First Kiss at Christmas by Lee Tobin McClain

CHAPTER FIVE

DURINGHISYEARSin the military, Tony had been in plenty of scary situations. But he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this nervous. Jax tugged him toward the entrance of the Coastal Kids Early Learning Center, while Tony dragged his heels.

You’re assisting in a preschool class. You’ve met all the kids. Don’t be ridiculous.

During circle time, Jax actually sat beside Tony rather than in his lap. That was progress, and Tony would be glad if he weren’t so nervous.

Kayla addressed the students. “We have a new helper in our class, students!” she said cheerfully. “Mr. DeNunzio will be helping us over the next few weeks.”

“Hi, everyone,” he forced himself to say, waving. “You can call me Tony. DeNunzio’s hard.”

“Mr. Tony,” Kayla corrected immediately. “Let’s all say ‘Hi, Mr. Tony’!”

“Hi, Mr. Tony,” they chorused dutifully, and to Tony’s ears, doubtfully.

“Mr. Tony’s going to read to us sometimes,” Kayla said. “Maybe he’ll even contribute to our music days.”

Why had Jax confided that he played the ukulele? He was barely a beginner, on the ukulele that Stella had in the house. Because that had comforted Jax, right at first, Tony had watched a few videos and taught himself a couple of simple songs. Tony waved a hand. “Maybe, but not today.”

She seemed to be restraining a laugh. “But not today.”

When playtime started, Tony tried to do as Kayla did, walk around and comment on what the kids were doing, ask questions. But there was none of the eager conversation he overheard when Kayla greeted a group. Instead, the kids had wary, one-word answers to everything he said.

Kayla smiled at him encouragingly. “You’re doing fine. Just keep an eye on everyone. They’ll get used to you. I’m going to work with the group that’s struggling with their letters.”

She’d gathered those kids in a way that didn’t single them out, but made them feel special, which Tony admired. And he knew that having him here to help with the other kids would enable her to focus on that group, so he redoubled his efforts, squatting to appear smaller, softening his voice, and forcing himself to smile more.

He was making progress when Pixie Smith threw up right into the plastic airplane another boy had been playing with.

That boy took one look and started retching, too.

Tony had no idea how to help a kid who was vomiting. During the past three months, Jax hadn’t vomited.

Although, from the green look on his face, that might be about to change.

“Hey, Kayla,” he called, and knelt beside Pixie. “It’s okay, honey. We’ll get you cleaned up.”

She vomited a little more, crying, and Tony grabbed for a toy towel from the little kitchen and used it to wipe her face.

She cried harder and twisted away from him.

“Okay, Pixie. Come on.” Kayla, who’d apparently taken in the situation with just a glance, arrived with damp cloths and wiped Pixie’s face. “Everyone else, go to the book area and get a book, then on your squares.”

The kid who’d been gagging, Joey, abruptly threw up.

The rest of the class was too fascinated by the drama to do as Kayla had said.

“Come on, everyone else, get a book. Go to your squares. Now.” Tony didn’t think to use his nice voice, and the kids responded, hurrying to get books. They looked at him fearfully, though, and Jax clung.

“Here, wipe Joey off.” Kayla handed him one of the cloths. But when Tony turned toward Joey, the child screamed and cringed.

So he wouldn’t be helping with actual kid cleanup—fine with him, truthfully—but maybe he could be helpful another way. He turned toward the door. Jax was hanging on his leg, so he picked up his nephew and strode to the classroom door. “Sylvie?” he called. Not seeing the janitor, he trotted down the stairs. “Sylvie?”

“Yes?” She came hurrying out of the lunchroom.

“Can you come help me clean up some vomit?” he asked. “Kayla’s room.”

“Oh sure. Let me bring up supplies.”

“Thanks. I need to go back up.”

“Go,” she said.

Jax was staring at her, his eyes wide. As Tony carried him upstairs, he continued watching the janitor.

Back in the classroom, Tony tried to do damage control. “Janitor’s on her way,” he said to Kayla, who was kneeling beside the two sick children.

“Did you notify my mom?” Kayla asked.

“No. I should have thought of that.”

“It’s fine, the janitor’s most important. But could you let Mom know, please?”

Good. At least he could help a little, even if the kids were terrified of him. “Sure. Jax, want to sit on a square with the other kids?”

Jax shook his head and clung more tightly onto Tony.

On the way downstairs, he passed Sylvie headed up. He hurried to the office and informed Miss Meg of the situation, and she stood, looking concerned. “We need to get those children’s parents here,” she said. “Most likely, Pixie just ate something that didn’t agree with her, but just in case. We don’t want an infection going through the whole class, if we can help it.”

“Do you want me to call them while you go help out?” He could handle phone calls way better than he could handle upset kids.

She shook her head. “Numbers are confidential. You go help Kayla out, and tell her I’ll be right up.”

So he headed back into the classroom, got Jax to sit on a carpet square with the other kids, and helped Sylvie clean up the mess. Kayla calmed the children, and Miss Meg came in and got the sick ones down to the office.

Tony felt totally inadequate.

When he’d been in the military, he’d been considered a good person to have around when things got rough. He was decisive and read situations well.

But he’d been basically useless in a preschool emergency.

It was a little bit ridiculous, and he’d probably see the funny side of it later. All the same, it was a good reminder, especially when you added it on to his failure on the family front with Stella.

He was a bad bet, and Kayla, or anyone, would be better off without him.

