Christmas Pet by Jamie Knight

Chapter Twenty-Two - Pearl

Running away to the trailer hadn’t been the most mature thing I’d ever done, but I couldn’t stand to be around people. Their happiness would only have pissed me off. No one wanted to watch my sad and moping face while they celebrated the season.

Because of another blizzard here during the week, snow had piled up, and I’d had to trudge through several inches to get to the door. For all I cared, it could snow for the next week because I wasn’t in a hurry to leave. I wasn’t in a hurry to see anyone or talk to anyone.

Only my mom knew where I’d been headed. I hadn’t wanted her to worry, but I needed peace and quiet. I needed to be on my own to think things through. I’d asked my mom to call Bella later to tell her not to panic if I didn’t get in contact for a few days and that I would explain when I got back.

My mom said and did everything she could to get me to stay, but I’d made my mind up. During the drive to the trailer, I’d listened to death metal. I might have ripped the radio from the console if I’d heard any Christmas songs or any mention of the word love. The only thing I wanted in my heart was hate. How could I have been so blind? So trusting? I thought we had something special. I thought that perhaps he could be the one. I snorted. Yeah, right. All the stuff he’d fed me was bullshit. And like an idiot, I’d eaten every word up.

I should’ve remained focused on my job and not my libido. I should never have let myself think that I could have a future with him. I should never have allowed myself to believe that maybe we could have something more in the New Year. He never had any intention of taking things any further with us.

For all I knew, this was a game he and Lyla played. Some fucked up kinky crap they got their rocks off to.

Where they at his apartment last night laughing at my stupidity while they wrapped my gifts? The sadistic SOBs deserved one another.

He’d been calling and texting, but I’d ignored him. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Since he’d already fooled me more than once, he wouldn’t get the chance to fool me again.

As humiliated as I was, I wouldn’t resign. I refused to start over somewhere new. When I went back to the office after the holidays, I would hold my head high and get on with things.

Anytime my tears tried to fall, I blinked them back. He didn’t deserve my tears. My heart clenched so hard I gasped, and I sank down on the sofa—the sofa where he’d first kissed me. I hugged my hands around my knees in an attempt to squeeze out my pain.

I’d cranked up the heat when I’d arrived, but I shook like frost coated my veins.

I needed something other than thoughts about James to occupy my mind. My mom’s collection of Tom Cruise DVDs caught my eye, but yuck. Schmaltzy, stomach-churning romance was the last thing I wanted to watch.

I wanted blood and guts and pain. I flicked through the collection of old movies until I came to The Day After Tomorrow. A film about the second ice age and the world as we knew it ending fit the bill perfectly.

Hammering on the door woke me up from where I’d fallen asleep on the sofa. In my groggy sleep state, it took a few seconds to remember where I was and what had happened, and when I did, my stomach clenched in pain.

“Pearl, I know you’re in there. Open the door. We need to talk.”

The hammering continued, shaking the entire trailer. I didn’t want him here. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t care that the temperature outside was subzero. He could get frostbite on his dick for all I cared. It would serve him right.

“If you don’t open the door, I’ll kick it in. I’m freezing my balls off out here.”

Good. I hope they drop off.

My conscience got the better of me, and I opened the door. If he froze to death because I refused to let him in, I could get charged with first-degree murder.

The second I saw his face, the ice encasing my heart started to thaw, but I steeled myself against showing any reaction.

He looked as wretched as I felt.

“Can I come in?”

Since he’d come all this way and since his face was wind chilled and red, I would let him in and hear him out.

I stood back and gestured for him to come in.

When he did, he brought a small avalanche with him. He yanked off his jacket and gloves and stood in front of the fire, rubbing his hands and holding them out to the warmth.

I slammed the door shut but didn’t say a word. I glared at him, waiting for him to talk. In this situation, he wasn’t my master, and I wasn’t his pet. He was a prick, and I was pissed.

“Pearl.” He reached for me, but I jerked away. “You need to tell me what’s wrong. Whatever it is, I’m sure there’s a good explanation.”

“You lied to me about the fundraiser.” There was no hiding my rage. There was no hiding my hurt. “You lied about things being over between you and Lyla.” I briefly closed my eyes, firmed my lips. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t break down. I wouldn’t scream and shout. I wouldn’t waste my emotion on a man who saw me as a joke.

