Sultry Oblivion by Alexa Padgett
Nash
Those violet eyes. They were a kaleidoscope of emotions, some dark and vicious but mostly confused, seeking comfort, compelling me to offer it. Until that moment, I hadn’t really understood Aya’s struggle.
“She okay?” Chuck asked.
I raised my head and squinted up at his silhouette. “I’m not sure.”
“You want me to carry her back to the house?”
I shook my head. “Just give us a minute, okay?”
He nodded and stepped away. “Kate ran up to grab towels.”
“Thanks.”
As I held her, rocking her as she sobbed against my neck, I thought back to all the times my parents’ issues had spilled over onto me, each a pinprick of shame that my parents weren’t a loving couple—for each other or for me. Each instance had burned into my psyche.
What happened to Aya had been a public flaying. She went from being my girlfriend to being ridiculed, scorned, and laughed at, even as her mother was suddenly gone. Her sense of self had been altered that day. I’d lost a lot during our turbulent teen years, and I could see now that Aya had too.
No wonder she struggled. Her world had changed. No, it had collapsed. Because of my burgeoning fame, because of selfish girls who’d do anything to break us up. Because we didn’t know how to communicate and be honest with each other. No wonder she’d wanted to stay here, with Mama Grace. She’d come to me, but she feared me—feared what I could do to her. We had no solid place to return to.
We had to firm our foundation, to grow so strong together that pettiness and lies wouldn’t matter. It had to be possible.
Kate set some towels against a nearby tree, but said nothing as she returned to the house, leaving Aya and me together. We stayed there, though the mosquitos were buzzing and biting. I wasn’t going to move until Aya was ready.
Finally, she rubbed her nose against my shirt and sighed.
Her eyes were red and puffy, her face splotchy. I brushed her hair from her damp cheek.
“It took me almost a week to recover from the drugs Lindsay shoved in my mouth,” I said. “It was so much toxin, the doctors worried about my organs, my mental state.”
She tensed, listening.
“I should have gone to therapy,” I said. “And definitely after my mother got behind the wheel of that Maserati and flashed through a guardrail at ninety miles an hour.” For reasons I wasn’t ready to share with Aya yet. We were too fragile, and telling her…no. She might not understand.
Her eyes opened and focused on me.
“I should have spent more time thinking about the record contract,” I told her. “Taken the time to listen to Cam’s concerns. Asher’s, too. Those are all mistakes that created problems I’m still untangling. But, Aya, none of those decisions matters as much as you.”
I pressed my forehead to her cheek and breathed her in. “If I could go back, I would. I hate what happened to you. I see the toll it’s taken and is taking on you. You have no idea how much I want things to be different.”
She licked her lower lip. I wanted to press mine to it, seal my mouth with hers and show her how much she meant to me.
Instead, I waited. Giving her space. Giving her the opportunity.
“Do you wish you hadn’t pulled me from the water?” she asked.
What?It took me a moment to realize she didn’t mean now. She meant when we were on that beach as children. “No. Never.”
“Do you wish you hadn’t emailed me?” she asked.
“Not even a little bit.”
She cupped my cheek, her fingers trembling against my temple. “I want to be whole. I want you to be whole, too.”
She trailed her fingers down my neck. “I want to be happy. And I want you to be happy, too.” She laid her hand on my heart. “I want to be with you, Nash. I want us to find that ease we used to have. I want to be secure, knowing you love me as much as I love you. I want that more than anything.”
I gripped her tighter. “I want that, too.”
Her breath hitched. “How do we get there?”
I stared into her eyes for a long time. “I don’t know. I think it’s a long, slow journey, and I know we have to try.”