Family Affair by Elle M Thomas
Chapter 30
Declan
Liv is giving me daggers and is clearly upset, but right now, her sadness and annoyance are the last things on my mind.
“So, are you still up for the design work?” My words are clipped and my tone terse.
“Depends on whether you can stop being an arsehole.”
She is sitting on the sofa and struggling to get comfortable by the looks of it. She looks fit to burst.
“I’m not being an arsehole.” I kind of am with her but I am seriously pissed off with what she may have known about Anita and didn’t see fit to tell me. “If you don’t want the work, I can find another designer.”
She laughs. “Yeah, in fact, I believe Christian would be happy to do your designs.”
“Fuck off, Liv. I don’t know why you’re pushing my buttons and seem to be painting me in the role of villain in this, but I am the innocent party.”
It’s probably a good job that Mase isn’t here, or he’d kick my arse for telling her to fuck off, but Liv can take it with the best of them.
“Fuck off yourself, and I am not pushing your buttons, your own stupidity is doing that for you, and you are innocent to a point, but so is Anita.”
I let out a huff that turns into some kind of growl, startling Liv who closes her eyes and seems to be counting.
“You okay. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She waves my words off. “You didn’t. Look, maybe we should talk this through. You must have questions of me and my role in whatever it is you think has gone on.”
She staggers to her feet and waddles towards the kitchen where she battles with the coffee machine before resorting to the kettle.
Once she has finished the drinks, I join her on the opposite side of the breakfast bar. We make polite chit chat for a few minutes and then she addresses the elephant in the room.
“Fire away, Dec.”
“Did you know about the baby?”
“I walked in on a conversation…well, more a berating of Anita by Christian at your mother’s house…at my baby shower.”
That explains the weird moods and atmosphere after the shower at least.
Liv continues. “I heard him say she’d had an abortion. Anita avoided me and I didn’t see Christian again until you found us in the kitchen. Anita hadn’t got round to telling me everything when he burst in and acted like his usual dickhead self. He roughed me up and was vile to Anita, telling her if she didn’t recommend using him on your new place, he’d tell you about her aborting the baby.”
“Go on.” I feel as though Mase earned the right to punch Christian, but I am really jealous that he did it and not me. My stomach churns at the thought of him daring to speak to Anita the way I know he did.
“Mase is angry with Anita, for not telling you and that has made it awkward for me and her to meet up, plus she was upset and trying to get her shit together. She’s told the family everything and came to see me to explain it too.”
“What’s to explain?” I feel agitated again and want my sister-in-law not to justify what Anita did.
“She regrets not telling you everything.”
I immaturely roll my eyes. Liv ignores that.
“When you told her about Amber, she didn’t know how you’d react. She was scared that you’d lash out and behave, well, exactly as you did, so, maybe she was justified in keeping quiet.”
“So, this is my fault? Unbelievable, both of you!”
“Not what I meant, and you know it. Look, unlike Amber she didn’t have a good man who was going to take care of her child, she had a married man who lied to her and took advantage! Shit, he never even paid for the abortion he told her she had to have. He said he would but then backed down on it. This is not my story to tell, but she didn’t put the baby up for adoption because she didn’t want her or love her. Quite the opposite. She did it because she couldn’t see an alternative. Her perception of abortion was that it equated to her killing her own child and that wasn’t something she could do without good reason, but she wanted that baby to have the best life where she would be her parent’s whole world and while I believe Anita could have given her that, it would have been hard and Christian would never have even acknowledged her existence, assuming their paths ever crossed again.”
I let Liv’s words sink in.
“She loves you Declan. Your comparison of her and Amber hurt her. Not as much as giving up her baby, nor losing you, but they did hurt her.”
“I was so scared, Liv, risking getting hurt again, but I thought she was the one for me.” I hear the break in my voice.
“Maybe she still is.”
“How can she be? I want what you and Mase have, the marriage and family, but what if I never trust her to give me that?”
“Declan.” Liv comes to my side and hugs me tightly. “I don’t have the answers, but I know giving up the baby almost broke her. She was sad, hurting, angry and ashamed. She would never do that again, not least of all because you are not Christian any more than Anita is Amber.”
