The Blush Factor by Deborah Bladon

Chapter Twenty-Six

Matthew

For Christ’s sake.

This is the moment I decide to sprout a goddamn conscience?

Where the fuck was it when I was reading her diary?

I see disappointment swimming in her eyes. Humiliation is there too, and it slays me.

I take a step back, and she’s up. It’s that fucking fast. She’s on her feet, ready to bolt, but I stop her with a hand on her wrist.

“I have to say something,” I growl the words out, wishing I could ignore my need to do the right thing, but I can’t.

I fucking can’t because she deserves more than that.

She’s waited this long to share her body with a man, and I won’t be the guy who takes that from her under false pretenses.

If I’m taking her to bed, it’s with a clean slate between us.

“I should go,” she spits out the words I was expecting.

I ignore them and turn toward her, so I’m facing her directly. “I need you to hear me out, Faith.”

“It’s okay,” she tries to reassure me. “You don’t have to say a thing.”

I wish that were true, but it’s not.

I don’t know how to do this, but I’ve learned through a hell of a lot of trial and error that being direct is the route to take, so I go there.

I suck in a deep breath and stare down at her. I want her eyes on me when she hears this.

“I want you.”

Her lips tremble. “But just now.”

“Just now, I wanted to kiss you,” I admit. “Jesus, did I want that.”

The smallest smile tugs at her pouty lips. “You can kiss me.”

Permission granted, but still, I can’t. I don’t confess that to her because I need to stay on course if I hope to move whatever is happening between us forward.

I reach for her other hand and hold it in mine. I do that as much to offer her comfort as to keep her in place because pretty Miss Upton is going to make a break for the door when she hears what I need to say.

Need, not want.

I don’t want to do this to her, but fate brought me and my sinful curiosity here, so this is the penance for that.

I’ll pay the price, even if it means I’ll never see her again.

That’s a real possibility.

“What is it?” Worry taints her tone. “Tell me, Dr. Hawthorne.”

“Matthew,” I insist loudly. “Please, Faith, I need you to call me Matthew.”

I need that so my confession doesn’t come off as even more perverted than it is.

How the fuck did I end up here?

That question lingers in the air as I look down at her. “You’re an incredible young woman, Faith. You’re beautiful and brilliant, and your drive is admirable.”

She studies my face as she absorbs that. “Thank you.”

“I should have told you this before.” I look to the heavens for guidance, but all I get is a view of my ceiling that could use a fresh coat of paint.

“Told me what?”

I clear my throat because I want her to understand the next words out of my mouth. I sure as hell don’t want to repeat them. “I read more of your diary than the first entry. I know you’re a virgin. I know what you want me to do to you.”

I’ve never watched a person literally fall to their knees, but she’s down for the count.

Her legs give out, and she’s sinking fast, so I grab her. I slide my arm under her and scoop her up.

Small sounds escape her, but I can’t tell if they are words or pleas for help.

Either way, I carry her to my couch and place her down on her ass.

That doesn’t sit well with her because she tries to stand. She wobbles slightly but is around me before I can stop her.

I turn to see her at my apartment door. Her hand is wrapped so tightly around the doorknob that her knuckles are straining.

“Don’t run,” I call out to her. “Don’t go, Faith. Stay and talk to me.”

She turns, and I see it. I see the pain in her eyes and tears clouding her vision.

She swipes a hand over her cheek, but it clears nothing away. The tears haven’t fallen yet. They’re building in her eyes like a dam about to burst.

“I can’t,” she mumbles.

I approach her. I don’t stalk toward her because I’ve already pushed her so far that she’s about to disappear forever.

“You can,” I insist. “I read it. It made me want things. It made me ache.”

All of that is more than I intended to share, but fuck it. I pushed her to a place where her vulnerability is on full display, so I deserve to join her there.

I keep talking, hoping my admissions keep her within my reach.

“I jacked off thinking about what you wrote.” The words are dirty and filled with need, but they’re honest. They are a true reflection of what I felt.

“What?” That one word tumbles out of her in a breathless rush.

“Reading about how you wanted me to touch you and taste you,” I pause to step closer. “Jesus, Faith. It was so fucking hot. All of it was so fucking hot.”

Her hand tightens on the doorknob. “You didn’t really think it was hot. I can’t believe you’d think…”

“Believe it.” I’m inches away from her now.

My heart pounds in my chest. My cock is trying to break through the zipper of my jeans. I’ve been hard before, but this, this is beyond that.

I’m aching with so much intensity that I don’t know if I can stand another minute alone with her.

I may have to race out the door just to escape the desperate need that is clawing at me.

“How much did you read?” she whispers. “What did you read?”

“You want my fingers inside of you.”

That lures a gasp from her. “Matthew.”

“Honesty, Faith.” I step even closer. “I’m being goddamn honest here.”

She nods.

“You want me to be your first,” I say in a strangled voice. “You want my mouth on your body. You need to feel my teeth on your ass. You want me to fuck you.”

Her eyes widen with wonder. “Oh, God.”

I close the distance between us with steps that are driven by pure animalistic need. I have to be close to her. If she leaves now, I don’t think I’ll see her again, and I want the image of her to be seared in my brain for eternity because I have never fucking wanted anyone this much before.

She straightens her back against my door with her hand still wrapped around the doorknob.

I hover above her, my hands aching to reach out to touch her. “Faith.”

“Matthew.” My name is hoarse as it escapes her. “I didn’t want that.”

She didn’t want what?For me to fuck her raw? To feel my mouth on her cunt while I feast on it for hours?

“What didn’t you want?”

Her long eyelashes flutter as she gazes up at me. “For you to read all of that.”

“But I did,” I counter. “I read it and fucking loved every single word.”

She edges up to her tiptoes. It’s a silent invitation, but I wait for more because she’s driving this train, and I’m only along for the ride.

Her hand leaps to my chest. She rests it there. Her touch is searing a hole straight through to my heart, or maybe it’s a lifeline to my dick because it’s still straining with the need to release.

I lower my head until my lips are almost against hers. “Take what you want, Faith. Take whatever you want from me.”

Her lips part. “Will you kiss me?”

The request is tame and filled with innocence. It’s not what I was expecting and nowhere near what I was hoping for. I want more, but I give her exactly what she needs.

I lower my mouth to hers and kiss Faith in a way that I know she’s never been kissed before.