ON WEDNESDAYAFTERNOON, Sylvie put on her walking shoes and headed downtown at a brisk pace.

She needed to cheer up after her conversation with Big Bobby.

She’d only been trying to be funny, telling him about the incident at the school. Bobby liked kids and she thought he’d be amused to hear about the chain-reaction throwing up, and how Jax’s uncle had turned nearly as green as the kids.

But she’d made the mistake of mentioning that Jax had looked at her funny, that there was a chance he’d recognized her. Bobby had flipped. “Keep your head down!” he’d ordered. “Stay out of that classroom!”

“But I’m working there,” she’d argued. “I have to do my job.”

“You can make excuses. Just watch the kid from a distance.” And then he’d delivered the kicker. “And don’t get involved with anyone in the town. Keep to yourself.”

She’d agreed, because that was what you did with Big Bobby. He was old, out of shape, but he could still be a scary guy, and he knew people who were even scarier.

After hanging up, she’d sat in her motel room, getting more and more blue. If she wasn’t to make any friends in this friendly town, it was going to be a long month.

She’d finally decided to go out for a walk. Nothing Bobby could object to there.

The sun shone over the downtown’s cobblestone streets, weakly, a winter sun. Some of the shops were closed for the season, but unlike the shut-down storefronts in Filmore with their broken-out windows, the shops here all had cheerful seasonal displays. The pedestrians mostly smiled at one another.

Not for the first time, Sylvie wondered what her life would have been like if she’d grown up in a place like this.

It wasn’t a luxury town, at least not during the off-season. From what she could see, people worked hard. But it was clean, relatively crime free, and just so pretty, with scenic views of the bay from multiple spots in town.

She strolled by a quaint bookstore shaped like a lighthouse, and on impulse she walked inside. Since Bobby didn’t want her to make any friends, maybe she’d buy some books to read.

The place was neat and appealing, with a little sitting area and shelves with labels like “Bestsellers” and “Pets” and “Local Interest.” Sylvie’s spirits lifted. She’d spend a little time here, browse around. She liked to read and didn’t do enough of it. While she was here in Pleasant Shores, she vowed, she’d read a book a week, maybe more.

“Hi there, Sylvie!” Her landlord, Ria, waved from the check-out area, where she’d been talking to the cashier, an older woman. Beside them, a teenager leaned on the counter, paging through a magazine. It took only a quick glance to realize they were all related. “Three generations?” Sylvie hazarded a guess, walking over.

“Uh-huh,” Ria said. “This is Julie, my mom. She works here at the bookstore. And this is my daughter Kaitlyn. I don’t know if you’ve met. Sylvie is staying at the motel, in suite 6,” she explained to the other two.

The teenager gave a semifriendly wave.

“Welcome to Pleasant Shores,” Julie said.

Sylvie wished she could stay and chat. But, conscious of Bobby’s orders, she smiled but didn’t linger. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m just looking for a book or two.” She headed toward the book displays.

Then, under cover of studying the latest releases, she couldn’t help but watch as the three women talked and joked. What would it be like to be Ria, to be close to both your mother and your daughter, to live near them? Sylvie had no kids, and her own mother hadn’t wanted her around—had as much as told her to leave if she didn’t like the current boyfriend. She’d done just that at eighteen and had managed okay for a few years, until she’d lost a job and a roommate at the same time. With too much time, too little good company, and no money, she’d drowned her worries in drinking and a few drugs and gotten evicted. She’d been lucky to land with Big Bobby. Things could have gone a lot worse for her.

Now that she was away from Filmore, though, Sylvie was beginning to realize how much her mistakes had cost her.

Another older woman came out from the back of the store, striking, model-thin, with long white hair. “Shoo, you three,” she said. “I’ll take over. Aren’t you getting your nails done or something?”

“Yes, although what good that’s going to do me, working at the motel and filling in for the cleaning people, I don’t know,” Ria said.

“Oh, Mom, c’mon, don’t back out now. Your nails look terrible. I’m embarrassed.” The teenager grabbed her mother’s hand and pulled her toward the door, beckoning to the woman Ria had introduced as Julie. “Come on, Grandma, we have to go!”

The trio left, and Sylvie realized she’d been staring at them like a hungry kid looking into the window of a bakery. What was it about Pleasant Shores that made her long for things she’d never had, never even thought to want?

She studied the books in front of her and realized she’d ended up in the religious and inspirational section. Not where she belonged, but one of the books caught her eye. Resolutions for Superwomen. The cover portrayed a superhero with her fist clenched and raised high. Sylvie flipped the book over and scanned the back cover, then, carrying it with her, wandered over to the science fiction section.

The white-haired woman stayed at the counter for a few minutes and then headed out onto the sales floor. There were only a couple other customers, and she checked with each one before lighting on Sylvie. “I’m Mary, the owner of Lighthouse Lit. Are you finding what you need?”

“Yes, thanks. Just going to pick up a novel and then head out.”

“Very good.” She looked at the book in Sylvie’s hand. “Oh, the superwomen book! We’re reading that one for our book group this month. Are you local?”

“For the moment,” Sylvie said. “I’m staying at the Chesapeake Motor Lodge, filling in for a janitor at the Coastal Kids Academy.” She pressed her lips together. Why was she revealing so much about herself? Bobby wouldn’t like it.

“Oh, wonderful. There’s a women’s book group that meets here at the shop, and we’re discussing that next week, if you’d like to join us.”

