Anchor of Secrets by Tessa Hale
31
The water rained downon us as Ronan gently ghosted a washcloth over my skin. He dipped his hand between my legs. His amber eyes locked with mine. “Tender?”
My cheeks heated. “Maybe a little.” But it was a tender I relished. As if I’d be carrying the memory of Ronan in my muscles.
His other hand lifted to cup my cheek. “I’m sorry.”
My face scrunched in annoyance. “I enjoyed every second of that, so don’t you dare take it away.”
Ronan’s lips twitched. “I just should’ve been more mindful. You’re new to this.”
My fingers gripped his hips. “You needed to let things go. I wanted to help you do that.”
A shadow of grief passed over his expression.
“Ronan…”
His throat worked as he swallowed. “He didn’t know.”
I pressed my lips to the underside of Ronan’s jaw. “He didn’t.”
“I don’t know if I can take that.”
My brows pulled together. “What do you mean?”
“So many years lost. So much anger and hatred. And for what?”
An ache took root at the very core of me. Coming to terms with hating the person you’d once loved the most, for all the wrong reasons? It could tear you up inside if you let it.
My fingers dug into Ronan’s hips harder.
He looked down at me in question.
“You can’t let your dad win. The guilt of this? It could destroy you both if you let it. Don’t let him win.”
Something flashed in Ronan’s eyes. A determination that had hope flaring to life inside me. He searched my face. “I don’t know where to start.”
“You start with getting to know your brother again.”
Pain etched itself into Ronan’s face.
I pressed a kiss to his chest, right over his heart. “You can do this. I’ll be there with you if you want.”
Ronan’s arms went around me, pulling me close as the warm water cascaded over us. “Didn’t realize how much I was missing, not having you in my life.”
My heart squeezed. “Well, you’re stuck with me now.”
I hoped he was anyway. But fear crept into the warm fuzzies I was feeling at Ronan’s nearness, his walls coming down. Terror that we wouldn’t find a way to save us all from madness, from death.
Ronan brushed my wet hair away from my face. “No one I’d rather be stuck with.”
He reached behind me and turned off the water. As I wrung the excess water out of my hair, Ronan stepped out of the shower and grabbed towels. He wrapped one around me with a tenderness that had a sweet ache taking root in my chest. Then he handed me another for my hair.
We toweled off in the quiet of the bathroom. Ronan seemed lost in his thoughts. I was sure he was replaying a million moments from the past and worrying about what was to come.
I followed Ronan out into his bedroom and stopped short, catching sight of my mangled clothes on the floor. I glared at him.
His brows lifted. “What?”
“You ruined my uniform. What the hell am I supposed to wear?”
A wolfish grin spread across Ronan’s face. “I’m keeping that uniform for memory’s sake.”
“Boys,” I huffed.
He chuckled. “I’ll get you a tee and some sweats.”
“Or you could go get me some clothes from my room.”
Ronan pulled open drawers, grabbing an array of items. “I like the idea of you in my clothes.”
My insides went warm and squishy at that.
He crossed to me, handing me a tee, boxer briefs, and a pair of sweats.
I couldn’t resist. I lifted the T-shirt and pressed it to my face, inhaling deeply.
Ronan arched a brow.
My face heated. “I like the way you smell.”
He grinned again. “What do I smell like?”
“Like a dewy morning after a thunderstorm.”
Ronan’s face went soft. “Now I want to fuck you nice and slow.”
My core spasmed.
“Don’t look at me like that, Firecracker. You’re too sore.”
“Maybe—” I began.
Ronan kissed the tip of my nose. “Later.”
I huffed out a breath. “Fine.”
He laughed, and the sound held me hostage. I’d heard plenty of Ronan’s chuckles, but never his full-out laughter. The sound was rich and smoky, and I wanted to live in it forever.
He shook his head. “I’ve created a monster.”
I shrugged and dropped my towel. “It’s your own fault, then.”
Ronan’s gaze went hooded as it tracked over my body. “I’ve got zero regrets.”
I pulled on the boxer briefs, which were far too big. But the sweats had a drawstring, so when I pulled that tight, everything stayed up. Then I slipped on the T-shirt. “I’m stealing this.” The cotton was that perfectly worn softness.
“A firecracker and a klepto. What a combination.”
I laughed and leaned into Ronan, pressing my lips to his. “Your klepto.”
Gold flashed in Ronan’s eyes. “My everything.”
My heart thudded against my ribs so hard it hurt. This little glimpse of true happiness was almost more than I could take. “Are you ready?”
Ronan swallowed hard. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
I wove my fingers through his. “I’m with you.”
“I know.”
Still, we stayed there for a beat. Just waiting. I’d give Ronan all the time in the world. This wasn’t something I could force. He needed to take that first step.
Ronan squeezed my hand. “Let’s do this.”
I returned the grip and started for the door. Ronan opened it, then locked it behind us after we left. His steps were even, not fast or slow, but I felt the heaviness in them. The weight of coming to terms with all he and Declan had lost.
I looked up at Ronan as we descended the stairs. “It might take time. But you can’t give up.”
I couldn’t imagine that the road Ronan and Declan had to walk down would be an easy one. There would be a fair share of bumps and potholes. But if neither of them quit walking, they’d get there. To a place they’d been missing for over seven years.
Ronan’s jaw set. “I won’t.”
“This is when your stubbornness pays off.”
His lips twitched. “I guess so.”
The guys weren’t in the lounge or the dining room, but I caught movement out the back windows. “There.” I pointed.
The four of them were scattered on chairs outside by the pool.
Ronan gripped my hand tighter as he led me in that direction.
Four heads lifted as the door opened.
Ronan released my hand and walked in the direction of his brother. I held my breath as he came to a stop. He swallowed hard. “Can we talk?”