Heart of a Lion by Lacey Thorn
Chapter Seven
Quinn watched her father cautiously enter the room He appeared sad yet hopeful at the same time, and she wondered if she’d broken him completely when she’d returned. She’d never forgotten the gut-wrenching sobs he hadn’t held back when he’d found her mother. She’d known he’d put every bit of grief and anger at her mother’s loss into doubling his efforts to save the shifters. It had enraged her then. She hadn’t understood. Hadn’t felt anything other than her own loss. Instead of speaking with him, she’d raged with hate, spewing vile words at him, and leaving him with that memory.
“I’m sorry.”
They both spoke the words at the same time, but her father frantically shook his head back and forth as he rushed across the room to her.
“I’m sorry, Quinn. I let you down. I let Isaac manipulate you and me. Let him take advantage of a loss that ripped apart my world. I’d give anything to go back and…change all of it.”
“We can’t go back, Dad. I’m sorry I let you down.”
“No—”
“I did. I reacted like a child.”
“A child grieving the loss of her mother. No one can blame you for that.”
“I left you. After screaming how much I blamed you. How much I hated you. That was grief speaking.”
“No.” Her dad shook his head again. “I was to blame. I am to blame. I made the choice to help Isaac Erikson when he came to me. That choice changed all our lives. Mine, your mother’s, yours. I brought us into this. I’d like to say I didn’t know what I was getting into, but even then, I had a clue about what it might cost. Isaac didn’t lie to me about that. But I never…” Another broken pause. “I never would have sacrificed your mother. Or you.”
“Mom wouldn’t have let you stop helping shifters any more than you would have wanted to. I know that. I knew it then. I know it now. Logic gets lost in grief. I hate that we lost mom. Hate the way they left her, but I turned that rage on the wrong person.”
“I’m so glad you’re home.”
“I missed you, Dad. Every day.”
There had been nights when she’d cried for him, screamed his name over and over again inside her head as she begged him to come for her, to find her and free her from the hell of her own making. When it had all boiled down, she’d wanted her daddy to come save her. Only, he hadn’t been able to. No one had. And she’d been left at the mercy of a madman.
“I’d give my life to take away the shadows I see in your eyes.”
“No. Don’t ever say that,” she warned. “I made my choices.”
Her father looked as if he wanted to say something more, but Emery made a rumbly growl in his sleep and both their gazes fell to the baby.
“Can I hold him?”
She glanced up and took in the love for her son that shone in her father’s eyes. Tenderly, she handed the baby up and took in the easy way her father snuggled him. He held out his finger, and Emery clutched the digit in his waving hand before settling back down.
“He’s so strong. And bright eyed. He’s not like any newborn I’ve seen, and I’ve seen my fair share of both human and shifter babies over the years I’ve practiced medicine. My grandson is the smartest and strongest and bravest little boy.” He leaned down to speak to Emery. “I know you’ve done your best to keep your mom safe. Watching over her from the inside. I’ve got you both now. And I’m thinking a certain man also has the two of you in his sights. I like him, by the way. He comes across as a solid guy. A protector.”
“Dad.”
“I’m just telling you I like him. For what it’s worth.”
Their gazes met again.
“Tell me about Emery, Quinn. I know you’re planning to tell Tah and the rest of them whatever you can but tell me about my grandson. Because he is ours. Our perfect little boy.”
“I’d just lost his father, and the grief and rage hit me hard. I tore apart the room they kept me in. Talbot had me drugged. When I woke up, I had incisions on my stomach. Talbot told me I was carrying a baby and that my life and that of the child I carried was in his hands. He reminded me of that often.”
“They said you had open incisions when Ariel took you to get help, before we arrived.”
Her father brushed his fingers over her hair, something he’d done often when she’d been a child. The soothing motion made her ache for the time they’d lost and the scars that lay between them.
“He ran tests daily on how Emery was growing and the physiological changes in me while I was carrying a shifter baby. There was no point in him closing the incisions he planned to open up again.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you,” he whispered. “So sorry I let you down.”
“No.” She sat straighter so she could reach for her dad’s free hand. “Don’t think that. You’ve never let me down. What I went through, every moment of it, was due to my own impetuous temper.”
“And Isaac Erikson.”
She nodded then shook her head in frustration. “I’d like to blame him, and I did for years. But the truth is, he only took advantage of my emotions. He didn’t force me. I made my own choice. Even then.”
“He fed your need for revenge, for justice, knowing the entire time what you were walking into. You didn’t. At least, not fully. I won’t be as magnanimous as you. Isaac was my friend, and he betrayed my trust in a way I’ll never be able to forgive.”
There wasn’t anything she could say to that. Eventually, her father would have to make his own peace with what had transpired. Just as she would.
“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you since I got here.”
“Why have you? I thought it was because you still blamed me.”
“No. Never,” she rushed to assure him. “I think part of me has always known Talbot won’t let me go. Not really. And anyone who’s close to me is in danger. It would kill me if you were hurt because of me.”
“Oh, Quinn. I’ve always been in danger. From the moment I told Isaac yes and started helping my first shifter. Every day, I was at risk. Put our family at risk. Your mother paid the price for that, and so did you.”
