Hateful by Eden Beck

Chapter Nine

Whatever Jasper’s intentions—orthe rest of their intentions are for that matter—I don’t find out right away.

In fact, soon my conversation with Heath fades away into the passing weeks until it’s almost as if it didn’t happen at all. I don’t run into him in the forest trails again.

In fact, I rarely run into any of them anywhere.

The next couple weeks are a blur of acing tests and running on the hiking trails. I’m feeling incredibly confident in my grades now that I’ve been studying my ass off when I’m not running it off. I’m almost at the top of my class.

And I’m going to need it. I’m going to need every advantage I can get if I’m going to have any leverage once I get found out. Because I’m going to be found out, right?

Between Jasper and Headmistress Robin, it’s only a matter of time before one of them lets it slip out.

So, I’m not exactly happy about the first leg of the competition against the girls’ school. To me, it’s just another distraction. Just another opportunity to run into them.

All, or any, of the four of them.

“Do I have to go?” I groan, flopping myself back amongst the pile of paperwork and sports bras that have started to define my high school experience.

“It’ll be weird if you don’t. Plus, I told Neville you’d be there.” Rafael shrugs himself into his leather jacket and looks pointedly at me.

I, in turn, wrinkle my nose. “Why should Neville care that I’m there?”

“He doesn’t, but I do.”

My mind searches for something else, some idea that might give me a good enough excuse to get out of this. I’m about to give up when something brilliant pops to mind.

“But…um…what about Olive?”

“What about her?” Rafael says, barely looking up.

I roll over onto my side and pretend to be picking shyly at the threads of my blanket. “I just, I don’t know what I’d say to her if we ran into her. You know things didn’t end so well last time we talked.”

“Well good thing there’s no chance of that,” Rafael says, “because Olive didn’t come back after break.”

I suddenly straighten up in bed. “She, what?”

I’d wondered why I’d yet to hear anything from her…let alone why I hadn’t seen her loitering in the halls around Jasper. I thought she’d have it out to me after last semester. After all, she doesn’t exactly seem like the forgiving type.

“Yeah.” He half turns to me from where he stands by the door, one of his eyebrows raising slightly. “Or didn’t you hear? She’s taken an indefinite leave of absence.”

My jaw hangs open. “Do you think…”

“Do I think that you embarrassed her so much that she couldn’t bear to face anyone after what you said about her at the dance?” Rafael is paying very close attention to his fingernails as he says this before his eyes cut over to me. “I don’t know about all that, but I do know that you won’t be running into her anytime soon. So sorry, Alex, but I think you’ve run out of excuses.”

I snort and get to my feet to tug on my last clean oversized hoodie. I need to do laundry soon.

Or like, yesterday.

But since I know Rafael won’t accept that as a valid excuse, I give in. Though, it may just be because it helps me feel just a little less guilty about the fact that a girl didn’t come back to school because of something I did.

I knew what I did to Olive was going to end up hurting the both of us. I’m just honestly surprised I had the balls to come back to Bleakwood after all that’s been done to me, but she didn’t.

“All right, fair enough, I guess.”

Neville joins us outside our dorm, and the three of us make our way to the dining hall. Neville is in our History class, so they talk about some essay they’re supposed to be doing as we walk. I’ve already finished mine, but I’m not about to mention that. I listen mildly while the rest of me is on high alert for Headmistress Robin or the Wicked Brotherhood. I don’t need any incidents today.

Just once I’d like things to remain unmemorable.

“Whoa,” Neville says in shock as we enter the gymnasium, and I have to nod in agreement.

The entire place has been transformed, just like it was for the winter dance. There are flags bearing Bleakwood’s crest hanging from the walls, interspersed with flags bearing the girls’ school’s symbol. Some huge tables have been pushed to one end of the dining hall, and they’re covered with confusing-looking puzzles—as well as some Rubik cubes, which I find strangely hilarious. They’re the only spots of color amongst a sea of bleak faces and black uniforms.

The chairs have been replaced with long benches, and there’s a buffet set up along the side of the room.

“So we’re just supposed to … what? Eat and watch a bunch of people solve puzzles all day?” I scoff. “I could be studying or something.”

