Egotistically Yours by Hayley Faiman

Chapter Twenty-Seven

LAURENT

I moanas I roll over, then off of what appears to be a couch. I’m not sure because I can’t open my eyes. There’s a noise in the distance, then I feel someone walking up to me and slamming something on a hard surface.

Slowly, I force my eyes to open, one and then the other. There is a pair of shoes right in front of me and I drag my gaze all the way up and meet with Lawrence’s disapproving one. His arms are crossed over his chest and his chin is dipped down.

“Get on the couch, there’s coffee right there,” he states before he walks over to the chair across from me and sits down.

It takes me far longer than it should to peel myself off of the floor and sit down on the couch. Reaching for the coffee, I take a small sip, wondering if I’ll be able to keep it down. I’m not sure I can keep anything down, not even my saliva at this point. My stomach is seriously fucking rumbling.

“What the fuck happened last night?” I ask.

Lawrence doesn’t say anything right away. Looking over to him, I can see the disappointment on his face.

“Do you remember anything?” he asks.

Shaking my head, I almost whimper at the pain of the movement. “The last thing I remember, Abbie went to her table and you sat next to me. I started to tell you about my phone call with Mom, but after that, nothing.”

Lawrence snorts. “Fuck me, Laurent. What the fuck are we going to do with you, huh?”

“I didn’t … do anything, did I?”

All I can think about is fucking things up with Bethie by doing something unforgivable with Abbie or anyone else. I haven’t even thought about another woman since Bethie came back into my life, but drunk me? I don’t trust him.

“Not for lack of trying,” Lawrence grunts. “That woman is a real gem, that Abbie. She tried every trick in the book. Telling her about Bethie and Tucker wasn’t a deterrent, more like an added challenge and she was in to it.”

My heart starts to slam against my chest, and I wonder what the fuck happened? And what did I do?

“I didn’t, with her?” I breathe.

“I think that you might have if I wasn’t there. You were angry and confused. She was ready to take advantage of that.”

“I should have been at home,” I mutter.

Lawrence doesn’t say anything immediately in return, instead he just watches me and I know that he’s probably analyzing me as he typically does. I don’t mind this time, because I probably fucking need it.

I’m a goddamn mess.

“Why didn’t you go home after work? It was already late when you called me.”

There it is. The analyzing has begun. I’m sure that we talked about this last night, but I was so trashed, I don’t remember a single fucking thing about it. Clearing my throat, I look down at my feet, then shift my gaze back up to meet his.

“I was angry, far too angry to go home,” I say.

“And?”

Rolling my eyes to the ceiling, I let out a groan. I don’t want to do this, but I’m the one who called him and I’m the one who acted like a fucking childish fool last night.

“And I was thinking that Bethie didn’t need to see me angry. She also doesn’t need someone like me in her life.”

Lawrence frowns. “You love her?”

“I do. Which is why it would make more sense for me to end this now before I fuck her up any more, before Mom gets a hold of her and fucks with her. Bethie wants to be married and I’ll never do that. She needs a partner. She needs someone who doesn’t have a completely fucked-up mother and view on relationships.”

Lawrence smirks, then shakes his head a couple of times. “So, by your accounts, neither Lucinda nor I should ever be able to find love and have happiness either? Since you shouldn’t have it, your childhood is our childhood.”

“Stop being a therapist and be my brother,” I grind out.

“Okay then,” he says, then clears his throat. He leans forward and his eyes focus on mine. “As your brother, my thoughts are that you’re being a dumb fucking asshole and a little bitch,” he snaps.

“What?” I hiss.

“You heard me. You’re being a little bitch. You have a fucking baby to think about. You stayed out all night long because your mommy called you and made you angry? Get over yourself, Laurent. You’re not a kid anymore and you’ve seriously fucked up.”

Lawrence never scolds me or says shit to me, mainly because I’m two years older than him and if he said that shit as a kid, I would have kicked his ass. I’m half tempted to kick his ass now. But I don’t, mainly because I don’t think that he’s all wrong.

“So what do I do?” I ask. “I go back home and what?”

“You live your fucking life, Laurent. You do it the way that you want it.”

Arching a brow, I watch him for a moment, and I ask him a question, turning it all around to him and taking the heat off of me, at least I try.

“Yeah, is that what you’re doing? Almost thirty years old, good career, but what’s happening in your personal life? You’re alone, no woman, no man, no kids.”

“No man?” he asks.

Snorting, I lean back. “Wouldn’t know if you’re gay or straight, Law, you’ve never mentioned a lover and not once have you brought anyone home.”

“So, it’s about me now?” he asks.

There’s a moment of silence where we watch one another, stare at one another, then just like we were kids, he breaks first.

