Highlander’s Frozen Heart by Shona Thompson
Chapter Twelve
When Adelleine had first stepped foot in the castle of the MacRestus clan, she thought she would manage to get settled there rather easily. The truth was, though, no matter how friendly everyone was towards her, she still missed her home.
She was so far away from England, and there was nothing familiar about her surroundings or the people of the clan. They spoke differently, dressed differently, acted differently, and Adelleine could do nothing but try to fit in, though it was harder than she thought it would be.
It didn’t help that being around Magnus was still uncomfortable for her. Often, she would find herself staring at him while they were having dinner in the hall, thinking about what could have been, and other times she wouldn’t even be able to meet his gaze, still embarrassed by what had happened between them.
She still wanted him. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything in her life, and even though she had thought her feelings for him were nothing but a silly infatuation at first, she had soon come to realise that they went much deeper than that.
Magnus was a kind man, that much she had known ever since she had met him. What she hadn’t known, though, was how his wit turned biting when he was around people that he trusted, how he loved his family fiercely, how it pained him to face day after day that his son would not speak to him. Adelleine felt for him, she wanted nothing more than to heal him and his broken heart, but she didn’t even know if her efforts would be welcome.
She didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, and she certainly didn’t want to make things even more awkward between them.
It had been a few weeks since Magnus had taken her to the castle, and Adelleine spent her days with Fergus as his governess. His previous one had been more than happy to be relieved of her duty, and even though Magnus had offered her to share the burden with Adelleine, the woman had chosen to work in the kitchens instead, claiming that it would be less work than raising Fergus.
Adelleine couldn’t understand that. Sure, Fergus was a difficult child, but no more difficult than any other child who had lost his mother so young. Adelleine remembered what it felt like, what that loss had done to her, and if she were to tell the truth, she would have to admit that Fergus was helping her with her own grief.
Losing a parent was something that only the two of them could understand in that castle.
“Do you want to go to the lake?” Adelleine asked Fergus, who had been playing with a wooden sword for the better part of an hour. He wasn’t speaking yet, not to anyone, but he nodded in agreement, which was more than he used to do only mere weeks prior. Adelleine counted that as a win.
She straightened her newly acquired dress, one that Mrs. Blair had sewn just for her, and she offered her hand to Fergus, the two of them making their way out of his room. She walked through the castle with him, the whole time swinging his arm, much to his delight, and by the time they were in the courtyard, he was tugging her along, trying to get to the lake faster.
“Alright, alright now,” Adelleine said, laughing softly, “My, my . . . you are getting so strong, Fergus! You’re getting strong just like your papa!”
Fergus didn’t quite smile at her; he never smiled, not really. Still, Adelleine could see the joy in his eyes, and it was a sight that melted her heart.
If there was anyone in that castle who deserved and needed some joy, that was Fergus.
“Wait for me!”
The voice came from behind Adelleine, and she turned to look at the woman approaching them, her skirt held firmly in her hands as she ran. Isla, with her brown hair and eyes, looked like the spitting image of Magnus, though Isla herself would never admit that she looked like her older brother.
“Where are ye two goin’?” Isla asked, as Fergus reached for her hand, grasping it just as tightly as he was grasping Adelleine’s own, “Ye ken ye cannae go to the loch without me, Fergus! Will ye really leave me behind?” she asked with a pout, and Fergus shook his head as a reply.
“I couldn’t find you in the castle!” Adelleine protested, “I thought you and Magnus had business to attend to.”
“Och, who cares about his business?” Isla asked, the three of them making their way out of the castle grounds, “It’s all work with Magnus. I saw ye two leavin’ from the window and begged him to come join us, but he wouldnae have it. I told him it’s his own son, but he—”
Isla stopped her train of thought when she saw Adelleine shake her head. Fergus seemed to pay no mind to their conversation, but Adelleine wasn’t easily fooled by him. No matter how uninterested he looked in what they were saying, she knew that he was listening, and that he was paying attention.
