Canary by Tijan
Ash
“Heya, little baby doll.”
My mom was at the door and I straightened back from my stuffies. She had that look, and when Mom had that look, it wasn’t good.
I knew my stomach would start hurting soon, but I took a small breath. I held it. Dad told me this was the best way to calm ‘it’ when Mom was around. I never knew what ‘it’ was, but the breath holding and sitting real still always helped. Mom said what she wanted to say and left, and sometimes that look would go away. Other times…
I looked at my stuffies, deciding which ones I wanted with me if the ‘other time’ happened.
The stuffies helped, especially the wolf one. And the dragon one. Both were so soft and heavy.
I liked them a lot.
“Hey, baby.” She came in, kneeling down beside me.
Her perfume was heavy today.
That wasn’t a good sign.
She leaned in, smiling at me, and reached up. Her finger traced over my forehead, tracing a hair strand and tucking it behind my ear. She kept her hands on my forehead, a light and loving touch.
Sometimes Mom would lean in and kiss me, whisper her sweet things, and I liked that Mom.
I hadn’t seen that one for a long time, though.
“Hi, Mom.”
Oh man.
I expelled some air, sticking my tummy out. That came out all soft and whispery, like I was scared.
She didn’t like when I sounded like that.
The look in her eye switched, and she pulled back a bit. Her hand pressed in to my forehead, but then she blinked a bunch and gave me another smile.
I relaxed a little then.
She was trying not to have ‘that look.’ I could always tell when she was trying.
Couldn’t say anything about it, but I still knew.
I’d only need my stuffies to sleep tonight. That was good.
“I wanted to tell you that you have a friend coming over to play later. A neighbor girl. You guys are the same age, so I think you’ll get along fabulously.” She glanced at my stuffies and laughed softly. “You might have to share a stuffie or two. Is that okay?”
I smiled at her, trying to make her feel like I loved her with my eyes. She always liked that a lot, and I kept my smile stretched as far as I could get it to go. Sometimes it hurt, but that was fine. Always worth it. She liked it when I showed her my teeth, too.
She said that was cute.
“Of course, Mama. It’s always nice to have a friend.”
“Yes.” She continued to watch me, then a softness came over her. She traced my hair again, a loving touch on my forehead before she blinked her eyes a whole bunch again. Leaning in, she rested her forehead to mine before moving and resting her cheek there. She tugged me into her arms. “I just love you so much. It’s good if you had a friend. Right?”
She pulled back.
I nodded, that smile hurting my face. “Of course, Mama.”
The doorbell rang.
Remembering now,as we drove away, a tear slid down my face.
Over my cheek.
To the corner of my mouth.
It lingered, holding before it slid to my chin.
It held there.
I’m sure it fell, but I let it be.
Somehow it seemed appropriate.
I knew why this memory came today.
I knew why they were all coming back to me.
