Falling for Your Boss by Emma St. Clair

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Zoey

I keep expectingThayden to rebuke me or try to get me to change my mind, all the way up until the wheels lift from the ground on the flattened grass runway. But he doesn’t say much, other than telling me how to buckle into the small plane. He tells me to sit anywhere, but I feel safer somehow next to him in the cockpit.

My stomach dips as the plane lifts higher and higher. I tell myself not to worry. He said he has a license. The flight can’t last more than an hour. I can finally breathe as the ranch grows smaller and smaller. I watch until it’s a tiny speck in the distance. Then it’s gone.

“Will you at least text him? Tell him that you’ve left?” Thayden asks.

“How do you know I didn’t?”

Thayden gives me a brief glance, then turns his gaze to the instruments on the dash. I almost don’t recognize this serious, dimpleless version of him without the charm dialed up to maximum volume.

“I recognize a runner,” he mutters.

“From personal experience?”

My words are intended as a jab, and his wince tells me that it hit home. I immediately feel guilty. I got a terrible first impression of Thayden, but he’s being nice enough to smuggle me home, no questions asked. He also slid into a more professional, more caring version of himself while helping Gavin with Ella. I could see that underneath the outward show he puts on, there’s a decent human.

“Something like that,” he says, focusing back on the sky ahead.

“Will my phone even work from up here?”

“Our altitude is low enough that it should still work.”

“Oh.” Disappointed, I play with my phone, spinning it around in my hands, wishing for an easier out. “Maybe we could fly a little higher?”

Thayden gives me a sidelong glance and a tiny hint of a smile. Somehow, this one looked more genuine than all of the others I’d seen on his face. Maybe because he wasn’t trying to charm me with it.

“Advice from one runner to another: don’t leave in such a manner that there’s no way back.”

I draw in a breath, feeling like his words were tiny blades slicing into my torso. I wondered about his past, what he’d run from, and why he was being so forthcoming with me, especially when his shiny surface had seemed so important every time I’d seen him.

With his warning in mind, I type and retype a message to Gavin, finally settling on something simple, even if not particularly forthcoming. I can’t quite explain the intensity of my panic and need to bolt to myself any more than I could explain it to him.

Zoey: I’m sorry, but I left with Thayden. I can no longer be Ella’s nanny. I’ll return the money. Also, I resigned from Morgan-Beckwith Friday. I spoke with HR and left my letter on your desk.

Hitting send, I feel like I’ve pulled the pin from a grenade and dropped it in Gavin’s lap. I’m so selfish. So cowardly.

Biting my lip, I turn my phone off. I’ve already ignored texts and calls from my friends and even from Zane yesterday and today. I can’t face those yet either.

“Want to talk about it?” Thayden asks.

I swivel to face him. “With you?”

He chuckles. “I deserve that. Based on what you know of me, anyway. But consider this a safe space. What’s said in the sky stays in the sky.”

I laugh, shaking my head. But it does make sense. I barely know Thayden. And if I’m not working for Gavin anymore, it’s not likely that I’ll keep seeing him around, much less his lawyer friend. The thought of not seeing Gavin anymore, of leaving him and leaving Ella makes my stomach twist painfully. Sweat begins beading on my forehead.

“There are just so many complications,” I say finally. “They all started mounting up and … I panicked.”

Thayden nods. “The age difference, the boss thing, and now Gavin has a child. Plus, he’s terrified of getting married—really, of getting hurt—again, and might take over the ranch someday soon if his younger brothers won’t. Anything else?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“Probably.”

I turn in my seat slightly to face Thayden, who keeps his gaze trained on the view in front of us and the instruments in the dash, adjusting here or there as necessary. I should feel a little nervous since this is the first time I’ve been in this small of a plane with just one other person, a person I barely know. But he exudes a confidence—that sometimes bleeds into cockiness—I instinctively trust.

“My dad is just a few years older than Gavin,” I say. “He’s going to flip out. The two of them are closer in age than Gavin and I are.”

“I can understand how a father might not like that idea. Especially if you don’t talk to him about it. Have you?”

“No.”

I feel like I’m shrinking. Becoming smaller and smaller until I’ll be the size of a paper doll someone could fold up and put in their pocket. I’ve never mentioned my crush on Gavin. And I didn’t tell Dad I was leaving town for the weekend. Actually, Zane and I were supposed to celebrate our birthday with him tomorrow night, and I’d totally forgotten.

“My father is incredibly controlling,” Thayden says. “To the point that I’ve made a lot of life choices just to spite him.”

“Sounds … mature.”

