Capturing the Governess’s Heart by Sally Forbes
Chapter Twenty One
It was the evening of Abigail's birthday and coming out party, which she had been waiting for forever, it seemed to her. On this momentous day, she was going to make her debut into London society. She had felt so excited about it in recent weeks, but now that it was here, the excitement had been replaced with sorrow.
She should have been joyfully getting ready, putting on her new dress, having her hair styled in an especially grown-up fashion, putting on the diamond necklace, bracelet, and earrings her mother had put aside for her for the grand occasion. Instead, she was sitting in front of her dresser before the looking glass, sobbing her heart out.
Her young heart ached with sadness to think that neither her mother nor her father would be there to witness her formal entrance to womanhood. She felt utterly bereft on what should have been one of the happiest days of her life. She picked up the midnight-blue velvet case containing the diamonds and hugged it to her chest.
“Mother, Father, I hope you’re up in heaven and that you can see me. You know I am seventeen today and that I am having my very own ball. I just wish … I wish you were here with me tonight. I miss you both so much, my dearest Mama and Papa,” she sobbed even louder, choking on the words.
She painfully recalled the morning of her sixteenth birthday, when her parents had presented her with the diamond jewelry set. She had been so happy, promising to wear it on her next birthday, at her coming out party. That morning, only a few short months ago, none of them could have ever dreamed what would happen to destroy their happiness.
She opened the case and carefully lifted out the diamond necklace. It glittered beguilingly in the candlelight. Her parents' last gift to her. All she had done before now was to admire it and, sometimes, try it on in her room in private.
She had promised to wear it in public for the first time on the night of her birthday, but now it merely reminded her of all she was missing. The party she had so looked forward to would be the worst kind of bittersweet moment!
She thought of the special treatment her mother especially would have lavished upon her on this special day. Her mother had had a habit of getting up early to pray especially for her children on their birthdays. She would have helped Abigail to dress up and style her hair, until she felt like a princess.
Now, all that was lost, snatched from her, never to be regained. She clasped the necklace tightly in her fist, laid her head on the vanity, and sobbed her heart out once more.
A sharp knock interrupted her. She hurriedly wiped her face clean and tried to hide the evidence of her tears. She put the necklace back in its case, adjusted her dress, which was tangled around her knees, and called out. “Who is it?”
“It’s Miss Emma, Abigail. I wanted to know if I can help you with anything.”
Abigail went to unlock the door and let Emma in, who at once noticed something was wrong.
“Abigail, my dear girl, what is it?” She instantly enfolded the young girl in her arms and held her close. The affectionate gesture was all that was needed for Abigail’s tears to reappear. She willingly nestled her head into Emma’s shoulder and sniveled. Emma said, gently rubbing her back. “Tell me, my darling, what is upsetting you so on your special day?”
“That is just it, Miss Emma, it is my special day … but the most important people ... are not here. And I miss them so much.” She burst into fresh sobs.
“I understand. Come, let us sit on the bed,” Emma said, guiding the girl to the bed, where they sat down, Abigail still enfolded in Emma’s arms. “There, there, my dear. We should have talked about this sooner, don’t you think? We have all been going long so merrily, planning the dress, the party, the ball for your special birthday, and you must have been missing them terribly all along.”
“Yes, and Grandmother doesn’t like me talking about it. You are the only person I have told. You see, I keep thinking about the moments leading up to … what happened … the accident. Since then, well, everything feels very unreal, like a terrible nightmare that I will wake up from. But I can never wake up from it. It is real, and they are gone forever.”
Emma let her cry, feeling it was best for Abigail to unburden herself at last. She was deeply touched and upset for the young girl. She remembered all too vividly how she had felt when she had lost her mother. It was an excruciating feeling of emptiness and frustration, so she had a good understanding of how Lady Abigail might be feeling. But, of course, she realized, with the day being her birthday and her coming out as well, the pain was bound to be magnified tenfold; the landmark event was not to be enjoyed with Abigail’s beloved parents on hand to help her prepare and see her blossom into womanhood.
“I understand it must be hard for you, Abigail, and I am so sorry you have not been able to talk about how you have been feeling before now. You should have been able to do that, and to talk about your loss openly. It is perfectly natural for you to feel this way.”
“Do you think so, Miss Emma? I’m not going to be ungrateful.”
“Not at all. Any loving daughter would feel the same way.” Emma soothed, stroking Abigail’s hair tenderly. The girl’s sobs quieted a little. “I may have a little understanding of the situation, as I lost my mother too, a few years ago. I felt angry and lost. I remember wanting to talk about her all the time, but there seemed to be no one to listen, especially not my father. He was too wrapped up in his own grief. If I mentioned her name, he would leave the room or change the subject. It weighed heavily on me, having to keep it all inside. And do you know how I have found comfort?”
“No,” sniffed Abigail.
“Well, I look to the heavens, to the stars. I go out at night, or look through my chamber window, and gaze up at them. Up there, everything is so tranquil, so everlasting, and we are so small. I think of my mother as a star up there, always smiling down on me. And the good thing is, she is not alone; there are millions of other souls with her, for company. And, silly as it might sound, that thought has brought me a lot of comfort over the years.” She paused thoughtfully for a moment, before continuing. “So, you see, I have an inkling of how you might be feeling, although I did not lose both my parents at the same time, as you and Henry have. You have suffered greatly, I know.”