I nod. I believe what she’s saying. “Maybe we could talk. She could explain to me…I never gave her much of a chance before.”
“Ah.”
“Ah, what?”
“She’s gone.”
“What do you mean, gone? Gone where? When will she be back?”
“She was on her way to the airport, that’s why she had the case.”
“I thought she’d been staying with you.”
“No. She came by to explain and to say goodbye. She was heading to the airport to grab a flight anywhere. One way with no destination or return date in mind.”
“She didn’t say goodbye to me.” My petulant tone is quite pathetic.
“Declan, she thinks you hate her.”
“Shit!” I am on my feet and pacing, roughly pushing my hand through my hair. “I need to speak to her. She can’t go like this. I don’t hate her, I love her.”
Liv let’s out a squeal as she grabs car keys and rushes for the lift. “Come on then. I’ll drive, drop you at the airport and you can stop her leaving on the condition that you promise to listen to her and not just get mean.”
“I promise.” I have already joined Liv at the lift door that is opening.
“We’ll call her on the way.”
I’m not even sure how this has happened but just the thought of seeing Anita, of stopping her leaving and making things right makes me feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.
Liv hits the button for the car park and the lift begins to move and then it stops dead. The lights go out briefly until the emergency lighting kicks in.
“What the fuck!” The lift has broken down. I have never known this to happen, and it has to be today when my sole mission is to go and stop my lady from fleeing to fuck knows where.
“Dec,” Liv says, her voice almost a whisper.
I am still thinking of how long we’re going to be stuck here when she repeats my name, but this time it’s louder and filled with panic. Turning to face her, I can see she is clutching her belly.
“Dec,” she says once more, “I think the baby’s coming.”
“No!” I tell her, almost forbidding her to confirm her thought.
Neither of us speak for a few seconds but we both hear and then see the pool appearing on the floor.
“Of fuck! My waters have broken. Get Mase!”
I hit the alarm button in the lift and it is answered immediately. I explain who I am and that Mrs Harding is in the lift with me. I don’t tell him she is in labour, but I do tell him to let Mase know. I don’t need to tell him to send my brother to us, he will be beside himself at the idea of Liv stuck in a lift.
Liv looks shit scared as she clutches the handrail on the wall. “Shit, this hurts.”
“Liv, I don’t know too much about this, but I’m sure you’ll have hours yet.”
She nods and does look strangely reassured by my words. “I might have been in labour a few hours though…I thought the Braxton Hicks were just getting really strong.” She doubles over as I assume another contraction hits.
Mase’s voice comes through the panel on the wall, and he sounds concerned.
“Hey, Livy. Have you broken the lift?”
She laughs. “It seems that way, but slightly more concerning is the fact that I have broken my waters.”
“Fuck!” Mase hisses and begins to bark orders to people to get us out of the lift, well, more Liv than me.
He then starts telling me to keep an eye on Liv. I resist the temptation to point out that as we are stuck in a six feet square box, I’d struggle not to keep an eye on her.
“Mase, just get us out of here. Midwife is not in my list of skills, and I need to get to the airport to find Anita.”
He ignores the midwife comment. “Anita?”
“Yeah.” I look at Liv and smile before looking back to the panel my brother’s voice is coming from. “I love her.”
“Okay,” he says. “Why is she at the airport?”
“Because I was a dick and didn’t listen to her.”
“Okay,” he repeats. “Oh, and Dec, the idea of you playing midwife chills me to the bone, plus, you do not need to see my wife’s lady parts.”
Liv and I both laugh but for our own reasons need to get the hell out of this bloody lift.
Anita
Arriving at the airport alone with no destination in mind is one of the scariest things I have ever done, and yet, it’s one of the most exciting and liberating.
I look around at the various desks and kiosks before checking out departure boards; France, Italy, New York, The Maldives, Dubai, and then I see a flight to Greece leaving in a couple of hours’ time. I laugh out loud as I consider that I am doing what my mother would call a Shirley Valentine. I remember watching it with her years before, one of her favourite films and it seems fitting.