“If you knew the kinds of things he’s done, you might say that it’s a well-founded mutiny. Anyway, the point is that I’ve learned—am still learning—that forming your life decisions based around the opinion of someone else, even someone as important as a father, is crippling.”

A voice comes over the controls, and Thayden pulls the massive earphones up, talking in code that I only vaguely understand to mean that he and another plane are making active plans to avoid hitting each other. My heartbeat picks up a bit as I hear the sound of another motor nearing us. Not another motor—it’s the roar of an engine. A real plane. And it doesn’t sound nearly far enough away.

I grip the armrests, trying to quell my fear as the sound becomes almost deafening.

“It’s okay,” Thayden says, leaning closer and raising his voice so I can hear him. “We’re nowhere near as close as it sounds.”

I nod quickly, wanting to believe him, but feeling my body tense until the sound dissipates, then disappears. I never even saw the plane, just heard the evidence of it and panicked.

Now, isn’t that just like my life. I panicked without my fears even materializing.

I bark out a short laugh, and Thayden drags the earphones back down around his neck. “What’s funny?”

“I’m just … finding too much meaning in the clouds,” I tell him.

* * *

Thayden offersto drive me home, but I give him Dad’s address, not the house with the girls. I’m not ready to face any of them. Other than my text conversation with Sam the night before, I’ve been avoiding everyone. I know when I turn my phone back on, I’ll probably have some from Gavin as well.

I’m so ashamed of myself for leaving. I didn’t say goodbye or even thank you to his sweet mother. Ella has been abandoned so much already—I can’t believe I’m one more person who left her behind with little explanation.

And Gavin … what must he think of me?

“This is where you live?” Thayden asks, pulling into the modest ranch house where I grew up.

“No. It’s my dad’s house.”

Thayden’s brows shoot up. “Oh. Well, in that case, good luck. And if you ever need a lawyer or a getaway driver, here’s my card.” He presses a business card into my hand and I tuck it into my purse before walking up to the door like I’m walking toward a firing squad.

Actually, a firing squad might be preferable to my father once I tell him about Gavin. Because I’m going to tell him about Gavin. Even if it ended before it ever really began. Dad will be furious, and it will just confirm that I was right to leave when I did. Before things got even harder.

“Zoey!” Thayden has backed up, his car idling in the street as he calls to me. “Feel free to give your friend my number!”

“Not likely!” I shout back, before turning and letting myself into the house. Thayden might have shown me a different side, but there is no way I’m letting him anywhere near Delilah. Unless it’s in a boxing ring. That I might pay to see.

I unlock the house, smelling the familiar scent of home. “Dad?”

“Zoey?” He emerges from his room, looking as he always does: wrinkle-free and perfectly polished. “You’re a day early. We’re doing the birthday dinner tomorrow night.”

“Right. I actually came by to talk to you about something else.”

“I’d suggest the back patio, but it’s too hot. Let’s sit in the living room. Can I get you a drink?”

“Water, please.”

A few minutes later, I’ve got my feet tucked under me on Dad’s couch while he reclines in his favorite chair, watching me carefully. I’m just not even sure where to start.

“My week has been … kind of a mess,” I say, finally. The smile I attempt slides right off my face. I twist my hands together in my lap, avoiding running them through my hair, which is where they want to go.

“Zane told me about your boss,” Dad says, and my head snaps up.

Oh no he did not.

The fresh spike of anger I feel toward my brother helps give me some shape, some semblance of strength.

“What, exactly, did my darling brother say?”

“He said that you’re dating a man who’s almost my age. Seemed quite indignant about it.”

Dad’s face is a stone. Impassive, but not cold. Carefully blank. His poker face beats mine. I search for a crack, a tell, a wobble or even a blink, but he gives me exactly nothing.

“What would you say if that were true?”

I try to match his expression, but I know it’s no use. I might be great at this in other places, but in my house, I’m my father’s daughter. I can’t even attempt to keep my cool. My hands find the hem of my shorts, tugging, finding a loose thread that needs to be cut and picking instead. I’m sure that by the time I stand up, the whole bottom edge will be frayed.

“I would have questions. Reservations. A lot of them.”

“I suspected as much.” Of course, he would. Any dad would. He’s probably disgusted with Gavin, or even with me.

“But.”

My mouth drops at that one-syllable word, which carries a huge weight in this moment. A hopefulness that I don’t want to feel is rising like a tendril of smoke.

“I trust you. If it were someone else, I might question the wisdom of it more. But you’ve always been serious, Zoey. Even before your mother died, but especially after. You’re driven. Goal-minded. If there is a man who has won you over, I wouldn’t tell you not to date him. Unless he’s a felon. Or is one of those hipsters.”

