No Escape by Julie Moffett

 

Chapter Five

 

Lexi Carmichael

 

If you’re going to fly to Europe and can afford it, first class is definitely the way to do it. Actually, chartering a private plane is the way to do it, but that, as well as first-class seating, was a luxury I could never have afforded before I met Slash.

In addition to his gig at the National Security Agency, Slash founded a private company in New York called Frisson that provided the government with special simulation-based training, data integration, and fusion analysis, among other things. It generated a good amount of money, so it gave us the extra funds to charter a plane to take us and my parents to Italy if we so desired. We desired, but when Slash tried to charter a flight for the dates we needed, there were no planes available. So, first class on a commercial airline became our option of choice, which was what my parents would have chosen anyway.

When Frank had someone rebook our flight two hours past the original one, I worried first-class seating wouldn’t be available for my parents. Luckily the flight had two first-class seats available, which was great for my parents, but Slash and I were relegated to economy. I didn’t complain, because I was thrilled we were able to make the flight in the first place, and that’s how I was used to flying anyway. Slash, being Slash, never complained and seemed content to sit next to me, even though his long legs were squished against the seat in front of him. I was just grateful we were in a row that had just two seats on the left-hand side of the plane, so we didn’t have to be too near any other passengers.

I gripped his hand tightly as we took off. It wasn’t until we’d reached cruising altitude that I relaxed a little. I leaned back against the seat but still held on to his hand.

“That whole Santa-shooting-up-the-airport thing was not the way I intended for this trip to start,” I said. “Do you really think Santa was just after his ex-wife?”

“That’s what he confessed,” Slash said. “Investigators confirmed she was one of the customer service agents handling the check-in and baggage at the Alitalia counter at the time of the shooting. They divorced last year, and she got the kids. She already had a restraining order against him. You bumping into him probably saved her life.”

“So, he was just going to shoot his ex-wife right there in the airport?”

“That’s debatable. He told investigators he wasn’t going to hurt her. He just wanted her to listen to him. I’m not sure I buy that.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “What person in their right mind takes a gun to an airport?”

“A person who isn’t in his right mind,” Slash said. “Thank God no one got hurt, especially you.” He reached beneath his shirt and slipped out a small cross that had once belonged to his father and kissed it. “Now that we know the black cloud is accompanying us to Italy, we have to stay on high alert.”

As if I didn’t already have enough stress as it was. I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and tried not to think about it. “Were you able to reschedule the driver to pick us up at the airport?”

“I was. I also got a message to the boat captain. He’ll wait for us, as well.”

My eyes flew open. “Oh, I totally forgot about that. We have to take a boat to get the island, of course.”

“Sorry, cara. I know boating is not your thing. At least I was able to charter a decent one with an experienced captain. It only takes about twenty minutes to get to the castle via boat. During the day, it’s supposedly a beautiful view. Since we’ll now be coming in at dusk, I’m not sure how much we’ll be able to see from the water. Regardless, I feel fortunate we’ve been delayed by only a few hours, and I’m feeling extra lucky that they had enough seats on this flight to accommodate us, including first-class ones for your parents.”

“Me, too.” I squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. “We have a lot to be thankful for.”

“I was also able to speak with Father Armando, and he said they’re going to hold dinner for us. So we shouldn’t miss much of the gathering. He’ll tell the others what happened and is grateful all of us are okay.”

A flight attendant walked down the aisle, stopping at our seats. “Excuse me,” she said. “My supervisor called and asked me to take care of you. We heard what you did in the airport, and we’re upgrading you, on the house. If you’d gather your things, we’ll be moving you to first class.”

“I didn’t think there were any extra first-class seats,” I said in surprise.

“We had two no-shows, so you’re in luck.”

We started gathering our stuff when an announcement came over the speaker. “This is your captain speaking. I believe many of you were in the airport and either heard or experienced the excitement with the gunman that went on earlier this afternoon. What you may not know is these two passengers were instrumental in stopping that man and ensuring no one got hurt.”

Slash and I froze, clutching our belongings, as the flight attendant beamed and swept out her hand toward us. Everyone suddenly started wildly clapping and cheering.

I wished the airplane floor would open and drop me out. Not really, but still. This was excruciatingly embarrassing. Slash seemed as uncomfortable as I did.

