Midnight Renegade by Anya Summers
18
As the clapping finally stopped, Reegan stared at the full carat diamond ring winking up at her. Paul had stunned her speechless with the surprise. He was everything she should want: dependable as the sun, steady, a hard worker, made good money, and was one of the nicest guys you’d ever meet.
And about as entertaining as watching paint dry. One of the main reasons she had broken it off with him was she’d worried she would die of boredom.
“Please say you will. I promise I can make you happy,” Paul declared, and she knew the enormity of love in his eyes should move her.
Reegan should say yes to his proposal. Her parents would be thrilled by the match. He was exactly the type of man they would pick out for her if she let them. And there was a part of her that did love him… but as a friend. She wasn’t in love with him, and never had been.
There was a man she was in love with, but it wasn’t the dependable, steadfast man holding her hand. They weren’t compatible in the bedroom. The sex had been nice. But that was the last thing it should be, and wasn’t even in the same ballpark with what she needed.
After the all-consuming passion she had experienced at Brody’s hands, there was no way Reegan was willing to settle for less than that type of passion. She wouldn’t live without it in her life any longer.
Even if it meant, she had to live without Brody.
She deserved passion in her life. If she had to attend every singles night at The Eros Pit until she found it, then that’s what she would do.
“Paul,” she murmured low with regret filling her. Reegan slipped the ring off her finger and placed it into his palm. She hated watching the delight in his caramel-brown eyes dim. “I’m sorry but I can’t. And you shouldn’t want to marry me.”
His face turned to stone. “It’s the guy from the other night, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” She nodded, unwilling to lie to him.
“And you love him?” Paul asked.
“Yes.” Always. It seemed that she had been in love with him from the moment she met Brody and had never stopped—not even after he’d ghosted her, or left her alone in a hospital emergency room, believing it was happening all over again.
“And he loves you?” The skepticism in Paul’s voice almost did her in.
She didn’t know how Brody felt about her. He enjoyed screwing her brains out. They’d had fun. But his level of commitment, his desire to keep her around—she had no clue whether it was purely physical or not. “That’s not the point.”
Paul gripped both of her hands tight. “I love you, Reegan. And I’m sure I could make you happy.”
She sighed and shook her head, so full of regret for ever contacting him again. She should have called Colin or Xavier, or literally anyone else from the club. “I’m not. And it wouldn’t be fair to you if I did, because you deserve a woman who can give you her whole heart. That’s not me, nor will it ever be. You’re a good man, Paul, but all I can ever offer you is friendship. I’m sorry if my calling you the other night made you think otherwise.”
“I see.” He withdrew his hands from hers, his brow furrowed and eyes full of despair.
She hated hurting him, but it would be crueler if she allowed him to retain hope for something more between them. Reegan had broken things off with him for a reason. And now more than ever, she knew it had been the right call.
“Truly, I am sorry.”
“I hope you understand if I don’t stick around for the meal, and just say goodnight then.” He tossed his napkin down on the table, indescribable pain etched into his features. Reegan knew that look. It was what she had seen in the mirror this morning when she’d been thinking about Brody.
She rose with Paul. Before he left, because she knew this would be it, she kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. “Goodbye, Paul.”
He held on tight for a moment, like he didn’t want to let her go. But then he stepped back, nodded, and walked away without another word.
The waiter passed by, and Reegan hailed him for the check. She didn’t mind being stuck with the bill. She considered it part of her penance for ever calling Paul in the first place. If she hadn’t been so out of sorts because of Brody, she never would have.
And now she had hurt a good man. It was something she would end up carrying with her. There was no absolution when a part of her had known the door she would be opening again when she made that call.
Reegan left the restaurant, hailed a cab, and called Sophia on the ride home. The moment her bestie answered, she said, “I need you to add me as a participant to every singles night at the club for the foreseeable future.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes. I never should have let Brody back into my life. Please.”
“If it’s what you want. Honey, do you want me to come over and we can talk?” Sophia asked.
“No. I’ve got a big day tomorrow at work, and you just got back. We’ll do a girls’ night catch up once I get back from my parents’ house and their big anniversary party shindig.”
“I’m here if you need anything.”
“I know. Give Gabe a kiss for me, and I will let you two get back to your night.” Reegan hung up, feeling resolute.
She might be deeply in love with Brody, but she couldn’t live with a man she couldn’t trust.
