Courage by Kristen Proby

Chapter 8

~Sam~

“Excuse me.”

I crack open one eye and find a little boy with his cheek next to mine, watching me closely. He’s still standing on the floor, leaning on my pillow, staring at me with big blue eyes full of tears. I frown and run my finger down his soft cheek.

“Hey, buddy, what’s up?”

“I had a bad dream.” He sniffles and wipes his nose on my pillowcase. Awesome. “Can I come in here?”

“Sure.” I lift the covers and pull Kevin against me, letting him snuggle down. “Was it a scary dream?”

“Yeah.” He rubs his hand under his nose. “Did you have a scary dream, too?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because you’re in Auntie Tash’s bed, so maybe you had a bad dream.”

I smile and kiss the top of his head. “I just wanted to be in here. Go back to sleep, buddy.”

He yawns and is asleep within seconds. I check the time.

It’s only three, so I settle in to sleep with him nestled safely beside me.

* * *

“Why are you so moody?”I rest my hands on my hips and stare at Tash as she puts mascara on her lashes, even though she definitely doesn’t need it. “You’ve jumped down my throat twice already this morning, and you’ve only been up for an hour.”

“I overslept,” she says, hurrying through her makeup routine. “I have to have the kids at the birthday party in two hours. We need to have breakfast, and I forgot to get the kid a present, so I have to run out and do that, too.”

“I can handle breakfast,” I reply. “But please don’t ask me to buy a present because I have no idea.”

“I’m tired.” She sets the tube down and sighs. “I didn’t sleep well. And then Kevin came in, and I totally overthought it for hours.”

“You woke up?”

“Of course, I woke up. You had a conversation. I’m a light sleeper.”

I reach for her, but she narrows her eyes. I can take a hint. She’s not happy.

“You’re mad because I let Kevin sleep with us?”

“No.” She shakes her head and stomps out of the bathroom, pushes past me, and starts rummaging through her drawers for something to wear.

I would ask her if she’s about to have her period, but I value my balls.

“You have to help me out here, babe, because I’m lost. And I don’t want you to be mad at me all day long. I can’t handle it. Just tell me how to fix it, and I will. Honest.”

She sighs and sits on the edge of the bed. “I wasn’t ready for one of the kids to come in here and discover that we’re sleeping together.”

“We weren’t having sex,” I remind her. “We had clothes on, and we were sleeping.”

“I know, but now I feel like I have to explain it to them, and I don’t know what to say.”

I rub my fingers into my eyes. “Okay, we’re going to handle this right now. Get dressed and let’s go.”

“Wait, what are we going to handle?”

“The sleeping situation. I’m a grown-ass man, Tash. If I want to sleep in the same bed as you, I will, kids or no kids. They literally don’t care. So, let’s go have this conversation, shall we?”

“But.” She blinks in surprise, but I don’t give her a chance to argue.

“I said get dressed and let’s go.”

I leave the room and find the kids, already eating cereal all by themselves, sitting in front of the TV watching a cartoon.

“Hi, guys. When your aunt joins us, I have something to talk to you about.”

They don’t even pause in eating their Cap’n Crunch.

“Okay,” Kevin says, unconcerned.

“There she is.” I smile at the woman I love, Jesus, I love her, but she just narrows her eyes at me again. “So, we just wanted to have a quick chat with you about the sleeping arrangements.”

“Do we have to sleep somewhere else?” Kelsey asks.

“Not you guys,” I reply. “You know how Auntie Tash got the guest room all ready for me?”

They nod.

“Well, I think I’d rather just sleep in Tash’s room. With her. It’s more comfortable. What do you think of that?”

“If I have a bad dream, can I still come in there?” Kelsey asks.

“Of course.” I pat her on the shoulder. “Nothing else will change.”

“Our mommy and daddy slept together,” Kevin points out. “And that was fine.”

Tash sighs, but I just give her a look and nod at Kevin. “Yeah, they did. And it was no big deal, right?”

Kevin shrugs, not interested in this conversation in the least. Kelsey finishes her cereal and grins at Tash.

“Can I have another bowl?” she asks.

“Sure,” Tash says. “So, we’re done talking about where Sam sleeps?”

“Huh?” Kevin says, already watching his cartoon again. “Yeah.”

“Okay.” Tash takes Kelsey’s bowl and walks into the kitchen.

I hurry behind her.

“See? They don’t care.”

“Why do I think things are a big deal when they’re not at all? You’re right, I’m totally an overthinker.”

“You’re just trying to be a good parent, and a good role model. But you don’t have to try so hard to do that, Tash. You’re excellent without having to try. Just be yourself. The kids love and respect you. They always have.”

I pull her to me and kiss her softly, then wrap my arms around her and pull her in for a long hug.

We’re rocking back and forth when we hear, “Yuck.”

I glance over to find Kelsey making a face. “Hugs aren’t yucky.”

“You’re getting mushy,” she says as if she’s fifteen instead of five. “I want my cereal.”