“Studying?” yells a booming, familiar voice.

I feel the warmth drain from my face as the crowd around me goes silent. Everyone’s gaze shifts behind me to the Wicked Brotherhood as they saunter into the dining hall. Jasper averts his eyes, but Beck is staring straight at me, a manic grin spread across his face.

“That’s what you’d rather be doing?” he demands, pushing through the crowd which I now realize has girls as well as boys. Both schools are already here. I briefly make a mental note of how grateful I am that I don’t need to add Olive to the list of people I need to watch out for, before Beck continues. “Instead of cheering on your school, you’d rather be weaseled away in the library?”

I don’t reply. Beck walks straight up to me, prompting Rafael to start moving to stand in front of me, but I shake my head slightly at him. I don’t need him getting caught up in this too. He’s got enough on his plate.

Besides, I’ve dealt with this before.

I steel myself up, preparing for the worst.

Beck comes so close that I think his cheekbones might actually cut me. He leans down to put his grinning face right into mine. I have to keep my eyes trained on his to keep from thinking, even for a second, the way the sharp lines of his face make me weak in the knees.

Even now.

Even when he opens his mouth and snarls, “What? Do you want us to lose?”

“No,” I say as calmly as I can muster. I finally tear my eyes from his to scan the crowd, looking for any staff, faculty, anything that will get me out of this gracefully. There are a few professors in the back of the room, as well as the dean. As I watch, they all slip out of the room, leaving me to whatever fate Beck decides for me. Bastards.

As if that was anything but intentional.

They don’t have to say they didn’t try to stop it if they weren’t even here.

Beck notices their departure, too. He grins even more and lunges toward me as if to grab me, but I dodge backward and slam into one of the benches, which takes me out at the knees. Beck bursts into uproarious laughter as I windmill stupidly to try and keep my balance. Most of the crowd joins in.

He faked me out. He wasn’t going to do anything, he just wanted to make me flinch.

Somehow, that’s even worse.

“Scared?” Heath pipes up, coming to stand next to Beck. They’re nearly touching me, the heat from their bodies practically radiating into my reddening skin as they lean down toward me. “What’s wrong? Is the little baby scared?”

I give Heath a cold stare. Angry heat rises to my cheeks. I don’t want to say anything. I also don’t want to stand here and take this, but I don’t really have a choice. Maybe if I don’t provoke them, they’ll get bored.

From the looks of the crowd around them, they’ve forgotten anything about my little outburst at the dance. That, or they don’t care.

Or they’re too scared to care. Too scared that if they say anything, they’ll be next on The Brotherhood’s shit list.

Jasper hovers behind the two of them, looking everywhere but at me. Beck’s face is directly near mine as he looms over me. Heath is a little further back. I realize with a start that he doesn’t look nearly as into this as Beck does.

It’s like he’s just going through the motions when in reality, he’d rather be anywhere else.

“Someone ought to put you in your place,” Beck says in an almost singsong voice. “Right, Jasper?”

Now Jasper looks up. He shrugs.

“Yeah,” he says halfheartedly, still blatantly avoiding actually looking at me.

That’s good enough for Beck, apparently.

He grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls me toward him. I squeeze my eyes shut so that I won’t have to see whatever’s coming. Is he going to hit me? In front of all these people? All last semester I did everything I could to avoid this fate, including injuring myself so they wouldn’t have to—and now it’s going to happen anyway, in front of an entire crowd of people?

Angry tears prick my eyes. I just want to mind my own damn business and get good grades. I just want to be left alone. Is that really too much to ask for?

Somehow, amidst all the other emotions I’m feeling, guilt weasels its way in there too.

This is what you wanted,it reminds me. You didn’t want to be forgotten.

“He’s crying!” Beck yells, a cackle of a laugh bubbling up out of his throat.

My eyes fly open. He releases my collar and steps back as meanspirited laughter breaks out around us. Jasper and Heath both avert their gazes, but Beck stands in front of me, grinning maliciously.

“Little baby’s so scared he’s gonna cry. Maybe pee his pants. Need someone to wipe you?”

I’m not even sure anyone heard the last sentence, they’re all laughing loud enough to mostly drown him out. That doesn’t make his words any less humiliating.

