Breaking Bella by Jenna Rose
Bella
My feet crushthe wet grass as I walk through the back lawn to the gate. Brax’s men trust me now, so they don’t stop me as I exit the property. I’m the woman of the house so they simply give me a nod as I pass. One of them even breaks protocol and gives me a tiny smile.
They think they’re just doing their job and respecting my autonomy as their boss told them. Little do they know, they’re making the biggest mistake of their lives.
They’ll catch hell for this, and I feel bad about that, but after what happened last night, I have to get out. Get away.
It’s just too much all at once. And when I woke this morning in a cold sweat, gripped by the claws of a pure panic attack, and looked down at Brax’s dead mother’s ring on my finger, I had to act.
“I want to get you pregnant.”
I pretended to be asleep when he told me that, and it worked, because he fell asleep on top of me right after. And if I’m being honest with myself, when he was inside of me, making love to me the way he does, I wanted that too.
But that’s crazy-Bella thinking, and crazy-Bella cannot be trusted.
When I came to my senses and really thought about the consequences of everything—Brax retiring and giving up his entire life for me, my upcoming show that might completely fail, people actually wanting to buy my work, and then him wanting to get me pregnant on top of that?
No, it’s just all too much.
He’s making a mistake, and I can’t let him.
He’s going through that obsessed honeymoon phase that guys go through when they first have sex with a girl or whatever, but if I let him give up his life that he’s built for himself and retire to just be my husband, he’s going to realize what a mistake he’s made and end up leaving me. Whether it’s in a month or two or a year doesn’t matter. It will happen, and I’ll end up a single mom with a broken heart, and I can’t let that happen.
I left the ring on the bedside table where he’ll find it.
Sure, he’ll be mad at me for a little while, but he’ll get over it quickly, and in the end, he’ll thank me for helping him not make the greatest mistake of his life.
I’m spiraling. Acknowledged. But that doesn’t make me wrong.
Once I’m off the property and away from the line of sight of Brax’s men, I start sprinting. I have a little money in my pocket, enough to get a new apartment and a fresh start somewhere else. It was wrong of me to take it from him, but I guess I’ve rationalized it by telling myself that he would have given it to me anyway if I had asked.
The first place I go is the pharmacy to buy a Plan-B pill. I keep my head down and my hair over my face. Brax may be retired, but he still has men and enemies all over this city, and the last thing I need right now is to be spotted. I pocket the pill and head out the door and hail an old-fashioned cab headed for the airport. If I charge an Uber on my phone he’ll be able to track it.
I love him. More than I ever thought possible. And that’s why I have to go.
I’ll keep loving him, and he’ll wake up one day and wonder what the hell he was thinking. Who is this crazy girl who does sketches and why did he give up his entire life’s empire to be with her?
He’ll resent me for trapping him. He’ll grow into an absent father, and I’ll end up living alone, the life of a single mother, raising a child who will end up feeling worse about themselves than I do.
No. It’s better to end this now before it gets worse than it already is.
I try not to cry too hard during the taxi ride, but the driver notices something is up.
“Are you all right, miss?”
“Fine,” I lie, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. “Just moving, you know? It’s always a hard thing to do.”
What do I know? I’ve never moved before.
“I hear you.” He nods with one of those commiserating smiles. “Well, don’t worry, miss. New roots eventually grow deep and strong.”
He has a Southern twang to his voice that is somehow comforting, and I just nod and smile back and try not to cry anymore in his back seat. This whole conundrum is embarrassing enough without me causing a scene in front of a stranger.
I tip the driver a fifty when we reach the airport and exit the car quickly.
“Take care of yourself!” he calls after me as I race inside.
For some reason, I resent his comment. He doesn’t know that I’m not even worth being taken care of—that I shouldn’t even take care of myself. I had a man, a wonderful man willing to take care of me and more, and I threw it all away. And for what?
I don’t even have a destination in mind, and as I look up at the enormous screens above me listing the departures, I feel my panicked heart pounding in my ears, in my chest, like a fist beating against my rib cage, punishment for making the greatest mistake of my life—allowing myself to love Brax Cabot.
Aruba, Antigua. Those both sound nice, but without a passport, neither is happening. Chicago, Atlanta, New York. All big cities where I don’t know anyone. There’s a flight to Boston in forty-five minutes, though. I’ve always wanted to see New England. I could rent a car, travel the coast, maybe settle somewhere in New Hampshire or Maine, sketch by the ocean and try not to think about him…
“Bella.”
The sound of Brax’s voice behind me is more terrifying than the ending of Hereditary, and that movie scared me so badly I barely slept for two days. My face goes hot instantly while the rest of my body goes cold from all the adrenaline immediately pumped through me.
He followed me. I don’t know how, but he did.
My first instinct is to run, but that would be silly. Where would I run to? I’m at the Miami airport without a ticket. TSA would tackle me before Brax reached me and probably take me into some back room and question me as to whether or not I was a terrorist or something.
