Creed’s Honor by Simone Nicholls

My gaze hadn’t lifted from her since she sat in that armchair, not just any armchair but Hades’ chair. Kobra had picked the biggest one in the lounge. Holly was in a trance, her eyes locked on the burning wood while running her fingers through her sister’s hair.

She was different but not, at the same time. I could look at her, and she had no idea, that was how focused she was on the fire, and I would have loved to know what was playing on her thoughts. Part of me was begging her to look up so I could see those sea-blue eyes. Another aspect of me was thankful she was so out of it because it was allowing me to stare at her.

She was the price for the patch on my chest, right under my heart. President.

“First check-in to the Mother Chapter as president, and you did well, brother,” Hades said, breaking my stare on Holly. Clearly, my gaze on Holly hadn’t gone unnoticed by him. His eyes were on me, and he was silently telling me to get a fucking grip. Be a man. Not act like some teenager who was seeing a girl naked for the first time.

I nodded my head. “Got through it,” I said, and it was the truth. Just like now, I was getting through this moment. But I couldn’t stop my eyes going back to Holly.

I was throwing back a mouthful of my beer when I heard it. Bon Jovi’s “Born to be My Baby.” Memories flooded me, and my eyes went to Holly. Did she even remember that night? I doubted her family did, with the amount of liquor they’d had and drugs they’d smoked.

“I’m calling it a night,” Holly said as she rose from her chair while holding Ollie. “I’ll put Ollie to bed,” she added, seeing Zara start to get up. “Night, guys,” Holly said openly before walking right around me. Couldn’t help but think she didn’t want to touch me, but I could see that her grip on Ollie was weak. Her arm must have been dead.

“Should I go?” Kobra said, pushing a club girl off his lap.

“She’ll struggle to carry Ollie the full way,” Hades said. Then he threw back the rest of his beer. “I’ll take Ollie off her hands. Holly looks fucking tired.”

I didn’t know where I got the courage from, but I threw back the beer and tossed it in the nearby bin. “I’ll go. I want to talk to her.”

Hades’ gaze hardened on me. He opened his mouth, but Zara placed a hand on his arm, saying something to him as I turned and headed in the direction Holly had gone. I heard him say it wasn’t a fucking good idea. But I ignored him like I ignored common sense.

I didn’t have to walk fast to catch her. She had just opened the gate to the dirt path. The music was softer, and she must have felt me near because she froze.

“It’s just me, Holly,” I said to her as she slowly turned with Ollie cuddled into her. Her eyes locked with mine. It was the first time in two years that I really got a good look at the enchanting eyes that had cast a spell over me.

She opened her mouth, but I was already taking Ollie off her. “Your arm is dead, so don’t be stubborn,” I said before she allowed me to take Ollie fully.

My gaze connected with hers again, and I couldn’t look away from her. Our song was still playing in the background softly, but my full attention was on her.

Her eyes dropped to my chest, seeing the president patch. A mixture of things she might have been thinking started to flood my head. Was she proud? Was she mad? Then her gaze travelled back to mine. I didn’t see the pain in them like I did when I left.

“The patch looks good on you,” she said and then ran her hands down her arm, the midnight air chilling. I just nodded my head, not knowing what to say as we began to walk towards the house.

Her arm brushed mine, and it sent sparks through my blood.

I was torn between saying sorry and admitting I was a coward for not reaching out to her. But instead of saying either, I remained quiet.

The last time I saw her ran through my head. Seeing her standing there crying and the pain that was tearing through her body then was all my doing. She cried like she was losing a part of her soul. I hadn’t realised how much damage I did until I gave in and called Kobra two weeks later.

Hades had stepped away from the club. The last time that happened, Holly was extremely sick. Kobra told me Holly was fine, but rumours I was hearing out of the Mother Chapter said she hadn’t been seen and Hades had stepped out of the club picture too.