“Weel . . . I’m here!” Isla said, “And look what I have! Mrs. Blair made them just this mornin’.”
Isla reached into her pocket with her free hand, pulling three sweets out of it. The air was instantly permeated by the scent of honey, and Adelleine’s stomach grumbled in anticipation.
Mrs. Blair’s sweets were nothing short of phenomenal.
Fergus let go of Isla’s hand, favouring the treat instead, but he still held onto Adelleine’s as they walked side by side. She had come to learn that he liked having someone’s hand in his own, as though it were a reassurance that whoever was with him was still there, right by his side.
When the three of them made it to the nearby lake, Adelleine and Isla sat by the side of the lake, while Fergus played with the water and the dirt that surrounded it. Adelleine watched him, as she always did, enjoying the treat that Isla had given her.
It was nice to sit there with her, Adelleine thought. The two of them had become fast friends, and she was one of the few adults to whom Adelleine had time to talk to every day, a nice change from only talking to a child who wouldn’t even reply to her.
“What is Magnus so worried about now?” Adelleine asked, “He has been in that room for days.”
“Ye ken how he is,” Isla said with a sigh, “I dinnae even think there is anythin’ for him to do, really . . . he just doesnae want to be around Fergus.”
She sounded bitter, as she always did when that topic came up—or rather, when she brought it up herself, as it was her favourite thing to complain about, Adelleine knew. She also knew that Isla blamed her brother, at least partially, for Fergus’ unwillingness to speak, and though Adelleine was loath to admit it, she had to agree.
“If only he’d spend some more time with Fergus,” Adelleine said, “I know it’s hard on him, but a boy needs his father.”
“He told me once that he’s afraid of what could happen if he died, too,” Isla said, “He said he was afraid that Fergus would be all alone, and I told him . . . I told him Fergus is already alone. What does it matter if he’s alive or dead? What does it matter when he willnae even try to speak to him?”
“You’re right,” Adelleine said, “But try to understand him, too. It won’t do any of us any good to blame Magnus for this, especially Fergus. We just . . . we just need to find a way to bring them closer.”
Isla scoffed at that, shaking her head. “We’ve tried! But me brother is the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.”
“And you’re wondering where Fergus got his stubbornness from,” Adelleine said with a small smile, as she gazed at the child, “I told Magnus that Fergus needs time . . . perhaps Magnus himself needs some time, too. He’s only a man, after all.”
“Aye, perhaps yer right,” Isla agreed, “Weel . . . he’s more than just a man to ye, though, isnae he?”
Isla loved to tease Adelleine, no matter how much the latter denied her feelings for Magnus. Adelleine wasn’t surprised that Isla could see right through her, though. She knew herself that she wasn’t being subtle about it, and even if she had been, Isla would have still managed to figure it out somehow.
Sometimes, Adelleine wondered if Isla was perhaps a witch or a mind reader.
“Hush now,” Adelleine urged her, “I don’t want anyone knowing about that, especially not Fergus. He’s only just started opening up to me, I’d hate for him to stop now.”
“He cannae hear us,” Isla assured her, and Adelleine knew it to be true. She could always tell when Fergus was listening and when he was in his own little world. “Why are ye nae doin’ anythin’ about it? Why willnae ye tell him how ye feel?”
“Oh, Isla . . . what is the point in that?” Adelleine asked, “I will only be a distraction to him, and that is if he even has the same feelings for me, and I doubt that he does. If he did, he would have said something by now.”
“Och? Ye think so?” Isla asked in a tone that suggested to Adelleine that even if she did think so, Isla herself certainly didn’t, “Ye think me brother, who doesnae even speak to his own bairn, would have said somethin’ to ye by noo about how he feels? What are ye, a fool?”
Perhaps she was a fool, Adelleine thought. Perhaps she was nothing but a fool.
“I don’t want to risk it, regardless,” she told Isla, “I . . . I have a good life here. I’m happy, I’m perfectly happy. I don’t need anything else, Isla, trust me.”
