them.
I dropped my shoulders and closed the distance between us. They shifted back into the room, and I closed the door behind me.
“Thanks for coming.” Sadie pointed to the end of her bed. “You can sit if you want.”
I pulled myself up and leaned against the wall, keeping a distance between me and Cassie who was leaning against the pillows.
Ella and Krystal sat on her bed across the room, and Sadie took one of the desk chairs. She glanced around before speaking. “I’m sorry about what happened.”
I cocked a brow. “Are you sorry you used me or that you got caught?”
She ducked her head, and Cassie spoke up. “It wasn’t just her. I don’t want you to put all the blame on her. The RA told us about you before you moved in. Although to be fair, she told everyone that Ethan Clarkson’s little sister, Haley, is moving in.”
I cringed. So, I never even had a chance. The whole floor had known who I was before I even got here.
“I’m really sorry.” Ella clutched a pillow against her chest. “I think it looks more malicious than it really was since we let so much time pass. It wasn’t like we were only interested in getting close to you for your brother.”
“Yeah, I’ll admit that we were interested in that,” Krystal agreed. “But we talked about wanting to invite you out after we saw you. You looked kind of sad and lonely, so we decided to try to get to know you. It just happened that you got to us first.”
“So, you pitied me too?” I bit out.
“No, that came out wrong.” Krystal looked around for help.
“Oh, stop,” Sadie spoke up. “We wanted to reach out and be friends. Yes, you looked lonely, but we all saw ourselves in that same position last year. We recognized how you were feeling and wanted to be there for you.”
“It didn’t make sense to us,” Cassie said. “You’re the little sister of one of the most popular guys on campus, yet you were always alone. We didn’t get it. So there was added curiosity.”
“How else are friendships supposed to start? There has to be some interest.” Sadie shot me a look. “Isn’t that why you approached us?”
I gave in and nodded.
“We didn’t bring up your brother because you never did.” Ella leaned forward. “Then, we got to know you, and we all clicked. That was real, Haley.”
“I admit, I saw the poster and thought it would be a chance to bring up the topic. I didn’t realize it was such a sore spot for you, but I should have. You didn’t talk about him for a reason, and I should have respected that.” Sadie said.
“We were curious about your brother and the team, but once we meet and hung out, we just wanted to know more about you.” Cassie smiled softly. “But we should have been more direct.”
I appreciated them telling me the truth, and it made sense that they were curious since they knew about my brother, but I never brought him up. I probably would have wanted an explanation too. I looked at each of them and could tell they were being honest.
“You asked why I came here if I didn’t want to be in Ethan’s shadow?” They nodded. “It was the better of two really bad options. I left my previous school, and my parents gave me an ultimatum that I could either stay at home and go to the local school or transfer to where my brother was.”
Krystal folded her legs under her. “What’s so bad about staying at home?”
I dropped my head. Did I want to get into this? Talking about it with Reid was hard enough. But I was trying to open up and trust them. If I couldn’t share this, then what chance did we have at being real friends?
“They’re really critical. They have some sort of unknown standard that they measure me against, and no matter what I do, I always come up short. Meanwhile, Ethan is the perfect child that can do no wrong. They give him anything and everything, and I’m usually stuck with whatever is left over, whether it’s their love, attention, or money. It’s always been him first. I couldn’t handle living with them again.”
Ella’s brows rose. “That’s really awful.”
“I know how you feel,” Krystal spoke softly. “My older sister is a lawyer, and my brother is a doctor. Two of the few jobs my parents approve of. They don’t understand my major and what I want to do. They think I want to be a makeup artist or sell makeup, which is totally fine, but they don’t understand that being a chemical engineer is something to be proud of. That I’ll be creating the formulas. It’s not something they can easily brag to their friends and family about like my siblings.”
This was the first time she’d ever hinted at anything like this, and my heart went out to her.
“Why did you leave your last school?” Cassie’s voice was full of caution.
This was the one question I hoped to avoid. It was something I didn’t talk about to anyone outside my family and therapist. I could give them the brief version, even just a few of the main points, but just the thought made my throat tighten.
“You don’t have to tell us,” Sadie rushed out.
I nodded, but I was so frustrated. Mostly with myself.