“Listen, Laurent. I don’t want to see you do something really stupid. Last night was just that. It could have ruined your entire fucking life. But you have to ask yourself, do you love Bethie, do you want to be with her? Tucker is always going to be in your life, he’s your son. But do you want to be with her?”

I think about his words. It’s a big decision, and he’s right, Tucker is mine. He’ll always be mine, he's my son. Do I love Bethie enough to saddle her with my shit for a lifetime? Or would it be more of a disservice? Would it be kinder to release her and let her find someone who will treat her right? Who doesn’t have the shit hang-ups that I do?

BETHANIE

Workon no sleep with a baby? Zero stars.

Thankfully, I am able to slip away from my counter more than once for a double shot iced coffee. The coffees don’t help my eyes feel any less like sandpaper and I’m going to have to pump because I can’t feed Tucker all of this caffeine.

The entire morning, I flick my eyes between my cell phone and the front door. I’d forgotten about the stranger for a few moments, about the assault and everything, with the disappearance of Laurent, the silence from him consuming me.

It’s deafening.

Every hour that passes, I feel like my relationship is dying a slow and painful death. Maybe it’s a quick one and I don’t realize it? I’m not sure, but it’s pure agony either way. I hate every single second of it and to top it off, it’s a really slow Tuesday and my phone only rings a handful of times in the entire morning.

When Melody appears in front of me, I don’t even really see her. “Oh, honey. You are a mess,” she whispers.

My body jerks and I blink once before my eyes can adjust, refocus, and meet hers. She gives me a kind smile and for a moment I forget why I don’t care for her much. Then her eyes sparkle and she starts to talk, and I remember instantly.

“You need a good dickin’ girl. Let’s go to lunch and talk, I can see it in your eyes, you’re suffering.”

I want to scream. I don’t need a dicking, not from anyone except Laurent. Laurent, who didn’t come home last night. Laurent, who spent the night somewhere else. Laurent, who hasn’t contacted me in over twenty-four hours.

So maybe I don’t even need one from him now that I think about it.

“I need to go and check on Tucker, then we can go,” I say.

The last thing that I want to do right now is to go to lunch with her, but it will provide a good distraction. Clocking out, I head toward the day care and peek in. Tucker is with Diane, he’s in one of her arms as she moves around and helps give the toddlers their lunches.

Slipping into the room, I reach for him and she gladly hands him over. I snuggle him, kissing his cheek and just hold him for a moment. My anxiety seeps out of me slowly, and I inhale a deep breath, then let it out.

This is exactly what I needed.

I needed this moment with him.

Handing Tucker back to Diane, I thank her for everything and then head out to lunch with Melody. We don’t go far, just to one of the café’s that is nearby. I don’t want to go anywhere far away with her or be stranded.

I just want to get this over with and maybe I’ll get lucky and I’ll never have to see her or Cody ever again. Now, that would be a dream.

It’s a nice day, so we choose to sit outside and I order a sweet tea, since my caffeine usage is off the charts as it is for the day, what’s one more at this point? The waitress appears and I order a croissant and side salad. Melody orders a water with lemon and a salad with no dressing.

Melody sits back and watches me for a moment. Then her lips curve up into a small grin. “So why do you look like someone ran over your favorite dog and left him for dead?” she asks.

I think about telling her the truth, then I decide that it’s not worth it. She is not my friend and I have no idea what would happen if I unloaded all of my personal business to her. I don’t want her going to Cody, and I definitely don’t want Laurent to think that I’m talking badly about him anywhere.

“It was just a long night with Tucker,” I murmur.

She smirks, but I can tell that she doesn’t believe me. I don’t say anything else and she doesn’t push it thankfully. Our conversation shifts and she starts telling me all about the man that she’s sleeping with in the city.

I don’t ask any questions. She just tells me anything and everything and I listen. I focus on her, on what she’s saying, but I don’t care about any of it. All I can think about is Laurent, our future, or possibly lack thereof.

By the time lunch is finished, Melody gives me a hug outside of the café and tells me that she has to get going and that she’s parked in the opposite direction of my office building. Waving goodbye to her, my panic starts to consume me.

I have to walk back to the office alone. Down the busy sidewalk, surrounded by people, but alone. What if that man is watching me? What if he follows me? What if he kidnaps me? I can’t think of anything else, it literally consumes me in seconds and I find that it’s hard to breathe.

With my phone in my hand, my head down, and my feet moving quickly, I try to make it back to the building in record time. I’m almost there, so close that I can see the glint from the sun hitting the front door, when a hand wraps around my bicep and spins me around.

I open my mouth to scream, but before a sound comes out, lips touch mine in a hard, bruising kiss.

Lips that I know.

Lips that I love.