First Kiss at Christmas by Lee Tobin McClain

CHAPTER FIVE

MEGCLIMBEDTHESTEPS, beckoning for Finn to follow her, and frowned at Kayla. “What’s this about?”

Oscar must have heard the worry in her tone. He jumped and propped his front legs on her shin, and she reached down to pet him, his soft ears a comfort.

“I’m sorry, Mom.” Kayla put a hand on Meg’s shoulder, her face distressed. “I just don’t think... Well, you need to know about... You said I was welcome to talk to him. Well, I found this, and it made me feel like I had to.”

She held up a notebook, brightly flowered, with a little gold lock and strap that had been opened.

“Your diary?” It had been years since Meg had seen it, but she remembered Kayla writing in it secretly, right around the time Randy had died.

“Yes, I dug it up,” Kayla said, “because I wanted to see if I was remembering something right. I was.” She paused. “I wrote down what he said to Dad.”

“What he said to...” She looked over at Finn. “Do you know what she’s talking about?”

He didn’t answer. He was rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, his brow wrinkled, eyes on Kayla.

“When did you hear him say something to your father?” Meg asked Kayla. “Wasn’t I always there?”

“There was a time, in the hospital,” Kayla said. “You’d stopped in the cafeteria for coffee, and I went on up. He was there.” She nodded toward Finn.

Meg’s heart sank for no reason she could name. “Go on.”

“I heard them arguing,” Kayla said. “He was yelling at Dad. Dad was sick and weak, and he was yelling at him.”

Again she looked at Finn. He pressed his lips together and gazed off toward the bay.

“He said, ‘I’ll take care of it and I won’t tell Meg.’ Dad said something else, so quiet—he was weak—and Finn said, ‘I’ll give her the money.’”

Meg tried to process the words. That Randy had wanted to keep something from her was no surprise. But the rest... “What money?” she asked, looking directly at Finn. “Do you know what she’s talking about?”

Finn frowned into the distance for another few seconds. She saw his shoulders rise and fall as he took a deep breath and let it out. Then he turned and looked directly at Meg and then at Kayla. “We should get comfortable,” he said. “It’s a long story.”

Meg just stood there while he pulled over a chair from his side of the duplex. He opened the cooler and handed around sodas. Once she and Kayla had sat down, he did, too.

There was a breeze, a warm one. A family of tourists carried beach chairs and hauled a wagon filled with buckets and toys, headed in the direction of the beach.

Finn cleared his throat and looked at Meg. “Are you sure you want to hear this? It might hurt you.” He shifted his gaze to Kayla. “You, too.”

“I want to know,” Meg said instantly. And then she bit her lip and looked at her daughter. She’d always tried to honor Randy as Kayla’s father, tried not to say a bad thing about him. “But honey, maybe you don’t—”

“I want to know, too.” Kayla glanced at Meg and then frowned at Finn. “I want to know what you did with Dad’s money. Not for me—I’m fine—but Mom struggled so much...”

“Hey. We were okay.” Meg patted her daughter’s hand. “Let’s hear Finn out.”

He drew in a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. “Okay.” Then he looked at the floor for so long that Meg thought he’d decided not to tell them. Her heart pounded. What was he remembering?

“Go ahead,” she said. “We can take it.” She reached over and squeezed Kayla’s hand. “We’re strong.”

“I know you are.” He looked into Meg’s eyes, his own full of emotion.

She thought of their kiss. She had a feeling it was going to be their only one.

“I knew Randy had some flaws,” Finn said. “He always did.”

Meg nodded. “I knew that, too.”

“Everyone has flaws.” Kayla sounded impatient. “Get to the point.”

“He... Well, there was an indiscretion.”

Here it came. Meg glanced over at Kayla, concerned. Kayla had always held her father in such high esteem.

“What do you mean, an indiscretion?” Kayla asked.

He looked at Meg. “There was another woman,” he said slowly. Then he paused. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you.”

“There was another...what?” Kayla’s eyes were wide and shocked, and the color drained from her face.

Finn was quiet, as if letting them process it. Meg squeezed Kayla’s hand.

Kayla looked at Meg, pulled her hand away and pressed a fist to her lips. “You’re not even surprised,” she choked out.

