Sing For Me by Rachel Schurig
Will
I’m usually pretty good at playing it cool.
I developed the ability to stay quiet in the whirlwind as a child surrounded by chaos. Cousins, siblings, tour crew, fans. I’ve always been good at tuning that shit out. When the world around me gets nuts, I can easily escape into my own thoughts and stay there, occupied, for as long as need be. People who don’t know me well often assume I’m pissed off, my expression gets so flat, my features hard. I don’t need the constant input of interaction that many of my cousins do.
It’s always annoyed Rose, who gets nervous and overwhelmed in the face of chaos. “You’re so calm,” she would moan, the word heavy with envy.
But I’m having a hell of a hard time keeping calm right now. Even worse, playing it cool went out the window around the time my lips first touched Eva’s.
I’ve been a wreck ever since our first date. Hell, I’ve been a wreck since the minute I found out who she was.
When I’m not with her, I can lecture myself about being smart until I’m blue in the face. But once she’s standing in front of me? All of my concerns seem to go right out the window. I feel like I have whiplash from how many times I’ve gone back and forth over this.
Try to start something with her? Or run the hell away?
And, apparently, I’m doing a really shitty job of keeping my feelings under wrap.
“It’s so weird,” Everly whispers to Alex from their perch on the loveseat in my apartment, loud enough for me to hear because when did Everly ever do anything truly quietly? “He’s like, pacing.”
“And fidgeting,” Alex says. “Do you see how he’s fidgeting?”
I turn my glare at both of them but they merely stare back, unabashed, expressions fascinated. “We should call River,” Everly says. “He needs to get home and see this.”
“Oh, River’s seen it plenty,” Rose says, walking into the living room with a six pack and two bags of chips under her arms. The girls are having some kind of movie night later, all the little cousins coming over, and I desperately want to get out of here before that happens. But I’m not supposed to be at Eva’s for our second date for almost an hour yet. I know if I get in the car right now I’m going to end up driving right to her place and sitting impatiently outside like a big fucking creeper.
“He’s been like this for two days,” Rose tells the girls before turning to me. “Sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
I throw myself into my favorite armchair and Rose passes me one of the beers. “Breathe, Will.”
“You don’t understand,” I grit out. “Half of me is screaming to stay the hell away from this girl, and the other half of me is screaming to stop wasting time and go get her right now.”
“You should definitely listen to the second half,” Everly says. “Eva is awesome.”
I manage not to groan. I don’t need to be told that Eva is awesome—that was obvious the first day we met. But that doesn’t change the fact that I have been down this road before, and it ended in fucking tragedy.
I cast a wary glance toward my two younger cousins. I know that they’re aware of what happened with Skye. It wasn’t exactly a secret—not that it would have mattered in this family. Secret or not, everybody always knows everything about everybody else eventually. But the only person I’ve ever really felt comfortable talking about it with any detail is Rose.
I love Everly and Alex like they’re my own sisters, and would literally kill someone with my bare hands if they dared to hurt them. But that doesn’t make it any easier to be open about the shit that has the power to break me.
“It doesn’t always turn out like it did for her,” Rose says bluntly, apparently not caring that we have an audience and she’s getting awfully close to a subject I’ve deemed forbidden. “People don’t have to self-destruct as soon as fame comes calling. Look at our parents.”
“Things weren’t all sunshine and flowers for them, Rose,” I snap. “They went through some shitty stuff.”
“True,” she agrees. “But they’re happy. They’re healthy. They have families, normal lives. They never got close to the hardcore party scene—”
“Because Grandpa ruled that band with an iron fist,” I shoot back. “Most artists don’t have someone like that in their corner.”
“So find out who Eva has in hers,” Rose says, tone maddeningly calm. Also maddeningly logical, because she has a point.
“She doesn’t have much family,” I mutter, thinking about what little Eva’s told me about herself so far. “She seems to have a solid group of friends. But her manager sounds like a pushy asshole.” I scowl. “That’s not a good sign.”
“Will,” Everly cuts in, her always-cheery voice grating on my nerves right now. “Have you ever thought that you could be the strong person in her corner?”
“I tried that once before,” I bark harshly, knowing that I’m being a grumpy asshole to my cousin but unable to stop myself.
To my surprise, Everly holds her ground, all the usual sweetness dropping from her expression as she narrows her eyes. She looks so much like her mother on the rare occasions Aunt Paige is pissed off that it almost makes me laugh. But her next words sober me up real quick.
“You were eighteen years old when Skye died, Will. It wasn’t your fault.”
The silence rings in my ears. No one ever mentions Skye to me, not directly. And we certainly don’t ever talk about what happened to her. My family learned that lesson every time I exploded at them for trying to get me to talk in the early days.
But I don’t explode now. I just deflate into my chair, covering my face with my hands. “I already like her too much.”
“So talk to her,” Rose says. “Tell her about Skye.” A shot of panic goes through me at the very thought. “Let her know where you’re coming from.”
“I don’t know,” I grumble, and Alex groans.
“Boys.” She shakes her head. “What’s so scary about talking?”
I remove my hands from my face. “I don’t fucking know, okay, Alex? It just…it makes me feel sick. Even right here with the three of you, talking about her has me breaking out in a cold sweat.”
It’s quiet for a moment while the three of them stare at me, pity and concern clear in each face. Fanfuckingtastic.
