The Mistletoe Pact by Jo Lovett
Now – December 2022
Evie
Evie shivered, pulled her coat more tightly around her and dug her chin into her scarf. Bloody December. Bloody train station platforms with their wind tunnel effect. Bloody South Western Railway with their reduced timetable because there’d been a leaf or a snowflake on a train track in the past week. She was going to turn to ice while she waited for the train following the one that she’d hurried to catch but which had been cancelled, and then she was going to have to sprint at the other end to meet her friends at the cinema before the film actually started.
Stupid idea to go touristy and go to a fancy cinema in Mayfair in the first place. Stupid idea to go out full stop.
What she’d really like to do right now was go home and have a hot bath, get into her pyjamas and watch junk TV all evening. And wallow again a tiny bit, or maybe a lot, about Dan.
Obviously, she shouldn’t wallow. She’d already spent far too much time being miserable. She should be grateful that she was living in an amazing city at the moment and that she’d met some great new friends at work, and enjoy a night out in the middle of London with people she liked. It would be nice to go home for Christmas, though, to her lovely, familiar village and her mum and Autumn and old friends. And maybe wallow a bit more.
Her phone buzzed. She pulled it out. Checking her emails would be something to do while she waited. Although her hands were going to freeze now while she swiped. She should get some touch-screen gloves.
She had an email from Dan. With the subject line I love you. Her heart lurched.
She kind of wanted to open it immediately, but she also kind of didn’t. It felt… too much. Maybe he had something to say that would make everything feel better, but maybe she’d just feel even worse afterwards.
She pulled her phone in against her chest and stared straight ahead.
There was a lot of screeching of brakes and movement of people. Her train was coming. She’d better get on it.
She stumbled into a seat near the door, still holding her phone against her, and then moved the phone out in front of her and looked again at the unopened email.
It was like her whole body and brain were too stunned to open it. I love you was a strong phrase.
She put her phone down on her lap, turned it over and looked out of the window at rail-side buildings illuminated by street lights. Not the most scenic view. Better than thinking about Dan, though.
Oh, for God’s sake. She was being ridiculous. If she didn’t read it now, she’d think about it the whole time and wonder and wonder and ruin her evening. Better to know what he had to say.
From: Dan Marshall
To: Evie Green
Subject: I love you
Hi Evie,
I never told you how much I love you. I’ve written a letter that I’m going to deliver to you tomorrow.
I love you (and I miss you).
Dan
He loved her.
Wow. She didn’t know what to think.
What was his letter going to say? Another I love you? Or more?
When would he deliver the letter? And did she want to read it?
His life seemed so messy. Could she deal with that, if he wanted them to be together? She did love him. She really loved him, which she’d never told him. But was that enough?
After that awful evening, when she’d effectively lost both Dan and Matthew for good, to her shame she’d thought very little about Matthew, because any feelings about him had been eclipsed by the utter devastation at the loss of her soul mate in Dan.
‘Arriving at Waterloo.’ Oh, shit. She’d missed her station. She should have got off at Vauxhall to switch to the Underground. Actually, she could just get on the Jubilee Line to go to Green Park. The station was heaving, though, and the Jubilee platform was a really long walk from here. Maybe she’d get a taxi. It felt like she deserved a little treat to cheer herself up after the shock of Dan’s email.
In a far too expensive black cab – there was already eight quid on the clock and they’d barely moved; she’d just have got the Tube if she’d realised there’d be such a long queue at the taxi rank and it would cost this much – she texted her friends to let them know that she’d had a train issue but that she’d be there any minute. Bit of a fib if she was honest, because the traffic looked solid.
‘Who you meeting at the cinema?’ the taxi driver asked her.
‘Some girlfriends.’ Evie smiled at him in his rear-view mirror, feeling guilty about the fact that she really didn’t want to talk to him.
‘What film you going to watch then?’ Christ. Evie just wanted to think right now.
Forty-five minutes later, she’d made it into her seat in the auditorium just as the ads finished and the trailers started. She hadn’t had any time to buy any chocolate or popcorn, which was obviously a good thing given that this was right in the middle of the Christmas over-eating season, but she did still feel cheated.
She and Dan had chomped their way through a lot of sweets when they’d been to the cinema together.
She looked at Priya, sitting to her right, as Dan had been when they went to the cinema.
Priya was lovely.
She wasn’t Dan, though.
Evie reached down to her bag and sneaked her phone out and into her pocket. When everyone was really focused on the film, she could re-read his email without disturbing anyone. Maybe she could look at it now while people were watching the trailers.
‘Are you having a laugh?’ The man behind her, who’d been rustling his popcorn bag really annoyingly loudly for the past five minutes, poked her in the shoulder. ‘Put that away. I can’t watch a film with a phone light below me.’
‘Are you having a laugh?’ Priya had turned round and was glaring at him. ‘Looking at a phone’s a lot less disruptive than eating really loudly right behind people. And kicking the chairs in front.’
