Always, in December by Emily Stone

Chapter Nineteen

Josie woke to the sound of banging at her door and groaned, rolling over to one side. The banging just increased. Bloody Bia. She hadn’t come home last night, presumably off with her Scottish hunk, and had now probably forgotten her room key.

Josie threw off the covers, grimacing when her head pounded with the movement. She was frowning when she opened the door, and that frown only intensified, accompanied by a semi-painful lurch of her stomach, when she saw who it was. ‘Max?’ She raised her hand to her hair, which was matted from where she hadn’t bothered to brush it out last night. ‘What do you want?’ It came out clipped and harsh enough that she blew out a breath. ‘I mean, it’s early – is something wrong?’

‘No, sorry, I . . .’ He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck and looked at her for a moment. Still saying nothing, he rocked back on his heels, his hair slightly damp, as if he’d just got out the shower, looking decidedly fresher than she felt. She folded one arm across her chest, only now noticing that she’d done the buttons up wrong on her flannel pyjamas last night, so her top was pulled all wonky. And she was sure she didn’t smell as nice as him, all citrusy and enticing. He opened his mouth, shut it again, then raised his eyebrows. ‘Early?’ he asked, his voice too gruff to pull off the totally casual tone. ‘It’s nine a.m.’

Josie huffed out a breath. ‘Yes, that’s early. And that’s not the point.’ She shook her head, tried and failed to find something to look at that wasn’t him. ‘What are you doing here at all?’

‘I, well, I have a proposition,’ he said, his tone measured and even.

‘A proposition,’ Josie repeated slowly.

‘Yes.’ He took a breath. ‘I want you to come out with me for the day.’

Josie stared at him, incredulous, then shook her head. ‘And why on earth would I do that?’

‘Because . . .’ He ran his fingers through his perpetually rumpled hair, then dropped his hand to his side, where it seemed to hang flatly. ‘Because you said that you loved Edinburgh, and I thought you might like to see more of it.’

She narrowed her eyes. ‘I can see it myself, but thanks. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want to go back to bed and sleep for at least another two hours.’ She stepped back, going to shut the door, but he moved to stop her.

He backed away just a step when she shot him a glare before she could help herself. She fought to even out her expression, even as the arm around her midriff tightened. ‘Josie, look,’ he began. ‘I know you think I’m a dick.’ She snorted derisively at that. ‘And I know the way I . . . that what I did to you wasn’t right. And I know that you’ve moved on or whatever . . .’ He’d moved on, more like. Not that she’d say it out loud, because she very much did want him to think she was just dandy. ‘But I’d really like to make it up to you. Please. I’ve got somewhere I’d really like to take you.’ His eyes searched her face as she stood there, considering.

She sighed, then shook her head. ‘I just don’t think it’s a great idea, Max. Sorry.’ She’d actually managed to half close the door this time when he reached out, grabbed her hand. She looked down at it pointedly and he let go.

‘Please,’ he said again. ‘We’re here together anyway this weekend, what have you got to lose?’

‘We’re not together,’ she snapped, before she could help herself. A little grimace crossed his face before he nodded, smoothed it out. As for what she had to lose . . . There was nothing she could say to that, without sounding clichéd. But she’d given so much to him in December, more than she’d realised, and she wasn’t sure she could face opening that door again.

‘Where’s Bia?’ Max asked after a beat, peering into her room over her shoulder, as if expecting to see her lurking there. As if Bia would even be letting her have this conversation if she were in the room. ‘She could come too?’

‘I haven’t even said I’m coming yet,’ Josie said, a little tightly. But it made her think. What if Bia was caught up the whole day with her new conquest, and Josie was left to fend for herself, having to spend the day alone until dinner? And now, Max had guaranteed that she’d just be sitting here, thinking of depressing things, if that was the case.

‘Where would we go?’ she asked eventually.

His expression lightened a little. ‘Edinburgh.’

‘Yes. Where in Edinburgh – you said it was somewhere specific?’

He hesitated. ‘It’s a surprise. But I promise it’ll be worth it,’ he added quickly. ‘And I’ll make sure you get some good photos for that Instagram account of yours.’

She narrowed her eyes. ‘How do you know I’m still doing that?’

‘I saw the photo of the castle that you posted when you first got here.’ She said nothing, though she felt her lips tighten. So, that was why he hadn’t been surprised to see her here then.

‘What about Erin?’ she asked suspiciously.

‘She’s going to see some friends in Edinburgh, so she doesn’t mind.’ They just looked at each other for a moment.

Slowly, she nodded. Because if he was trying this hard to be friendly, then she would try too. Besides, she really did want to see more of Edinburgh, and she really didn’t want to spend the day alone – and if she could get Bia to come too, then all the better. And it would be for today only, she promised herself. One day with him – maybe it would help her to move on, help her to see that she’d just been romanticising last Christmas, making it into a bigger deal in her head than it really was. ‘Alright. But you can wait down in the entrance hall while I shower and change.’

His shoulders seemed to relax as he smiled. ‘Thank you. You won’t regret it.’

