Ex-Daredevil by Zoe Lee

Chapter 17

Eliott

He helped me put on the helmet again, and I put the visor down, feeling the newness of the gesture, while he put on his helmet and jacket and checked in, “Ready?”

We got onto the motorcycle again and it already felt a little more familiar as my weight settled and I put my arms around him again. When we started riding, I was still hypervigilant, keeping my eyes on every car and light. He took a roundabout route, giving us more time on the road, and I couldn’t help but enjoy the swoop in my stomach this time.

He parked in my driveway again and I got off more carefully this time so that I kept my balance. I took off the helmet myself and handed it to him, watching him put it away.

Then there came the awkwardness of a normal date again. He was still sitting on the motorcycle, the engine off but his helmet still on, and he lifted his visor. His purple eyes were even brighter and easier to get sucked into when most of the rest of his face was hidden.

“Are you going to ride off into the sunset, or do you want to come in?” I asked.

After he took off his helmet impatiently, he hooked a hand around my neck and reeled me in, licking my bottom lip and nipping it before he kissed me hard.

“Just waiting for an invitation,” he told me.

I punched in the code for the garage door so he could wheel in his bike, then almost made a vampire joke. But he hurried his bike inside so fast, eyes aimed the other way, and I wondered if he was just being honest. The morning after he’d first come over, he’d fled after saying he hadn’t meant to fall asleep. At the time, I’d been in my own head and assumed it hadn’t been as good for him as it had been for me. But now I wondered if he was so used to hookups, where it was bad form to stay the night or linger in the morning.

“This was a dare, but it was also a date,” I finally explained as we went upstairs. “I might accept a dare from someone I don’t like, but I wouldn’t ask someone out unless I like him and want to get to know him more, Gavin. So I’m glad you’re here. You thirsty?”

He took off his boots while he answered, “Yeah, I’d love some water.”

I got two glasses and we sat on the couch, and then he drew one knee up and looked at me. It seemed like he was about to ask something serious, but then a sly, knowing grin crept across his face.“So I know the date is going well, but what’s the verdict about the dare?”

I crossed my arms. “It was very dangerous.”

“Yes.”

“But it wasn’t reckless.”

“Not many roads to be reckless on, unless I took you on the interstate,” he pointed out.

I shivered at the idea. Chicago drivers were aggressive, always drove at least twenty over the speed limit on highways, and loved to change lanes suddenly and without warning. I hated driving near motorcycles, afraid they’d do something just as dangerous as the cars, only they could be crushed so much more easily.

He draped his wrists over his bent knee and chuckled. “I want you to try new things, not be terrified, Eliott,” he said in exasperation, but the words were still considerate.

Since he hadn’t actually made fun of me for considering this a dangerous hobby, I admitted, “It seemed dangerous until I got used to it. I guess it’s like airplanes. The idea of them is horrifying and as a passenger, I have zero control over how it’s going to go. But once I started getting used to the noise and the way we moved a little, it was… doable.”

“I’m going to count this as a win,” he said after a moment. “One for three.”

I rolled my eyes and replied, “If you’re free this Thursday night, it can be my turn.”

“Let me check with Barley on whether or not I need to be at a thing he’s going to then,” he said. “I’ll let you know by Monday night. Is that enough time to plan if I am free?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Good.” He relaxed into the couch a little more. “I forgot to ask one biggie.”

“Cats all the way,” I declared immediately.

He grinned and then it faded to something softer. “Do you want kids?”

For some reason it felt horribly intimate, even more personal than our opinion on marriage or everything else we’d discussed earlier. “I see, right for the jugular. I’m not sure.”

“You have a pros and cons list about it?” he guessed.

I hummed and chewed my lip before explaining, “There have always been so many practical reasons it wasn’t the time to think about it. I was in school, next I was working way too many hours to even have a plant, let alone give a child enough time. No one I dated wanted kids, and honestly I wouldn’t have wanted to tie myself to any of them through a child anyway. And now I’m thirty-four and I know it’s not old, but the window’s closing.”

There was a faint, sweet flush on his cheeks. “I love kids,” he told me quietly, his eyes dropping to his hands. “My mom raised me alone and never made me feel like she regretted me for a second. But I’ve been so afraid of commitment, or even being really into someone and then finding out they’re a liar. And my jobs weren’t secure enough before I started to work for Barley.” He sucked in a slow, steady breath and admitted, “But I’d like to, someday.”

“I know going out with me, instead of a hookup, is a risk for you. But even though we’re only right at the start of whatever this becomes,” I reassured him, leaning over to catch his hands, “I hope you know that you can trust me to be honest, bare minimum.”

His head snapped up so our eyes met, his look piercing and hot. “I trust you. My grandpa said that dating can’t be harder than skydiving. It was one of those dry, old man comments that makes you guilty because you’re panicking about maybe asking someone out, while he fought in Korea. But it made me think, like, I trust my instincts and myself when it comes to skydiving, so maybe I should try to do the same thing with… you.”

The smile that stole over my face was probably cheesy as hell, but I didn’t care.

“Feelings,” he groaned, moving to turn on the TV. “I’m putting on a dumb action movie.”

“You pick,” I told him, snagging him so he was snuggled up half on my lap.

We didn’t talk about anything other than the movie, but that cheesy smile was fixed to my face the whole time, except when an explosion startled me. It had only been two hookups and two official dates, but this was a really great day and I was feeling optimistic.

After the movie, Gavin had to go, so I walked him down to the garage, kissed him once he was on his bike, and then couldn’t help but order him, “Be safe riding back to your place.”

“Think about me when you jerk off later,” he ordered back with a sharp grin.

I had no zippy comeback for that, just shook my head as he drove off.

“Fuck,” I muttered once he was out of sight, but I could still hear the motorcyle, and discretely adjusted my jeans as I hurried inside, taking the stairs two at a time.