Or even worse, the police would get involved and question Brax on why he was chasing me. And that would be a disaster.
I should turn and face him, but I can’t. All I can do is stand there, ashamed, humiliated, and listen to the sound of his footsteps closing in behind me.
“You know, I’ve heard of a runaway bride before, but never a runaway fiancée.” I feel the warmth of his body and smell his scent and brace myself for his touch. It never comes. “You have to at least let me start the ceremony before you make your escape, Bella.”
You don’t know what you’re doing, Brax. Just go home.
I can’t face him. But as always, he seems to know what I’m thinking and circles around in front of me. I avert my eyes but feel his on me like a pair of spotlights. If I wasn’t already frozen in place, I would be now.
I’m trembling, but somehow manage to find my voice.
“Just let me go, Brax. It’s better this way.”
I’m a thunderstorm of emotion. I thought I’d come to terms with the despair of leaving Brax, but now I’m dealing with the sweet warmth of him coming after me. My vision blurs as tears fill my eyes. I swallow hard and bite the inside of my cheek, trying hard not to cry. I have to numb myself to this somehow. It’s clear he’s not ready to let this go, so I’m going to have to do it for both of us.
“Better what way? With us both heartbroken and alone?”
“You’ll get over it,” I mutter. “You know you will.”
“Oh, and you know that, do you? Bella the psychic? You know I’ll get over you, huh? Tell me, Bella. How do you know that?”
“Because I’m not worth it!” I shout as the floodgates burst inside me. People stop all around us, but I don’t care. I’ll be on a plane out of Miami within an hour and will never see any of them again.
I clench my hands into tight fists at my sides and stare at the floor and watch the wet dots stain the floor as the tears fall from my eyes. If only I had never gone out with Josh. All of this could have been avoided.
“Bella, you are worth it—” he starts to say, but the pain of his words goes straight to my chest, and I have to cut him off.
“Stop! It’s better this way, Brax. I’m doing you a favor.”
“Doing me a favor?”
“I’m saving you the trouble of breaking up with me when you realize you made a terrible mistake getting together with me in the first place…”
Brax sighs and takes a step back. “Yeah. You’re right.”
My stomach drops like I’ve been punched. My eyes snap up, and I stare at him.
What?!
He shrugs. “Yeah, you’re right, Bella. I mean—why waste any more time pretending? Let’s just end this charade now. It’ll save us both time later. You’re right. I’ll just go find myself another girl, or girls, to spend my time with.”
And with that, he walks away.
And my heart sinks into my toes.
Despite how much it kills me, I accept it.
It’s better this way.
That’s the conviction I should expect from the man who fought his way to the top of the criminal underworld of Miami. I made a compelling argument and he accepted it. I just wish I’d been able to escape without running into him again. Then at least I could have spared myself the pain of this terrible moment.
Wiping away my tears, I take a breath and my first step forward.
Boston it is…
But before I can put my foot down, a hand catches my arm, stops me, and spins me around.
“You actually bought that?” he asks me, grinning in a way that makes me melt like warm butter in the desert sun.
“What? I—”
“Bella, I have absolutely no intention of leaving you, or of letting you leave me.”
“Brax—”
“Let me say this again so you can get it through that pretty little skull of yours,” he says, gently tapping me on the forehead. “I love you. I gave up my life of crime to be with you, and just because you don’t think it is a good idea for me to do so doesn’t mean I’m going to change my decision.”
Despite all my protests, his words come down on top of me like a pile of golden bricks. This man has put up with so much shit from me, and it’s clear that he has no intention of stopping.
So maybe I was able to make it onto a plane to Boston and rent a car. There’s no doubt in my mind that he would have tracked me down, no matter how long it would have taken. I could have been sitting by the sea somewhere in New Hampshire and he would have walked up behind me and come and taken me home.
“There’s no point, is there?” I ask him.
“No point in what?”
“Resisting.” I smile, causing more tears to spill down my cheeks.
Brax shakes his head and steps forward, slips his strong hands around my waist, and pulls me close.
“No, Bella. Because you are mine. Just like you have been since the moment I laid eyes on you.”
Those golden bricks on top of me morph into a golden wave of happiness that swims through my body, culminating in a silly giggle that bursts out of my lips just before he kisses me.
Somewhere behind us, a few people start clapping. Someone else cheers.
Normally, I would laugh, but I’m lost in his kisses. His touch. The way his hands cradle me so softly, so safely, as if to remind me where I truly belong. Just as I’m getting lost in his embrace, he breaks away and drops to one knee. From his pocket, he produces the ring.
“I know I already asked you once, Bella. But I guess maybe the second time’s a charm?”
“Yes!” I blurt out. “Yes, yes of course!”
Brax slides the ring onto my finger for the second time, and I fall into his arms as more people cheer around us, his lips pressed gently against my neck.
“Now, just promise me one thing,” he whispers.
“Anything.”
“Never run away from me again.”
I choke out a laugh and smile. “Never.”
