Serve ‘N’ Protect by Tee O’Fallon

Chapter Eleven

The pounding continued, and the doorbell rang incessantly. Hugh was standing on her front porch. After all this time. But why?

Do I want to see him?

Yes. And no. Cassidy gulped.

“You sure you don’t want me to shoot him?” Markus’s eyes emanated sympathy as he stepped away from the window.

Ghost stood like a statue, his head lowered as he stared at the door and the hair along his spine as rigid as a pin cushion.

“Tempting.” She forced a smile that she didn’t feel in the slightest. “If I don’t talk to him, he’ll never leave.”

“Cassidy?” Hugh bellowed. “I know you’re in there.”

“Give us a minute. I don’t want him to see us.” Markus motioned for Ghost to follow him. “We’ll leave out the back door.”

She nodded, although part of her wanted him to stay for moral support, the way her family would have.

When Markus and Ghost had disappeared into the kitchen, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

Through the glass, Hugh looked exactly the way she remembered him. Tall and fit. Working in construction his entire life had given him a strong build, although he wasn’t quite as tall as Markus and not quite as muscular. She’d seen Markus completely naked, but that was hardly the same thing as being intimate with someone. She knew everything about Hugh’s body by heart. Perhaps one day she’d be able to stop thinking about all the times they’d made love.

Sunlight glinted off his short, straight blond hair—hair she used to sift her fingers through when they’d snuggle and watch movies together.

He didn’t wait for permission and pulled open the outer door. “Are you going to let me in? We need to talk.”

Talk?Seriously? She took a calming breath, willing her pulse to stop hammering. The last thing she wanted was for him to see how rattled she was. Inside, she wanted to scream. To pound on his chest the way she’d been physically incapable of doing that night in St. Mary’s Hospital.

Balancing on her cane, she pivoted awkwardly, making enough room for him to walk past. As he did, his arm brushed against hers. She waited for her skin to prickle with goose bumps the way it always had when he used to touch her. Oddly, her skin didn’t react at all.

She closed the door. “I believe you said all there was to say at the hospital.”

He opened his mouth then closed it as he looked around the living room. “Did you get a dog? I heard one barking.”

“It was my neighbor’s dog.” She tried keeping her voice flat and without the barest hint of the emotional tornado swirling inside her head. “They left out the back door.” Come to think of it, she hadn’t actually heard the door open and close.

Hugh’s eyes were still the clearest shade of light blue that she’d once fallen so deeply in love with. They used to joke about their wedding cake topper—Barbie and Ken. Their children would have been blond-haired and blue-eyed, too.

“What do you want, Hugh?” she asked, gratified that her voice hadn’t trembled. Well, almost.

“I wanted to see you.” He cupped the side of her face. “I miss you.”

“Miss me?” She batted his hand away, starting to feel a little annoyed. “It’s been ten months. Why all of a sudden did you start missing me?”

“I—” He clenched his jaw, calling attention to all the angles and planes of a face she’d once thought handsome. “I don’t know. I just had to see you.”

“Why?” she repeated. “Did you forget something? A screwdriver or a hammer?”

“No.”

But she already knew that, having been obsessively methodical about making sure he took back every single tool, every single stitch of clothing, and every speck of dust that belonged to him. There wasn’t a single thing he could say that could possibly erase the pain of jagged loneliness he’d left in his wake.

“I think I made a mistake.”

“What mistake?” When he’d broken off their engagement, he’d seemed damn certain of his decision at the time.

“Leaving you.” He rested his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently. “I shouldn’t have done it. I should have stayed with you. We could be married by now, and we still can be. It’s not too late. I know you still have the ring.”

For months these had been the words she’d longed to hear. Now that he’d finally said them, disbelief thrummed in her veins faster than water through an open hose. “You’ve got to be kidding. The second the doctors told us I’d never walk again you were halfway out the door. A week later, you were gone.”

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am about that.” He blinked, his eyes actually appearing glossy. “I was scared.”

He began rubbing her upper arms, something she used to love. Now, she found it annoying. Hugh had vanished from her life and now he suddenly wanted back in? This was all too much to believe.

“You were scared?” She tried shrugging off his hands, but he wouldn’t let her. “How do you think I felt, suddenly alone and unable to walk? What in the world makes you think you can stroll in here, and I’d just take you back?” Then something occurred to her. “You said you knew I was in the house. How did you know that?”

“One of my crew was driving past your house this morning and saw you out on the lawn. He happened to mention it, and I started thinking about you. I mean, it didn’t just hit me this morning. I’ve been thinking about you for months now.”

“So all it took was for one of your guys to see me walking across the lawn and—” That’s it.That was why he’d come to see her. She felt like her brain was about to explode. “I know why you’re here. It’s because I’m walking again, something you would have known if you hadn’t deserted me. You bastard.” This time, she managed to shrug his hands away.

“Cass, no. That’s not it. Please, you’ve got to give us another chance. Let me show you how much I still love you.”

Redundant though it was, the same thought kept pounding the inside of her head: You’ve got to be kidding. Did he even realize how ludicrous he sounded? “You discarded me like a broken toy. I cried myself to sleep for weeks, wishing, hoping, and praying that you’d come back.” But he hadn’t, and all that was left behind was a deep pit of bitterness in her heart that would never go away.

Cassidy blew out a breath, feeling all the anger inside her ebb like a receding tide. She had gone through an angry stage back then. Seeing Hugh had brought it all back, but then she remembered the emotional stage that had followed.