“Coming up,” Tash says with a laugh. “I got sidetracked.”

Kelsey runs back to the TV, and Tash pours the cereal. “I’m sorry I was in a bad mood.”

“We all have them.” I grab a bottle of protein smoothie out of the fridge and open it for my breakfast. “Let’s not stress so much about being together around the kids, okay? We’re not doing anything wrong, and I’m sick of hiding.”

“Yeah, okay.” She carries the bowl out to Kelsey and then comes back to eat her normal breakfast of a banana and yogurt. “I have to run and grab that gift. It shouldn’t take too long. Then, if I don’t have to stay at the party, I’ll drop them off and run some other errands.”

“I can take them to the party,” I reply. “You run your errands. If I have to stay, I’ll stay. No big.”

She blinks at me, and then blinks faster as if she’s going to cry.

I clearly don’t do enough around here if just taking the twins to a party so she can do other things makes her emotional.

“Okay,” is all she says.

“Are those good or bad tears?”

“I’m not crying.”

But she sniffs and turns her back to me so she can wipe her nose on a napkin. I can handle the bad moods. I can handle just about anything. But I can’t do tears.

Seeing her cry is my undoing.

“Do you need a hug?” I ask.

She shakes her head.

“A latte?”

She chuckles.

“Good God, just tell me what I have to do to make the tears stop, and I’ll make it happen.”

“You’re just a nice guy,” is all she says. When she turns to me again, the waterworks are finished. “That’s all.”

“That’s the kiss of death.” I shake my head sorrowfully. “When a girl breaks out the you’re-a-nice-guy line, it’s usually followed up with, ‘But I can’t see you anymore.’”

“You’re a dork.” She laughs and reaches over to smack my arm, but I catch her hand in mine and pull her against me. “Thanks for handling the kids this afternoon.”

“It’s no biggie. It’ll be fun.”

She smiles, and I’m not sure if it’s in pity or if she’s patronizing me.

Then she taps me on the cheek.

“Sure. It’ll be fun.”

* * *

“You’re not gettingout of horseback riding today,” I inform Natasha.

“I thought you said the birthday party went just fine,” she says with a sweet smile.

Of course, I told her that. Of course, I did. Because I refused to admit that it was pure and utter torture.

I was the only parent who stayed. And because of that, the kids wanted me to bounce with them, and I’m quite sure I might have dislocated my knee at one point.

I’m too old for that shit.

But I’ll be damned if I admit that to the woman I’m supposed to be impressing. She’s younger than me by almost a decade as it is. I don’t want her to see me as old.

“All I’m saying is, you get to participate in the fun with the rest of us today.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t miss it.” She leans over and kisses my cheek. “Thanks again for yesterday. I got a ton done, and I know those parties are a lot. Like, a lot. I appreciate it.”

I just shrug. “No big deal.”

She laughs and then shakes her head at Kelsey when the little girl walks into the room.

“Nope. You can’t wear a dress to ride the horse, sweetie. You need jeans to protect you from the saddle. And a sweatshirt. The sun is out today, but it’s November, so it’s chilly.”

Kelsey turns around without a word and stomps back to her bedroom. The little girl has been so excited to go ride the horses that Tash could tell her she has to wear a bathing suit in the middle of a snowstorm and Kelsey wouldn’t argue.

Within thirty minutes, we’re loaded up and ready to head out to the Lazy K Ranch. The drive out of town is nice today, a surprisingly warm day for November.

“Do you see the deer?” Tash asks, pointing out the window, and the kids scramble to see it before we drive past.

Before long, we pull into the long driveway of the Lazy K, moving past the big house where Zack and Jillian live and on to the house that Josh built more than a decade ago. He and Cara have made their home back here, nestled next to the back pasture.

I park next to Seth’s truck. As we get out of Tash’s SUV, Seth walks out the front door, smiling at us.

“Who’s ready to get on a horse?”

“Me!” Kelsey yells. “Is her name Spwinkles?”

“No.” Seth laughs and leads us around the house to the back pasture. “No, this one is named Suzie. She’s a gentle mare, and she’s perfect for learning.”

“I want a fast horse,” Kevin says. “A really fast one.”

“Next time,” Seth says with a wink and reaches out to pet Suzie. “Hey, girl.”

He shows the kids how to touch and talk to her while Tash and I hang back, watching.

“Are you itching to get on her?” I ask.

“Yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve been in the saddle, and I miss it some. I learned on Suzie, too. Seth taught Monica and me how to ride when we were kids.”

“I remember. I also remember Monica came home with a broken tailbone after one of the lessons.”

“She fell off,” Tash says with a smile. “And she fell hard. Poor thing. She was walking funny for quite a while after that.”

We watch as Seth puts Kelsey in the saddle.

“Oh!” she exclaims and wraps her arms around the horse’s neck in fear. “It’s really high.”

“You’re okay,” Seth says. “Loosen your grip so Suzie can breathe. There you go.”

