Sing For Me by Rachel Schurig

Eva

It’s fascinating to watch how Will changes over the first half of our vacation at the Ransome farm.

Since the first day I met him, I noticed a tension in Will. It was there in his clenched jaw, the way his face would harden into tight lines whenever he thought I wasn’t looking. It was there in the rigid set of his shoulders, in the deep silences he would fall into seemingly without cause.

That tension was hiked up to the highest degree when we got here. I know he was stressed out about the paparazzi invasion into our lives. He worried about the way I was reacting to it and the way it might affect his business. I wasn’t sure this trip would help him much—he seemed so convinced that the interference of his family was going to make things worse.

But that’s not what happens, at all. Instead I watch as Will’s tension visibly fades away under the warm Tennessee sun. He smiles more. The sound of his low, rumbling laugh echoes across the rolling fields of the property more times than I can count. It seems like he’s constantly on the move, perpetually active as he hikes and swims and plays endless games with his cousins.

But then there are the quiet moments, the times when I watch him chilling with Rose and River and Alex and Fox, talking and laughing for hours. Sitting out under the stars. Watching the sunset over the distant mountains. Will Ransome is relaxed here on this farm in a way I’ve never seen from him before.

Maybe it’s the distance from all the real-world troubles. Or maybe it’s the crisp mountain air, being outdoors, sitting in the sun. But I have a feeling it doesn’t have much to do with the location. I think it has a lot more to do with the people he’s with. The family that he so clearly loves.

And he does love them, in spite of all his bitching about their pushiness. He’s still prone to snap at anyone he deems to be too intrusive with me, but beyond that, he clearly enjoys every minute with them. He plays capture the flag with the Littles. Kicks a soccer ball around with his mom and sister for hours. Takes Silas for a sunset kayak ride, just the two of them. Wakes up early to help Vega and his Grandma make waffles for the entire family. Sits and talks with his mom and his aunts.

He’s at home here, with all of them, and I love to watch him.

The only person he doesn’t seem one hundred percent comfortable with is his father. I noticed it the first night we were here, when Will went up to the grill to grab us each a second burger. His dad said something to him and even though the older man was smiling, Will went visibly rigid. I watched as Cash’s face dropped, a hand coming up to clasp his son’s shoulder, but Will shook him off, grabbing the burgers without another word.

When he came back to my side, he was quiet and closed off for a good five minutes before River eased him out of his sudden funk with a constant barrage of teasing.

Something about the interactions between Will and Cash seem off to me the more I watch them. His shoulders go back to that tense set I was used to seeing in LA. And I see it again a few times when he talks to his uncles, too. Over lunch one day, Violet wonders where her father is and when Daisy mentions that he’s in the compound’s recording studio with his brothers, Will goes so rigid that he knocks over his soda can.

I want to ask him what that’s all about, but his closed off expression whenever I bring up the Ransome brothers keeps me from questioning him. His mood seems so light most of the time we’ve been here, and I don’t want to ruin that.

On Thursday afternoon we’re in the living room of the lodge playing yet another round of Risk, this time with Levi and Alex, when there’s a commotion outside. A slamming car door, some excited squealing, lots of loud voices talking over each other. Will looks up at Levi, eyebrows raised. “Are we expecting someone?”

Levi grins. “Why don’t you go outside and see?”

I follow Will out onto the porch. A crowd has gathered at the end of the gravel driveway, where the cars are parked. I watch as Cash pulls a tall guy I’ve never seen before into a hug, slapping his back. I look over to ask Will what’s going on and see that his face is lit up.

“My brother,” he says, excitement barely contained in his voice. “Wyatt’s here.” I almost think he’s going to jump off the porch in his eagerness and run down there, but he takes my hand instead, giving it a squeeze. “Come and meet him.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Cash is saying, one arm still wrapped around the taller guy’s shoulder, huge grin on his face. “You told me you couldn’t come.”

“I thought you’d like the surprise, old man.”

As we get closer, I can see that though he’s several years older, Wyatt looks an awful lot like Will. They’re both about the same height, taller than their dad, though Wyatt isn’t as broad or muscular as Will. His build is more wiry and there’s something almost elegant about his movements. Piano player, I remember, glancing at his long fingers as he wraps his mom in a hug.

He sees Will over her shoulder and grins. “If it isn’t my suddenly famous little brother.”