Remaining silent, not telling my story, only gave power to the person who hurt me. I already lost my friends in New York because I couldn’t tell them. Did I want to lose these girls too? They stepped up. They proved they were willing to fight for me and were willing to admit to their mistakes.
It was time for me to give them a chance.
“I had a boyfriend. We met one of the first weeks of school, and I fell for him almost instantly. We were inseparable and had our whole futures planned out. I couldn’t wait to graduate and marry him.”
Ella and Krystal were listening with small smiles, but Sadie watched me with narrowed eyes. She knew this story didn’t have a happy ending.
“I hung out with him and his friends a lot, but his best friend was almost always around. We all got along, and I didn’t mind. We became friends quickly, and he and I would hang out when my boyfriend was at class or busy.” I didn’t want to say their names. I didn’t want them to become real in my mind again. It was easy telling them what happened without getting into too many details.
“There was a party just before finals, like a last chance to get out our energy and craziness before having to buckle down and study.” I closed my eyes as memories washed over me. “I was there with my boyfriend and his best friend. We were going to meet up with the rest of our friends, but for some reason they were late. We got drinks and were hanging out with some people they knew from their dorm when I started getting really tired. I assumed I was just exhausted from all my classes and told my boyfriend I needed to go home. He was busy and wasn’t listening, so I told his friend. He knew the guys that lived at the house, so he told me I could take a nap and come back down when I woke up, or when they were ready to leave. He took me upstairs and found an empty bedroom. I could barely stand. He guided me to the bed and helped me lie down. I closed my eyes, thinking he was going to leave, but he didn’t. He got on top of me.”
One of the girls gasped, and I opened my eyes to find them all staring at me.
“He didn’t,” Ella whispered. Her eyes were glistening.
I felt sick reliving this, but I was done letting the memory control me. Letting their memories control me. I was strong. I was a survivor.
“He did. I tried to stop him. I tried to scream, but it was like my body was separate from my mind. I couldn’t get anything to work the way it was supposed to.”
“He drugged you,” Sadie said.
I nodded. “Then my boyfriend walked in. I thought he was going to help me. I thought he would pull his friend off me and make it stop, but he just left. I passed out after that, and when I woke up, they were gone.”
“Haley.” Cassie scooted closer to me and took my hand in hers. “I’m so sorry. I can’t …”
“Did you report them?” Krystal asked.
I licked my lips and squeezed Cassie’s hand, needing to know someone was there.
“No.”
“Why not?” Sadie asked in barely a whisper.
“Because they left the party and drove back to campus, but they didn’t make it. They were speeding and missed a curve in the road and drove straight into the trees. They died on impact.”
Ella and Krystal gasped, and Sadie shook her head, staring at the floor. Cassie tugged my hand. “You still could have reported them.”
I blinked, realizing tears were in my eyes. “They died heroes. They were on the football team, and even though they were freshmen, the whole college and the surrounding town made it seem like they were celebrities. There were memorials set up and people tying ribbons around trees before I even made it back to my dorm the next day. Even if I did report them, it was my word against two dead guys.”
“Haley,” Cassie whispered and wiped her cheek with her free hand.
“I was treated like the grieving girlfriend. My professors excused me from my finals, and the whole campus watched me like they were waiting for me to break down. I fought to make it through the next semester, but after that, I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand the pity or shallow condolences. No one knew who those guys really were or what they were capable of, and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin their memories for their families. They’re dead, so what does it matter?” I shrugged and sniffed.
“What happened at the party the other night …” Sadie sucked in a breath. “We should have been watching out for each other.”
“I shouldn’t have left you.” Ella let out a choked sob.
“I was able to get to a safe place.” I didn’t want them to beat themselves up about that. We all made mistakes that night, but it was Jay’s fault. Not any of theirs.
“But you saw Jay at the café.” Krystal’s eyes were wide. “We won’t let that happen again. From now on we will go everywhere in pairs.”
The rest of them agreed.
“I appreciate that you guys, but that isn’t fair to you all. I’ll just be better about being aware of my surroundings.”
“I hate that it’s even something we have to worry about. We should feel safe here.” Sadie rubbed her temples.
I couldn't argue that, but it was a reality for us.
“We need to talk about something happy now,” Ella said.
I smiled. Feeling an enormous sense of relief. I liked not keeping things from them. My friends. “I do have another story for you guys, and I’m going to need some advice.”