“Ye may nae need anythin’ else, but ye want him, I ken that,” she said, “I see how ye look at him. Everyone in the castle sees it.”
Adelleine couldn’t help but be mortified at that, her cheeks flushing rapidly and leaving her feeling feverish. How could she have allowed her feelings to be so obvious? Could Magnus have noticed, too?
“And everyone in the castle sees how Magnus looks at ye,” Isla said, before Adelleine could voice her concerns, “We all ken that he wants ye as much as ye want him.”
“Now you’re being foolish,” Adelleine said with a scoff. She couldn’t possibly believe that, not when Magnus had made it rather clear that he wanted nothing more from her than a friendship.
The night they had spent together had only been a mistake, and nothing Isla could say would change Adelleine’s mind.
“Am I?” Isla asked, “Or are ye the foolish one?”
Adelleine didn’t reply to that. She didn’t know what to say, especially since Isla would never listen to her, like she never listened to anyone. All she could do was turn the conversation to Isla instead.
“And what about you?” Adelleine asked her, “Don’t you think for a moment that I haven’t seen how you look at Hendry.”
Isla froze then, and her face turned a deep shade of red, the embarrassment painted on her face. When she managed to compose herself, she glared at Adelleine, in a way that reminded her so much of Magnus that she was taken aback for a moment.
“I dinnae look at him!” she protested, “I have never once looked at him!”
Adelleine couldn’t hold back the laughter that burst out of her lips at that, and she shook her head at Isla, who was still glaring her, her arms crossed over her chest defensively. She looked like a petulant child, and every time Adelleine would attempt to stop laughing, all it would take for her to start again was looking at her friend.
“I have nay feelings for Hendry,” Isla insisted, “None. None at all. I dinnae ken what yer talkin’ about.”
“I’m sure you don’t,” Adelleine said, “But why don’t you tell him about how you feel, hmm? Why don’t you tell him that you like him?”
“Because I dinnae!” Isla insisted, “I dinnae even ken why I talk to ye.”
“Because you’re my friend.”
Isla couldn’t deny that, Adelleine knew, and despite how much she liked to tease her, she decided that it was time to stop. Before she could change the subject, though, Fergus walked up to them, looking at Isla straight in the eyes.
“I ken that ye like him, too.”
It was the first time that Adelleine had heard Fergus speak, and it surprised her so much to hear his voice that she simply stared at him, her mouth agape. Then, Fergus turned around and went back to the water without another word, without another glance, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
Adelleine and Isla looked at each other, all talk about men instantly forgotten, but Adelleine didn’t know what to do. Should she try to make Fergus speak again? Should she simply allow him to speak whenever he wanted to do so again?
For several moments, she was conflicted, and Isla seemed to be thinking the same thing. Then, Adelleine stood and approached him, crouching down next to him by the lake.
“Fergus, it’s time for lunch,” she announced, “Let’s go back to the castle, hmm? What do you say?”
Fergus didn’t speak. He didn’t even look at Adelleine, but instead watched the water as it ran through his fingers, ignoring her until she grabbed his hand and gently pulled him to his feet. Fergus didn’t seem very happy about being pulled away from the lake, but he didn’t protest either, which was more than Adelleine could say about the previous times she had taken him there.
Though small, it was still progress. Adelleine would take any progress that she could. She would savour it, she would nurture it, and she was determined to urge Fergus to speak again, no matter how much effort it took.
“Perhaps we should talk more about men,” Isla said, as the three of them walked back to the castle, “If that’s what will get him talkin’.”
Adelleine huffed out a laugh, looking at Fergus as they walked side by side. Then, she watched as he looked up at her, and gave her a small, but definitely happy, smile.
Adelleine could have sworn that in that moment, her heart grew twice its size, and she feared it would burst right out of her chest. Fergus had smiled at her; he had smiled, like he hadn’t smiled in years.