‘Sshhh,’ said about twenty people around them.
Evie said, ‘Sorry, everyone,’ put her phone back in her bag and hunched down in her seat.
‘Waiting for you to apologise too,’ Priya told the man behind them.
Evie screwed her face up and hunched further down. The man kicked both their chairs, hard, and crunched disgustingly loudly on some more popcorn.
Priya got her phone out and turned the light on and waved it above her head.
Evie put her hands over her face.
An hour later, Evie sneaked a look at her watch during a very brightly lit scene. There was about an hour to go. The film wasn’t bad, actually. Except for the fact that it was a drama involving a sexy doctor and Dan was a sexy doctor – although red-headed and rugged as opposed to dark and suave – so it was very hard not to keep thinking about him.
Snippets of different conversations with Dan were replaying in her head now.
She really wanted to know what his letter said.
She did not want to sit through the rest of this film.
Maybe she could go out to the foyer and wait there.
She whispered to Priya, ‘I’m going to pop outside for a few minutes,’ and half rose to go.
‘Sit down,’ growled the popcorn-and-kicking man from behind.
‘Stand up if you want to,’ hissed Priya.
‘I’m fine,’ whispered Evie, hunching in her seat again.
‘Sshhh,’ said several people.
Honestly. What if she’d just wanted to go to the loo?
Finally, the – to be fair, very good – film finished, and everyone watched and cheered the credits, for, honestly, ages, and then they made their way out to the foyer.
‘Such a shame that it’s too late for a drink,’ Claire, one of Evie’s friends, said.
Evie nodded. ‘I know. Next time.’ It was actually such a good result. She really wanted to go home and get on with obsessing about Dan in peace.
They all hugged goodbye and the others left Priya and Evie, who were going back to Vauxhall together.
‘This looks interesting.’ Priya stopped Evie in front of a large poster advertising the next Star Wars film and started reading out the names of the actors in it. Weird. Priya didn’t strike her as a Star Wars fan.
‘Haven’t heard of any of them,’ Evie said. ‘Do you like Star Wars?’
‘Kind of.’ Priya did the same in front of the next poster, which was advertising the new Disney film. That one did have a lot of famous actors in it.
‘This is going to be either a mega hit or a mega flop,’ said Evie, ‘with all these people in it.’
Priya didn’t reply. Evie looked round to see why not. It turned out that she had her back to her and was talking to a man, who looked a lot like the popcorn-kicking man. She was gesticulating like mad. Evie really hoped she wasn’t going to start a fight or something.
She was talking very animatedly.
Evie started obsessing about Dan again. When would his letter arrive?
She looked up. Priya was walking towards her brandishing her phone.
‘Got a date,’ Priya said.
‘What? Who with?’
‘The man who was sitting behind us.’
‘No way.’
‘You got to seize your opportunities when they present themselves. Life’s short and he’s hot. There’s a fine line between hate and love.’
Hmm. There was maybe something in that.
* * *
Evie made sure that she was out all day Sunday because she did not want to sit around for hours waiting for Dan to deliver his letter only for him not to turn up.
She got home late afternoon from a long walk on the common with Mia to discover an envelope with ‘Evie’ written on it in decisive-looking navy handwriting on the front door mat. Her heart started racing just at the sight of it. It had to be Dan’s letter.
‘Cup of tea?’ Mia asked.
‘Cool, thanks,’ Evie said. ‘I’ll be there in two minutes.’ She went straight into her bedroom and closed the door and sat down on her bed to open the letter.
Dear Evie,
I don’t really know where to start other than to say that I love you and I’m so sorry for messing up.
I love everything about you. I love the way you throw yourself into every dance. I love that you’re such a loyal friend. I love that you’re a fairground hustler. I love your sense of humour. I love talking to you. I love that you can’t help yourself tidying up around people. I love YOU. (And you’re gorgeous but I’m not sure if it’s acceptable to say that in writing.)
I messed up. I got scared. As you know, I spent a lot of years seeing my mum get hurt by my dad and being hurt by him myself. I realised that I’d fallen in love with you and I got scared that loving people was dangerous, in that there’s so much potential for pain.
I realise now that in trying to protect myself, and you, I’ve just ended up hurting us both.
I’d love to try again.
Obviously you might not feel the same way.
But I wondered if you’d like to meet for a walk in Melting next week?
All my love,
Dan
Evie re-read the letter and then folded it up very carefully and put it back in the envelope, and then put the envelope on her bedside table.
She knew what he meant when he said that loving people was dangerous, because of the potential for hurt, because that was exactly how she felt about loving him. She didn’t want to be like her mum, involved in a series of messy relationships and frequently devastated. But Dan wasn’t like the men that her mum tended to hook up with.
It probably wouldn’t hurt to meet him for a walk.