Sylvie had heard of book groups, but she’d never known anyone who belonged to one. They weren’t common in Filmore. “Look...like I said, I’m a janitor. I wouldn’t fit.”

“We have all kinds of women in the group,” the woman said. “We have business owners and teachers and women who fish for a living. It’s good to hear from various perspectives. Anyone who likes to read is welcome.”

“Thanks for the invitation, then.” Sylvie felt doubtful, but Mary seemed sincere. “I’ll think about it.”

Maybe she would come to the book discussion. That was educational, not social, right? So she wasn’t exactly breaking Bobby’s rules. She grabbed a novel off the shelf, one that featured a female character in battle gear on the cover. “I’ll take these two books,” she told Mary.

They headed for the counter where Mary rung up the books and slid them into a bag, along with a flyer for the book discussion group. “Have you found a church home for while you’re here, dear?”

Sylvie almost snorted. No one would have asked such a question back home. “No, I haven’t.”

“You were looking at the spiritual books, weren’t you? I thought it might be an interest.” Mary walked with Sylvie to the door of the shop. “If so, there’s a lovely church just down by the bay, Catholic. That’s where I attend. And right beside the Chesapeake Motor Lodge, there’s a small Protestant church that’s very friendly. I think services are at nine and eleven o’clock on Sunday mornings.” She patted Sylvie on the back. “Welcome to Pleasant Shores.”

As Sylvie walked toward the bay, swinging her bag of books, she felt herself smiling. Maybe she would go to church, and to the book group, too. What was to stop her? Nobody knew her here. And Big Bobby never needed to find out.

JAXWASSCREAMING. Tony jolted awake, struggled free from the covers, and leaped out of bed.

He glanced at the clock—2:00 a.m., Wednesday night or rather Thursday morning—and rushed across the hall. Jax sat up in his bed, eyes and mouth wide open, his wails echoing in the tiny room.

“Buddy, buddy, it’s okay.” But was it? Tony searched the room as Jax continued to scream. The window was securely shut and locked, no one visible outside, no intruders hiding behind the rocking chair or underneath the bed.

He did a quick sweep through the rest of the upstairs—nothing—and then hurried back into Jax’s room and turned on a small lamp. The screaming was slightly less in volume, but still earsplitting. He sat down on the bed and pulled Jax into his arms, noting that the boy was stiff and sweating, his breathing and heartbeat rapid.

Was he hurt? Having a seizure? Tony checked Jax’s head and hands and feet, but there were no visible injuries. He felt Jax’s forehead. No fever.

“Wake up, it’s okay.” He stroked Jax’s damp hair and rubbed circles on his back, but the boy continued a rhythmic, fussy cry, eyes wide but unseeing. “You had a bad dream,” he said, turning Jax to face him. “Jax! Wake up.”

There was no change in Jax’s rigid posture, no recognition in his eyes. It was as if he were in a trance. Thoughts of rushing him to the ER came to Tony, and he started to stand, but suddenly, he flashed back to a childhood memory. Stella had had similar episodes as a toddler, and since Tony had been a light sleeper, he’d usually been the one to comfort her.

How old had he been, he wondered as he carried Jax back to his own bed. Maybe eleven or twelve, and Stella had probably been just around Jax’s age.

The weight of Jax in his arms reminded him of how it had felt to carry Stella as a toddler. Of course, Tony himself had been smaller, so it had been more of a struggle, but a welcome one. Remembering how proud he’d felt when he’d managed to comfort her, get her to stop crying in the middle of the night, made his eyes prickle.

She’d trusted him to help her feel better. She’d always let him tuck her back into her bed and had gone immediately back to sleep.

If only he could go back in time and redo everything from those days forward. If only he’d helped Stella when she’d gone through her difficult teen years, rather than going off to the military, leaving his struggling parents to cope with her adolescent rebellion. If only he’d been as patient with her as a young mother as he’d been with her as a child. Maybe he could have done more to help her get into a better lifestyle, been less critical of her weaknesses.

He settled Jax beside him in own big bed, both of them leaning back against the headboard. Jax was quieter now, just making a low fussy sound. He was warm against Tony’s side, the mingled smell of sweat and bubble bath a comfort.

“Hey, Jax, buddy, wake up. You had a bad dream.”

Jax shook his head like he was clearing cobwebs from it, looked at Tony with actual awareness...and burst into wide-awake tears. “Mommy, Mommy, want Mommy,” he cried as if his heart were broken.

Pain wrapped around Tony’s chest, and he pulled Jax into his lap. “Uncle Tony’s here,” he said.

Jax pounded Tony’s chest with a small fist. “I. Want. Mommy!”

Tony hugged Jax closer, effectively restraining the flailing arms, and rocked him back and forth. “I know, buddy. I miss her, too.”

It was true, he realized as he cuddled the child close and used the sheet to wipe his tears. Through all the guilt and anger, he just plain missed Stella. He missed her laugh, her funny way of imitating people’s voices and mannerisms, her obvious pride in her son.

Jax could have had her with him, still, if it wasn’t for Tony and his wretched temper.

He closed his eyes as if that could shut out the pain of his failures, and eventually, he felt Jax relax against him. The child’s breathing grew more regular; hopefully, he’d fall back to sleep and stay asleep. His forehead felt a little warm, and he was sweaty. Had he caught the bug that his classmate, Pixie, had had?

Should Tony call a doctor or the hospital?

If there was anything lonelier than being a single, inexperienced caregiver with a sick kid in the middle of the night, Tony didn’t know what it was.