She shut the door, then sighed and rested her head back against it, closing her eyes but falling short of groaning in case he was still the other side. She straightened, crossed to the bedside table and picked up her phone, sending a quick WhatsApp to Bia.

Where are you? You need to ditch your hunk and come back to the room. Now. We’re going for a day out with Max.

It didn’t deliver. Well, that was just fantastic. Clearly her phone had run out of battery. She sank down onto the bed and briefly contemplated ringing Laura to find out which room Stuart was in – if he was even staying at the castle at all. But it really wasn’t the kind of thing you wake newlyweds up for, now was it? So instead she sighed, and headed into the shower room to try and reverse last night’s damage.

Josie got to the entrance hall about forty-five minutes later, deliberately not rushing. If Max wanted to drag her out on some mystery expedition, then he could bloody well give her some time to get ready. She hadn’t managed to get hold of Bia, but had decided not to wait, because who knew how long it would be before she heard back from her? – she could be waiting half the day for all she knew.

What she wasn’t counting on was Erin, standing next to Max in the entrance hall, admiring a painting of an old man. She looked immaculate, pulling off the ponytail in a way very few people can do and wearing a crisp blue blouse and white slacks. Josie slowed her pace, but Max had already seen her and was waving her over. Erin turned, smiled at her too, though Josie thought her smile was a little more reserved. Josie’s eyes flickered between them as she stopped a metre or so away.

‘Erin’s plans fell through,’ Max said, acting like it was no big deal, ‘so she’s coming too.’

Erin offered another small, slightly tight smile. ‘I hope you don’t mind me gatecrashing,’ she said, with perfect courtesy.

‘Of course not,’ Josie said quickly. Because what was she supposed to say? This was her boyfriend, who was arranging a weird outing with a girl he’d slept with – no wonder her plans had magically fallen through.

‘Come on then,’ Max said, leading them outside. He looked easy enough, but his hands were tucked firmly into his pockets, making Josie wonder if he was being deliberately careful not to touch anyone. ‘You’ve got your camera, right?’ he added, a little redundantly given he was currently looking at the bag strapped across her shoulder.

She nodded, held the camera bag up. As they stepped onto the gravel, Josie glanced at the taxi, then at Erin, wondering if it was genuinely too late to come up with a reason not to go. But Erin was now sliding into the back seat, and Max was holding the taxi door open for her. So, trying to do so as gracefully as Erin had, she got into the taxi. She was fully expecting Max to shut the door and get in the front seat, but he got in the back too, so that Josie was stuck firmly in the middle between the two of them. She snapped her legs together, being extra careful that no part of her body touched Max, which was actually rather difficult, being as how she wasn’t exactly tiny, and both Max and Erin seemed to take up the entirety of each of their sides, leaving her with no extra room. She put her camera onto her lap and crossed her arms firmly as the taxi pulled away.

‘Edinburgh, that right?’ asked the driver.

‘That’s right, thanks mate.’

Josie glanced at Erin, but either she already knew where they were going, or else Max did this kind of thing often enough that she was just used to it. Either way, she seemed relatively relaxed as she stared out of the window. Josie shifted, felt Max’s leg press next to hers, and jumped obviously enough to make both Max and Erin look at her. She cleared her throat. ‘So, everyone having a nice weekend?’

The small talk was forced and awkward, making it seem like the taxi was moving incredibly slowly – Josie actually glanced over the driver’s shoulder at one point to check the speed. It was in one of those too-long silences, about fifteen minutes into the drive, that Max made everyone in the car start by practically shouting, ‘Stop!’

The driver slowed, frowned at him in the rearview mirror, while both Josie and Erin looked out of Max’s side of the window. For a moment, Josie assumed that they must have nearly hit an animal or something, but Max only said politely, ‘Can you pull over here?’ He indicated a lay-by next to a stile, which led to what, as far as Josie could tell, was just a big field.

The taxi driver, still frowning and looking at Max slightly suspiciously, pulled over, and Josie wondered if Max just had a desperate need for a wee or something. But he looked over to Erin and Josie. ‘Let’s get out.’

‘What?’ Josie and Erin said, almost exactly at the same time. Josie glanced at Erin, who gave Josie a little smile that almost seemed genuine. Nothing like the apparent insanity of a third party to bond you.

‘What?’ the driver said. ‘You want me to drop you here? You’ll have trouble getting a ride from here, lad, you want to be careful, aye?’

Max shook his head. ‘Just for a few minutes, then on to Edinburgh. You don’t mind waiting for us, do you?’

‘Aye alright,’ he said slowly, ‘but I’ll have to keep the meter running.’

‘No problem.’ Max glanced behind him through the window, checking the road, then opened the car door. ‘Come on,’ he reiterated to Josie and Erin, jumping out without waiting for an answer.

Josie looked back at Erin incredulously. ‘Is this normal?’

She let out a soft little laugh. ‘It used to be, actually.’ For some reason, that fact seemed to please Erin and she smiled more widely at Josie. ‘No point in arguing,’ she said, gesturing for Josie to follow Max out.

