Pretend Love Romance by Penny Wylder

1

Diana

The outdoors and I do not get along. I think I’ve already been bitten by approximately one million mosquitos, and I’m not exaggerating. It’s hot as hell even though it’s still technically spring, and since we’re on the river, it’s so humid that my hair is sticking to my face and neck.

God, I love my friends, I really do, but this is the last place that I want to be right now. My idea of the perfect bachelorette party—and the plan that I will be following if I ever get married—is wearing a bikini on the beach for three days with my friends, a hot tub just feet away, and cocktails delivered on demand.

So basically, the exact opposite of whitewater rafting.

Promises have been made that there is a hot tub and cocktails in my future, so I’m doing my best to get through the day in good spirits. But it’s hard to shake the feeling that disaster is waiting just around the corner for me. here’s a reason that my job requires me to be indoors, seated, at my computer. I’d probably be dead several times over if I had to go outside on a regular basis. I am notoriously accident prone.

“You’ll be fine, Di,” Emily says, breaking through my worried thoughts.

I sigh and sit down to re-tie my shoes. “That’s what you think. You’re outdoorsy. Mother Nature has anointed you her blessed child and all that shit. Me? I’ve broken more than one bone practically tripping over nothing.”

She laughs, coming over and flopping down beside me and almost tackling me. “Here, let me rub some Mother Nature blessings on you.”

“Oh my God.” I nearly lose my balance and topple over the tree truck that I’m sitting on, but at least I’m laughing now. “You seriously owe me big, bitch. For coming out here into the middle of nowhere to get into a boat.”

“I appreciate it. Besides, you know it’s going to be fun.”

I make a face at my best friend. “Maybe. But you know what you get to do after? You get to go home to Ryan and get fucked within an inch of your life, and I get to go home to my couch and my Netflix account.”

“We’re going to find you someone,” Emily says, smirking. “Isn’t that right, girls?”

“It’s true,” Sarah says. “We have a fifteen-point plan that we’re implementing after the wedding.”

“You do not.”

Marie tosses a life vest my way and I catch it. “We do, actually.”

“Yep,” Julie says as she’s pulling her hair back into a ponytail. “Point number two is you getting a boob job.”

I roll my eyes even though I’m smiling. “Fuck off.”

“Okay, okay, it might not be fifteen points,” Emily says, giggling, “but we do have plans to help you. And it will work because having three wing women is better than just one.”

“Or counterpoint: you maniacs will scare away all the men,” I say, trying to loosen the straps of the life vest enough to actually get it over my head.

“We would never,” Marie says sweetly, but she’s grinning in a way that is entirely unconvincing.

“But in order for our plan to work, we’re going to need total control of your dating profiles and we need a list of everything that you want in a man.”

I stand and look at the three of them. “When did you all become the matchmaking old woman from Fiddler on the Roof? Whatever her name was.”

“Yente,” Sarah supplies.

“Exactly. When did you all become Yentes?”

Emily smirks. “When we got together and discussed how long it’s been since you got laid.”

“Ouch,” I wince.

It has been a while, but still.

“Kidding,” Em says. “You know we wouldn’t do that. But we also feel a little bad that since we’re all partnered off you get left out of stuff. So, we want to find you someone amazing. And get you laid.”

“Well, thank you for wanting me to have some orgasms, but I’ll live. Let’s just try to make sure I actually live through this little outdoor adventure and then make good on y’all’s promise of a hot tub and drinks, okay?”

“Sure,” Marie says, with mischief in her voice, “but I think that there’s a chance we may be able to launch our plan before the wedding.”

“How so?” Emily takes a long sip from her water bottle and then does a double take. “Oh. That.”

“What?”

Sarah smiles at me. “Remember who’s taking us on this adventure?”

I turn and find him walking up the path toward us. Oh yeah, I remember. How could I forget? And to be honest, he’s a pretty big part of why I’m sucking it up and not making some excuse to run back to the hotel.

Leo.