For some reason, an image of Kayla flashed into his mind. He wondered what she would say about Jax’s nightmare and overheatedness. Given how competently she’d handled the vomiting episode in the classroom, he had the feeling she’d know exactly what to do.

Which was a ridiculous thought. Why had Jax’s teacher come to mind in the middle of the night?

Because she’s calm and competent and smart, probably.

And pretty.

And that brought a different kind of image: Kayla, waking up beside him in the night, blond hair messy with sleep, reaching for him...

His stomach tightened and his pulse thrummed. If only...

Not happening, he told himself sternly. Not ever. He shook off his thoughts of Kayla and studied his nephew. Jax was breathing steadily now, eyes closed, lashes dark against his damp, flushed cheeks. The moon sent silvery rays through the half-open blinds, making the room feel too bright for sleep, but Tony didn’t want to get up and close them for fear of waking the boy.

Instead, he reached for his phone and typed in “toddler wakes up screaming” and learned that in all probability Jax had had something called a night terror. That he wouldn’t remember it in the morning, and that Tony shouldn’t have woken him up, because that could lead to disorientation and make the child more upset.

Exactly what had happened. Was there any end to the number of kid-related things he didn’t know?

He put down the phone and settled back against the pillows.

He had to do better. Had to prioritize Jax even more, rather than thinking about the job or the program or, God forbid, a woman like Kayla.

He’d call her tomorrow and tell her he and Jax wouldn’t be in. It wasn’t as if he was a terrific help in the classroom, such that the late notice would cause a problem. He’d call Jax’s therapist and tell her about the night terror, get her advice, see if he needed to bring Jax in for an extra appointment.

He’d failed Stella, but he wasn’t going to fail Jax.

KAYLASHOULDHAVEknown it was going to be a bad day when the new student who showed up was none other than Norleen Michaelson’s daughter.

“Surprise!” Norleen cried as she and little Rhianna—who was adorable—showed up at the door of the classroom.

Kayla, busy getting the children ready for their field trip of walking down to the bay, managed to stifle her negative emotions and welcome Rhianna properly. It wasn’t easy, though.

Mom had let her know that a new student and parent were coming along on the field trip; she just hadn’t mentioned it was Norleen. If she had, Kayla might have thrown a tantrum worthy of one of her students. Being around Norleen brought back way too much hurt and shame.

If there were any small blessings, it was that Tony wasn’t here today. He’d called yesterday morning to say that Jax had a slight fever and might have picked up the bug that had taken Pixie down. He thought he should keep Jax home. Apparently, one day had stretched into two, because he and Jax were nowhere to be seen this morning.

They headed down the street that led to the bay, the children walking as instructed, two by two, holding hands. Two mothers who’d come along for the trip walked in front, chattering like the old friends they were.

That left Kayla to walk in back with Norleen, who’d decided to come along to make sure her daughter adjusted okay to the new class.

You’re a grown-up, Kayla reminded herself. Norleen is, too. She has no power over you.

“So tell me,” Norleen said, “that guy you were with the other day. Is he your boyfriend?”

“No.” Kayla didn’t say more, even though Norleen looked at her with an expectant expression. She didn’t owe Norleen an analysis of her own love life or anything else, and moreover, she didn’t want to give the woman any ammunition.

“Is he single, then?” To Kayla’s jaded eyes, Norleen seemed to be almost salivating.

“I don’t know.” Kayla looked up the line of kids. The ones in the front were speeding up, making the line stretch out too long. The mothers, still chatting, had simply stepped aside and let the children go in front. “Russell and Tate, slow down,” she called.

The two little boys in question looked back and slightly slowed their pace. One of the mothers turned and walked backward. “Sorry, we’ll keep a closer eye on them,” she called back to Kayla.

The sun shone brightly, and the kids who’d been sent to school dressed for winter weather were pulling off their hats and gloves and unzipping their coats. A breeze whipped off the bay, still a block away. It tossed Kayla’s ponytail and cooled her warm face, bringing with it the fragrance of saltwater and, more faintly, fish.

It soothed her, the natural beauty of her adopted hometown. She was taking the children to experience the wonder of the bay, Norleen’s daughter included. She didn’t have to flash back to schoolgirl bullying, and she didn’t have to respond to any of Norleen’s questions or jabs. She just had to do her job and let the rest go.

Norleen wouldn’t be around much after today, Kayla assured herself. She’d fade into the group of parents who dropped their children off at nine and picked them up at twelve.

Behind them, she heard a shout. “Hey! Hey, Kayla!”

“Miss Kayla!”

The out-of-breath male voices belonged to Tony and Jax, and as Kayla turned, her stomach knotting with some emotion she couldn’t identify, they caught up. “I’m sorry we’re late,” Tony said. “Jax said he didn’t feel well today, and I was going to keep him home again, but when he realized it was field trip day he made a miraculous recovery.”

“That’s a familiar trick.” Norleen stepped in front of Kayla. “I’m Norleen. We met the other day, remember?” She stuck out a hand.

Tony shook it politely and then turned back to Kayla. “Sorry we missed yesterday. Jax had a night terror and was up most of the previous night. I was afraid he might be getting sick.”

“That sounds rough.” Kayla reached down to pat Jax’s shoulder, then looked back at Tony. “Do you know what caused it?”

“You might not know this, not being a mother,” Norleen said, “but kids do have nightmares. It’s not a big deal.” She smiled at Tony.

Kayla gritted her teeth. No, she didn’t have kids, but did Norleen have to rub that in?

