To Tempt a Scandalous Lord by Liana De la Rosa
Chapter Twenty-Four
“It’s peaceful here, is it not?”
Alicia glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Indeed.”
In the week since she arrived at Amstead Gardens, her sister-in-law and brother-in-law had welcomed her like a dear friend. Hiding away in Suffolk had not been her idea; on her first day of travel to Loch Kilmorow, the coachman stopped to change horses at a coaching inn and while she stretched her limbs, she encountered Flora and her marquess, who had been there to meet a horse buyer. When they learned of her destination, they had promptly insisted she join them at their estate instead.
Although Alicia had tried to argue, Flora would not be dissuaded.
Alicia was glad for it.
The days spent with her fiery but kind new sister, hacking out through the lush green meadows, had been therapeutic. Relaxing, even.
At least until she retired to her room at night, and the torrent of memories returned. Memories of Niall’s secret smiles. Of how his kisses could reduce her to ash while his touch remained soothing and gentle. Or how he could be deep inside her, wringing levels of pleasure from her body she didn’t think possible, and look deeply into her eyes with a glimmer of awe in his own.
Time and distance had made it clear that while her marriage to Niall sprung from a budding scandal, her love for him had bloomed under the warmth of his tender regard.
Now her spirits had wilted and waned in his absence.
She could feel Flora’s gaze on her, but Alicia refused to meet her eyes.
“I knew I would make a horsewoman out of you.”
Turning back to where Bluebonnet waited patiently in her stall, Alicia ran a hand along the mare’s flank. “I don’t know about that. But Bluebonnet is a sweet girl and makes riding her easy.”
Flora looped her arm over the top rail of the paddock, a smile brightening her pretty face. “She is a sweet lass. Yet I’ve learned that horses respond, in measure, to the people who surround them. You are calm and respectful of her, so she’s come to trust you.”
“Respect certainly goes a long way, doesn’t it?” Alicia said on a breath.
“Indeed it does.” Flora paused.
Alicia was instantly on alert. Flora never paused in anything she did, be it tackling tasks, conversations, or all matter of difficult obstacles. She faced everything head on. It was something Alicia admired about her…but now it made her wary. She clenched her jaw, her hand continuing to stroke the mare, as she waited for Flora to continue.
“I haven’t asked why you’re here and not in London with Niall. And I don’t intend to, although of course I’m vastly curious.” Flora chuckled while she waved away a fly that settled on her arm. “If you want someone to talk to, I am here anytime. Always. But, I thought you should read this. I don’t know if it pertains to the trouble you and my brother are having, but it mentions Niall and I thought you’d like to see it.”
Reaching into her coat, Flora extracted a wrinkled piece of newspaper. Alicia frowned as she took it, her hands trembling as she unfurled the paper.
Has A Feud Estranged Inverray and Matthews?
Lord Medlinger and Lord Grey appear to not be the only political allies on the outs. According to rumors, none of which this author has been able to concretely confirm, the Marquess of Inverray and Viscount Matthews, his longtime mentor, had a significant row at the Earl of Winters’s luncheon earlier this week.
The marquess was meeting with top Whig party members to push his candidacy for party leader when an argument broke out between the men.
Whilst it’s unclear what precipitated the argument, whispers have floated that the viscount insulted Inverray’s new bride, and the marquess waged a fierce defense of her honor.
Whether the rumors are true or not, a split between the two men would be disappointing, but no more so than dishonoring a marchioness of impeccable reputation.
If the normally dignified Inverray truly mounted a public defense of his lady wife’s honor, well, he’s won the support of this writer.
“Lud, Flora, do you know what happened?” Alicia whispered hoarsely, rereading the words as if they would make more sense the longer she stared at them.
“I have written to Juliana for more information, but have yet to receive a reply.”
Whipping her head about, she stared at Flora with her heart in her throat. “I don’t understand why Niall would defend me so publicly after sending me away as if I was a problem he couldn’t be bothered with.”
Snapping her jaw shut, Alicia pressed her face into Bluebonnet’s side. Unshed tears burned the back of her eyes, and her shoulders shuddered as she grappled for breath. She had not meant to discuss her husband, yet confessing the awful truth had been like stripping the wrappings from a wound and exposing it to the light.
It made the lump in her throat a bit easier to breathe around, even if thinking of that terrible night tested the lock she had placed on her memories. On her heartbreak.
They didn’t speak for several minutes, and it allowed Alicia to regain her balance. She fixed her gaze on foals frolicking in a distant pasture, allowing their playful antics to tease a smile onto her lips. How she wished her own life could be so easy. So effortless.