I kept calling Kobra. Finally, he snapped. Saying I broke his little sister, and he had never seen her in so many fucking pieces. He told me if I knew what was good for me, I’d never go near her again. Fucking concerned didn’t even cover it. I was so fucking worried about her that I called Hades, hoping to fucking God I hadn’t sent her back into a spiral of depression.

Hades answered. I still remember the shock in his voice.

I told him I was coming back. Told him that she meant everything to me. More than the patch. More than anything. I was on my bike, ready to head back. To say I was a fucking wreck myself was putting it mildly.

Hades told me that Holly had let me in, and I had destroyed her trust. He said she’d get through this, but I’d had my shot, and I’d picked the patch. He also warned me that he couldn’t have a man playing with Holly when she was so fragile, to begin with.

It broke me to hear that I had done damage that I couldn’t undo. Then, when I thought he was going to hang up on me, he said words that still gave me hope to this day. He said that sometimes paths separate before they can come back together.

So I stayed away, knowing I would just make it worse if I came back. This visit had been planned for six months, and Hades had grilled me to stay away from Holly the whole time. He nearly ripped my throat out on the second day I was in town because Holly had gone on a work bender the same time I arrived in town. He thought I had reached out to her, but I hadn’t.

The days blurred together. I went through the steps required, but I honestly thought I wouldn’t see Holly at all, till tonight. Now here I was with her on my own, and I couldn’t form fucking words.

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” Holly said, her eyes on the sky as we walked slowly towards the house. We were just about to walk through the gate to their property.

“Yeah.” But my eyes were locked on her as I was flooded with memories of us. She glanced at me as if she could feel my eyes on her.

“Thanks for carrying Ollie.” She put her arms out for her, and for some reason, I wanted to hold the child longer.

“I can help put her to bed.” I was clinging to the chance to find the courage to have a real conversation with her.

Holly stood there, looking at me like she knew my intentions.

“You should get back to the party. They’ll be missing the visiting president.” She didn’t say the words out of meanness, but hearing the word visiting annoyed me.

“I’m in town for a few more days. Do you have time to talk?” I asked, holding onto the child as if she were my gambling chip. Holly’s beautiful solid blues were staring into mine, and that was when I saw it, just slightly a crack of pain, and seeing that put me in pain.

God, please don’t let her block me out. I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing her smile at me or not being able to make her laugh. The sound of her laugh always made me smile. Now, knowing I might never see or hear the two things that gave me life ever again—fucking haunted me. I always clung to the thought that she’d come back to me, but now, as I saw her, that belief was as deluded as the thought of some god helping me to get her back.

“I’ve only got a few days off.” She spoke the words slowly. “I want to spend my time off with my family.” That was when I heard it, the emptiness towards me. While I still wanted her, she had closed me off for good.

I couldn’t force her to spend time with me. I couldn’t force her to have a conversation with me. I slowly nodded my head. I got it. But it fucking hurt. I handed Ollie back to Holly.

She gave me a small smile. “Look after yourself, Creed.” She turned and headed for the house.

It felt like the president patch on my chest was burning through the leather, through the tank top I had on. And as I felt it, while seeing her walk from me, the patch wasn’t fucking worth it.

I turned to head back to the party and made it to the fucking alley before the suffocating pain of never having Holly again gripped me. Never seeing her smile at me. Never holding her. Never fucking being able to kiss her again.

The patch wasn’t fucking worth it. Sure, maybe in Hades’ eyes I was more of a man, but in Holly’s eyes, I wasn’t the man she wanted. I did what every woman feared when they loved a biker—I rode out, leaving her. I gripped the gate on the fence line, about to walk back onto the club lot. She had fucking loved me. That ran through my head. Holly Kincaid had loved me. And now…now she was never going to let herself feel a thing for me. Because I didn’t just hurt her, I broke her, and the little bit of me that was proud of my accomplishments in the brotherhood and not under my father’s street gangs evaporated because I had lost the love of a woman, a love that I’d never get back.