The awkward moment is broken when the front door bangs open. Our apartment has an open floor plan so I can see River entering from here. “Hey,” he calls out, dropping his bag right next to the door just because he knows it will piss Rose off. “Place overrun by the giggling masses yet?”
“Not yet,” I tell him, relieved by his arrival. Maybe now we can drop this.
No such luck. River comes into the living room, takes one look at me, and sighs before turning to the girls. “He’s still freaking out, huh?”
I throw a pillow at him and he grabs it in midair before collapsing on the couch and shoving it behind his head.
“He’s having a hard time,” Everly tells him softly. “He’s scared if he gets serious with her it will turn out like before.”
“Sitting right here, Everly,” I mutter.
“Dude, you’re thinking about this all wrong,” River says. “Eva is nothing like Skye.”
He winces when he says her name, like he’s waiting for me to lose my shit. But I keep it together. “How do you know that? You’ve spent an hour with her.”
“I didn’t need to spend any time with her to know that Eva is not some green newbie with stars in her eyes,” he says. “She already released two massively successful albums. She was crowned the newest member of America’s pop royalty the minute her debut dropped. Her life would have completely changed overnight.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is that she’s already had more exposure to the music scene than Skye ever did,” he says firmly. “She’s already been through the ringer. And she didn’t melt down over it.”
His words have a glimmer of hope shining in my chest but I’m not ready to be optimistic yet. “That doesn’t mean it won’t happen.”
River straightens, facing me head on. “How much research have you done about this girl?”
“Uh, none?” I never considered searching Eva online—that sounded way too creepy.
My cousin holds my gaze. “What happened with that fire was fucked up, Will. I know you were doing everything you could to ignore any entertainment news back then, but I read about it. And I remember our dads talking about it.” He studies me. “Has she told you anything?”
“Not much,” I tell him. But the few things she has said, or implied, back up River’s statement that it was a fucked-up situation. Her injury. Being afraid of crowds. Her friends having to resort to elaborate games just to get her to leave the house. “But I’m pretty sure it was rough on her.”
“Of course it was,” he says. “Two people died, Will. News reports said she was one of the last people to make it out.”
The idea of Eva going through something like that has a fresh surge of panic hitting me.
“All I’m saying,” River continues. “If something was going to drive that girl to drugs? It probably already happened.”
I know he’s trying to be encouraging, but all his words do is make my blood run cold. “Fuck. Do you think she’s already using?”
“Jesus,” Alex mutters. “Talk to her. You don’t have to tell her about Skye yet. You can keep it general and still make sure you’re on the same page about drugs and the party scene.”
Air slowly refills my lungs, calming me. “You’re really fucking annoying when you’re right, you know that, Alexandria?”
She rolls her eyes at me but before she can respond with her trademark snark, the door bangs open again. “Who’s ready to party?” Santana shouts, arms full with a sparkling purple sleeping bag and what looks like enough luggage to last for a week.
“Oh, shit,” River mutters as the rest of the girls tumble in after her. Just like that our apartment is a flurry of feminine squeals and laughter and an absolutely absurd amount of luggage and gear for one night.
“Did we invite you to move in without me realizing it?” I ask, walking towards the entryway to greet them. I’m immediately inundated with hugs. “How much shit do you need?” I ask, tugging on Violet’s braid.
“We’re having a girl’s night,” Vega informs me, like that explains everything.
CeCe starts jumping around my feet. “We’re going to do face masks and have pedicures and watch YouTube videos to learn new hair styles. It’s going to be the best night, Will.”
Presley stands behind the younger girls, dressed in ripped up jeans and an old Star Wars t-shirt that I’m pretty sure once belonged to my brother. Her arms are crossed and she doesn’t look the slightest bit excited about the girly night planned.
“You gonna do face masks and get a pedicure, Pres?” I tease and she gives me a death glare.
“I was supposed to be hanging out with Si and Nix tonight,” she grumbles. “And instead I was guilt-tripped into coming here.”
“Of course you had to come here!” her older sister Everly cries, wrapping her arms around the younger girl’s stiff shoulders. “It’s a girl’s night, Pres. We can’t have girl’s night without you.”
I pat the top of her head. “You can escape to my room any time it gets too pink and sparkly out here.”
She looks up at me with a woeful expression. “You’re not staying?”
“Will!” Vega whines. “I thought we could go over the script for my next video. You promised you’d help.”
I open my mouth to head her off but my little sister interrupts us. “Hang on,” CeCe says, narrowing her eyes. “Why do you look so nice?”
I look down at my grey slacks and white button down. I’m not wearing a tie or anything, but I definitely look a lot more cleaned up than usual and it was stupid not to realize they’d notice.
“Your brother has a date,” River stage whispers.
I glare at him as the girl squad in our entryway turns on me. There’s a beat of silence—the calm before the hurricane—and then they all explode.
“You do?” Violet squeals, grabbing my arm. “With who?”
“Oh my God!” Santana is already jumping up and down. “You’re going out with her, aren’t you?”
“And that’s my cue to leave.” I grab my keys from the bowl by the door. “Have fun, girls.”
“No fair,” CeCe yells after me. “I want to hear about your date!”
“Don’t worry,” Everly says in an undertone just before the door closes behind me. “I’ll tell you all about it.”
I groan. This night is off to a fucking great start.