Meg’s throat tightened, too, for Kayla. Seeing her daughter’s pain made her own chest ache. “No,” she said slowly, “I’m not surprised. I knew. Or was pretty sure, at least.”

“You knew?” Finn stared at her. “I thought you idolized him.”

“You never said a word!” Kayla burst out. “You always told me he was a good man. He was a good man. He was.” But doubt had crept into her voice.

Unwelcome memories pushed themselves out of some closed chest in the back of her mind. Randy coming home late, saying he’d had a work meeting, smelling of alcohol and sometimes of a woman’s perfume. Randy suddenly claiming their sex life was boring. Randy getting critical of her looks.

The signs had all been there, and she’d confronted him, but he’d denied it, over and over.

She tugged her mind back to the present, looked at her daughter’s distressed face and then turned back to Finn. They needed to get through this. Kayla was going to be hurt, from the destruction of the image of her father, and while Kayla had asked for it, brought it on, Meg could have strangled Finn for what he was telling them.

But now that he’d started, he should finish. “Go on,” she said. “What’s this about money?”

“Yeah.” Kayla’s eyes narrowed. “Are you saying you gave Dad’s money to...to some other woman?” Her voice rose to a squeak.

Oscar let out a woof and nudged at Kayla’s leg, and she reached down to pet him.

Finn blew out a breath. “It’s a complicated story.”

“We have time to hear it,” Meg said. She took a drink of soda. Was she upset? Sort of—she didn’t like the idea of Finn having some big secret about Randy—but she was beyond being surprised at anything her husband might have done. Truth to tell, she’d have left the man long before his death, except for Kayla.

The big disappointment was that Finn was involved in Randy’s shenanigans. She’d thought he was better than that. “Maybe we all need a beer instead of soda,” she suggested.

“Mom!”

Finn gave her a half smile. “If you’re serious, I’d love one.”

She went inside, half listening to see if he and Kayla talked, but the silence was deafening, so she hurried back out with three light beers. “All I’ve got,” she apologized, handing them around.

Kayla cracked hers open. “We’re waiting to hear,” she said to Finn.

Meg pressed her lips together. Kayla wasn’t near tears anymore, but her sharp tone betrayed her anger and pain.

If she thought Finn had taken money away from her family—which Meg still found hard to believe, even though he wasn’t denying it—and she’d just learned her dad wasn’t the paragon she’d always held him up to be...it couldn’t be easy. Again, she reached over and squeezed Kayla’s hand.

Finn set down his beer and leaned forward, elbows on knees. “As Randy’s lawyer and friend, I visited him several times in the hospital. On my last visit, he clearly had something on his mind. When he explained that he’d gotten involved with a woman who was into drugs and down on her luck, I guess I did yell at him. We had heated words, at any rate.”

Kayla’s lips compressed into a thin line, but she didn’t speak. Meg’s muscles tightened. She didn’t really want to hear the rest, nor did she want Kayla to hear it, but Pandora’s box was open and there was no closing it.

“He told me he had bearer bonds in his desk drawer at work, and that he wanted them to go to her, to help her get her life together.”

“Wow.” Meg blew out a breath. So Randy had cared for his lover—one of them at least—enough to want to fund her recovery.

“Bearer bonds,” Kayla said. “They’re, what, not in anyone’s name?”

“Right, so ownership can’t be traced. They’re not issued in the US any longer, but you can buy them in certain countries, and some banks will still cash them.” He opened his mouth as if to say more and paused. “Anyway. There are a lot of legal issues I can explain if you’re interested.”

“He went to some trouble to do this.” Meg was still struggling with the implications. Had Randy known he was dying earlier than he’d told her? How long had Finn known? As Randy’s business lawyer, had he been involved in some shady overseas transaction?

“Apparently,” Finn went on, “he’d promised to send her to rehab before he’d gotten sick.”

“That’s so wrong.” Kayla’s breathing was ragged, and her voice was thick. “Why should he pay for his mistress’s problems when Mom had to struggle all these years?”

“I didn’t struggle so much.” Meg thought back to the years immediately following Randy’s death. “We always had shelter and enough to eat, and eventually, everything got pretty comfortable.”

The soothing words were for Kayla, and they were true. Inside, though, she was reeling about something else.