Will flips him off but the second Sam releases him, the two brothers are embracing. “You look good, kid,” I hear Wyatt say, his voice so similar to Will’s I might not have known who was speaking if I hadn’t watched his mouth move.

They release each other and Wyatt’s eyes go right to me, the same smirk I’ve seen a hundred times on Will tugging at his mouth. “You gonna introduce me to your girl?”

My stomach dips a little when Will doesn’t correct him. “Wyatt, this is Eva. Eva, my obnoxious big brother.” But he’s smiling more broadly than I think I’ve ever seen him and when Wyatt reaches over to shake my hand, Will’s eyes go soft.

The moment is broken when a tiny blur in pigtails and a rainbow print sundress throws herself at him. “Shoot, CeCe,” Wyatt laughs, picking her up off the ground in a bear hug. “I think you’ve grown two inches.”

Silas is there too, pushing in to hug his brother, and I take a step back, watching Will’s siblings interact. Over their shoulders, I see Cash wrapping Sam up in a big hug while she wipes her eyes and watches her kids.

You can feel the love and affection pouring off of this family in waves. It almost feels too personal for me to observe. I’m struck with the strongest urge to talk to Katherine. I catch Will’s eye and give a little wave. His forehead creases and he moves to follow me, but I shake my head before turning to the farmhouse. No one else seems to notice my departure in all the excitement over Wyatt’s surprise arrival.

I settle on the faded blue quilt covering my bed and look out the window. From here I can see all the Ransomes down on the lawn, gathered around Wyatt. The ache in my chest is getting sharper, so I pull out my phone and call my sister.

“Are you engaged yet?” she says in place of a welcome.

I snort. “We’re not even dating, Kat.”

“He brought you home to meet his family,” she says in her best duh voice. “He obviously wants to bang you.”

I can’t hold back my smile. “It’s a long way from banging to getting engaged.”

She gasps. “So you have banged him?”

“No. Jesus, Kat. Who taught you to talk like that?”

“Um, you?”

We both laugh and I settle down into the pillows. “Seriously,” she says. “How’s it going out there?”

I let out a breath. “Really good. These people are so nice, Kat. And really normal. It’s hard to even believe that they’re these crazy rich famous music icons.”

She sighs. “You’re going to get me Daltrey’s autograph, right?”

I’m not sure Will would love that, but there’s not a lot I wouldn’t do for my sister so I agree.

“You sound a little down,” she says and I shake my head at her ability to read me from hundreds of miles away.

“Just missing you,” I admit, then pause. I don’t like to bring up Mom with her. I should be the person who comforts my little sister, not the other way around. “They, um, they’re a really nice family. And very close.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “You’re wondering what that would be like.”

I let out a breath. “Yeah, I guess.” I think about the tears in Sam’s eyes while she watched her kids embracing. “Will’s mom is really awesome,” I blurt out.

“I miss her, too,” Kat says, her voice soft and sad and I have to clench my eyes tight to keep them from watering.

“Sorry,” I say quickly. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Did you ever think that it helps me to know that you’re sad about it sometimes, Eva?”

That shuts me right up. “What are you…what do you mean?”

She sighs. “I know you think you need to be all strong for me or whatever. But I want you to be able to rely on me, too. It helps me to know that I’m not alone with all the sad stuff.”

My stomach drops. Shit. Have I been unknowingly hurting my sister by keeping a tight lid on my feelings around her? “Kat, you know you can always talk to me about mom, right? I would never want you to think that it’s not something you should bring up.”

“Just because you think it’s something you shouldn’t bring up?” she shoots back and I close my eyes again.

“I’m sorry if I—”

My little sister cuts me off. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You’ve always told me that there’s nothing wrong with being sad and I should feel free to tell you about my feelings. I just want you to know that you can do the same with me.”

“Well, I’m calling you, aren’t I?” I ask, hoping to lighten things up, and her soft chuckle on the other end of the line eases the knot in my stomach. “I wish you were here.”

“I was thinking maybe I could come out to LA soon?” she asks. “ You have a birthday coming up. And I’d like to meet the guy who has my sister so worked up.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not worked up.”

“Marissa told me you keep zoning out in conversations. She says you get this faraway look in your eye and you start grinning to yourself so she knows you’re thinking about Will. And she says he calls you honey and you blush every time.”

Honey. That part is true. There’s just something about the way he says that word. But I’m certainly not going to admit it to her. “I’m so glad you’re gossiping with my staff about me.”

She snorts. “Marissa is your boss, not your staff.”