“No matter what happened, Niall would not challenge Matthews if the viscount didn’t deserve it. Do you doubt Matthews capable of such heinous behavior?”
Pressing her lips together, she looked away.
“So what are you going to do?” Flora’s voice was gentle.
Alicia turned, her boots kicking up dust to cloud around her. “I don’t know. If this is true,” she said, holding up the newspaper, “I’m thankful for his defense, but it doesn’t solve all our other issues.”
Flora lifted a shoulder. “Maybe not. But perhaps this is just the first step.”
“Perhaps.” Alicia sighed. “I just wish we could do it together. That he’d trust me enough to—” But then that was the problem, wasn’t it? She had broken their trust first. That truth was an ever-present ache in her chest.
Niall had been so offended when she’d used that word before. But Alicia understood his anger a bit better now, and he had a right to that anger. Her throat tightened when she realized that she had only ever valued that word, together, if it meant he was open with her, shared his life with her, but never the reverse. She understood the difference now.
Alicia wanted to help fix the mess she’d made, longed to show him how sorry she was for not trusting him more, but she couldn’t do that locked away at Amstead Gardens.
Her sister by marriage rocked back on her heels. “Charlotte’s last letter said he’s been holed up at Campbell House, but she was vague as to why. I wish I could tell you what he’s planning. I wish I could put your fears at ease. The only thing I dare to ask is for you to extend a smidge of patience for him.”
“Would you be patient with Amstead,” Alicia approached Flora at the fence, “if he sent you away like you were a tiresome problem he had no patience to deal with?”
Flora dug the toe of her boot into the soft dirt. When she finally looked up, Alicia read her answer in her green eyes.
“I’m going to go for a walk,” Alicia mumbled, rubbing Bluebonnet along her head one last time. “I’ll return for dinner.”
Not waiting for Flora to respond, she quietly exited the paddock and walked away. Her steps were quick, as though if she walked fast enough, she could outrun all her troubles.
Alicia wandered aimlessly, over paths lined with wildflowers, ducking under white pasture fences, and dipping her fingers in placid pond waters. She willed the sun on her skin, the breeze in her hair, the scent of honeysuckle on her tongue to carry away her thoughts of Niall and the sham of their failed marriage.
Only when the sun began to dip toward the horizon in the western sky did Alicia turn her steps back to Amstead Gardens. Exhaustion, both emotional and physical, pressed on her shoulders, and she longed for her bed. So distracted was she with her sluggish thoughts, she didn’t notice the carriage parked under the portico until the outriders’ respectful bows brought her back to the moment.
A familiar blond man bustled up to the conveyance.
“Murray?” she said, blinking rapidly at Niall’s secretary.
His blue eyes widened at the sight of her. “Your ladyship, it’s a pleasure to see you.”
“What are you doing here?” Alicia darted her gaze about, her heart thundering in her ears. “Where is Lord Inverray?”
Something in the man’s expression softened. “I believe the marquess is inside with Lord and Lady Amstead.”
“Of course,” she murmured, running trembling hands down her dusty skirts.
She was in no state to see her husband. Her feelings continued to fluctuate, from anger to shame, dejection to bitterness. Niall might have occupied all of her waking thoughts, but seeing him in the flesh, hearing his deep tenor coast along her skin, made her want to flee, on foot, to his Highland home.
Swallowing, she managed to flash Murray a brief smile before grasping her skirts and slipping through the front door. The sound of mumbled conversation drifted from the direction of the drawing room, but Alicia turned away from it, instead dashing up the stairs to her chamber. Once inside her room, she sagged against the door, a hand pressed to her chest as she desperately tried to catch her breath.
Which was when her eyes alighted on a stack of papers perched on her cover pane. Her brow puckered as she approached it, reaching out a hand to lift the first page.
Child Labor Act 1834
Her breath stuttered in her chest as she sank onto the mattress, her gaze greedily skipping over first one page, and then the others. When she read the last word on the last page, her vision was blurry, and she clenched her eyes shut, ignoring the tear that rolled down her cheek.
The language was bold. Direct. Unapologetic. Fierce in its demand for better working conditions and age restrictions.
With a hiccup, she recognized many of her own arguments in the words. The practical part of Alicia knew the bill as written would never make it to a vote, let alone out of committee, but more importantly, Niall knew it. Yet he’d written it anyway because someone needed to. Just as she had told him.
Alicia didn’t know how long she sat there, reading and rereading Niall’s words, but at some point, she reached for the pen and ink pot on her side table, and scribbled notes and ideas in the margins. When the door to her chamber opened some indeterminable amount of time later, she didn’t look up.