“Dad—”
“No,” he interrupted. “You did. You never would have met Isaac if it hadn’t been for me. I know that. I have to live with that every day. You’re not protecting me by staying away from me, and I won’t let you anyway. I lost you once. I won’t lose you again. You and Emery are all I have left.”
“I need you to understand something. Talbot… He did things to me. Things I’m not sure of.”
“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re here, with me, and I have this gorgeous grandson.”
“It does matter,” she corrected. “Whatever he did has consequences. For me and maybe, for Emery, too. Talbot made a lot of threats. Told me things then laughed and told me he’d lied. I don’t know what’s truth and what’s fabrication. But I know I’m not the same girl who left here years ago.”
“You’re still my Quinn, and whatever he did to you, we’ll figure it out. And deal with it. Together. I’m not going anywhere, and I hope you aren’t either.”
She blew out a breath. “There’s something inside me, and it scares me. Sometimes, I don’t feel in control. Whatever that is, it could be dangerous to those around me. It already is. The hunters who are coming here aren’t coming for Talbot.”
“Why would you think that?”
“They’re coming for me. And Emery. They won’t stop. They told me that during the last attack. As much as I want to stay, I’m a danger to everyone here.”
“Any member of this pride will tell you they’re always in danger. Every single one of them has a story to tell. You know better than I do what they’ve gone through at the hands of hunters. You’ve experienced it firsthand.”
She squeezed his hand. “Don’t. Don’t try to imagine. I’m not there anymore.”
He wrapped his arms around her and Emery, holding them close while remaining gentle as if he understood how fragile they were.
“I’m so glad you’re home.”
He eased back and sat beside her on the bed, running his fingers over Emery as if he couldn’t resist. She understood that need.
“Tell me about his father.”
Such an easy thing to ask. Yet, it ripped a hole open deep inside her. One that had soul-shattering pain flying free and lodging in every corner of her heart. It brought tears to her eyes that she tried unsuccessfully to blink away. But she’d tell him about Lander. He deserved to be remembered. To be mourned. God, she could see him in her son’s eyes.
“His name was Lander. I met him when Talbot took me with him to another lab. I discovered later it was a place where they were working with fertility and conception outside the body. I’m not sure how long Lander was there. He didn’t remember. He was a good man. One of the best I’ve ever met. A father Emery can be proud of.”
“And you loved him.”
She ran a finger over Emery’s arm, loving that she could touch him now. Hold him now. See his perfection instead of merely imagining it. Perfection Lander would never get to see for himself.
She moved her gaze around the room, taking in everything and nothing as her mind drifted to another room in another facility where a man had become a friend. A friend who’d asked her for a favor that still haunted her every day of her life. She couldn’t let her dad believe they’d been more than friends, though.
“I didn’t. Not romantically. I felt for him. I wanted to help him. Would have given almost anything to free him. But I couldn’t. I thought there was nothing more Talbot could do to hurt me when I lost Lander, but Talbot always finds a way. He did when he put a baby inside me. Any threat to my child and I did whatever I was told.”
Anything she was told. He’d manipulated her into doing what he wanted, using the same threat. She still had nightmares about waking up but being unable to move while Talbot worked over her stomach. Sometimes, he’d tell her that he was taking her baby, that her child was already gone. Then he’d laugh as she cried.
Her father brushed tears from her cheeks she hadn’t even realized she was shedding.
“I’ve never hated another being as much as I hate Talbot. Not even the men who killed your mother, and trust me when I say, I hate them. But Talbot? I wish they would have killed him instead of capturing him and bringing him here. Even under lock and key, he’s still managing to hurt you.”
Her keeper had certainly managed to get inside her head to the point he was still there even when he wasn’t around her. It was terrifying. She went through every day as if she were waiting for something to happen. Something he had set in place. Not knowing was as scary as the physical changes taking place within her.
“I don’t…”
Her words trickled off as a knock sounded at the door.
Diane poked her head in. “Sorry to interrupt, guys, but Tah and the others are here and ready to talk.”
“Give us just a second, please,” Quinn asked, and Diane nodded before ducking back out.
“We’ll finish our talk later. There’s so much more I need to say to you. So much I want you to understand.”
“You’re home,” Miles said as he dropped a kiss on her head the way he had so many times when she’d been a little girl. “That’s all that matters. I love you. Everything else is merely semantics.”
“I love you, too. Why don’t you take your grandson and watch over him while I speak to the alpha and whoever’s with him?”
“I’ll stay with you,” he offered. “You don’t have to do this alone.”
She hadn’t planned to. She’d hoped Mitch would be back at her side as she shared things with the pride. Things she didn’t want to hide from her father but still didn’t want to say in front of him. There were things a father never needed to hear about his daughter.
“I’d rather not have Emery here for this. He easily picks up on my emotions, and I don’t want him upset. He just ate. He’s probably ready for a nap. And what could be better than bonding time with his grandfather?”
Her father wasn’t fooled. She could tell by the look in his eyes.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded, biting her bottom lip when he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead again before cradling Emery closer against his chest.
“You know there’s nothing you could share that would make me feel anything but proud of you, right?”
She smiled, unable to articulate her feelings. How did she tell him there were things that would bring her shame no matter how many years passed? That there were bloodstains on her hands that went soul deep? How did she tell him the man he thought she’d loved had died while she stood there and watched?