Cheap Shot by Brittney Mulliner
Haley
“Areyou sure you don’t want to borrow something?” Emery asked for the third time. She eyed me with blatant disapproval.
“I’m positive.” I had dresses and skirts I could change into, but I was comfortable in the T-shirt I wore all day, and the jean shorts were my compromise. They went down to my fingertips, and when combined with my white Converse, I looked ready for a day at school. High school.
I didn’t care though. Going to a party was enough of a stressor. I didn’t want to add worrying about flashing anyone because of a tiny dress on top of that.
Emery didn’t agree. Her fishnets had been swapped for sheer black tights and a black dress that showed off more of her abundant curves than I would ever dare. Not that I had that problem. Next to her, I looked like a child. A prepubescent boy that hit a growth spurt far too young. I was tall and thin, with not much in the way of womanly … appeal.
If I had an ounce of athletic ability, I’d be an ideal volleyball or basketball player, but despite years of their best efforts, no coach could teach me how to move my arms and legs in the same, desired direction and at the same time.
I was like a newborn giraffe. Or fawn. That was more flattering.
Either way, I was well aware of what I had to work with and accepted that I would have to rely on my personality to draw people in.
“Fine,” she conceded while picking up her studded leather purse from the end of her bed.
I slid my phone into one back pocket and my dorm keycard into the other and followed her out the door.
“A few of my friends will meet us there,” she started as soon as we left the building.
“Okay.” I kept my voice level, not giving away my nerves. I barely had time to warm up to her, and now I was meeting even more people. I had time to prepare, but now that it was happening, it felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.
I took in a deep breath as discretely as possible.
I might like her friends, and they might even like me. Even though Emery intimidated me, she’d been mostly polite so far. Inviting me to come with her and introducing me to her friends was a nice thing to do, especially after me nearly breaking her nose. It was better than having a roommate that ignored me.
“Most of the off-campus students live on the other side of that building.” She pointed across the green lawn that separated the dorms from the dining center. Behind that was one of the science buildings, if I remembered the tour correctly.
“It’s nice that things are so close.” Small talk was not my forte, but she was making an effort, so I wanted to keep it going.
“Yeah, most students don’t have, or even really need, cars. Everything we need is either on campus or available at one of the stores along West Street.”
West Street was pointed out during our class tour. The street was packed with restaurants and stores that catered to the students.
She led us down a path that wound to the back of the school’s limits and emptied out onto a residential street. “This is where a lot of students live too.”
I nodded, taking in the row of modest homes on either side. Several cars packed every driveway, the only sign that multiple roommates, rather than a family, lived inside.
“And that one is Alpha Gamma Nu.” She pointed down the block. “It throws the best parties, but they can get a little out of control, so don’t go unless you’re with someone.”
“Really? They’re that bad?” I probably shouldn’t go at all.
“As long as you have back-up, you’re fine.” I wasn’t sure what that meant, but she nudged me up the driveway of a house where people were scattered on the lawn and walking toward from all directions. “Most of the guys that live here are athletes, so the parties are milder than the other houses.”
That was encouraging. Going to a rager on my first night didn’t sound like a great idea. Well, a party on a Tuesday didn’t scream good decision, but if it was hosted by athletes, it couldn’t be that bad.
“My brother told me the rules are really strict for athletes. Like, if you mess up, you’re off your team.” And they didn’t run on a ‘three strikes and you're out’ plan.
“Your brother goes here?”
I nodded, and I tried not to show my discomfort. I hadn’t meant to bring him up, but it sort of slipped.
She cocked her head. “You do look really familiar.”
I doubted that. Ethan had blonde hair and shared my father’s chiseled features. If we stood side by side people sometimes noticed our eyes or smiles, but that was a stretch.
Hopefully, she didn’t know Ethan well. Part of my fresh-start plan included keeping myself separate from him. A condition he and I both agreed to when my parents suggested I come to West Penn. I hadn’t wanted to move back home, but they didn’t want me alone again. So, transferring to my brother’s school was the middle ground, with the promise that he would give me space and I would check in occasionally.
“Well, he’s probably coming too,” Emery went on. “Like I said, everyone goes.”
“He said he couldn’t make it.” And warned me to be careful. I’d felt a flash of disappointment then relief when he first replied to my text about the party. It was good I was on my own. I didn’t want to rely on him. If I used him as a crutch now, I might not stop. As much as I fought and begged for my independence, a part of me was relieved to know he was close if I ever needed him. He, and my parents, didn’t need to know that, though.