Finn had known all this, after they’d reconnected, and hadn’t told her. He’d kissed her, knowing what a dupe she’d been. Knowing that he’d taken money that should legally be hers and Kayla’s, and given it to some drugged-out other woman. She couldn’t look at him.

“Let me finish,” he said, and something in his voice made her look back at him. “I did go and find the bonds. They added up to about fifty thousand dollars, and that’s what I gave to your dad’s...whatever you want to call her.”

“That’s a lot!” Meg blurted out, indignant. “I didn’t know he was holding back that kind of money.” It was an amount that would certainly would have eased the way for them.

“It is,” Finn agreed, even though it had to be pocket change to him at this point in his life. What did he know about the struggles an ordinary family faced? “I gave her that money,” Finn said, “out of my own accounts. So you got all the money Randy had, including the bearer bonds. I cashed them out for you and included the money in the estate. It was only right. Especially with all the hospital bills and the debt Randy had gotten you into.”

Meg stared at him. “You paid Randy’s mistress out of your own pocket?”

“Yeah. It was the only thing I could figure out to do. I didn’t want to disillusion you two when you were already grieving. Working on estates with our firm, believe me, I’ve seen plenty of that. It’s an ongoing issue in the legal community. Sometimes it’s better not to reveal everything you find out when going through the decedent’s papers.”

Kayla’s anger seemed to have deflated. “That was...generous,” she admitted. “I don’t know how to feel. I thought...” Her voice broke, and she swallowed hard. “I thought Dad was better than that.”

“Oh, honey,” Meg said. “He was a good man in so many ways. He just didn’t have the faithful gene.” She met Finn’s eyes. He knew. She was still glossing over Randy’s flaws for Kayla’s sake.

“I’m going to have to think about all this,” Kayla said, standing. She turned to Finn. “Look, I’m sorry to have accused you of stealing. I guess I should be thankful for what you did.”

“I’m not looking for thanks,” he said quickly. “I’m just sorry you lived with this worry all these years.”

“I didn’t, not really. It was seeing you that piqued my memory.” She looked at Meg. “Still, Mom...be careful, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Of course. Thank you for caring so much.” She stood and hugged her daughter, felt her shoulders shaking, and that made Meg’s own eyes tear up.

When they finally let go, she leaned back, still holding Kayla’s forearms. “We’ll talk.”

Kayla nodded and then hurried to her car.

She and Finn watched her go.

“Do you hate me for what I did?” he asked her.

“No! It was a generous thing. More than Randy deserved.” She checked her own feelings to make sure she was telling the truth. She was. “Whatever happened to the woman?”

“She did go to rehab,” he said. “And the money should have given her a little stake to get on her feet afterward, as well. But I didn’t stay in touch.”

She nodded, her head spinning.

“Meg, now you know why I said I wasn’t in a position to have a relationship. I didn’t feel like I could, with that secret standing between us. And I didn’t want to tell you the truth and break your bubble.” He shook his head. “I should have known that you would be aware of Randy’s issues and mistakes.”

“I learned about them pretty quickly in the marriage.” She sipped beer and stared out at the bay. “Stayed with him because of Kayla. It’s an old familiar story.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes, watching the gulls swoop, listening to their harsh cries.

“You’re a good woman, Meg,” he said. “A wonderful woman. You didn’t deserve what Randy did.”

“I don’t know about that,” she said.

She’d started to feel alive and attractive, with the wonderful positive attention from Finn. But today, she’d been plunged back into the reality that she hadn’t been enough for Randy. She reached down for Oscar and pulled him into her lap.

After a little dog therapy, she stood. “I have a lot to think about,” she said, “so I’m going to say good-night.” Before she could change her mind, she turned and carried the dog and her bag into the house.

THEKNOCKONher door a week and a half later made Meg jump up. She started to hurry toward it and then deliberately slowed her steps. It probably wasn’t Finn, and even if it was, he was probably just coming to say a polite goodbye.

She’d seen him packing his car earlier. She’d thought he planned an early departure tomorrow, but maybe he’d decided to leave a day sooner.

And that would be fine. She drew in a deep breath, composed her features and went to the door.

Seeing him threw her emotions into turmoil again, especially when he smiled that crooked smile.

And then he said the last thing she’d ever expected: “Want to go on a boat ride to the art festival over on Teaberry Island?”