“And that somehow makes it more appropriate for her to be telling you this?”

“Well, Geoff said your face gets redder than your hair anytime his name comes up.”

“Stop talking to my friends about my love life!”

“Ooh,” she squeals. “Are you saying you love him?”

“I’m not liking you very much at the moment.”

Her laughter fills my ear. “Come on, you can tell me. You totally want to have his babies, don’t you?”

Without my consent, an image of a little boy with Will’s dark hair flits through my mind.

“No,” I say quickly. “That’s ridiculous.”

My sister is still laughing. “You can’t lie to me, you know.”

“Shut up,” I mumble.

“In Style had a little piece about you guys. You were holding hands on the way into his tattoo shop.”

“You’re not supposed to be reading tabloids, Kat.”

She ignores me. “You could totally tell from the way he was looking at you that he’s into you.”

“You could not,” I say, feeling my cheeks get warm, but I can’t stop myself from asking, “how was he looking at me?”

“Like he wanted to eat you right up.”

“Shut up. He didn’t.” There’s a pause while my heart pounds. “Did he?”

My little sister snorts with laughter. “Oh, Eva. You have it bad.”

I throw an arm over my hot face and decide to come clean. “I really do.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“Um, not for a while.” I didn’t tell anyone about what happened at my house that night after he went to therapy with me and I certainly have no intention of sharing my R-rated hot tub activities with my sister. “We kind of, um, made out? About a week ago?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“I’m telling you. God, you’re annoying.”

I can just see the teasing glint in her eye. “Okay, so you made out a week ago. And then what happened?”

“We had breakfast and got swarmed by paparazzi.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Yeah,” I agree. “Everything has been kind of up in the air since then. I think he’s worried that I’m too overwhelmed so he isn’t talking about it.”

“And you’re not talking about it because you’re a big fat chicken?”

I let out a sigh. “Pretty much.”

“Eva,” my sister snaps in her sternest voice—which isn’t very stern at all. The girl is chronically sweet. “You are braver than you give yourself credit for! Just talk to him.”

“What if he doesn’t like me like that anymore?”

“He brought you to his family’s vacation home,” she says, like I’m the stupidest girl alive. “He likes you.”

“What if I get all tongue tied? You know how awkward I am.”

She sighs. “Fine, don’t talk to him. Just sneak into his room at night and jump his bones. That ought to clear up any confusion.”

I can’t hold back my snort of laughter. “You’re not supposed to know anything about jumping bones,” I tell her. “You’re way too young and innocent for that.”

“Uh huh,” she says flatly. “Sure I am.”

“Kat.” I adopt my most mature, business-like tone. “Do we need to have the talk again?”

“Dear God, please no. I can’t believe you lived through it the last time.”

“Hey! I didn’t do so bad.”

But my sister is laughing. “I thought your face was going to explode. I seriously have never seen that color pink before. You were practically neon.”

“You’re the worst.”

“Right back at you,” she says cheerily.

“God, I miss you. Are you really thinking about coming to LA?”

I can hear her smile in her voice when she answers. “I don’t have class next Friday, I could fly in Thursday night.”

“I’ll have Marissa book your ticket today.”

We sit in comfortable silence while I think about how good it will be to see her. “Do you feel better?” she asks after a moment.

“I do. Thanks, little sister.”

“Anytime, big sister.” She lowers her voice. “Let me know how it goes when you put operation Bang Will Ransome into effect.”

“I absolutely will not.”

“Such a meanie,” she sighs. “Go enjoy your vacation.”

“I can’t wait to see you, even if you annoy the hell out of me.”

“Same.”

I hang up with a huge smile on my face. I freaking love my sister.

There’s a soft knock on my door and then Will’s voice. “Eva?”

“Come in,” I call, pulling myself into a seated position as he pushes open the door.

His eyes lock straight on my face, studying me, and his expression relaxes when he sees that I’m smiling. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah. Just felt a sudden urge to talk to Katherine.”

He nods, understanding in his eyes. “You think you feel up for dinner? Haylee and Lennon are putting together a taco bar.”

I bite back my laugh at the absurdity of the idea of a taco bar put together by musicians I grew up idolizing. “Dinner sounds great.”

He comes over to pull me up from the bed and the moment our hands touch, I feel a familiar electric sensation zipping over my skin. Talk to him, I can hear Kat’s voice commanding. My little sister is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and I know she’s right about this.

“River was wondering if you could make margaritas,” he adds, eyes twinkling, and I force away thoughts of going for broke and kissing him.

