A Daddy for Damian by Joe Satoria

18. KRISTOPHER

TUESDAY

I was upfront about my flaws, not to people, but to myself. I knew what parts of myself I needed to hide from people, and they were my flaws. I had a flaw with trying to be the most mysterious person in any room, but that was because I was easy to figure out.

The youngest of three boys in a family that favours how much business a person can do, and yet not being able to break into the same market your family did. If I hadn’t left Berlin when I did, under the pretence it was to be with a guy rather than because the private boarding school I attended gave me many connections.

Theo knew me more than anyone else.

“I’m falling for him,” I said, sipping a vodka lemonade in a booth at the bar we regularly me at. “And I know, I said this about the others too.”

Theo rolled his eyes, grinning to himself. “You’re far too easy.”

“Easy,” I said with a click to my tongue.

“You invite each of them to Berlin like you’ll eventually take one of them to the family meal,” he said, raising his brows at me. “You tell them to go because you’ll be there, but you take them because after that meal, you’re usually a mess. I’ve been on the rambling end of those phone calls.”

He knew me too well. He probably had secrets he’d take to the grave too. “Well, if need arises, I knew where he’ll be,” I said, “but he’s different.”

“How?”

I wasn’t sure how to articulate the thoughts, or even put them into words. “I asked him what he wanted from me,” I said, “and usually, they ask for something like a new phone, so I made a new phone part of the job. Andrew, the second assistant, he asked for a laptop, this was after sex, and I just gave him my card.”

Theo sucked through his teeth and sighed. “You do let them go wild on that card.”

“He didn’t,” I said. “He basically apologised for spending forty pound on cocktails and food. He probably thought I was gonna fire him.”

Theo looked away. I knew what he was thinking. I knew what was going through his mind, because he’d said it before, and he was probably going to say it again right now. “Maybe you shouldn’t sleep with the guys you hire,” he said, like clockwork.

“Maybe I shouldn’t,” I replied. Not what he was expecting. I swirled the ice in the glass.

“Some progress,” he said. “So, what are you going to do?”

I didn’t know. I didn’t have an answer for him, or me. “I’m not firing him. And he’s still coming to Berlin. He’s got a friend coming with him.”

“I might come too,” he said.

“Why?” My eyes rolled. “You hate Berlin, and you hate my family.”

“Pfft. I wouldn’t be going to that family meal. What is it? Some big pissing contest?”

Basically. He’d met my family once while we were at boarding school together. Everything with them was a pissing contest. Every went around the dining table and everyone spoke about what businesses they’d invested in, and how they were doing so well. “You don’t know the half of it,” I said, “and not only that, but my brother is probably getting engaged, and then my other brother will mention another pregnancy.”

“And that’s bad?”

In my eyes, yeah. “Like they’re rubbing it in my face.”

Theo raised his glass of scotch at me. “More reason to take your—” he shrugged, “what would call him? Assistant? Guy you’ve got feelings for?”

I couldn’t take Damian, not to that. It would be cruel to let him endure my family’s torture. “I don’t even know where it’s going, for all I know he’ll quit next week, and I’ll be stuck trying to find another replacement.”

“Is he a good assistant?”

In all honesty, probably not. But that’s not what I was looking for in the first place. I didn’t need someone with good skills like sorting papers. I mostly gave that to Theo, and he had an assistant who could do it. All my assistant needed to do was the minimum, and nine out of ten times they were good at the minimum.

Almost like he knew I was speaking about him, my phone buzzed with a text notification from him.

—I figured out all the files that were on the desk, and I’ve sorted them out.

Perhaps he was a good assistant, and perhaps I wasn’t giving him the chance to prove himself there. But I didn’t know if I wanted to. All my last flings failed from having them do jobs for me.

“It’s been less than a week,” I said to Theo across the table.

“And?”

“I don’t know what to do.”

Theo shook his head. “Have a talk with him, maybe in Berlin,” he said. “You know, at least then if he never wants to see you again, you still have to be on the same flight together.”

That was a good idea, while also a little crazy. I liked it. “Maybe I will,” I muttered, taking the rest of the vodka lemonade. “And you know, if it all goes bad, I’ll just find myself a new assistant.”

“I’ll find you a new one,” he said. “And not some vanilla bean guy.” He chortled at the comment, shaking his head. “No offence, but you have a type.”

I had a type, and that wasn’t offensive to say. Guys who didn’t have experience in the industry, and guys who possibly had a lot to learn in the bedroom. Damian fit the bill, as did the previous guys, but there was something special about Damian, he wasn’t demanding or trying to take advantage of me.

“So, what are you going to say?” he asked.

I didn’t know, but something would have to change.

“You can date or be employed,” Theo threw out. “What do you think he’ll choose?”

I’d have been foolish to say he was going to choose dating or a job I gave a line of credit too alongside great pay. But Theo was right, I was employing guys based on how they would be with me, on a sexual level, and not on a professional level. “A job,” I said.

He chuckled. “And if he does?”

I didn’t even know how it would play out. I didn’t know how any of it would happen. “I’m not trying to get a boyfriend,” I said. “Not yet.”

“Then keep it casual,” he said.

Theo knew casual. “And when’s the last time you were in a relationship?” I asked.

He scoffed. “Listen, I know I have a problem. I haven’t found the right guy. They’re full of shit, or they’re full of lies, and that’s basically the same thing.”

Damian didn’t have that problem. He was honest with me, he didn’t pretend. He pretended to enjoy the sushi, but his face didn’t know how to pretend with him. “And what if he cries?” I asked.

“Who? Damian?”

I nodded. “Yeah, what if he cries?”

“You’ve had men cry before,” he chuckled. “Just leave.”

“Leave him alone in Berlin?” I clicked my tongue, shaking my head.

“His friend is going with him, right?”

“Right.”

Theo shrugged. “Maybe I should come along,” he said. “Because if you do break that poor boy’s heart, making him choose something like that, and he’ll have been what—employed a week.”

I liked to move fast. It was one of my many flaws. “But just to date,” I said. “And it’s not like I won’t give him a glowing recommendation.”

“A week,” he reiterated.

I hadn’t really seen his CV, but I knew he didn’t have work experience. “We’ve already done a lot. In the next couple days, I’m sure I can tell any future employer that he helped me in more ways than I could count.”

Theo knocked back the rest of the scotch from his glass. “Right,” he said. “I’m going to get a flight booked, and—” he snapped his fingers at me. “You’re going to figure out what you’re gonna say to him and hope it doesn’t break his little heart.”

As much as I didn’t want to do it, I knew it was for the best. From the moment I gave him the job, to sitting here, it felt like I’d done something wrong.

Theo stood and left, leaving me with the glass of melting ice.

I wouldn’t break Damian’s heart. I couldn’t break it.

—You bought a suitcase for the trip yet?

I sent him back.

—No. I haven’t. I will tomorrow. My brother is helping me pack. He replied promptly.

—We leave Friday! I sent back.

—Are you coming back in the office?

I took a moment to linger over the text.

—No. Take the day off to buy that suitcase. I’ll see you tomorrow.