Machine by Normandie Alleman
30
Dynassy
“Mom, I need to ask you a favor.” Bridger and I had been back from Fresno for a few days, and it was time to put Operation Shut Down Lucinda in action.
Lucinda floated across the living room wearing one of her ridiculous caftans. It made me crazy the way she had her hair and makeup perfectly done and then put on one of her mu mus to make it look like she was just lounging around for her TV show.
To understand my mother, you only had to know one thing—the most important thing in the world to Lucinda Barnes was her TV show. If you wanted to know how my mother would react to something, all you had to do was figure out how it would affect her TV show. If it would bring higher ratings or have more people talking about “The Barnes Bunch,” she was going to be in favor of it, even if it caused her some trouble along the way.
I was counting on this today when I brought up Bridger’s business while the cameras were rolling.
“Of course, darling. What can I do for you?”
This wasn’t going to be easy, but I thought Nick’s plan had a good chance of working so I took a deep breath and went for it. “You know how Bridger runs a porn business?”
Lucinda rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “Yes, of course I do. And I do not approve.”
I knew she didn’t approve, but the ratings of her show had gone up since the news of his business had gone public. As much as she might have disapproved, she definitely loved the soaring ratings.
“Well, I’m sorry you don’t approve, but I want to be on Bridger’s site. However, I want to be sure I get paid more than any of their other models, so I need you to negotiate my contract.”
Lucinda’s face was aghast. “I will do no such thing!”
“Then I’ll have to get another agent.”
“Dynassy, you cannot do this! You cannot do this to your mother!”
“Oh, I can do whatever I want, Mother. I’m twenty-four years old. The problem is that you don’t see it. We’re all old enough to do what we want without you. The twins are even old enough that you can’t control them anymore. I know it’s a difficult adjustment for you, but that’s the way it is. Kids grow up, and they don’t need their mommies to hold their hands anymore.”
“I cannot believe you would be so ungrateful.” She dabbed at her eyes with the hem of her caftan, milking the whole scene for all it was worth, just like I knew she would.
“Mom, this has nothing to do with me being grateful. Kids are supposed to separate from their families, from their parents. That’s a natural part of development.”
“But why you would embarrass our family like that? Your sexuality should be private, not plastered all over the internet.”
“Mother, it’s not about us embarrassing anyone. It’s about me being an adult and being old enough to make my own decisions. You know, I was so happy for Nick that he has finally been able to break free of you and make his own decisions, live his own life, but it took him having a baby and getting engaged to be able to do his own thing. Now Ivy wants to go out on her own—and of course Leo too.”
Lucinda’s face paled. “What do you mean, Ivy and Leo want to do something on their own?” I was expecting her to argue with me about how me doing an adult film would ruin their careers, but she bypassed that. Her control of them trumped the rest of it.
“I’m not sure exactly. I just know they’re not happy working for you, as hard as you’ve been pushing them. I think Leo wants to do more creative stuff, have some independence to do his own thing, and with Ivy, I don’t even think she knows what she wants. She’s been so busy being your robot for the past few years that she’s lost herself. And if you don’t want her to blame you for it, you should allow her more room so she can do some things on her own.”
“Well, if your brother and sister feel this way, why are they not talking to me about this themselves?” she asked defiantly.
“Because, Mom, you are intimidating. And difficult. And controlling. No one can talk to you.”
“Dynassy, that’s ridiculous. I love all four of my children, and I would never do anything that was not in all of their best interests. That includes you, which is why I’m trying to stop you from making a huge mistake.”
“And what mistake is that?”
“Where do I begin?”
I just stood there with my arms crossed over my chest, waiting.
She continued, “For starters being mixed up with that Bridger guy.”
I shouldn’t have taken the bait, but I couldn’t help myself. When she started talking about Bridger, I lost it. “If you even knew him at all, you would know that he is a wonderful guy. He’s not a bad person.”
“Anyone who is trying to get my daughter to take off her clothes and perform sex acts on video for the world to see is a bad guy in my book.”
“That’s not how it is, Mom. I’m the one that wants to do it. Bridger has tried to stop me, but I told him that if he wouldn’t let me be on his site, I would just go be on someone else’s.”
“Well, if this guy isn’t the one trying to convince you, then what in heaven’s name has come over you that you’ve decided pornography is a great career path?”
“Mom, that’s the way so many stars have launched their careers—doing sex tapes, having them go viral. I have a good career, but I’m thinking I could make a big splash if I did this. I’d get some more attention, make some money, the show would get a ton more viewers… I would do it with Bridger, because I trust him. I know he has my best interests at heart, while any other pornographer, well, they would just be about exploiting me.”
Lucinda’s mouth screwed into a tiny little knot. “You know, you have a point there.”
I hadn’t expected her to get on board with the idea, but now I was afraid she’d taken it and decided to run with it. It was time to back it up.
“I really just need you to help me negotiate a contract.”
“Dynassy, you’ve given me a lot to think about. I really don’t like the idea, but if you are insistent, you ought to be smart about it. Can you please just chill on this, think about it some more, let me think about it, and we can revisit this in a few days?”
“Okay, that sounds good.”
Lucinda open her arms and enveloped me in a hug.
I wasn’t sure what to make of her reaction. First, she was appalled, as I knew she would be, until she started realizing it might drive up the rankings on “The Barnes Bunch.” On one hand, I was disgusted that she would, in some way, actually help me perform sex acts on camera and work out the legal details for that. But on the other hand, I’d asked her to see my point of view, and it took a special person to see their child as an individual and let them be their own person. It had to be difficult to love your children even when their values and decisions clashed with your own.
I wished I knew whether she was now considering helping me get into the porn business because it would boost her ratings, or because I’d asked her to. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
When I’d visited my mother that day, I’d gone there to shock her, so that when Bridger and I unveiled our real plan, she would be so relieved I wasn’t going to actually do porn that she’d embrace our new endeavor. But when she said she wanted to think about it, I wondered if she could be giving me the respect that so often we Barnes kids didn’t feel we received from her?
I wasn’t sure where this was headed, but things had gone better than I could have imagined. My intention had been to alienate Lucinda more, but instead, I came away feeling closer to her that I had in a long time.