I stare back at him while the angry, embarrassed tears blur my vision.

It’s stupid, so stupid. Just because I know that doesn’t stop the heat from continuing to rush in a steady stream to my reddening cheeks.

After what feels like an agonizingly long time, someone clears their throat. I look around, eager to lay eyes on something, anything else. The dean is back, and he’s shaking his head at Beck, who simply nods and grabs Heath by the elbow, jerking his head toward the puzzle table.

Meanwhile, Rafael reaches out to touch my arm. The touch is so light I barely feel it, but somehow, it stings as if it was a slap instead. I know he doesn’t mean for it to, but I still find myself recoiling.

“Alex?”

“I’m leaving,” I whisper furiously. I step over the bench and head to the buffet to stuff some food into my pockets before storming out of the room. The dean starts speaking, introducing the event that’s about to take place. I should make my exit quietly, but I don’t.

I kick open the dining hall door and slam it behind me.

Fuck them.

Fuck them. All of them.This whole damned place.

The event hasn’t started yet. Maybe Headmistress Robin is still around.

I don’t care if she’s practically as bad as the rest of them. Right now I just want them to hurt. Jasper, Heath, and Beck … and everyone else who just stands by to watch while The Brotherhood has their way with Bleakwood.

Fuming, seething, I stomp around the nearby corridors, trying to find where the head of the girls’ school might be waiting for her time to enter the dining hall. I end up in the hallway full of clubrooms.

I wander until I think I’m out of luck … only to hear a doorway open further down the hall and, sure enough, Headmistress Robin steps out. She spots me immediately and shuts the door softly behind her.

I don’t know why she even needs me. She seems to have an easy enough time getting in and out on her own … and finding herself in places where she definitely shouldn’t be.

But that doesn’t change the fact, or the reason, that I find myself standing here in front of her.

“Alex?” she asks quietly, her face a confused frown. “I thought I saw you heading in this direction.”

I look around. “I don’t know how useful you’ll find this, but Bleakwood has a huge bullying problem.”

Her eyes light up for just a second before her face goes as blank as a mask. She opens what turns out to be the same abandoned classroom we went into the other day and waves me in. I walk quickly inside, and she doesn’t even bother with the chairs this time. She pushes the door shut and stands eagerly in front of me.

“What do you mean?”

“The faculty try to cover it up,” I blurt out. “But there’s a group of boys who can do whatever they want, and the dean just looks the other way.”

“Really?” she whispers, her hands clasped eagerly in front of her. “That’s definitely something I can use.” She puts her fingertips to her lips and begins to pace. “How often does this happen?”

“They usually try to start things when the faculty’s not around—but professors rarely stop them if they’re caught.”

“Faculty and staff that turn a blind eye to their students’ suffering,” she says, more to herself than to me. “That’s good.”

“I don’t know how useful this is—” I stammer, suddenly starting to doubt myself as the adrenaline from earlier begins to wear away.

“Oh, it’s useful,” she replies, her eyes glinting in the dim light filtering through the dusty windows; and then she stops and takes a deep breath, steadying herself. She turns to me with a sympathetic expression. “Do they bully you?”

I don’t say anything.

She sighs and walks toward me, setting her hand gently on my shoulder. “It’s very unfair that you have to suffer like this.”

I blink. Is she … being nice to me?

“You look so thin and gaunt. Women shouldn’t feel like they have to make themselves weak in order to appease men.”

Gaunt?I think, letting a hand drift up to my cheek. I’ve been eating healthily. I may be thin, but I’m not gaunt. And weak? I’ve been running so much that, really, I’m probably stronger than ever.

I know she’s using words to manipulate me, to turn me into a better puppet for her. I know that, but I also know she’s right about one thing; I shouldn’t have to suffer like this.

“I have something else to ask of you, and I hate to do it, especially when it’s plain to see you’re suffering. But it’s because of that suffering that I must ask.”

I’m not sure what she means, but I nod, and she leans toward me. Her face is pulled into a strange expression now. Her eyes shine, the ends of her mouth twist up, but she also looks like she’s trying to seem calm and kind.

“Do you know where the school records room is?”

And there it is.

The real reason she needs me.