She tilted her head to one side. “What? I thought you were leaving?”

“I am. It’s my last day, and I take off early tomorrow. But I wanted to clear the deck so we...” He paused. “Well, I, but hopefully we, can go check this summer festival out. Get a little inspiration, you know?”

He was springing this on her last minute and she didn’t know why, didn’t know what to say.

Time had sped by since Kayla had confronted Finn after the nature reserve day. The day they’d kissed. Meg had worked like crazy on her thesis, finally gotten it done and turned in. And though she and Finn had greeted each other going in and out, and one night had shared burgers and a beer at the Gusty Gull, there hadn’t been any more romance between them.

“Please?” he said. “I don’t want to leave without spending at least a little more time with you.” He checked the time on his phone. “Plus, the ferry leaves for the island in forty-five minutes, and we have two seats reserved.”

She felt her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “We do? You were that sure I’d go?”

“I’ve always been a hopeful guy, but no pressure. You can say no.”

Could she really, though?

If she went, it would mean one thing; if she refused, it would mean another. But she wasn’t ready to make that choice. “I’ll go,” she said slowly, “but listen, this doesn’t mean... Well, it doesn’t mean more romance. I’ll go as your friend. If you want me to.”

Then she felt like she’d been forward. Maybe he’d just come over as a friend after all.

An emotion flickered across his face and was gone. “That’s fine,” he said. “We’ll go as friends.”

But you could hardly take a boat ride to Teaberry Island on a summer day that didn’t feel at least a little romantic. The waves of the bay sprayed mist against Meg’s face, and she laughed. Finn reached over to wipe it off and his hand lingered. The gulls swooped overhead and the sun warmed their backs.

The island was an artist’s paradise. So naturally beautiful, with mostly small houses and a cute tiny downtown, and rows of paintings and crafts on the lawn of the town park. He bought her a stained glass suncatcher shaped like a crab.

She imagined a story about a kid living on a tiny island, loving her home but wanting to see the big world, too. She told Finn about it and he lifted a brow, nodded, asked her questions to get her to think it through.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have that type of connection with someone, that meeting of the minds, on a regular basis? Maybe even full-time?

Finn held her hand a couple of times, and poignant regret stabbed her heart. She enjoyed this man’s company, cared what happened to him. Liked the way the sun shone on his hair and made his eyes sparkle.

They sparkled more when he was looking at her. Twice, she caught him doing that, studying her like he was memorizing her, but he made no move to kiss her.

And after all, that was what she’d requested: just friends. Right?

It had to be that way. Jumping into a superficial relationship with Finn now, when he was leaving, when his life was so different from hers...well, it just didn’t make sense.

The boat ride home took them into the sunset. She didn’t want the day to end, didn’t want him to go, but she knew it wasn’t meant to be between them.

After they’d left the boat and were strolling through the quiet streets toward home, Finn spoke. “Meg, since I came here I’ve developed feelings for you. You’ve always been a terrific person, but now...” He raised his hands, palms up, and a smile lifted one side of his mouth. “I’ve fallen for you. I don’t know how else to say it.”

His words seemed to suck the air from her lungs. They weren’t what she’d expected to hear. She studied his face.

He seemed sincere, but it was such a rearrangement of all she’d thought about herself that she couldn’t quite wrap her mind around it.

“I’d like to pursue that,” he went on, “although I understand if you’re not interested after all the water that’s passed under the bridge.”

She looked away from his handsomeness, his appeal, and let her gaze sweep out over the bay, its blue reflecting the sky. She saw a few sailboats, not as many as last week. Tourist season was ending.

So much had gone on in these past two weeks, from Finn to her creative work. She was on the verge of achieving her dream.

A man had derailed her dreams once before, dreams of a good, happy family. And then she’d lost him, and she’d had to shelve her dreams in the interest of just plain surviving. How could she know Finn wouldn’t do the same?

For better or worse, she was wiser now, more cautious.

When she’d figured out what she wanted to say, she turned to him. “I understand why you did what you did all those years ago, about Randy. And today’s been wonderful. But right now... I just need time to absorb everything. And I have my work to do.” She lifted her hands in apology. “I appreciate you, and everything you’ve done, but I’m not ready for more just now.”