Welcome To Winterville by Carrie Elks

25

His grip on Holly’s hand was so tight it was cutting off her circulation, but he couldn’t loosen it. He was afraid she’d run away if he did.

Holly was pale and silent as he attempted to find somewhere they could talk. Somewhere away from the infernal Christmas music and the low level chatter, and Holly’s new stepfather who looked like he was about to join Holly in tears.

Somewhere that he could figure out what the heck was going on.

The third door he pushed open revealed an empty room. There was a huge gleaming table in the center, surrounded by plush velvet chairs.

“Sit down,” he said, pointing at the nearest chair.

“I can’t.” She shook her head. Her fingers were trembling in his grasp.

“Why not?”

“Because you look so angry, and I’m scared.”

He tried to neutralize his expression. He didn’t want her to be scared of him. He just wanted to know what was happening here. She was acting like he was some kind of mass murderer. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm the rush of thoughts in his brain, and slow the pounding of his heart against his ribcage.

“I’m sorry. I have no idea what your stepdad is talking about. It’s like everybody knows but me.”

“I was going to tell you.” Her voice was imploring. “I really was. I just wanted to wait for the right time.”

“So tell me. Somebody needs to.” He was trying really hard to keep the hurt from his voice, but from the way she winced, he was clearly failing.

“I found some handwritten deeds from when my grandma first created the town. There was a clause that allowed tenants to buy their houses and buildings at market value. For cash only. We’ve had them valued and the documents drawn up and we’re having them sent to your office tomorrow.”

Josh blinked. “My office is closed tomorrow.”

“I know.” Holly inhaled raggedly. “That was part of the plan. To catch your team off guard, give us more time. I’m sorry, so sorry, Josh. I was going to tell you tomorrow, I swear. I wouldn’t have let you walk into that unprepared.”

There was a stabbing pain in his heart. It felt like she was plunging a dagger between his ribs.

“You were going to tell me tomorrow,” he said dully.

“Yes.” Holly nodded. “I really was.”

“On Christmas Day.” The day he’d been looking forward to ever since she’d invited him to spend it at the Inn with her. He’d been expecting singing and food, not her telling him she’d been lying.

Holly bit her lip. “I wanted to tell you before somebody else did.”

“So on Christmas Day you were going to tell me you’ve been lying to me for weeks.” He tried to keep his voice steady. “Isn’t that, I don’t know, cruel?” About as cruel as smashing a LEGO Millennium Falcon he’d been working on for days. No, it was crueller, because he believed in her.

And she’d decided to hurt him on the day she loved most.

She winced at his words. “I wanted to tell you before. We talked about this. We agreed we’d keep business and our private lives separate.”

“You could have told me at any time. I wouldn’t have stopped you.” And wasn’t that the bitch? He was in love with her. He’d let her do anything. “But on Christmas?” No, not then.

“I promised the others I wouldn’t.” She was blinking back tears. “It’s been horrible, keeping this a secret. And I’m so sorry you’re hurt. I’ll make it up to you, I will.”

Josh gripped the table behind him. She was right, they had agreed not to talk about the future of Winterville. But he hadn’t agreed to be lied to. Kept in the dark. Treated like he wasn’t important at all to her.

And that’s how he felt. Insignificant. Unwanted. Like he was a stranger in the town all over again, and everybody knew something he didn’t.

“You promised the others you wouldn’t.” He ran his fingers through his hair, raking it from his face. “Because your family is more important to you than I am.”

“That’s not true.” She shook her head. “You’re the most important thing to me.” She took his hand. He let it hang limply against her palm. “I’ve fallen for you, Josh. Now that this is all out in the open, we can start to plan our lives.”

He pulled his hand away from hers. She blinked to stop the tears from falling. How was it possible for a heart to physically ache so damn much? “I was going to give it to you.”

“Give me what?”

“The town. It’s one of the reasons I went to Cincinnati, to get the contract drawn up. I was going to give you the town to run the way you wanted to. That’s your Christmas present.”