An elderly woman sitting in the aisle seat across from us squinted at Slash. “Wait. I know you. Aren’t you the guy that stopped a robbery and saved a kid at a gas station a few months ago? You’re the Tampon Hero.”

Now I was pretty sure Slash wished the plane door would open and jettison him out. That incident had happened while he’d been picking up a box of tampons for me; he’d stumbled into a robbery gone bad and had single-handedly brought down the bad guy. The cool thing was he was perfectly fine picking up tampons for me, but he wasn’t so wild about his new nickname. I think he had to threaten some lives at work to get them to stop calling him that.

Could this get any more mortifying?

A murmur went through the cabin. “Yeah, that’s him,” someone said. “The Tampon Hero.” The cheering got wilder and more frenzied, except now there was laughter.

Slash hadn’t moved a muscle. I put a hand on his arm, hoping to defuse the situation.

“Please follow me,” the flight attendant said cheerfully, having no idea how mortified we were by the attention. People held out their hands for high fives as we walked up to first class. Slash clapped a few, but I touched no one. Thankfully, once we arrived, they drew a curtain behind us, giving us a bit more privacy.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here,” Mom said. “I saw these open seats and thought it wasn’t fair you weren’t here, because you’d already paid for them.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” I said, stowing my carry-on in the overhead storage. “That was nice of them to move us up here.”

“And the captain publicly recognized Slash’s bravery,” Dad said. “Another dangerous situation he was lucky to survive.”

I glanced at Slash’s face, which had a pained expression. “Can we not talk about that right now, Dad? We just want to relax a little.”

“Of course. Relax away.”

Slash and I sat down and buckled in. The best thing about these first-class seats was that they had a small privacy panel that could close out everyone else around us. For several minutes we sat there sipping the complimentary champagne and orange juice and nibbling on butter cookies until we relaxed.

“That was excruciating,” I finally said.

“The worst. But we’re on our way, and that’s what’s important. Everything else is superfluous. Our delay was minimal, and we’ll soon be in Italy with my family.”

I think that was supposed to make me feel better, but talking about meeting his family only served to heighten my anxiety. “About your family… I prepared something to help me.” I released his hand and shifted in my seat so I could dig a piece of paper out of my jeans’ back pocket. I took it out, pulled down the seatback table, and smoothed the paper on it.

“I printed this out so I could study it,” I said. “I also have it on my phone, but I figured it was safer to have it in both places. The printed version is easier for us to look at together.”

Slash leaned over to see what was printed on it. “What is it?”

“A list of the dos and don’ts of meeting the in-laws.”

Slash raised an eyebrow. “You printed a spreadsheet of rules on meeting the in-laws?” Before I could answer, he lifted his hand. “Of course you did.”

“Slash, this is serious stuff. I want to make a good impression on them.”

He studied my face for a moment, like he was going to say something, but instead, he tapped the spreadsheet with his finger. “So, what’s on this spreadsheet?”

“Rules. What’s appropriate and what’s not.”

He leaned back in his seat, an amused look on his face. “Oh, this should be good. Run the rules past me.”

I glanced at the spreadsheet. “First rule—do not curse or discuss controversial topics such as politics, religion, or sex.”

“Sex is a controversial topic?”

“Well, I’m certainly not discussing that with your parents,” I said. “Not the first time I meet them, and hopefully not ever.”

He considered, then nodded. “Fair enough. Keep going.”

“Rule number two—no personal displays of affection in front of the in-laws.”

Slash frowned and held up a hand. “For the record, I object to rule two and require additional clarification.”

“Slash, you have to back me up on this.” I looked at him earnestly. “These rules were written after much research by sociologists and people who have actually gone through the experience. They know what they’re talking about. If I can follow these rules, all will go well and they’ll like me.”

“If I want to kiss my wife in front of my parents, I’m going to do it.” He took my hand, rubbing his thumb across my palm.

My hands started to sweat just thinking of kissing him in front of my in-laws. “A small kiss is fine. But nothing overly suggestive.”

“Since when are we suggestive in public?”

“Never. But still, I want all the rules on the table. Moving on to rule number three—let the conversation flow naturally. I shouldn’t feel like I must answer every question, but I should be prepared to respond naturally and organically. As a result, I’ve got a list of potential questions and appropriate answers already inputted into an app on my phone. I’ve memorized most of them, so I feel fairly confident on that front.”