“What can I do to help with the class?” Tony asked.

Kayla thought. “Why don’t you take Jax up to find a partner? There’s a group of three.”

“My daughter’s in that group, he can partner with her,” Norleen said quickly. “She’s new.”

“Sure. If he’ll let go of me.” Tony offered a wry grin. “What else?”

“Russell and Tate are showing a little too much interest in the irrigation ditch,” she said. “Make sure the kids stay on the sidewalk.”

“Will do.” And he moved up the line, stopping at the threesome and miraculously, getting Jax to take Norleen’s daughter’s hand.

Kayla should have been happy about that, but she wasn’t.

She’d managed to separate her painful school years from her adult life. Most of the difficulty had taken place up the coast; few people in Pleasant Shores knew what had happened.

She just wanted to keep it that way, and for some foolish reason, she especially wanted to keep her youthful embarrassment and misery from Tony. Didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes.

Having Norleen here threatened to breach the wall she’d put up between those years and her current happy life.

Soon they were at bayside, and Kayla did a solemn safety talk and explained the plan for each child to find five treasures: a stone, a shell, a leaf, a pretty stick, and some kind of surprise. That got them excited. “But no getting in the water, or catching live creatures, or pulling up plants,” she cautioned. She taught them the word “ecosystem” and explained the need to be gentle with their natural resources before sending them off to explore the grasses and shells. The mom helpers showed their mettle, keeping close watch on the children, which allowed Kayla to circulate and talk with the kids about what they were finding.

It also allowed Tony and Norleen to stand talking, getting to know each other.

As Kayla walked back and forth with the kids, she caught snatches of their conversation. “New in town,” and “single parent,” and “tough divorce” were some of the words she overheard.

Annoyed, Kayla perched on a dock far away from them, and kids trickled over in groups of two or three. She helped them decide if they’d achieved their part of the treasure hunt, marveled over their finds and told Russell and Tate that no, seagull droppings didn’t qualify as a good surprise item. She pulled a big bottle of hand sanitizer from her bag and made the boys use it.

The sun made jewels on the bay, and a few fishing boats bobbed nearby. Seagulls perched atop the wooden pilings, cawing their concern about the small humans invading their territory.

It didn’t matter if Tony and Norleen became close friends, did it? Tony was out of Kayla’s league and always would be. Norleen, meanwhile, was even prettier than she’d been in middle school, and although she still seemed a little hostile, she’d at least learned some restraint. That full mouth of hers wasn’t twisted in a sneer the way Kayla remembered it, and she hadn’t said one openly mean thing. Maybe she’d changed.

Kayla had changed, too, thank heavens. She’d gotten a life, a good life. And if that life didn’t include the husband and kids she’d hoped for, well, you couldn’t have everything. Look at Norleen, going through a divorce already, at a young age. Look at Tony, suddenly a guardian to his nephew because his sister had died.

She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself, and stop being unfriendly, too. She hopped off the dock and wove her way through the children, checking on them. She chatted for a few minutes with the moms, thanked them for volunteering their time to come on the trip. And then she went and stood beside Tony and Norleen.

“So maybe we can arrange a playdate,” Norleen was saying.

Kayla’s decision to be friendly faltered.

“Sure, if the kids get along,” Tony said easily. He turned to Kayla. “I’m sorry I’m not much help today. You know you can give me orders, right?”

She smiled her appreciation. “I will. For now, everyone’s busy and happy.”

Norleen smiled over at Kayla. “You just look great,” she said. “I’m so glad you got past that awful situation and that everything straightened out.” She clapped her hand to her mouth. “Sorry! Bad choice of words. I didn’t mean... I shouldn’t have...” Her cheeks were flushed. “Kayla wore a back brace all through school. She had that curve in her spine, what was it called?”

“Scoliosis,” Kayla gritted out. Even saying the word made sweat drip down her back.

Was Norleen really so socially awkward that she’d blurt out the thing that had made a misery of Kayla’s school years? Or had she done it on purpose?

“That must have been hard on you,” Tony said.

Kayla opened her mouth to respond, but Norleen jumped in. “Oh, it was. There were some boys who were taking bets on what it would be like to...” She trailed off. “Well. They were awful.”

Now there was no doubt in Kayla’s mind: Norleen was doing it on purpose. Deliberately bringing up Kayla’s worst moments, moments she tried to keep stuffed way back in the depths of her memory. Moments she never told anyone about, because they were too embarrassing.

“A lot of kids teased me about the brace,” she said, lifting her chin as she looked hard at Norleen. “Seems to me the girls were worse than the boys.”

“Oh, there were some mean girls, all right.” Was Norleen smirking? Because she knew Kayla wouldn’t throw her under the bus in front of Tony?

And she was right: Kayla wouldn’t. Nor would she stay in the company of these two another minute. Let them make friends and have playdates. She was going to move on and find someone else to kiss.

And she was going to do it soon. Like, this weekend.

Maybe it wouldn’t be someone with Tony’s appeal, but girls who looked like Kayla, girls with her background, girls with scoliosis, didn’t get boys like Tony.

She’d go out with the mail carrier who’d been begging for a date for months. She’d join the other single teachers at the Gusty Gull and dance with anyone who asked her.

She’d avoid Tony, because she didn’t want to see the surprise and pity in his eyes.

SATURDAYMORNING, Jax banged into Tony’s bedroom and jumped on top of him. “Dec-rate! Dec-rate!” he yelled, over and over.