“Come on.” Emery took my wrist and led me through the front door and into a cramped hallway. She moved like she knew where she was going, so I followed along while glancing to the sides.
The music wasn’t so loud that you couldn’t hear yourself think, and I didn’t notice anyone falling over themselves, which was common at my last school. Maybe it was because there were so few options in the sleepy college town I’d come from, that people chose to get wasted merely as a way to pass time.
“Hey!” Emery waved to someone at the opposite side of the kitchen, and the others in the room shifted to make a path for us to get through. Once she stopped, I stepped next to her and smiled at the trio before us.
Two very tall and very muscular black guys leaned against the counter next to a woman with neon blue hair.
“Emery, you’re here.” The guy in the middle wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the mouth while the other smiled at me.
“And who’s this?”
Emery pulled away and looped her arm around the waist of the girl. “This is Haley, my new roommate. Haley, this is Linc.” She gestured to the guy at the end. “And that’s Michael. They both live here.” The guy that kissed her winked at me. “And this is Tara.” Emery rested her head against Tara’s.
I grinned at them while trying to figure out the relationship between all four.
“You can call me Brown. Everyone else does.” Michael’s eyes glinted with mischief. I immediately grew suspicious.
“It’s his last name,” Linc explained, and I felt better calling him that.
“Nice to meet you.” I barely got the words out when someone bumped into me from behind, shoving me into Brown’s arms.
“Well, nice to meet you too.” He grinned down at me, and I stepped back, out of his reach, hoping he didn’t see the blush as my cheeks heated.
“Can I get you guys anything to drink?” Linc asked.
“I’m okay,” I said at the same time Emery answered, “Beer.”
Linc nodded and moved around us, returning just moments later with two blue cups. I took the one he offered me and looked inside at the clear liquid.
“It’s just water.” He put a hand on my shoulder, while shifting back into his place against the counter. I tensed at the contact, but he moved on so quickly that I didn’t think anyone caught it. The smell of alcohol was already getting to me. I had to focused on blocking it out, but I wasn’t sure I could stay composed if people continued to touch me, even in casual or brief manner. “If you’re holding something, people are less likely to bother you about not drinking.”
“Oh. Thanks.” I offered him a smile.
“You won’t get pressured much here,” Tara started, “since most of these guys don’t drink, but it’s a good tip for other parties.”
“Are you both athletes?” I guessed.
Linc nodded, and Brown lifted his own cup to his lips before answering. “Yeah, we’re on the football team.”
That explained their impressive physiques. “Cool.”
Tara was eyeing me and smirked when I caught her while taking a sip of water. “You aren’t going to freak out or fling yourself at them now?”
I nearly choked. “No.”
“Huh.” Tara looked at Emery. “I like her.”
Emery smirked. “Told you.”
“Is that what normally happens?” I asked. Growing up around Ethan and his teammates numbed me to the allure of athletes. Not that I didn’t date them, I just didn’t get starry eyed because they knew how to pass a puck or throw a ball.
Brown nodded. “More than you’d think. As if this isn’t enough to draw them in.” He waved his hand up and down his body.
“It’s more than enough.” Tara put her hand on his cheek and kissed him.
I glanced at Emery to see her reaction, but she was laughing. So Brown wasn’t her boyfriend? He just went around kissing people?
“You seem lost.” Linc draped his arm over my shoulders. I flinched, but he didn’t seem to notice. I wasn’t used to being touched, but nothing about him seemed threatening and I told my body to relax. “Here’s the quick version. He likes her.” He pointed to Tara. “And her”—his finger moved toward Emery— “and whoever his flavor of the week is. Emery loves her.” His finger moved back to Tara. “And she loves them both.” He held up another finger so he was pointing to both Brown and Emery at once.
“So are you three ...” I didn’t know how to ask what I was thinking.
“Oh, no!” Brown covered his mouth. “I could never be tied down to just one or two people. I have too much love to offer the world.”
“There’s that.” Tara nudged him. “And no one person could handle you on their own.”
Brown considered that before agreeing. I laughed, amused at their exchange. I was surprised at how much I was enjoying myself. They made it easy to relax, and as long as I kept a comfortable distance, there was little change of any accidental touching. The scent of their drinks wasn’t even bothering me.