A loud sob escaped from her lips. “That’s… oh God, Josh. That’s beautiful.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m so sorry I ruined it.”

“It doesn’t matter either way, does it? You got what you wanted.” He stepped back, trying to give himself some distance. Building a wall around his heart, brick by brick. His grandfather’s words echoed in his mind.

She’s seducing you to get what she wants, and you’re falling for it. Thinking with your pants instead of your brain. I thought better of you, I really did.

Was he right? Had he spent the past few weeks falling for this beautiful woman in front of him, while she’d spent the same time planning his downfall?

“I need to go,” he muttered. Because he had this stupid ache in his chest and he had no idea what to do with it. He felt like a wounded animal seeking its home, where he’d curl up to die.

But he didn’t have a home. He had a rented house in a town that didn’t want him. Near a woman who chose everybody over him.

Holly grabbed his hand again. “I’ll come with you.”

He pulled it out of her grasp. He couldn’t bear her to touch him. “I fell in love with you. Did you know that?”

She nodded, her breath hitching. “I heard you tell me last night.”

“And you didn’t say it back.” Another stab. This one felt fatal.

“I wanted to.” Tears were pouring down her pretty cheeks. “But I couldn’t say it until you knew the truth about all this. I didn’t want my words to be tainted once I told you the truth.”

“Then say it now.” His voice was full of grit.

She looked up at him, her eyes red, her lips trembling. “Josh…”

“Say it.” For some reason he had to hear it. Wanted to watch her lips form the words. Even if it killed him.

“I can’t. Not while you’re looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you hate me.”

He shook her hand away. “So you can’t say it.” She couldn’t even give him that. “I get it now. You don’t trust yourself to say it because you’re afraid. Not of me, but of yourself. You’re afraid of giving yourself to somebody. Afraid of ending up like your mother. So much better to be a fucking ice queen than to admit that you have feelings for somebody.”

Her face crumpled. A long, slow sob escaped her lips. And he hated himself, because he’d made her hurt, too.

Damn, she was beautiful, even with red ringed eyes and a trail of mascara smudging her cheeks. He wanted to rub his fingers over her soft skin, to make it pristine again. Just like he wanted to forget any of this had happened.

But he couldn’t. He hurt too much, and he didn’t trust himself to do anything right now. Everything was only getting worse.

“Can you get one of your cousins to pick you up and take you to the theater?” he asked her.

Holly blinked. “Why?”

“I need to go back to my house.” He nearly said home.

“We can go together.”

“No. I need some time to be alone. To think.” And yeah, maybe to scream a little. Because that might take away the hurt. “You need to think, too. About how you really feel about me.”

“I know how I feel about you, Josh.”

He held his hand up. “I don’t want to hear it now. Not like this. I’m messed up and hurt and angry. And I need to find some damn peace and quiet to think about what’s happening here. We’re going in circles and it’s helping nobody. You have a show to help run, and your family needs you.”

“I don’t give a damn who needs me.”

“No. You don’t get to say that. Not after you’ve broken my damn heart by siding with them. Give me a chance to lick my wounds, and really think about what you want from me. If you feel the same way I feel about you, come find me after the show.”

She let out a long, ragged breath. “Josh…”

“I mean it. I’m not ready to talk now. I need to be alone.” He ran his finger along the trail of her tears. “You’ll probably want to wash your face before you go.”

Another tear fell. “I will.”

Nodding, he took a deep breath, but the tightness of his chest stopped him. He turned away, not wanting her to see the shininess of his own eyes. Grown men didn’t cry.

Even if he was about to.

He walked toward the door, as she sobbed again. He didn’t dare turn back, afraid he’d give in and hold her until she stopped.

And he couldn’t. Not if he wanted to emerge from this with some dignity.

“I do love you, Josh,” she whispered, as he walked into the hallway. “I love you so much.”

He grit his teeth, wincing at her words, and carried on walking toward the front door.

* * *

The auditorium echoed to the sound of “The Christmas Song”, Gray Hartson’s low, gritty voice singing about chestnuts roasting around a fire. And it made Holly’s heart hurt, because that was the song she’d played the morning she laid naked beneath Josh’s Christmas tree.