Tony blinked and propped himself up on his elbows and squinted at the time. 6:35 a.m.

He felt a brief longing for his earlier life, for Saturday mornings sleeping in after an evening at a social club with old friends.

But he couldn’t be upset, because Jax was here and now and sounding excited and happy, like a normal kid. “Dec-rate! Dec-rate!”

Tony wrestled him into lying down and rubbed his cowlick. “It’s too early. Go back to sleep.”

The minute he let go, Jax bounced upright and started jumping on the bed. “Dec-rate! Dec-rate!”

No more sleep, then. “Go wash your face and I’ll meet you downstairs,” he said. “We’ll have some cereal and talk about what to do today.”

“Dec-rate! Dec-rate!” Jax chanted as he headed for the bathroom they shared.

Tony threw on jeans and a T-shirt, then headed downstairs to start a cup of coffee.

Jax’s obsession with holiday decorating had started because the other kids in his preschool class had bragged about their Christmas trees and outdoor decorations. Tony and Jax had walked through town last night and sure enough, there were a couple of streets where the residents seemed to be vying for some highest-volume-of-decorations-per-square-foot prize.

When Jax had begged for an inflatable giant Santa, Tony had explained that they were only living here for a few months. They couldn’t buy a bunch of decorations for Victory Cottage when they’d soon settle down back in Filmore.

Jax’s face had fallen at that reference, and Tony had felt a little blue as well, thinking of returning to a place where they’d experienced such sadness. He’d quickly changed the subject and agreed to go to a Decoration Swap taking place at the community center today. Tony figured he’d get a small artificial tree and a few ornaments.

Jax ran and jumped and bounced downstairs, and over cereal, they discussed the day. “We’ll get a few decorations and come back and put them up,” Tony said. “But it’s too early. The swap doesn’t start until ten. Cartoons first.” He didn’t feel great about using the TV as a babysitter, but he needed a few quiet minutes with coffee and the news. One of his many imperfections as a guardian.

“Okay,” Jax agreed. “Can Miss Kayla come with us? To the swap?”

Tony liked the idea a little too much, and that made him hesitate instead of giving the immediate “no” he should have.

Hope brightened Jax’s face. “Can she?”

“No, it’s her day off,” Tony said. “We’ll go by ourselves.”

“But I want her to come.” Jax looked at Tony with big puppy dog eyes. “Can you ask her?”

“I don’t want her to feel pressured,” Tony explained.

“What’s pressured?”

Tony definitely needed more coffee. He clicked on the TV. “Look, the Muffinheads!”

Thank heavens four-year-olds were distractible.

He poured Jax more cereal and thought about the boy’s request. Inviting Kayla to the swap didn’t make any sense, but still, Tony was intrigued by the idea.

She’d acted strange yesterday during the field trip, cool. Seemed as if she didn’t much like the new mom in the class, and she definitely hadn’t wanted to talk about wearing a brace and having scoliosis. Understandable. That would be hard on anyone, but especially a girl.

Tony could relate to wanting to put the past behind you. Everyone had things they weren’t comfortable with in their past, and Tony was no exception. Kayla probably didn’t want to think about an embarrassing and awkward time.

Tony’s own history was darker.

He didn’t want to think about how he’d failed to fulfill his father’s deathbed request that he take care of the family. About his relationship with his sister and how it had pushed her out of the family home and into that dealer’s arms.

He’d never know exactly what had happened that last day. Had she seen something she wasn’t supposed to see? Had she just been caught in the cross fire? Fought with her boyfriend and made him angry—angry enough to kill?

Most of all, he wondered how much Jax had seen and how the boy had ended up on Tony’s doorstep. Who would have known to bring him there? Had his sister gasped it out with her last breath?

The police were making limited progress on the case. Tony called every few days, and so far, no arrests.

The problem was, drug-related violence ranked second only to overdoses as causes of death in Filmore. The police were overburdened. Tony and the rest of the family might never get the answers they wanted.

Next door, he could hear dogs barking, and he glanced out the window to see a couple of pit bulls racing around the yard while a woman watched, laughing. The little blue house was some kind of training facility, he’d heard.

Jax brought his bowl into the kitchen and leaned against Tony’s leg. “Is it time yet?”

Tony smiled at a four-year-old’s notion of time. “No, buddy. The swap doesn’t even start for a couple of hours.”

“Miss Kayla?” he asked, his voice hopeful.

Tony rubbed a hand over his nephew’s head. He’d caused so many problems for this little boy. Shouldn’t he make Jax as happy as he could? “Tell you what,” he said, “I’ll text her. That way, if she happens to want to come, she can come. But no fussing if she doesn’t,” he warned.

“Thanks, Uncle Tony.” Jax leaned in, and Tony put an arm around the boy, love filling his heart.

Whatever he could do to make a Christmas and a life for Jax, he’d do. Including bothering Jax’s pretty teacher.

The fact that texting Kayla made his own heart pound a little faster...well. Tony didn’t want to examine that reaction too closely.

KAYLAWALKEDINTOthe Decoration Swap feeling strangely exposed.

No reason, really. She’d been to the community center many times before, had been thinking about coming to the swap anyway. Half the town usually showed up; even those who didn’t know about it beforehand or hadn’t planned to attend couldn’t miss the large blowup decorations on the lawn, mostly a little bedraggled, and all available for a small donation.