“Your only requirements are that I can’t date a felon or a hipster?”

“They just wear the tightest pants,” Dad mutters. “And don’t get me started on those dirty beards.”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes me, but it’s gone almost as quickly. I meet Dad’s eyes. “So, you’d be fine that Gavin’s forty-three?”

Dad flinches. Then he sighs and rubs a hand over his clean-shaven jaw, which has me thinking about dirty hipster beards again, and I’d laugh if I weren’t so worried about what he’ll say next.

“It might take some … adjusting. I can’t say that I would be completely comfortable. At least, not at first.” A small smile plays on his lips. “When Zane called me, I think he was looking for backup. But it actually gave me time to prepare for this conversation, so it really backfired. Your brother might have more of an issue than I do.”

I roll my eyes. “Well, he gets to date my best friend, and I didn’t complain. I gave them my blessing. Even though it’s not always easy.”

Dad nods. “I’m sure it’s not.”

My voice is small when I speak again, like the tiniest murmur from a mouse. “What would Mom think?”

This one gives him pause. As I watch, Dad carefully weighs his answer out, like he’s picking out the perfect stone to skip across the surface of a lake. “Your mother and I were very different. I know you remember.”

I can’t help but smile, even as the tears begin to well in my eyes. There’s no need to wipe them here, so I let them fall. “I do.”

“I can’t always predict what she would say, but I know that, like me, she trusted you. Always did. She and I have always wanted what’s best for you. And if that’s a man who is older—”

“Forty-three.”

He winces again. “If that’s a man who is forty-three, then I’ll make sure I show him my gun collection the same way I would any of your dates.”

This pulls a laugh out of me, and now I wipe my cheeks. Then I remember: I left Gavin, with only a text. I left Ella. Dad sees my face fall, stands, and joins me on the couch. In a rare show of affection from him, he pulls me close. They might be similar in age, but his hug feels nothing like Gavin’s embrace. Not even a little.

“I might have already lost him,” I say. “Honestly, I’m not sure he wants me.”

“Nonsense,” Dad scoffs. “You wouldn’t be here asking for permission if you’d lost him. And he’d be a fool if he doesn’t think you’re the best thing to ever happen to him.”

“He has a daughter,” I say, wanting to get all the shocking things out at one time, to tell all my truths. Dad only nods. “She’s eight. His ex-wife never told him, so he just found out.”

Dad squeezes me tighter. “And how do you feel about that?”

“I … don’t know. But I really like her. She and I kind of bonded, which was unexpected.”

In the comfort of my father’s embrace, I tell him about the weekend with Gavin and his family. I explain about the ranch, the complications of my job, and about Ella crawling into my bed the night before.

“Gavin’s going to fight for custody. But I don’t know that he ever wants to get married again.”

“It sounds like his ex really hurt him and his daughter. I can understand hesitation after that. But did you ask him what he wanted?”

“No,” I say, feeling even smaller.

Dad hums. “Sounds like a conversation worth having.”

“I don’t know if he’ll want to talk to me. I left him. With just a text. I got scared, panicked, and I ran.”

Dad kisses my temple. “If he’s really the right man for you, there will always be a way back. You’ll just have to find that way.”

His words are so close to what Thayden said in the plane about running that I’m almost spooked. But maybe it’s the way of the universe confirming something to me. A truth I needed to hear. Or maybe this is all some kind of conspiracy and I need to put on my foil hat and hide in the basement.

There are still lots of complications. Many obstacles. But somehow, feeling my father’s love and support, they all feel flimsy, like a house of cards I can just blow down. If only I can find the bravery to do so.

“Why don’t you invite him to your birthday dinner tomorrow. Him and his daughter. I’d like to meet them both. I’ll make sure your brother knows to be on his best behavior.”

I’m trying to imagine Gavin and Ella here, in this house with my father. With Zane and Abby too. It’s a strange image, but one that has my heart racing.

I think back on Gavin’s words in the barn, his hot breath on my skin. We didn’t have time to talk about what it all meant, but I shouldn’t have doubted the things he did say. Even the small gestures, like knowing my favorite coffee shop and my favorite candy just from watching me. I can feel the weight of the sapphire necklace he bought me hiding under my shirt, close to my heart.

We’re long overdue for a conversation, if Gavin wants to talk with me. This is one we need to have in person. But the only problem is that Gavin’s at the ranch, while I’m hours away in Austin. And it can’t wait until morning.

When the idea comes to me, I’m shocked at its simplicity, but unsure if I can call in this favor. Giving my dad a last squeeze, I jump up and pull Thayden’s business card from my purse.