Josie scrambled out of the car, taking care not to stand in a particularly muddy puddle, and followed Max over the stile and into the field. The pumps she’d put on this morning didn’t really seem the ideal footwear for randomly setting off into wet fields, but at least they were better than Erin’s heeled, suede ankle boots. ‘What are we doing?’ Josie called after Max.

He turned to her, spreading his arms to encompass the field. ‘Making the most of it.’

Josie put her hands on her hips while Erin climbed the stile, seeming to take extra care so as not to slip. ‘Of what, exactly?’

‘Of it.’ Max turned in another circle, stretching his arms to indicate the countryside. Josie felt Erin come up next to her and glanced at her, ready to exchange another incredulous look, but Erin was smiling at Max in such a tender way that Josie looked away quickly, feeling like she was somehow intruding on a private moment. She moved a couple of steps away from them both. It was beautiful, she had to give him that. The long grass came up to her knees and merged with the stems of flowers, their colours now muted ahead of autumn. It was still warm enough that there were insects and butterflies floating around and the end of the field gave way to woodland, which, because of the browns and reds, looked secretive and inviting, like you might find magical creatures there if you were lucky. She realised this had been part of what drew her to Max before, the slight unpredictability of him, the fact that he encouraged her to just go with it. She shook her head. Dangerous thoughts to be having right now, considering the circumstances. Especially as she was supposed to be convincing herself of the opposite.

‘Let’s take some photos,’ Max announced.

She raised her eyebrows, then shrugged, taking out her camera. She started with Erin, who, of course, made an excellent model, then took a few of Max and Erin together, trying not to grimace when Erin tucked her arm around Max, rested her head on his shoulder. Rather than look at them, Josie focused in on the surroundings, facing away from the road to give the impression that there was nothing and no one for as far as you could see. There was a moment where a bird came from the direction of the woods, circling briefly above them – a bird of prey from the size of it, maybe a kestrel. She managed to get the photo of Max looking up at it, the bird in focus against the sky, Max almost in silhouette. She thought it captured both the wildness of the bird, the nature of it, and the awe they, as humans, felt when they got to watch something like it.

She stared at the woods for a moment after that, waiting to see if anything else would appear, which meant that she didn’t notice Max coming over to her until he was practically on top of her. ‘Amazing, isn’t it?’ She jumped, then laughed as she brought a hand to her throat. She nodded, glancing over to where Erin was now watching them both, her head tilted slightly. Before she could stop him, Max grabbed her camera from her, then held it above his head when she immediately swiped to get it back.

‘Careful!’ she said, her voice a little panicked.

He laughed softly. ‘I promise I won’t hurt it.’ He held it gently, and she stared at him, scrutinising. ‘I just want to get some photos of you.’ She wrinkled her nose automatically. She hated when people did this, tried to make her the focus. That wasn’t what it was about for her. ‘You said your mother was never in any of the photos,’ he pointed out.

‘Yes, but I don’t have kids.’

He shrugged. ‘You might one day, and even if not, when you look back at your life don’t you want to see yourself in it too?’

She pressed her lips together at that, and was distracted enough that he snapped a shot of her. ‘Hey!’ He laughed, took another one even as she frowned. ‘Stop!’ She stepped towards him and he darted away.

She heard Erin’s musical laugh from behind her, and turned to see her smiling, apparently unconcerned about Max playing around. Indeed she looked delighted by the whole ordeal. She wondered if that was just because she was so secure – you’d have to be secure, looking the way she did after all. Erin walked over to Josie, still managing to look graceful even as her heels sank into the earth. She put a slim arm around Josie’s shoulder, making Josie feel big and awkward next to her.

‘Come on,’ said Erin. ‘Let’s pose.’ The first shots were weird and uncomfortable and Josie felt like she was smiling in that way children do for school photos. Then, somehow, through shouted encouragement from both Erin and Max, she and Erin were prancing around the field, striking ridiculous poses, both together and separately, with Max encouraging them with a fake photographer voice, saying things like, ‘Fabulous, darling’ and ‘Love it, work it’, until both she and Erin were laughing uncontrollably in a way that made Josie think that, perhaps, Erin wasn’t actually a bitch. Josie ended up by grinning directly at Max, and he took one last photo before lowering the camera and holding it out to her.

They walked back to the car as a three, and, whether or not it was intentional, Max had certainly succeeded in clearing the air and relaxing everyone. When they were safely on their way again – Josie once again in the middle, like they had assigned seats – Josie flicked through the photos. She deliberately skimmed past the ones of Erin and Max together and deleted a few of herself surreptitiously, but stopped at one in particular. She was smiling at Max and though there was nothing to indicate it, you could tell, somehow, that he was on the other side, smiling back. Like they were the only two people in the field. She looked pretty, happy and carefree in that instant, and she knew then that she’d keep it, that years later, she’d want to remember the moment, and the lightness she’d felt in it. She glanced at Max, and saw he was smiling back at her. Then he took her hand, where Erin couldn’t see, and squeezed it. And even knowing that she shouldn’t, she squeezed back.