Everything made her think of him. Maybe that’s why she kept crying.

“You hanging in there?” North nudged her. They were standing in the wings, each holding a running order as they took over from Everley so she could get ready for her appearance on stage. Alaska had gone with her to the dressing room, saying she’d need help with her outfit, but they all knew she was trying to keep her big sister calm.

Gabe was at the front of the theater to help with the lighting. They’d flickered a few times, and Everley had panicked about that, too.

Now Holly was alone with North.

“I’ll be fine.” Just as soon as this was over and she could drive to Josh’s house and tell him exactly what a fool she’d been. Her heart had been battering against her ribcage ever since he’d walked out of her mom’s house, and her hand was cramping from holding her phone so tightly. Just in case he decided to reply to her messages.

She lifted the phone up. He hadn’t sent her anything. But she knew he’d received hers from the two little ticks next to them. It hurt to know he wasn’t responding, but it hurt even more to know why.

Because she’d hurt him. Made him think she didn’t care. She should have told him the moment she knew she was in love with him. Should have shouted it from the rooftops. He was right, she was afraid.

And she hated it.

Maybe she should send one more text, just to tell him she loved him?

“Don’t even think about it,” North said, taking her phone from her. “He said he wanted time to think. And you need it too, Hol. He doesn’t want a panic response. He doesn’t want you to throw yourself at his feet. He wants you to really think about this. To go to him willingly. To open yourself to him. Show him that you’ve taken the time to realize just how much he means to you.”

Holly blinked, her mouth agape.

“What?” North frowned.

“Where did you come up with all that stuff?” She sniffled.

“I spend a lot of time with Amber.” He shrugged. “She’s even worse with relationships than we are. And when they go wrong, I have to sit and watch movies with her.”

“What kind of movies?”

“Sad stuff. I dunno.” He shrugged. “But the advice still stands. Us Winters aren’t exactly great at relationships. We didn’t have good role models. And you’re even worse because you spend your life mopping up other peoples’ relationship messes. No wonder you’re cynical.”

“You think I’m cynical?” Her heart throbbed a little bit more.

“I think you wear cynicism like a comfort blanket.” North smiled to take the sting from his words. Not that it helped. “Because when something goes wrong, you can claim you knew it would all along. Somehow that makes you feel safer.”

Wow, that hurt. But there was so much truth in his words. “I guess I learned a long time ago that the only person I could rely on is me.”

He gave her a sad smile. “I hate that for you. For us. We had Grandma, and she was wonderful, but we deserved better parents. All of us. Have you looked around and wondered why we’re all still single at our age?”

Holly pulled her lip between her teeth. “We’ve had relationships. Everley got married. Alaska falls in love with pretty much everybody she meets. Even you date sometimes.”

“I date but I never get involved.” He pressed his lips together. “For exactly the same reasons you don’t.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“I’m having a deep conversation with North Winter. Who would have thought it?”

He snorted. “You have a very low opinion of me.”

She grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “I really don’t. I was born hero worshipping you. We all were. Remember all those snow fights when we were kids? We’d spend hours arguing over who got to be on your side. And look at this place,” she said, pointing out through the wings. “None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for you. We wouldn’t all be here, saving Grandma’s town. I have the highest opinion of you.”

His lips curled. “You’re kind of sweet, really. So let me ask you a question.”

“Okay?”

“If you had to choose between saving Winterville, and loving Josh Gerber, which would you opt for?”

Holly’s brows knit. “I guess I already chose, didn’t I?”

“No, you didn’t. Until earlier you thought you could have it all. You were going to tell him tomorrow, and you thought he’d understand. But right now you know he doesn’t. So I’ll ask again, if you had to choose, which way would you go?”

She swallowed thickly. Cold fingers of fear were prying her ribs apart, one by one. And her heart – the one she’d tried to keep safe from sadness for all these years – felt raw and exposed.

And by the way, I’m completely and totally in love with you.