“Thank you, Miss Emma, thank you for telling me that. I knew you would understand. I want to think of them, I want to remember the happy times we had together, and I want to be able to talk about them whenever I like. I think I shall look up to the stars too from now on. I know my mother would have been here now, helping me to get ready, doing my hair, and look—” Abigail suddenly rose and went to the vanity, bringing back the velvet case containing the diamonds. “…This is what my parents gave me last birthday, and I have been saving them all year, as I promised to wear them tonight.”
“They are beautiful,” Emma said, looking at the diamonds admiringly. “Your parents must have known how wonderfully they would suit you. What a lovely gift to mark your coming out. They will be very proud that you are going to wear them tonight, and with your new dress too.”
Abigail regarded her queerly for a moment. Then, she said, “Yes, they will, won’t they? And I want them to be proud of me, and I want to justify their love and their special gift.” She seemed to think for a moment. “I think it is time for me to start getting ready. Will you stay and help me, Miss Emma?”
Emma went to embrace her again, then moved back to look Abigail in the eyes, smiling warmly. “It will be an honor, my dearest girl. We shall make your parents the proudest parents ever!” For the first time, Abigail smiled, her tears gone for the moment. Emma sat her at the vanity and began brushing out her hair in long, rhythmic strokes.
“You know, Abigail, when our parents die, and we think we have lost them forever, that is not entirely true. When they create us, our little lives, and part of them, they are embedded in us. And no matter where we are or where we go, they will always be part of us. They will always be in our hearts.”
“Yes, I suppose you are right. I have never thought about it like that before. I think I shall look to the stars too, Miss Emma. Thank you so much for your comforting words. I feel much happier inside now. I think I can go ahead and enjoy the party, as I’m sure now that Mama and Papa will be there in spirit if not in person.” Abigail said, looking at Emma in the mirror.
“Very good. Now,” Emma said, “shall we put your hair up? And where are the curling irons?” Sometime later, Abigail was admiring her sophisticated new hairstyle with delight. Emma had piled it up on top of her head, dividing it into sections and curling the ends of each one, then pinning the sections up into a mass of curls. She used pearl pins to match the pearls on Abigail’s dress and tiara. Then, she fitted the tiara itself and pinned it securely. “We can’t have it all tumbling down while you are dancing,” she told Abigail laughingly. As a final touch, she teased out a few tresses to frame Abigail’s face, curling them into very becoming ringlets. “There we are. I think you are done!” cried Emma at last, standing back to admire her handiwork.
“Oh, Miss Emma! I absolutely adore it!” Abigail breathed in wonder. “I look so sophisticated. Is it really me?” she asked, staring at herself in the mirror.
“Well, I said you should be the bell of the ball, and this is only the start. “That was quite hard work. Do you think we should ring for some tea before we go on to the dress?”
“Go ahead, Miss Emma; I think that is an excellent idea.” So, tea was brought up by Lucy, the maid, who also greatly admired Miss Abigail’s hair. When Lucy had gone, the pair paused in their preparations for a reviving cup of tea. Emma was pleased to see Abigail looking in much better spirits and with a new look of determination about her, too.
After tea, they spent another hour getting Abigail dressed, from her silk stockings to the dress itself to the violet satin sash.
“The dress looks truly wonderful, Abigail, just as I thought,” Emma said admiringly, pleased to have played a part in helping Abigail to choose the style and colors.
“I still can’t quite believe that it is me,” said Abigail, turning slowly before the long pier glass, admiring her appearance.
“And you still have your matching gloves and reticule, and your satin dancing slippers, too,” Emma pointed out. “You will be a vision!” she joked.
“And all because of you, Miss Emma. I can’t thank you enough for everything, really,” Abigail cried joyfully. “But time is ticking by, and you must make ready for the party too. But before you go, I have something for you. I think you will like it.” Abigail reached under her bed and pulled out a pink dress box, which she handed to Emma along with a warm smile and a grateful peck on the cheek.
“I saw you admiring the dress pattern and the fabric in the atelier. So, I wanted to get it for you as a surprise,” she said.
“Oh, my goodness,” Emma cried, “it certainly is a wonderful surprise. I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude, Abigail. How thoughtful you are! Thank you. I shall go and get ready, and you may then admire me if you wish!” she joked, flushed with pleasure. Back in her room, she opened the box and carefully drew out the watered silk, emerald-green dress. It was exactly what she would have chosen for herself. And Abigail had not forgotten to add matching gloves and … satin dancing slippers.
Wondering how she would ever be ready in time, she was pleased when Lucy knocked at her door and offered to help. She accepted immediately, grateful for the maid’s assistance. Lucy brushed out Emma’s auburn hair into shining waves that fell down her back, with the front section pinned up and a few becoming ringlets framing her face. Next, she helped her into the lovely gown, and both women stood back to admire the effect.
“You look beautiful,” said Lucy, “the color really suits you, Miss Emma.”
“Oh, I can’t thank you enough, Lucy. I don’t think I would have been ready in time without you.” She squeezed the girl’s hand gratefully. After Lucy had gone, Emma made the last of her preparations. Satisfied at last, she stepped out of her room. There she met Henry, looking like the confident young man he was growing into in his splendid new suit.
“There you are, Miss Emma,” he said, grinning at her. “I must say, you look absolutely beautiful.” Emma blushed with pleasure.
“And you look very smart indeed, Mister Henry.”
“May I escort you downstairs, milady?” he said, offering his arm.
“I should be honored to have you escort me, fine sir,” Emma replied, taking his arm. With a final grin at each other, they paraded grandly down the hall.
