Sultry Oblivion by Alexa Padgett

10

Nash

I’d left the ranch with emotions running high—both mine and Aya’s—and I’d spent a couple hours with the kittens, hoping their antics would calm me.

They’d made me laugh and curse their sharp teeth and claws, but my pleasure increased as I left Steve in charge. He scowled down at the furballs flipping over his feet, batting at his shoelaces.

I clapped him on the shoulder, the first time I’d touched him in…I couldn’t remember. “Remember how you want to prove you’re an awesome father? Well, now’s your chance to showcase all those nurturing instincts.”

His scowl deepened. “I never said I wanted to be an awesome father.” But something shifted in his eyes. He stood a little straighter, his chin tipped up. As expected, he’d taken the challenge. “And I am a good parental figure.”

I leaned against the kitchen counter. They were a soft, dove gray. I wasn’t sure about the color when I’d bought the place, associating it with IKEA, but the room, the house, was growing on me. I appreciated the quiet of the smooth, cool stone and the rich sheen of the maple cabinets. There was something about the clean lines and muted, earthy tones that calmed me, kept me grounded.

Or maybe it was simply sticking in one place, something I hadn’t done since high school.

“Sure, Pops. You’re fabulous.”

His scowl slid toward worry. Worry for me. “Are you okay with Aya showing up? Do you need to talk to your therapist?”

“I do talk to him—which you know—every day. Jordan and I had a short session this morning while Aya was getting ready. And as far as Aya being back, I’m good.”

Mayet climbed up Steve’s pants leg, making hissing sounds, her tiny, white dagger-teeth bared. Jigsaw grabbed her flicking tail and bit, twisting his head back and forth. Mayet let go with a scream, turning to land with her claws out on Jigsaw’s back.

I chuckled. “They like to play. Kinda like Lev and me.”

Steve raised his head from the kittens’ antics. “You miss him.”

“Every day. He’s a hole in my soul.”

“Nash…”

I raised my hand, my heart pounding so hard my ribs ached. “We’re not there yet. I don’t care what Pop Syad’s will says or that you want to tell me you were just the hired muscle. I was a kid. I’d lost my brother, and I needed a father. You weren’t it.” I turned on my sneakered heel and called over my shoulder. “Enjoy the cats.”

As I rounded the corner, I caught a glimpse of Steve, hands braced against the counter, forearms bulging. And tears shining in his eyes.

I refusedto look at any social media, and I ignored the links to stories Hugh sent me about Aya and me reconnecting. I wanted these days to remain unsullied by others’ opinions. We were together, and we were going to be happy.

That’s what I told myself anyway as I drove back to the ranch for lunch with Aya. Still, my body felt stiff and my skin too tight as I pulled onto the gravel drive.

I’d laid in the dark last night, restless because I wanted Aya in my bed. I wanted to make her mine, to erase other men’s touches. Fuck, I hated that men had touched her.

She was mine.

But we needed to reacquaint ourselves and get comfortable around one another again. That’s the part I could admit most easily. I knew there was more—more of our past to discuss, more of a foundation to forge—but that was harder to envision. It could be messy.

I exited my Tesla, ignoring the muttering from my security staff as they piled out of Aya’s rental behind me. Brandon, my new head of security hand-chosen by Chuck, sat in the back seat of my SUV, adamant that he ride with me, even if I was driving. I’d felt his glare on the back of my head the entire drive, which hadn’t alleviated my concerns about the emotions I struggled to control.

I strode toward the house but changed direction when I heard Aya laughing. She was seated on an appaloosa quarter horse, wearing dusty cowboy boots with her jean-clad legs clamped tight to the pony’s body as she whipped through a turn on the obstacle course in the front riding pen.

Chuck was also astride, which told me Cam must be at home—probably enjoying a lazy morning with Jenna. Mama Grace leaned her forearms against the top rail of the piping fence, painted a sparkling white.

She smiled and bumped me with her shoulder as I assumed a similar position next to her. “She’s good.”

I nodded as Aya took the turn into the final barrel. She leaned to the side in the saddle, counterbalancing her steed when he seemed to slip a little.

“You wouldn’t know she hasn’t ridden in years.”

“She’s always been competitive,” Mama Grace said. “Like my Carter. Aya’s pride might be quiet, but from her report card to her hobbies, she pushed herself to be better than anyone around her.” Mama Grace turned to face me. “Not unlike you.”

“I guess.”

“Just like you both suffered terrible losses at too young an age.”

I pressed my lips together, refusing to think about the emotional havoc I’d caused Steve earlier. Lashing out at him didn’t solve my issues. Hell, it didn’t even make me feel better.

Yet my resentment toward him ran deep.

“And you both learned that you couldn’t trust anyone.” Mama Grace laid her hand on my shoulder. “Even each other.”

She dug right into the heart of the matter, not leaving any room for bullshit. This here, this was a parent. Except I knew from Cam that she’d made her own set of bad decisions, including one that set him on his personal spiral into hell.

“But this place, it’s safe—for both of you,” she continued. “Safe from your ongoing feud with Steve. From the media. This ranch is safe, Nash. Cam made sure of that.” She squeezed my shoulder before moving past me toward her house.

I waited for Aya to cool down the horse, pondering Mama Grace’s words. Because of Cam’s success and that of her other children’s spouses, Mama Grace was well acquainted with the dark side of fame. We all came here, to her home, to breathe, to be.

She was here for me if I needed to talk. Or yell and scream. She’d seen it all—and almost all of it from me. This place was a comfort to me, but it also had an edge. Steve had brought me back here after I’d told my mother I didn’t want to see her again, and just days later, she’d driven her car off a cliff.