He shoved his fingers through his hair so it stood on end. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That’s how you want to play it, huh? I’ll spell it out for you. You, Lyla, Lincoln Center.”

“Lyla and I went to the fundraiser last night. I’m on the board. We’d RSVPed together. If I hadn’t gone, the Children’s Hospital could have lost millions in donations.”

“Would the Children’s Hospital still have lost millions in donations if you hadn’t fucked her?”

“You’re not making any sense Pearl. I didn’t fuck her.”

“Yeah, right. The Christmas presents you sent me with pictures of you kissing told a different story. They were dates stamped. You both looked very loved up outside the car. In fact, one of the close-ups showed her tongue shoved down your throat.”

His shoulders slumped like all the fight had gone out of him, but I didn’t stop.

“I didn’t realize you were a sadist, James. I didn’t realize that you were just like Daniel and enjoyed inflicting emotional abuse.”

He stumbled back like I’d sucker-punched him. Good. I hoped my words hurt him as much as his actions had hurt me.

He gritted his teeth. “I’m nothing like Daniel Chastain. I don’t know what Christmas presents and photos you’re talking about. If I was with Lyla and if we were playing some kind of sadistic game at your expense, do you think I would be here? Do you think I would have driven the whole way up here in another blizzard? Do you think I would have brought you to Vermont to meet my friends?”

What he said made sense. The rational part of my brain could see that, but the irrational part of my brain didn’t want to listen. The anger inside was a storm of pain and hate. I didn’t want a glimmer of hope.

“Maybe you’re trying to continue playing your game.”

He shook his head. “Pearl, pet—”

“I’m not your pet, James. I’m Pearl Holmes. I’m angry, and I’m pissed, and I’m hurt.”

“Think rationally, Pearl.” He sounded exhausted, his voice cracking.

“I don’t want to think rationally. I want to think about sitting by the tree this morning and opening twelve wooden boxes, each of them holding a picture of you and Lyla kissing passionately. And even if you’re telling the truth and nothing is going on between you and Lyla, you lied to me about the fundraiser. You could have told me the truth yesterday and said it was something you couldn’t get out of. That you and Lyla were going together. I am not a timid little mouse. I get that you have commitments, and I get that you have things you have to do that won’t include me. I don’t deserve to get treated like I’m fragile and won’t understand.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand. “It was the same thing when we went to the party in Pennsylvania. You didn’t tell me Lyla would be there because you didn’t think I would go with you.”

“That’s not the reason. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think it was relevant.”

“The same way you didn’t think telling me yesterday was relevant. I can perhaps understand you not telling me the first time. But I can’t understand you not telling me yesterday.” Stony silence filled the trailer. Both of us staring at one another. Accusation in my eyes. Confusion in his.

In my heart, I now knew there was nothing between him and Lyla, but I was too far down the rabbit hole to come back out. “If there’s nothing between you, why did you kiss her?”

“She caught me by surprise.” He blew out a breath and slumped onto the sofa, his hands clasped between his knees. “I opened the car door for her to get in, and when I turned around, she launched herself at me. It took me a few seconds to register what had happened. I’d drank way too much bourbon, and my reflexes were slow. When my brain kicked into gear, I pushed her away and told her there was nothing between us and there could never be anything between us. She must have had photographers nearby to take photos. She had it all planned.”

I hung my head and closed my eyes. “You could have explained yesterday. If you’d told me you would be with her last night, sure, I would’ve been irritated, but I would’ve gotten over it, and we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“We wouldn’t be in this mess if you’d answered my calls.”

I barked out a laugh. “You did not just say that. We wouldn’t have been in this mess if the night of my mom’s cookie exchange I hadn’t gotten in the car with you. I should’ve said no. I should never have agreed to be your plus one. You said we all make mistakes. You’re the biggest one I’ve ever made. I’ve never regretted anything more.” I hadn’t meant to say any of that, but the fury monster beating against my chest refused to back down.

The hurt in his eyes almost made my legs buckle, but I would stay strong.

“What are you saying, Pearl?”

I drew in a lung-filling breath. “I’m saying this is over, James. Like you, I no longer believe in love.”