“Do you want to know why I finally stopped crying?” she continued. “It was because I understood. I realized I was being selfish. We were supposed to be starting our lives together. Being shackled to someone who can’t walk was too much to ask. I may be walking, but I’ll be disabled for the rest of my life. That hasn’t changed, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. You were right. You are better off without me.”

“We’ll figure something out,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I know we can.”

Now that she’d vented all the emotions that had, unbeknownst to her until now, still been boiling and seething somewhere inside, all that remained was a biting sadness that no man would ever see her as being a whole person again. That and her right hip and thigh were beginning to throb from falling on her ass on the steps.

Clicking sounds came from the kitchen. A moment later, Ghost walked into the room, followed by Markus.

Ghost sat at her side, glaring up at Hugh. To her shock, Markus smiled, revealing perfect white teeth, then draped his long, muscular arm over her shoulders. “Honey, you didn’t mention we were having company.” He held out his hand to Hugh. “I’m Alex. Cassidy’s boyfriend.”

Her head swiveled faster than a screw top. Huh? If King Kong and Godzilla miraculously appeared on her front lawn and started duking it out, she’d have been less shocked.

Apparently, Markus’s words had the same effect on Hugh. His mouth fell open and his eyes bugged wider than golf balls. “Hugh,” he said numbly. Slowly and with obvious reluctance, he shook Markus’s hand.

The look Hugh gave her turned to one of utter shock. “How could you have moved on so quickly?”

“Quickly?” Again, did he know how ridiculous he sounded? “You’ve been gone for ten months.”

Hugh gave a heavy sigh. “Cassidy, please.”

“No.” She shook her head. Markus’s arm was heavy but reassuring, and she was grateful that he hadn’t left after all. “I don’t know why you want to try again with me. You have everything going for you. You shouldn’t have to settle for…” Someone like me.Broken, in body and spirit. “Just go. There’s nothing here for you.”

For a moment, he hesitated, then he put his hand on the doorknob.

“Wait,” she said to him before turning to Ghost. “Box.” She pointed to the red velvet box containing her engagement ring.

Ghost walked to the table, picked up the box, then returned and presented it to her. She took it from his mouth, ignoring the sticky strands of slobber glistening on the cover. “Here.” She handed the box to Hugh.

As he stuffed it into his pocket, her heart squeezed, but not because she still loved him. That love had died an ugly, painful death that no amount of resuscitation could revive. As beautiful and valuable as the ring was, returning it to Hugh was the right thing to do. She would never wear it, nor could she ever look at it again. It was a symbol of all the wonderful things that had slipped from her grasp. Forever, most likely.

Hugh opened the door then pushed through the storm door. Numbly, she watched him go down the stairs, get into his truck, and drive off. The window into her life that he’d left slightly ajar was now closed. Permanently.

When Markus dropped his arm from her shoulder to close the door, she missed the solid reassurance he had given her. Without it, she began to crumble and turned so he wouldn’t see her lose her shit.

“How you doing, Morgan?” he asked gently.

She nodded, unable to speak past the lump in her throat. Then silent sobs bubbled up from a well she’d thought long dry. Markus’s arms came around her and he pulled her back against his chest. The silent sobs turned to audible ones as her body trembled and the tears flowed like a waterfall.

“Shh,” Markus whispered, his breath grazing the top of her head. “I’ve got you.” She gripped his thick forearms, clinging to him for several minutes while she sobbed out ten months of pent-up anguish. “He doesn’t deserve you. You’re better off without that numb nut in your life. Somewhere deep down, you know that.”

She laughed but it came out more like a blubbery, wet snort. “Numb nut? You are blunt, aren’t you?”

“I call things the way I see them. Your ex is an idiot.”

“Actually,” she said, turning in his arms, “he’s a good man.”

Still holding her, Markus repositioned his arms around her back. “If you say so.”

“He is.” Aside from the tiny bit about only showing up after he’d discovered she could stand on her own two feet. She pressed her cheek against Markus’s chest. “I don’t blame him for leaving me.”

Markus’s deep voice rumbled against her face. “A good man would never have left you, and he wouldn’t have come back under false pretenses.”

“So you heard all that.” She lifted her gaze to his. “Why didn’t you leave? You exposed yourself unnecessarily.”

He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I—” Ghost snorted. “Sorry,” he said, glancing to where Ghost sat next to them in front of the door. “We wanted to make sure you’d be okay. Besides, it was worth it just to see the look on Hugh’s face.”

She sniffled against him, then realized she’d made a damp spot on his shirt just below his thick pectorals. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, tilting her chin up with the tip of his finger. “You were too easy on him. It’s okay to get angry, you know. Might even be cathartic. Personally, I’d have bashed him over the head with that cane.”

She laughed, trying not to think about how good it felt as Markus began wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. “Thanks,” she said. “For staying and for making me laugh.” Because, wow,it had been a really long time since she’d laughed sans sarcasm.

“Anytime.” He smiled but not in the same way he’d smiled at Hugh. That had been facetious and designed to throw Hugh off guard, which it totally had. This one radiated genuine warmth, full and bright, teeth and everything.

She’d done it, fulfilled her mission in making him smile. Too bad it had taken her ex-fiancé showing up out of the blue and her turning into a blubbering idiot.

The heavy weight that had been pressing down, suffocating her at times, didn’t exactly float away. Now, it was only hovering. A step in the right direction.

Fierce determination took hold. She wanted to walk without a limp. As Markus had said, she wanted to cycle and run, to play volleyball again. Not so that she would be attractive to a man, but for herself, so that she would stop feeling like that broken toy.

She took a deep, cleansing breath. “Let’s find the time to work out tomorrow.”

Markus winked. “You’ve got it.”