Inside, tables were labeled: some held Christmas ornaments, others wreaths, and still others tabletop decorations and ceramics. It was a mishmash of items people wanted to get rid of, whether due to lack of space, outgrowing the item, or simply realizing the purchase had been a mistake. That meant a big proportion of the decorations were of the tacky variety, but that was part of the fun.

Primrose Miller sat at the doorway beside a big Santa head cookie jar that was rapidly filling up with donations. “Just give what you can,” she said to everyone who came in. She also gently forced everyone to sign in with at least an email address, guaranteeing further communication from the town council.

Kayla greeted Primrose and bent to sign the sheet.

“Miss Kayla! You came!” Jax ran to her, nearly knocking her over in his enthusiasm, then wrapped his arms around her.

“Gentle, buddy, gentle!” Tony approached and knelt beside his nephew. “You can’t just run into people like that.”

“It’s fine. Hi, honey,” she said to Jax, rubbing the top of his head. She was just glad that Jax was so warm toward her, after his rough start in town and in her class. Judging from Tony’s pleased expression, he felt the same.

Her faced heated, though, when she saw how closely Primrose was watching the exchange.

“I’ll finish signing you in,” the older woman said with a meaningful smile. “You three go have fun.”

“Um, thanks.” She looked quickly at Tony, wondering if he’d noticed Primrose’s wink, but he was focused on Jax.

She’d been surprised to get Tony’s carefully worded text: Sorry to bother you, but Jax asked if you could join us at the Decoration Swap. Don’t feel obligated.

If there had ever been a less enthusiastic invitation, Kayla didn’t know what it would be. But since she’d been thinking about coming anyway, and she wanted to support Jax as he came out of his shell, she’d decided it couldn’t hurt. Jax was an adorable little boy, and the fact that he’d lost his mother and was still grieving—at the holidays, no less—wrung her heart.

“Thanks for coming,” Tony said now. “You can see somebody’s thrilled.”

Indeed, Jax had taken her hand and was staring up at her with the kind of adoration that would make anyone’s day.

And she wasn’t going to say the words that wanted to burst out: “And I can see that somebody’s not thrilled, too.”

Oh, well. She’d always been the most popular with the under five set. “What are you men looking for today?”

Jax giggled. “I’m not a man. And we want a great big Santa!”

Kayla glanced up at Tony, laughing. “Sounds like you’ll need some help hauling that back to the cottage.”

“We’re shopping for a small artificial tree and some ornaments,” he said, looking at his nephew with an expression he probably thought was stern. “We talked about this, Jax.”

Moderate decorations made more sense, given that their stay in town was temporary. But she was suddenly aware of how lonely it could be for Victory Cottage residents during the Christmas season. “Will you be having any company over the holidays, or going home to visit?” she asked Tony and Jax.

“Aunt Pam might come,” Jax said doubtfully. “She came to our old house.” A shadow crossed his face and then was gone.

“That’s right,” Tony said. “And if she doesn’t come to see us, we’ll go to see her after Christmas. Uncle Vince, too.” He looked at Kayla. “My brother and sister,” he said. “They’re both single, and they work a lot at this time of year, but we’re hoping they can both get away.”

“Mommy got mad at Uncle Vince,” Jax said solemnly. “He yelled at her.”

Kayla looked quickly at Tony and saw him wince.

“Look at all the Christmas trees!” she said, hoping to change the subject away from what seemed painful. “How big of a tree are you looking for?”

He smiled his gratitude at her. “That’s where we disagree,” he said. “Jax wants one that touches the ceiling, and I want one I can carry home. We walked down, so I think I’m going to win that argument.”

“Smart strategy.” They strolled into the part of the center that held multiple artificial trees, bigger ones set up on the floor, and smaller ones on a couple of tables along the wall. People wandered among the trees, measuring, discussing, and greeting friends.

“How about this one, buddy?” Tony pointed to a three-foot tree on the table, already decorated with candy canes and red balls.

“This one!” Jax ran toward the biggest tree in the place, which was where several other children had clustered.

Tony and Kayla followed, and Kayla bent close to examine it. “Oh, man,” she said, “that’s one of those where you have to stick every branch into the right hole. They take forever to put up.”

“Color coded?” he asked.

“Looks like it.”

“Bad memories,” he said with a rueful grin. “No way. Jax, this one’s just too big.”

As Jax and Tony continued to discuss the question, Kayla felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Amber.

“Having fun?” Amber took her by the arm and pulled her out of earshot. “Did you come with them?”

“No!” Kayla said. Then she smiled. “But I did meet them here, at Jax’s request.”

“Uncle Tony doesn’t seem too sad to see you here,” Amber said. “He’s the one, I can feel it!” She leaned closer and chanted “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” into Kayla’s ear.

“Shh!” Kayla glanced back over her shoulder to make sure Tony couldn’t hear. “Actually, he doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about spending time with me. I think he’s just trying to encourage Jax to warm up to people.”

“Men are funny,” Amber said. “Not always in touch with their feelings. You know I had to help Paul along the way.”

Kayla laughed outright. “Seems to me you needed a little help yourself, admitting you were madly in love with the guy.”

“Mom, look what Daddy said we can get!” Little Davey tugged at Amber’s hand. “It’s a Santa that sings real loud whenever anyone walks by!”

Amber made mock-horrified eyes at Kayla and let herself be dragged away.

Tony and Jax were dickering over a couple of trees—smaller than Jax’s first choice, and bigger than Tony’s. The issue now seemed to be that one was evergreen, frosted with tasteful artificial snow—that was Tony’s choice—and one made of shiny silver foil needles, which Jax preferred.