She should have lifted the phone to her lips and told him she loved him, too. Should have told him about Winterville and found a solution together.

She should have trusted him. Trusted her judgement of him.

Instead, she’d pretended not to hear.

“Him,” she whispered roughly. “I’d choose Josh.”

North nodded, looking completely unsurprised. “That’s what you need to tell him. I think that’s what every guy needs to hear. That they’re the top of your list. That you choose them.”

Her eyes watered. “I should have chosen him all along. Because that way I would have been choosing myself.”

“I’ll drive you straight there after the show.”

“I can drive there.”

“You’ve been crying for two hours. You can hardly see out of your swollen eyes. I think it’s safer if I do the driving. Think of it as my gift to you. For helping you mess things up.”

“I didn’t need much help,” she mumbled.

“No, but I still made you promise not to tell him. And that’s on me. So let me help you tonight.”

She nodded, her words caught in her throat. “Thank you,” she managed to croak.

Gray Hartson was finishing his song, and the whole audience was standing, swaying to the music. Damn, he was a good looking man. His wife and children were on the other side of the stage, smiling at him like he was some kind of Rock God. Everley had introduced them earlier, and Holly had found them to be so warm and kind. Maddie Hartson had hugged each one of them, and promised to come visit Winterville with the family once the upheaval was over.

He hit the last note, and the audience began to scream. Feet stamped and hands clapped. Gray lifted his hand in salute to them all, then glanced at the wings for direction. North nodded to him.

“Ladies and gentlemen, before I leave I’d like to sing you a couple more songs. But this time I’d like a little help. Anybody know somebody who can sing like Candy Winter?”

“Everley!” a voice shouted. “You should ask Everley.”

“Yeah! We need Everley Winter,” somebody else agreed.

Suddenly, the theater was filled with chants for her to come to the stage. Everley walked into the wings, her face as pale as the snow.

“You ready?” Holly asked her. She hadn’t told Everley a word about her problems with Josh. She was too highly strung for that.

“Not one bit,” Everley admitted, frowning when she looked at Holly. “You okay? Your eyes are red.”

“Gray Hartson always makes me cry,” Holly lied. “Now enough about me. You need to get out there.”

Gray shouted out, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please raise your hands for the one and only, Everley Winter!”

The volume of cheers increased, making Holly’s ears throb. Everley hugged Alaska and North, then grabbed Holly’s hands. “It’ll be okay, right?”

“It’ll be wonderful. You’re fantastic. Now go out there and have fun.”

Everley took a deep breath and walked onto the stage, and the audience erupted.

“She’s been pacing the floor of her dressing room,” Alaska whispered to North. “I’ve never seen her this nervous. I guess performing here means a lot to her.”

Gray was kissing Everley’s cheek, and she was beaming out at the audience, as though she didn’t have a care in the world, let alone that she’d been full of anxiety moments before. Holly had forgotten just how much of a natural entertainer her cousin was. She’d inherited Candy’s star quality, that was for sure.

“Well, what are we going to sing?” Everley was asking, raising an eyebrow at the audience. “One of your songs?”

“I was thinking we should sing one of yours.”

“But I don’t have any songs,” Everley pointed out. “I’m not a mega superstar like you.”

The audience laughed at her sassiness. She was so good at this.

“In that case, let’s sing a Christmas song. I have the perfect one all lined up.” Gray nodded at the pianist. The low plaintive notes of “Fairytale of New York” struck up, and Gray leaned into the microphone, singing about Christmas Eve in the drunk tank.

The audience sighed as Everley sang back to him, all playful and cheeky, telling him about all the Christmas promises he made her that he didn’t fulfill.

Holly blinked back more tears. Because her cousin was so damn beautiful and deserved to be on that stage. She was holding her own with a rock superstar, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats as she told him he was a scumbag and a maggot.

Then the lights flickered, and she held her breath until they came back on again.

“Where the hell is Gabe?” North muttered.

“I’m here.” Gabe stalked over to where she and North were standing. “And we have a huge fucking problem.”