“I can definitely do margaritas,” I tell him.

After all, there’s nothing like tequila to provide liquid courage. And I think I’m going to need a lot of it if I plan to finally figure out what’s going on between me and Will.

* * *

After dinner,Paige insists we have a campfire. “We’ve barely roasted marshmallows this whole trip,” she complains, which is nonsense—we’ve had s’mores almost every day that I’ve been here. But I’ve learned that it’s easier not to argue with Will’s excitable aunt.

Reed and Daltrey build the fire, while Cash stands behind them criticizing their technique. They must do something right, because within a few minutes there’s a pretty decent sized roaring blaze going out in the fire pit behind the farmhouse. Daisy enlists Paige, Rose, and me to help her bring out trays of s’more fixings and coolers full of sodas and beer.

“I thought I was too full of tacos to eat again tonight,” Rose says as we arrange the trays of fixings.

“Is it possible to be too full for s’mores?” I ask.

Paige beams at me. “I like the way you think, Eva.”

“This is such a pretty dress,” Daisy says, eyeing my light blue sundress—the same one I wore the day I met Will.

Not that all the details of that event have been permanently etched into my mind, or anything.

“Eva always wears the best dresses,” Rose agrees with her mom. “She has a very feminine style—I’m totally jealous of your wardrobe.”

“You know,” Paige muses, studying me, “she has a point. I don’t think I’ve seen you even wear jeans since you’ve been here.”

“Oh, I never wear jeans.” It takes me a second to realize that I blurted something out of the ordinary. They’re all looking at me, waiting for me to continue. I swallow. “I hurt my hip a while ago. Sometimes it gets swollen so jeans are usually pretty uncomfortable.”

Paige’s face fills with sympathy. “Well, it sounds like you’ve made something sweet out of those lemons—I think you look beautiful in your dress.”

She says the compliment with so much sincerity I have to blink back a sudden sting in my eyes. Then I catch sight of Will behind her, watching me, a slight smile on his face, understanding shining in his eyes. It’s getting easier for me to talk about these things, I realize. Or maybe I’m just getting more comfortable with his family.

We sit and eat s’mores and talk in a loose circle around the fire pit. Without asking me, Will sets our blanket back a little farther than the others, correctly guessing that I won’t want to sit too close to the dancing flames. But I find myself oddly unaffected by the closeness of the fire while darkness settles over the property, stars beginning to wink high overhead. You never see stars like this in LA and I’m going to miss them when we go back. I’m going to miss all of this—the sense of relaxed comfort and peace that I feel flowing through the people in this circle.

Eventually, someone brings out several guitars. I try not to squeal like a fangirl as Cash and Haylee both take their instruments. I’m just going to sit at this campfire and listen to a private show with my idols, I think to myself, giddy. No big deal.

Haylee starts with an old Billie Holiday song, her bluesy voice echoing out across the nearby darkened forest. Most of the family joins in on the chorus and it’s everything I can do to keep from crying.

Music was such a big part of my life. I started playing piano when I was three years old. I wrote my first song at age seven—a jazzy little number about Katherine’s toddler tantrums that I used to sing to my mom to make her laugh when she was stressed. Music is what got me into a performing arts high school, which is how I started getting cast off-Broadway. Music is what made it possible for me to provide for my sister.

My world used to be filled with songs—songs on the radio, songs in my head. Singing in the shower or while cooking or driving, going out to watch my friends play. Sitting for hours on end at my piano, lost to the world while I played.

But after the fire, something changed in me. I never play my piano anymore. I haven’t picked up a guitar in more than a year. Where it used to be my greatest escape, music now fills me with anxiety. A reminder of everything I’ve lost and a fear of what I won’t get back.

Siting out here with the Ransome family under a starry, ink-blue Tennessee sky, some of that peace trickles back into my soul. Even with the fire crackling nearby, there’s no fear, no reminder of choking smoke and out of control flames and panic. There’s just the sound of Haylee’s voice, Cash’s fingers on the strings, and then, by the chorus, the rest of the family joining in.

On the second chorus, I join them. And before the next song, when Reed offers me a guitar, I take it. I play with Haylee and Will’s dad and Daltrey and Reed and Lennon as they all take turns. And I sing, my voice loud and clear even though it’s been unused for so long.

I don’t hear Will joining in, but eventually, his hand finds my knee in the darkness, holding me steady while the music drifts around us in the dark.