We met him yesterday when we checked in, and I swear that my lady parts started to sing the hallelujah chorus at just the sight of him. He’s the kind of man you see in catalogs for outdoors gear. Kind of a hipster lumberjack. Big enough that just being in his proximity makes me feel small, with muscles for days.

He has just enough stubble on his jaw that it makes you wonder what it would feel like on your skin. Specifically, the skin between your legs while his piercing blue eyes looked up at you.

Match that with the tattoos peeking out from under his collar and sleeves, and the man is serious fucking eye candy. And today it’s the exact same, except hotter, because he’s wearing a sleeveless shirt that shows off every line of hard strength and the full sleeves of tattoos.

I have to look away from him and take a breath. Maybe my friends are right. It’s been so long since I had any below the belt action that just looking at him is raising my temperature.

“Afternoon, ladies,” he says, and the depth of his voice makes me shiver. I need to snap the fuck out of it. Being distracted by him will make the goal of just surviving this expedition that much harder. “Ready for some rafting?”

“See?” Emily says, sneaking up to me. “We could help you have a little fun while you’re here.”

I sigh. “As fun as that would be, I highly doubt that that will happen.”

“You never know,” she waggles her eyebrows at me. “Who knows what could happen?”

“Emily,” I say it as a warning, but I’m well aware that when my best friend decides to do something, there’s very little that can stop her.

Yesterday when we arrived after I’d finished ogling Leo, we’d gone over the various outdoor excursions and what they would require. Which is why we were here early putting on life vests. It saved on time to do it all at once, and if it means less time in the sweltering heat, that is just fine with me.

“Leo?” Emily calls to him. “Diana was having some trouble with the life jacket. I think some of the fastenings are stuck. Can you help her?”

He looks up. “Sure.”

I glare at my friends, though they’re all grinning at me. “Yeah,” I say as he comes over. “Maybe this one just hasn’t been used in a bit.”

“It happens,” he says, taking the vest from me.

I’m pointedly ignoring the frantic whispers coming from behind me as I watch Leo loosen the straps. He holds it out once they come loose, and I slip my arms through. Being this close, I’m starting to fantasize that maybe Emily is right, and I could have some extra fun with him.

But he doesn’t show anything but professionalism as he buckles the vest on my chest. No lingering touches or accidental explorations. It makes sense, but it’s still disappointing. Why didn’t I pack my vibrator for this trip? Just being near Leo is enough to make me want to spend some quality time alone.

“There,” he says.

“Thanks.”

When I turn around, the girls are already split into teams, standing by two of the boats, which leaves me and Leo. In the same boat. “I see you’ve picked spots already.”

“Oh,” Marie says. “You know, we just kind of picked at random.”

Emily shrugs. “And besides, you’re the one who’s nervous. Figured you’d be more comfortable being in the boat with the guy who has experience.”

“You’re fine boating with Leo, right?” Julie has her hand over her mouth, trying to contain her laughter.

Their acting is so bad I’m nearly cringing. I’m going to kill them later, and then laugh with them.

I put on a smile. “Sure.”

Leo can’t possibly miss the way that they’re looking at the two of us, but he has the grace not to say anything, and I’m grateful. No need to make it anymore awkward than it already is.

“How long is this course?” I ask Leo as we head to the canoe that’s at the head of the pack.

“Only a couple of hours. Not too long.”

“Perfect.” A couple of hours was long enough for me to invent various torture methods to exact revenge on my friends, and probably come up with way too many fantasies about me, Leo, and a bed. Or, you know, anywhere.

I grab my water bottle and step into the canoe, nearly losing my footing already. This is going to go really well.

“You okay?” Leo asks.

It really isn’t fair for him to have a voice like that. Smooth like dark chocolate and really good vodka. Having a voice like that should be illegal. Because it affects me way too fucking much.

“Yeah,” I manage. “I’m fine. I apologize in advance, but I’m not the most outdoorsy person, so it’s not great that you’re stuck with me.”

Leo smiles, and it’s so full and bright that it hits me square in the chest and makes me lose my breath. “Don’t worry, I’m outdoorsy enough for both of us.”

I can only nod. Thank fuck. Cause there’s no way I’m going to be focused now.