Sailor Proof by Annabeth Albert

Chapter Eight

Arthur

I had the best ideas. Learning how to be a good boyfriend by using Derrick as a test case was going to be amazing.

Or fail spectacularly.

Or intensify whatever low-grade crush I was already nursing for Derrick.

Whatever. It would be fun finding out, and I was greatly enjoying our drive to the camping resort even if Derrick wasn’t parting with the keys to his sweet-ass ride and had a strict no-drinking-in-the-car rule when I suggested stopping for soda.

“What’s the absolute worst thing a boyfriend could do?” he asked, continuing the discussion we’d been having about pet peeves around relationships. It was fun and slightly silly and might help me be a better fake boyfriend, but also I liked talking with Derrick, no matter the topic.

“Hmm.” I took a second to think because unlike a lot of my friends, Derrick seemed to want actual answers from me, not simply fast one-liners. “Ignore me. Which I know is rich coming from me, but I don’t like being ignored in plain sight, that invisible feeling.”

“I get that.” Derrick nodded solemnly, and it made sense that he’d understand because he tended to fade into the background at events himself.

“What about you? What’s your deal breaker? Other than cheating, obviously.”

He groaned. “Cheating is only cheating if it’s a deception. Had Steve simply told me he wanted an open relationship, I probably would have agreed. Not gonna say I’d love it, but I’d deal. I know several couples with nontraditional arrangements. Everyone copes with the separations and stuff in their own way. All I wanted was for him to talk to me.”

“So lying and bad communication skills. Got it. My other deal breakers are petty in contrast, but I can’t do an awful voice or laugh.”

“Like this?” Derrick did a terrible imitation of a thick New England accent, adding a braying laugh at the end.

“That.” I was laughing so hard that speaking was difficult. “Add terrible musical taste to my list.”

“I can’t blast bubblegum pop in our cabin?” Derrick made me laugh even more.

“Not if you want to live.” I took a moment to catch my breath. “Oh, and I don’t like being made fun of. That’s another deal breaker for me.”

“I know. And I’m sorry again for my band camp crack the other day. Was school really hard for you?”

Outside, the scenery was peaceful and calming, endless green trees and scenic vistas, a contrast to my churning brain. “School. Brothers. Cousins. It’s never easy being different. I found my people in college and grad school, but I still don’t like being the butt of jokes.”

“I hear that.” Derrick shot me a sympathetic glance before returning his eyes to the road. “I mainly kept my head down in school, didn’t come out until later. You’re kind of to blame for that actually.”

“Me? How so?”

“I had met Calder and he was talking about bringing me home for some holiday dinner, but he gave me this whole lecture about how his little brother was gay and he was bi, and if I had a problem with either of those things, I could just plant my ass on base. So I told him the truth and never really looked back after that.” The way Derrick pursed his mouth said that it hadn’t been quite that simple, but I was still strangely proud that I’d played some small part in his journey.

“Nice. I like inspiring you. Calder drives me nuts, but he’s always stood up for me when it truly counted.” The warmth in my chest faded into chilly dread as another thought occurred to me. “And you and him never...”

My stomach churned at the mere thought of them getting it on. Swallowing hard, I stared out the window at the increasingly mountainous terrain.

“God no.” Derrick’s laugh was harsh. “The only thing worse than one of your lieutenants stealing your person is a bad breakup with a crewmate. We never vibed in that way, thank fuck because intra-sub romances are destined to implode, usually spectacularly and with collateral damage.”

“See, this is the good thing about fake relationships.” Not wanting to reveal how relieved I was that he and Calder never messed around, I forced a more joking tone. “We get to decide our own no-drama exit strategy right now. Two years from now, we’ll run into each other and it will be a funny memory.”

Even as I said it, I hated the idea. I didn’t particularly want to see Derrick parading someone new around. Oh, he said he was done with relationships, but I didn’t buy it. No one who kissed like him was going to stay single forever.

“Yeah.” Derrick didn’t sound any more enthusiastic than I was.

Needing to lighten the mood, I turned the stereo up as one of my more iconic song picks came on, an overwrought eighties ballad, and I sang along in overly dramatic fashion until Derrick joined in.

We continued singing and sharing relationship pet peeves until the GPS bleated at us to take the turn for Lake Crescent, which had several different camps and retreat centers around it, including this one.