Chuck took the reins from Aya after she slipped from the saddle. She walked toward me with a big grin. “That was fun, but I’m going to pay for it tomorrow.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Chafing?”

“Probably. And sore muscles.”

I kept my distance and noted she did the same. We’d have to move past this trepidation, this awkwardness that our past repeatedly brought up. If not… Well, I refused to think about that.

I’d spent time last night thinking about us—what I wanted from Aya and for my future. I was fighting for forever this time, and Aya would have to give it to me, along with her heart and her trust. And that was proving harder than either of us wanted to admit.

But Cam and Jenna were the happiest couple I’d ever seen, despite the heartache and pain they’d had to go through. So, Aya and I could make it. More importantly, our stubborn asses would make it.

I smirked. “Mama went back to the house to whip up lunch, no doubt,” I said.

“Want to go for a walk?” Aya asked, hopeful.

I nodded and followed as she led me across the wide field to the left of the house. This went to the creek and near Cam’s house.

She walked for a while before she pivoted and faced me. “How’s your hand?”

I shrugged.

“And your pride? Your head? Your heart?”

I frowned.

Her eyes filled with concern. “I hurt you last night, didn’t I? When I admitted this is hard for me?”

I didn’t like the shadows in her pretty face. “I think it’s more that I hurt myself.”

She stepped in closer, her movements slow, the way she would treat a skittish horse. I waited. She wrapped me in her arms.

“I don’t like talking about those years we spent apart,” she said, her voice low.

I tipped my chin down so I could better hear her.

“I’m beginning to understand how my father and his wife manipulated my emotions to get what they wanted from me, which was money, by the way. I just want to belong somewhere, to feel like I have a home.” She sucked in a huge breath and tilted her head back and met my gaze. “I’ve always felt insecure—or I have for a long while. I was so scared you’d leave me after you signed that record deal that I saw what I believed was true. I don’t like that I did that—to either of us. And I don’t like where that caused us to go. So that’s all on me. Just like running away without giving you a chance to explain is on me. I…I need to own that, my mistakes. My fears. And that means I have to tell you how I’m feeling.”

I looked at her, nose to nose. “I made choices, too, Ay. We’ve both let our fears, our history with others fuel our actions.” My eyes widened. “He’s a fucking genius,” I whispered.

“Um…what?”

“Johnny Reznick.”

She scrunched up her nose, her eyes drifting off as she tried to place the name. “The lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls?”

I smiled. Could there be a more perfect woman for me? Music might be my passion, but Aya had absorbed everything I’d told her—and more since, I was sure. My love of music was a part of her, just as her fascination with physics was part of me.

“Yeah, he’s the songwriter for the band, too. In his song ‘Come to Me’ there’s this line that I thought was glib, but… In the second verse, he talks about history being an anchor.” I blew out a breath. “Like I was to you. I let the weight of my past pull us down.”

“Like gravity…” She sucked that luscious lower lip into her mouth, her gaze going soft. Aya began to sing the chorus. Her voice was soft and true.

I shivered, running my hands up her arms. “I need your secrets, Ay. Just like you need mine, even when hearing them is painful. I won’t love you less for living while we were apart.”

Her lips pursed. “You sure about that?”

I dropped my forehead against hers. “Yes.”

“Is this going to be more annoying than when you messed with my books?”

“I won’t do that ever again,” I said. “I understand the need for hard limits better.”

“What do you mean?”

I pursed my lips. “That time I played my guitar while you were trying to watch that MIT thing on the space-sound continuum?”

She frowned. “You intentionally played louder so I couldn’t hear Stephen Hawking.” She glared up at me, her eyes glowing amethyst against the Texas summer sun. “I’m still mad at you about that.”

“And I was pissed the day you wore that tiny bikini to that pool when we were staying in Memphis. It was a fucking joke, Aya, and all the guys from that frat were staring at your tits, making comments about your ass… I wanted to murder every one of them.”

She smiled. “I could get another bikini…if you’ll watch all the Stephen Hawking videos with me quietly.”

“As long as I’m the only one who sees you in it.” I stepped closer and nuzzled the tender skin behind her ear. “And take it off you.”

She shivered against me, her breasts rubbing against my T-shirt. She pushed up on her tiptoes, and I brought my mouth down to cover hers. Kissing Aya made little fireworks of pleasure explode through my body, and instantly I wanted more.

I pulled back. “Mama Grace is going to insist you stay here until we have a formal commitment.”

She cupped my cheek. “I’ve never been the best at following rules.”

I tipped my head back and guffawed. Aya giggled with me even as she snuggled against my chest.

“Aya, you were made to follow the rules,” I said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Maybe I’m turning over a new leaf—letting you lead me astray.” She gazed at me from under her lashes, which caused my dick to perk up.

“Mmm... That’s a fun narrative. How far are you willing to go?” I murmured.

She pressed her delectable body tighter against mine. I loved her there, but I wanted more. I wanted to be inside her. No, not yet, I chastised myself.

“Pretty far.”

With that, my resolve cracked. I needed Aya, badly. I bent down, planning to scoop her up and take her to the barn, where I’d drop her in the hayloft and fuck her for hours.

Mama Grace rang the large brass bell that hung on a pole outside the back porch. “Y’all got fifteen minutes,” she hollered.

Damn. Wait, no. This interruption was good. As much as I wanted to worship Aya’s body, I wanted to be able to worship it forever. I had to be strong for both of us.

I settled for a kiss—a lush, loving joining that told her more of what I wanted from her. Leaving those plush lips caused me to ache, and hearing her talk about her years in London as we walked back to the house caused me to burn with jealousy.

But this was how we’d move forward, how I’d convince her to stay with me forever.

At least I hoped it was.