“I know I should have changed out of these muddy shoes when I returned, but I was a tad distracted,” she tossed out to Jane.
“Do you suppose the mud will come out of that leather?”
His voice stilled her scribbling and stole her next breath.
Niall stood with his back pressed against her chamber door, his guarded gray gaze fixed on her. All the things he said to her the night she fled came rushing back, and Alicia averted her gaze. Her hands had curled unconsciously around his draft bill, crinkling the edges. Sucking a breath through her teeth, she willed her hands to ease their grip.
“Jane has been able to clean them every day, despite complaining that I’m doing my best to ruin them.” Alicia glanced in time to see the corner of his mouth quirk up.
“You’ve never struck me as a woman comfortable outdoors, but Flora said you’ve gone hacking out every day.”
“I like being outside just fine.” She sniffed as she set down her pen. “But I also know better than to turn down a ride with a trainer of the great Asad.”
Niall’s chuckle was intoxicating. “Very smart of you. She’s been singing your praises since I arrived, so I’d say you’ve won her over.”
Swallowing down an inconvenient lump in her throat, Alicia darted her eyes about, anxious to introduce another topic simply so she could hear his voice. She had missed it. Missed how it filled the air about her and drowned out every other sound as inconsequential because from the beginning his words, his thoughts had been important to her.
“You’ve read it, I see.” Niall jerked his chin toward the papers in her hands, gaze intent on her face. “And it appears you have several thoughts about it.”
Alicia traced the swooping swirls of her handwriting with her eyes, a dry guffaw slipping past her lips. “Just a few.”
He linked his hands together and nodded. “I’d love to hear them.”
“Truly?”
“Of course.” The jerk of his head was forceful. “Your opinion is the only one that matters.”
Anger flared, heating her skin. “And did you realize this before or after you learned of my alter ego?”
Niall stared at her, his complexion draining of color. “I’ve always known it.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “But I allowed my insecurities and the stress of the situation to send away the one person I’ve come to rely on.” He took a careful step toward her, his gaze steady on her face. “When I think back to that night, I feel such shame. Shame that I trusted Matthews for so long. Shame that I thought I needed his approval to succeed. But more importantly, great shame that I offered you no grace. Even after coming to know you as I have, coming to know your generous spirit, I had no faith that your motives were sincere.”
Unable to hold his stare any longer, Alicia dropped her gaze to her ink-stained fingers. “It was I that had no faith in you. I should have told you about the tracts…but I knew how you felt about the author. I thought that before I told you, I could use my essays to boost your candidacy—”
“And hasten child labor reform,” he added.
Alicia lips twitched. “That, too.” She sobered. “But when you revealed Torres was searching for the writer’s identity, I grew fearful that any explanation I offered would be for naught.”
The draft legislation was still in her hands. Holding it reminded her of all the children whose lives would be made better if it were to pass. It reminded her of the helplessness she had felt as a girl with no one to turn to for aid. And for that young girl, Alicia finally raised her chin. “In the end, I was right. You sent me away, Niall, without allowing me to make amends. You rejected me, just as every other man in my life has done.”
The betrayal was like a cut that would never scab.
Alicia released the papers and buried her face in her hands. She didn’t care if she appeared weak in front of Niall. She was weak. Every moment she had spent with him, every thread of sparring banter they shared, every time he ran his hands over her body and made her toes curl in pleasure, had left her weak. Because she loved him, and when he sent her away, he’d shown that her love was one-sided.
The mattress sank next to her, and her body rolled toward him with the movement, his hands catching her arms to steady her. His thumbs stroked along her skin and she wanted to sink into the sensation.
“I’m sorry, Alicia.” Feather-light movements coasted across her brow and down to her ear, brushing aside strands of hair. “I was not trying to reject you. I just needed time to think and knew I couldn’t possibly do that with you around. And truthfully…” his swallow was audible, “I thought that perhaps you had not told me because you didn’t respect me enough to do so. I was…very hurt that my own wife thought she could not trust me.”
A sob stuttered in her throat. “You are the most honorable man I’ve ever known, and I’m so sorry I made you think otherwise. Being your wife has been the first taste of happiness I’ve felt in a very long time.”
He pressed a kiss to her temple, holding his mouth there against her skin. “I don’t see how I could make a woman as wonderful as you happy. You are so far above me in every way that matters. One day I fear you will glance at me and regret having had to marry me.”
“Niall,” she breathed, pulling back to meet his gaze. “You are not the sort of man a woman regrets.”
“But you’ve regretted marrying me.” His shoulders curled in a bit. “I’ve seen it in your gaze.”