He walks Kelsey and the horse around the pasture, patiently talking to the little girl, coaching her and building her confidence.

“He could do this for a living,” Tash says. “He’s always been good with the animals.”

“Hey, I thought that was you.”

We both turn in time to see Gage walking up to join us. I glance at Tash, but she just smiles politely at her brother.

“What brings you out here?” she asks him.

“I’ve been renting one of the old bunkhouses from Josh,” he says with a shrug. “Rentals are hard to find in Cunningham Falls.”

“No kidding,” I agree. “It’s pretty much impossible. I might be giving up my apartment soon. If I do, I’ll give you a heads-up.”

“Appreciate it.” He smiles as he watches the kids with the horse. “They’re so cute. They got big fast.”

“That happens when you’ve been gone for a long time,” Tash says. There’s no anger in her voice, it’s just matter-of-fact.

“That’s true.” He nods and then shuffles his feet in the dirt. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you, Natasha.”

“I can give you some privacy,” I offer, but Gage shakes his head.

“Nah, this isn’t a secret or anything, and something tells me you two tell each other pretty much everything anyway.” He smiles. “Do I have to kick your ass or something?”

I size up the other man. He’s less than a year younger than Tash. He’s taller than me by at least two inches, and thanks to the military, has a strong, muscular build.

It would be a close match.

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Good.” He nods. “Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I’m moving back here. Permanently.”

Tash frowns. “You’re getting out of the Army?”

“Yeah. And I want to live here in Cunningham Falls. Need to, actually. And, listen, I don’t want things to be so damn awkward between us. You’re my sister. I want to know those kids, and I want us to act like family.”

“I don’t know what that is anymore,” she says softly. “Mom and Dad—”

“Are ridiculous,” he says with disgust. “I love them, but they’re being stupid about this whole thing. And, frankly, I refuse to take sides. I get why you don’t want to have a relationship with them. I wouldn’t, either. I don’t see them much, haven’t in a few years. The Army was my family for a long time, and now it’s not. I’m here for good. I want to mend things.”

She nods, her eyes still on the kids as they laugh at something that Seth just said.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

Gage swallows hard, shuffles his feet again. “I will be.”

“Well, I guess you’d better come to dinner one night soon. And, it’s your birthday next month. We’ll have to do something for that.”

He sweeps her up into a hug and holds on tightly. At first, she doesn’t hug him in return, but after a few moments, she relents, wraps her arms around his back, and pats him there.

When he releases her, he nods, the stiffness gone from his body. In fact, they both look much more relaxed than they did just a minute ago. “I’d like that.”

“I guess so.” She laughs and nudges him with her shoulder. “But I still don’t bake well, so I’ll have to buy your cake.”

“I don’t eat gluten,” he replies, making her laugh again. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I want cake,” I put in. “I’ll eat all the gluten.”

I should have let them have this conversation in private, but I’m glad I listened. I know enough of the situation to know that Tash’s family hurt her in the past. And I’m glad she’s going to start mending things with her brother.

I’d give just about anything to have even five minutes with my sister.

“Help!”

I turn in time to see Kevin on the galloping horse. Seth is jogging after him, but Kevin suddenly falls to the ground, and the horse runs off.

“Uh-oh,” Tash says as we hurry over to where Kevin is lying in the grass. “Are you okay, kiddo?”

Kevin’s eyes are full of tears, but he’s trying to look brave.

“I just wanted to go faster,” he says. “Seth said if I kicked her a little harder, she’d run.”

“Yeah, that’s how it works,” Tash says. “Weren’t ready for it, huh?”

“It was really fast,” Kevin says, and Tash and I smile at each other.

He really wasn’t going that fast, but I bet it felt that way to him.

“Is anything besides your feelings hurt?” I ask him.

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay, it’s time to get back on,” Seth says as he leads Suzie back to us.

“I don’t want to,” Kevin says, shaking his head. “I’m done for today.”

“See, that’s the thing,” I say as I help Kevin to his feet and brush off his jeans, “when you fall off the horse, you have to get back on right away so you know that even though it scared you, it didn’t beat you.”

“My butt hurts,” Kevin says.

“Yeah,” Tash replies. “That happens when you’re learning to ride. But your uncle is exactly right. You have to get back on after you fall off.”

“Have you ever fallen off a horse?” Kevin asks her.

“Lots of times,” she says with a smile. “But getting back on means you’re not afraid of it.”

“I want to see you ride,” Kevin says.

The kid is damn smart.

“Okay, I will. But not until you get back on.” Tash leans over to pet Suzie on the neck. “Hello, old friend. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I was here to see you.”

“You ready to get back on?” Seth asks Kevin.

“Okay. I guess.”

Seth helps Kevin into the saddle and murmurs to the boy, helping him regain his confidence. Gage and Kelsey are playing in the grass nearby.

“You’re pretty amazing,” I say as I wrap my arm around Tash’s shoulders.

“Yeah. I know.”