The Spark Between Us by Stacy Travis

Chapter Thirty-Two

Sarah

I hadn’t seenBraden in two days.

By the time my family finally rolled out at two in the morning—after a lot of wine and more rounds of running charades that even I wanted to play—Braden had cleaned up the whole kitchen and headed up to bed, exhausted.

I just slipped between the covers and curled up against him. My happy place. “You cleaned up everything. You’re amazing.”

He didn’t answer, and I fell asleep quickly. But when I woke up in the morning, he’d already worked out, showered, and was heading to the station to work a double shift. He hadn’t done that once since I’d been in town.

Still, I didn’t worry.

I just missed him.

We texted, but there was none of the usual sexy banter. He didn’t call me Damsel.

Something was up.

A couple days later, my phone rang, and because I’d been thinking nonstop about Braden, I assumed it was him. It took me a moment to shake off the disappointment when it wasn’t. It took me another moment to realize the person calling was the department chair at Berkeley.

After I hung up the phone, I sat motionless at my desk. Stunned.

Then I texted Braden.

Me: Hey, you home?

The flicker of three dots on my phone made me happy.

Braden: Just got here.

Me: I’m coming home early. Can’t wait to see you.

Braden: You too.

Me: PS—a neutron who walks into a bar and asks How much for a beer?

Braden: ??

Me: For you, no charge.

That earned me a smiley face, and even though our text exchange felt lackluster, I told myself Braden was probably wiped out after a double shift. I didn’t want to think about what else it could mean.

I found Braden in the kitchen doing dishes. It looked like he’d made an omelet or something, and cheese had burned on the pan.

“Hey.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and tipped my head up to kiss him. “I missed you. How was your double shift?”

“Long. Exhausting. And I missed you too.” His kiss was warm, sweet, and he tipped his forehead against mine. I really was so damned happy to see him.

“So, I just got a crazy phone call. I’m still kind of in denial it even happened, but you were the first person I wanted to tell.”

He moved back to look at me while I told him I was offered a full professorship at Berkeley, a good two years ahead of when I thought it might happen.

“Not just tenure track, but full tenure! The chair just called me,” I said, still blinking and shaking my head in disbelief.

He put the pan down and stared at me, a smile pulling at his lips. “Sarah, that’s amazing. You deserve it. I’ve seen how hard you’ve worked. Congratulations.” He reached for me and pulled me into a hug.

His reaction seemed sincere. He seemed really happy for me.

But I felt distance between us.

If anything could knock the wind from my sails after the phone call, it was Braden’s measured response.

“Tell me more. What did they say?” he asked, his voice sounding calm but strained. His almost-forced smile made it seem like he was working hard to convey interest.

Maybe all my physics talk wasn’t that exciting to him. He’d been nice about taking an interest, but maybe other than a prelude to sex in my office, he could take it or leave it.

I gave him the broad strokes, shaking my head because I was still processing it. “Well, they got an opening because a professor is leaving, so there’s an unexpected pot of money and the chair said he’s been impressed with the progress of what we’re doing at the lab. He said I’d earned a permanent spot at on the faculty, and they were lucky to have me.” Even as I heard myself say the words, I was having trouble believing them.

Braden released me from his grasp. “I’m so proud of you. You’re going to do great things.” He kissed the top of my head. It almost felt like a goodbye kiss, like a parent was sending me off to college.

I was so confused. “Thanks.”

He nodded.

I persevered, determined to get him out of whatever post-work funk he seemed to be in. “So, things have been going well at the lab, and I think we’ll finish ahead of schedule. I might have a couple weeks of unexpected free time.”

He leaned against the countertop with his arms crossed. “Right. I overheard you tell Isla you’re wrapping up a little early at the lab. You didn’t mention it.”

“No, because there were still a few boxes to check, but now it’s more certain. The team will continue using the lasers for welding after I leave. So I was wondering . . . if maybe you’d want to take a weekend away with me. Maybe a very long weekend.”