Alicia drew herself up and gazed steadily at him. “The only thing I regret is that our marriage occurred in this forced manner. I’ve warred with my own feelings of guilt and insecurity. We’ve had to overcome so much, and just when we were coming to trust each other, Matthews intervened. But I know that if we’d been given time,” Alicia licked her lips, and forced the next words out in spite of her nerves, “I would have confessed that what I feel for you is so much more than respect or affectionate regard.”
Niall had turned into stone beside her, although she would have sworn she could hear the thundering of his heart.
After a prolonged moment, a ragged whisper slipped from his mouth. “Do you love me, Alicia? A-after everything?” He shook his head. “I am not deserving of your love.”
Alicia nodded. “I do love you and you are deserving. My opinion is the only one that matters in this.”
Niall smiled, but his expression turned serious. “I have sought the good opinion of many people. My father. Matthews. Powerful men in Parliament. Always trying to prove myself. But I realize now that your respect, your trust in my word, your belief in my honor is the only thing that truly matters.”
Reaching out, he cradled her jaw in his large hand. Niall’s steady gray eyes caressed her features while his thumb stroked softly over her cheek.
Alicia leaned into him without thought, unable and unwilling to deny herself the pleasure of his touch. Every caress, every kiss, every breath he shared with her had been tender. Reverent. Her heart raced like Flora’s swift-footed stallion to be the subject of such adoration.
“I love you.” His thumb dragged across her bottom lip. “I denied it for so long, twisted myself into knots to withstand the flurry of emotions that swirled about like a tempest whenever you were near. And now I don’t know why. For my political career? How foolish. Falling in love with you was effortless, and yet I made loving you so painful. I’m so sorry.”
Alicia didn’t know what to say. They had both made mistakes. Had both been unwilling to compromise. To trust. Perhaps their love would now mend the haphazardly sewn pieces of their marriage tapestry and turn it into a work of art.
Glancing down at the papers that had slipped to the floor, she sighed. “I’m so proud of you for writing this bill proposal. It probably won’t make it out of committee, but you will definitely give them something to talk about.”
A shadow of a smile touched his mouth. “The committee has passed it.”
She jerked back. “It did? How is that possible?”
“Well, my love, your husband can be quite ruthless when he wants something. And I was determined the bill would go to a vote.”
Her laugh echoed the delight filling her chest. “I would have loved to have sat in on the negotiations.”
“The negotiations are why I did not arrive sooner.” Niall looked down to where his fingers were threaded with hers. “I know the bill will not survive the first vote, but simply putting it to a vote was my objective. I want the assembly to have to debate the issue, to have to table their pet projects for a time and honestly discuss the welfare of our nation’s children. No longer will they be allowed to duck and hide from the very real problems terrorizing the youngest members of society.”
“And what of Matthews? What of his threats?”
“The viscount has not been seen in public since the Winters’s luncheon. The dukes did a superb job of exposing his past tactics and his reputation may never recover.” He squeezed her fingers. “He’ll always remain a threat because of his knowledge of your secret, but my hope is that if he were to ever reveal it, no one would believe him.”
She sighed. “I wish I didn’t have to write anonymously. I wish I could claim my words and ideas publicly, and perhaps in another life, women will be able to.”
“I wish you could too, love, for you are quite brilliant.” He kissed her blushing cheek. “If Matthews tries to make trouble in the future, we will face it together, as we should have the first time.”
Biting the inside of her cheek, Alicia willed her tears at bay.
While she’d been walking all over the Suffolk countryside, mourning the loss of her marriage, her husband has been making maneuvers to ensure her reputation was protected and an issue she was passionate about was finally taken up by Parliament. Any fear or doubts that still cluttered the recesses of her mind and heart were swept free with this revelation.
Alicia laid her trembling hand right over where his heart clamored riotously, leaned forward, and kissed him. The feel of his velvety lips against her own, his scent filling her lungs, left her head swimming not just with desire, but with awe.
It filled her with love for this wonderful, stubborn man.
When she pulled back, Niall appeared just as dazed as she felt. His gaze fell to her lips for a heartbeat before returning to meet hers.
“Can we start anew? Neither of us can forget what has already transpired, but we can pledge not to let it hinder our path forward.” He gathered her into his arms, kissing her temple. “Because I know now there is no path forward for me without you.”
And Alicia knew any path she took without Niall walking beside her would be lonesome and bleak, and so much of her life had been colored gray with loneliness. She longed for the colorful trails they could take together.
The promise of such a future robbed her of breath, and Alicia could only manage a nod. But something of her heart must have shown in her teary eyes, for her husband beamed down at her before taking her lips in a smoldering kiss.
Their new beginning was off to a promising start.