“And where do you fit in?” I asked Linc.
“I’m the best friend.” He squeezed my shoulder before stepping away, looking at something behind me. “I’ve got to go check on something.”
He was gone before any of us could respond, and the tension in my gut finally dispersed. Linc was a nice guy. Nothing bad happened. I wanted to celebrate this moment, but instead of doing a happy dance, I took a sip from my cup.
“At least one of us is responsible.” Brown watched him leave, then sighed. “I’m bored. Let’s dance!” He grabbed Tara and Emery’s hands and led them away.
Emery reached for me, but I shook my head. There were too many people in too tight of a space for me to even consider joining. I needed to ease myself back who I once was. I’d taken huge steps tonight, and I didn’t want to ruin my progress by pushing myself too far too fast. “Go ahead, I’ll stay here.”
She hesitated. “I’ll be back in a minute.” Brown tugged on her, and she waved as they merged into the crowd.
I took another sip of water, pretending like hanging out alone wasn’t a big deal. I actually found it was easier for me to be in big groups like this than alone with a few people. If Emery had brought Brown and Linc into our room to meet me, it might have triggered me. Having a panic attack in front of my new roommate and potential friends was not the first impression I wanted to give them.
I waited, rooted in my spot even as people walked by on their way to refill their drinks as three songs passed, until I realized they probably weren’t coming back anytime soon. Should I walk around and risk losing Emery for the night, or stay there and continue to earn curious looks from the other people in the kitchen? Neither was particularly appealing but moving around felt safer.
I was so sick of reacting to the simplest touch. Even when it was completely innocent, and by someone I knew wasn’t going to hurt me, my body treated it like a threat. I wanted to be in control of my actions. I wanted to feel normal again.
As I moved around people, I focused on how close I was. My elbow brushed the back of a guy as he took a step without realizing I was there. I bit my lip but reminded myself that nothing had happened. It was already over and done.
See, not so bad. When was the last time I experienced real contact with someone? It had been months. The girl I used to be, friendly and confident, wouldn’t recognize the person I’d become. I was practically afraid of my own shadow.
I didn’t want to be this way anymore.
I wanted to be brave.
The main level of the house wasn’t very big, but the back door leading to the yard seemed to be a popular spot, so I headed over and stepped outside. An enormous patio took up nearly the entire space, leaving only a few yards of grass at the back. There was built-in seating along the railing, and small groups were clustered every few feet, leaving the middle area open. I didn’t want to be stuck standing in the center, alone, so I turned to go back inside but was blocked by three guys.
The one in front held his cup up to keep from hitting me with it.
“Sorry.” I jumped back, and he reached out and took my elbow, keeping me from tripping over myself. I stared at his hand, feeling the familiar ting of panic creep in, but I was able to manage my reaction enough to pull back slightly.
“It’s okay.” He watched me for a second before rewarding me with a brilliant smile. It took that long for my brain to register that he was absolutely gorgeous. A walking cliche of tall, dark, and handsome with the perfect amount of scruff and muscles. My two weaknesses.
“Hey, Red, I’m going to find Matt,” the guy to his right said before walking away.
“All right,” he called back without looking away from me. His soulful eyes held mine, and I caught flecks of amber in the brown.
When was the last time I noticed a guy’s eyes? Or felt warmth seep into my skin from his touch? Or had my heart rate pick up because of his proximity?
A year.
I should be scared, or nervous at the very least. I should be having some sort of negative reaction. That was what happened each time a guy touched me, but there was something in his expression that made me pause. It was a tenderness I wasn’t familiar with.
His eyes searched my face, giving me time to memorize this moment. He stepped closer, and I sucked in a breath. Anticipation, rather than dread, came next.
“You’re beautiful,” he said almost like he was confused. Like he didn’t know how he could find me attractive.
Maybe it was his compliment, or the lack of a panic attack. Maybe it was my way of taking back some control over my life, or the impossibility of this moment being real. But there was only one thing I wanted to do. Be brave.
I licked my lips, and his eyes followed the movement. He stepped closer, and I brought my hands up, wrapping them around the back of his neck. Without a word from either of us, we moved in perfect synchronization.
The moment our lips touched and I felt him against me, the sounds of the party faded away, and it was just us. Electricity whirled around us, sinking into my skin. I wanted this moment of peace to last forever, but reality slapped me across the face and I pulled back before turning and leaving before he could see the panic taking over me.