“A conversation app is neither natural nor organic. What if they ask you a question that’s not on the list?”

“I’ve already thought of that,” I said confidently. “I’ll simply steer the conversation back to a topic I’m ready to address.”

“I see.”

The way he said that made me worried. “You don’t think I can do it?”

“I think you can. I’m just not sure it will go as you expect.” He moved his hand from my palm and started playing with my hair, winding the strands around his finger.

I glanced over at him. “Why are you doing that with my hair? Are you trying to distract me?”

“Maybe. When you talk spreadsheet, it makes me want you.”

I sighed. “Slash, are you taking this seriously?”

He grinned and leaned over, his lips grazing my ear. “Absolutely. Please continue. Is there a rule four?”

“Rule four is do not pretend to be someone you’re not.”

“I’m not sure why that’s a rule. It seems like it should be a given. What’s rule five?”

“Rule five is don’t drink excessive amounts of alcohol. This shouldn’t be a problem for me. I’m aware of my limits.”

“Good. Is that all? Five cardinal rules?”

“That’s it for the rules. However, there are a few additional guidelines that suggest further appropriate behavior with the in-laws.”

“Five cardinal rules aren’t enough?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “There are ten commandments in the Bible. A few more guidelines in behavior rules with in-laws feels completely within acceptable parameters.”

“If you say so.” Slash dropped his hand from my hair and shifted in his seat, leaning over the spreadsheet. “What are these additional guidelines?”

I smoothed the paper, tapping on a line. “The first guideline suggests I should accept an invitation to do something your parents ask, even if it’s out of my comfort zone. This will demonstrate my eagerness to familiarize and integrate myself with your family. Another guideline says I should offer to help them do things, since it will show I’m hardworking and dedicated when assigned to a task. I should also offer compliments and comment favorably on their fashion, friendliness, and parenting skills. They raised you, after all, so those skills must be sharp. Finally, I should learn their hobbies and interests and ask lots of questions about them so I can glean more insight into their personality.” I folded up the paper and returned it to my back pocket. “It all seems fairly doable when it’s broken down into actions and rules on a spreadsheet. What do you think?”

“If you’re asking my opinion, I like rule four the best. Be yourself.”

“I am going to be myself, just better,” I said with confidence. “I just don’t want them to feel like their son made a mistake.”

“I can assure you that they will never, ever feel that way, especially because they know how happy you make me.” Slash leaned over and kissed me on the nose. “Just be yourself, and they will love you as much as I do.”

It was nice of him to say that, but I wasn’t reassured. I knew they would have a lot of questions, and I wanted to be prepared to answer them as thoroughly and honestly as I could. “They’re going to want to know more about me, especially given our situation is unique.”

“In what way?”

“Well, we got married without them. You say your parents are okay with that, but are they really?”

“They are, and they understand there were extenuating circumstances. Besides, we’re getting married in the church in just a few months, so it’s not a big deal. If the pope is okay with it, so are my parents.” He paused for a moment, lowering his voice. “Besides, you don’t get to have all the anxiety about parents. Let’s be honest here. Your dad doesn’t like me. Tolerates me, perhaps, but liking me is a reach.”

“If this is about my dad and the danger and body armor thing, surely you know he’s just overreacting.”

“Perhaps. Still, your dad knows that black cloud of yours didn’t start coming around until you met me.”

“That’s not true. From the day I knocked the entire ballet class off the stage while prancing around as a tree to the time I set our kitchen on fire while trying to create a volcano at age six, he’s known that trouble is synonymous with me. The trouble has only morphed into more adult fare since I’ve grown up. Guns, home invasions, plane crashes, terrorists. No way he blames all of that on you.”

“I’m not convinced of that.” He leaned his head against mine. “We’re a pair, I guess.”

“We are. Look, I didn’t tell you, but I asked the black cloud to stay home. Obviously, it didn’t. But maybe we’ll get lucky and it’s one and done with the Santa episode.”

Slash lifted his head to check my expression. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?”

I wished I did, but I knew better. “Just stay close to me while we’re at the castle, okay? We’ll be on a secluded island with minimal chance for outside forces to be at play. What could possibly happen?”

“I really wish you wouldn’t say that.”

“Good point,” I replied. “No need to tempt fate or the black cloud into any more action.”

“No. No need at all.”