He smiled, and if I didn’t know him at all, that smile would have launched a thousand rockets with its heat. But I knew what he looked like when he was happy, and this wasn’t it. He wasn’t locking eyes with me. He wasn’t even looking at me.

“I don’t think I can get the time off.” Braden turned away from me and started to wash the dishes in the sink.

Slipping behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and tipped my head against his back. For a second, I thought I felt him flinch at my touch, but I decided I’d imagined it. But Braden didn’t turn around. “Hey. Do you have to wash those right now?” I ran my nails along the skin at his waist, teasing him.

“I really should.”

He really should?

This was a man who had no problem leaving dishes for days when he had a shift. How many times had he run out in the morning and told me he’d wash the dishes when he got back—tomorrow?

Something was different. He was keeping his distance. It didn’t take a tenured professor to know that.

I took a step back. Now I was the one leaning against the counter with my arms crossed. “Braden, what’s wrong? Did something happen at work?”

Turning off the water, he motioned me into the den and sat on the couch. I perched on the ottoman. It didn’t feel like he wanted me next to him.

“Nothing’s wrong at work.”

“So tell me. What is it?”

“Nothing. Things are exactly as they should be.”

I threw my hands in the air. He was so stoic and exasperating. It was like the Braden from five months ago was back. “I have no idea what that means. Please explain.”

He looked at me calmly and pushed a hand through his hair. “We’re good. We made it through our six months, roomie.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Hope I didn’t annoy you too much.”

“No, not at all . . . in fact, I’ve loved being here with you. So things feel different to me now. I guess I’m asking . . . should I take it?”

“Take what?”

“Should I take the position they’re offering?”

He looked stunned at the question. “What? Of course you should. That’s your dream job. Why wouldn’t you?”

It was the loaded question I’d been pondering from the moment I got the news. Yes, I still wanted the coveted tenure track position at a top university. But I wanted him too.

Maybe more.

But I couldn’t say that. In the face of his stoic indifference, I couldn’t be the girl who gave up everything to stay with him, especially if he didn’t want me. I had more self-respect than that.

And let’s face it—he’d never given any indication he wanted me to stay or wanted more of a relationship. Ever. He was sweet and loving toward me, but that wasn’t the same thing as love, was it? We were temporary. We were fun. And pretty soon, we’d be over.

I nodded, confirming my answer to his question. “I guess there’s no reason not to take the position.” I inhaled a deep breath and made a decision I hoped was the right one. “And I guess since I’m pretty much done at the lab, I can let you have your spare bedroom back. Surprise—you get your freedom back a month early. I can commute down here if I need to finish up.”

I tried to smile past the sting of tears in my eyes. They’d be full rolling tears if I stayed here another second. So I stood up and did my level best to look Braden in the eye. His face was stony. “I really can’t thank you enough for letting me crash here. You’re a good man, Braden.”

I turned to go toward the stairs, and I heard his voice behind me, “Wait.”

Gulping over the lump in my throat, I looked at him.

“You can still stay here. The room is yours. I’m not going back on my word to offer you a place to live while you’re finishing up at the lab.”

It was my last chance to tell him how I felt, so I went for broke.

“I don’t need the room, Braden. I need you. I…I love you.” My voice caught in my throat when I said it. I closed my eyes to hold back tears building there. I didn’t want to open them and see the look of disappointment on Braden’s face because I’d done exactly what I’d promised not to do.

I swallowed hard and faced him. “If you’d given me even the smallest indication you wanted me to stay here for something more . . .” What was the point? He didn’t want me. “I can see that I’m the only one who feels it here. So I’m gonna go before I feel even worse about myself.”

He closed his eyes for a long blink, and I had a final glimmer of hope that he’d look at me the way that stirred something deep in my heart and tell me he wanted me to stay.

When he opened his eyes, I could see that he’d shut down. “Okay.” His face was a mask of indifference, his tone void of emotion.

Hearing the single word only proved what I already knew—Braden and I weren’t a couple. Never would be.

I went up to my room to pack. Then I left without saying goodbye.