Within minutes I have made my way to the airline’s desk and handed my credit card over. I am going to Greece and for the first time in weeks feel a sense of positivity about my life. This is not the cure to everything, but it’s a good start. I’ve made a decision about my future and one way or another I need to get on with a life that doesn’t include guilt and shame, nor Dec. My heart lurches at the final thought. I love him and I miss him more than I thought was possible, but we are no longer together and one way or another, I need to deal with that reality and dealing with it in the sunshine on a beach for a while seems a better option than wallowing in it in an overcast England.
I wander through duty free and spy a couple of bargains I would normally pick up, but I resist. I have no clue how long I will be away and if I will remain in Greece. I have savings and my parents gave me a good chunk of cash to use. The thought of my parents and their cash saddens me, not that they haven’t always been generous, but because I know they feel guilty about me giving up my baby. Guilty that they didn’t know. That I didn’t tell them and in that they were unable to help or support me. Their guilt is misplaced because if I had told them, they would have done everything in their power to enable me to keep her and with how things have turned out, that would have been a very awkward and painful situation for me and my daughter. I put down the perfume I have been looking at and feel a pang of sadness at my bare ring finger. After that day in the kitchen, I returned my engagement ring via Scott who was seeing Liv. She in turn returned it to Dec. I know it was probably the coward’s way to do it, but if that’s the case, I am a coward.
~~~
Boarding the plane comes around quickly and every step I take towards my seat feels like a step closer to the weight that remains on my shoulders being lifted. I can’t see another solo traveller, the plane seems to be filled with couples, families or groups of friends all heading into the sun for their annual holiday and although that should probably scare me, it doesn’t, it does the opposite, I feel bold and empowered to have made this decision for me.
I prepare to switch my phone to airplane mode and see that the message I sent to Liv telling her I was going to Greece is sitting as sent. I don’t read any more into that than the fact that when I left her Dec had just arrived and I assume she is still doing his design work despite her now being on maternity leave. My fingers hover over the keys, considering sending her further details, but I don’t. Once I land and have found somewhere to stay, I will update her then, maybe even call her from wherever I end up. Until that second, I hadn’t even considered the fact that I have nowhere to stay upon arrival. A little panic washes over me, but I push it down as I consider that there will be somewhere to stay, even if it’s not the plushest of places and Greece is a big country to truly have no room at the inn. I giggle as I think that if all else fails, I’ll buy a pool mattress and sleep on the beach, although that could get me arrested. I laugh as I imagine my parent’s and Liv’s face if someone has to come over and bail me out for sleeping on the beach.
With my phone now on airplane mode and my accommodation worries settled for a while, I get myself comfy and reach for the book in my bag. More people are boarding, and I just wish they’d hurry up so the plane can take off before I rethink everything and panic that this is a bad idea. No. I know staying at home was a worse idea. I give myself another pep talk and with my mind calm again, I open my book. Usually, I’d opt for a romance with a dashing hero and a heroine who feared love before giving in to the relentless chasing and pursuit of her by the hero and then together they’d find their happy ever after. No, that is not what I need right now. So, instead I have gone for a thriller with murder and mayhem and nothing to remind me of love, Declan, or my broken heart.
Turning the page, I see I am already on chapter three but still there is no sign of the plane moving and looking around there seem to be no more passengers boarding. I am sitting in a window seat and next to me are a couple of older ladies, sisters, going on their first girl’s holiday. I smile across at them, loving their gumption in taking this adventure together. Maybe that’s something Liv and I could do in the future, with her baby. I shake my head at the chances of that happening without Mase. Perhaps we could time it so that it coincides with some business trip of his and he could come to us later. I stop this train of thought before it leads me to Dec coming with him and us all having a wonderful time together. My wonderful times with Dec are over. I must accept that fully.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot. Apologies for the delay, but we should be taking off very shortly…”
The cheer from the boarded passengers drowns out anything else he says, but just knowing my departure is imminent, I smile and go back to my book.