“Which do you like better, Miss Kayla?” Jax asked.

Kayla winked at Tony. “I like the shiny silver one, of course!”

“See, Uncle Tony?”

“Thanks a lot,” he groused, but in a good-natured way. “Now when anyone sees that tree and calls us out for having bad taste, I’ll blame you two.”

“Nobody’s going to see the tree but us, and maybe Aunt Pam,” Jax said, his face thoughtful. “Right? ’Cause we don’t have any friends here.”

Kayla’s heart caught. “I hope I can come see it once it’s decorated,” she said. And then her face heated. Way to invite yourself over. It wasn’t Tony who’d wanted her to come today, it was Jax.

Now, the child was smiling up at her. “You can come see,” he said. “Maybe tomorrow?”

“Um, well, we’ll see.” Maybe Tony was planning to have cozy playdates around the Christmas tree with Norleen and her daughter.

Although it was Kayla they’d called to accompany them, not Norleen.

“We’d love to have you come,” Tony said.

“Maybe she could help us decorate!” Jax suggested.

Great. “That’s for you and your uncle to do,” she said quickly.

“We don’t want to take too much of Miss Kayla’s time,” Tony added. “And we do have friends. Remember, Davey’s coming over for a playdate real soon.”

“Davey’s here,” Kayla said to Jax before Tony could expand on the idea of playdates, including the potential one with Norleen’s daughter. “I think he’s talking his mom into getting a Santa decoration.” She pointed in the direction Amber and Davey had gone.

“Can I go see?” Jax asked Tony.

“Sure, buddy. Just don’t leave this room. I’ll be over in a minute.”

They both watched as Jax ran over toward Davey, as carefree as any little boy. “He’s getting so much better,” Kayla said. There. She’d keep the conversation strictly on Jax.

“I can’t believe he left my side like that,” Tony agreed. “This place is good for him. And thank you again for coming. He really likes you.”

“Of course. I have to get some decorations, too. Plus I brought in a few things that were...mistakes. I decorate the classroom every year, and sometimes I go overboard.”

Tony nodded and then frowned. “It’s hard to figure out how to make a Christmas for him. We don’t have a big family, and I know he’ll really be missing his mom this year.”

“That must be hard.” Her heart went out to the man as they drifted over to the refreshment area, where hot cider and hot chocolate and multiple fattening cookies and pastries beckoned. “Does he remember much about his past Christmases with her?”

“I don’t know.” He frowned, held up three fingers to the hot chocolate guy, and stuffed a ten into the donation bin. Then he carried the three drinks over to the end of a table. “Stella—that’s my sister, Jax’s mom—she had a lot of issues, but she tried to give him a good childhood.”

“What was the problem, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“Drugs,” he said briefly. “She was an addict. She was hurt on the job and got hooked on painkillers, then graduated to heroin and fentanyl.”

“And that’s what...”

“No.” He looked away, his jaw tightening. “She was shot.”

“Oh, Tony, I’m sorry.” She touched his arm, bare where the sleeve of his flannel shirt was rolled up, then pulled her hand quickly away. “How awful.”

“I regret things I did wrong every day,” he said and then pressed his lips together.

Kayla wondered what those regrets were, but she wouldn’t probe. His family’s issues were his business.

Kayla understood not wanting to talk about the past, all too well.

The silence got a little awkward, and at the cry of “Uncle Tony!” they both turned. Jax and Davey were dragging a mailbox decoration, taller than they were, in their direction.

Bless kids for providing a distraction.

“Uncle Tony, look! It’s a Snoopy mailbox like from the TV show. See, it goes up and down, and there’s that bird inside.”

As Tony leaned down to discuss the find with Jax and Davey, Kayla spotted Norleen across the room, and her heart sank.

It wasn’t just the flicker of annoyance that Norleen seemed to be everywhere Kayla and Tony were. It was the memories she evoked, of that horrible time in Kayla’s life and especially of that one bad incident.

Kayla could still remember the horrible feeling of Rufus Jones pushing her back against the wall and trying to plaster his lips to hers while a couple of his friends watched and laughed. Meanwhile, his hands had been pulling up her shirt—probably not with sexual intent, but rather wanting to see and show his friends her brace.

She had twisted away and taken off running, and Rufus hadn’t come after her. He was scrawny and harmless, and anyway, he’d been laughing too hard.

It had been a small thing, over in a couple of minutes. But every time she’d gotten close to kissing a man since, Rufus’s shiny freckled face, the smell of his teenage-boy sweat, the laughter of his friends...all of it had welled up in her mind and she’d lost the mood and found a way to escape the situation.

It was ridiculous, she knew. It wasn’t as if she’d been abused. So many people had suffered so much worse.

Kayla had never seen a counselor about it, never even told anyone, because what would be the use? It was a dumb problem.

It was just that the experience had shaken what little confidence she’d had. The teasing had gotten worse, and she’d retreated farther into her shell.

Jax came to lean against her. “Do you like my mailbox, Miss Kayla?”

“I do like it,” she said, smiling at the adorable boy. “But what does Uncle Tony say?”

Tony gave her a wry grin that made visible a dimple on his left cheek. “Uncle Tony’s a sucker,” he said. “I’m going to need a truck to haul everything home.”

Kayla opened her mouth to offer to drive them or help but then closed it again. She’d already inserted herself enough into their lives, and she couldn’t continue doing that.

Not when the risk of getting attached—and hurt—was far too great.