“Prepare for chaos now,” I warned. My muscles were tight from two hours in the car, and I was ready to stretch my legs, but not necessarily ready for my family’s onslaught. “Do you want a code word for if you need a break from all the socializing and pointed questions?”

“As far as they know, we’ve been dating a short time. Surely they’re not going to give us a hard time about a wedding or kids?”

“I saw that shudder, Derrick.” I laughed as the lake came more into view. I’d been here before, but the green-covered mountains hugging the blue water never stopped being impressive. “And you clearly haven’t been around the Eulers much. We’ll have to hear a half dozen opinions about small versus large weddings by dinner, at which time they’ll move on to the merits of adoption versus surrogacy.”

“Can’t you tell them it’s too early to say?”

“You try that.” My mother and aunts weren’t the type to give up easily. “They might listen more if I say they’re not getting invites to any hypothetical events if they keep it up.”

“Ha. Bribery. I like it.” Derrick took the turn for a small bumpy lane that led to the family camp on the shores of the lake, a mix of larger buildings like the dining hall and meeting space and smaller cottages and cabins, all with a quaint early 1900s vibe, weathered clapboard and faded colors, but well-kept, with little paths between the buildings. The view of the lake, even from the parking lot, was nothing short of stunning and was so captivating that I almost forgot to be nervous about the reunion. But then Derrick bumped my shoulder after he finished parking. “Showtime.”

“Yeah. Better get our happy couple faces on,” I joked as we exited the car and grabbed our bags.

“I draw the line at making out in the check-in line, but feel free to act like you can’t wait to be alone.” Discovering that Derrick had a robust sense of humor was one of the highlights of the day for me and wasn’t helping my efforts to avoid a giant crush on the guy. Silent, he was easier to dismiss, but this joking, conspiratorial Derrick was almost as dazzling as the scenery around us.

“Better alone than drafted for a volleyball game.” I laughed rather than admit how damn easy it would be to pretend like I wanted to jump Derrick.

“Fair enough.” Derrick strode across the lot, confident movements like he’d been here before. Much as I didn’t want a military partner, I did have to admire their decisiveness and swagger. Fuck. Even the way he squinted at the sun was sexy. I had it bad and this was only day one.

“You made it!” Clipboard in hand, my mom was out in front of the large brown historic building that housed the dining facility among other rooms.

“We did.” I greeted her with a hug. “They put you on welcome duty?”

“I volunteered.” Her grin made her look far younger, more like the mom of my childhood and less like the big-time lawyer she was now.

“I’m not surprised.” I smiled back. Maybe this week wouldn’t be so terrible.

“Speaking of chances to help out, check your messages later. I had a great idea for the kids.” Mom’s assertive tone made my optimism of a second earlier flee. Past great ideas had led to costumes and paint spills among other disasters.

“Does it involve bunking with them?” I narrowed my eyes.

“Nope, no bunkhouse for you.” She dangled a key card from her pale pink nails. “I helped Maureen do the cabin assignments. You’ll love yours. Renovated bath and fresh paint. Feels very airy and spa-like.”

“Awesome.” I snatched the key before she could change her mind.

“Thank you.” Derrick was far more gracious than me, and he too had a hug for Mom. “I’m sure we’ll love it. And thank you again for inviting me along.”

“Of course.” She gave him a fond pat before releasing him. “And Arthur, keep this one around, okay? I do love a well-mannered man.”

“Grandma!” Oliver’s brood came racing up the path, saving us from further instructions, and I deftly stepped aside as Mom was swarmed by kids.

“I think we’ll go find our place.” After waving at Oliver and his wife, I motioned to Derrick so we could make our escape.

“Don’t miss dinner!” Mom called as we set off down the path to the single cabins, which lurked farther into the trees, away from the main buildings, little pale gray boxes along the lakeshore, each with a teeny porch and welcoming planter. Little stone chimneys added to the quaint appeal. Ours was toward the end of the row, and its cheerful facade had me back to thinking that this wouldn’t be so bad.

“This is cute. Tiny, but cute.” Following Derrick onto the porch, I shifted my bag so I could work the lock.

“Let’s put our bags down before they summon us for dinner.” Derrick waited for me to open the door.

“Good id—”

Derrick’s low groan cut me off. “Oh fuck. There’s only one bed.”