Fortunate Son by Jay Crownover
Bowe
“ARE YOU SURE you want to do this?”
I looked over at Remy as I closed the trunk of her tiny sports car, careful not to crush my guitar case. My best friend was leaning against the side of the bright red car, arms crossed over her chest, eyes hidden by mirrored sunglasses. Her wild, curly blond hair was piled on top of her head, and the dimple that was usually present in her cheek was nowhere to be seen. I knew she didn’t approve of my choice to go to Denver for the rest of the summer, and she hadn’t bothered to hide her hesitation and disappointment in my determination to make the trip since she showed up at my place a week ago. When I called and asked her to come to Colorado with me for the rest of the summer, she immediately told me no. There was a list of reasons she didn’t want to go back home, and only half of them had to do with the fact that everything in Denver reminded her of Hyde. I don’t know what it was about those Archers and their issues with their first loves, but it seemed to run in the family. I’d resigned myself to going alone when Remy suddenly popped up on my doorstep and told me she changed her mind. If I insisted on going after Ry, she was going with me. I was both relieved and skeptical of her choice. It wasn’t uncommon for Remy to change her mind about something, but it was unusual for her to waver on what she believed to be best for someone she cared about.
I shrugged and wiped my palms on the back pockets of my shorts. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
She sighed heavily and lowered her shiny glasses down the bridge of her nose to look directly at me. Remy’s eyes were a startling mix of bluish-gray and light brown. They were an intense hazel that seemed like it was born of her mother’s odd eye combination. Her brother got an eye for each color; Remy got them all swirled together in a hypnotic mix.
“The worst that could happen is you fall in love with my cousin. Listen, I love Ry like a brother, but that boy’s life is already all planned out for him. There is very little flexibility in the path he’s on. The last thing I want is for you to get all tangled up with him and forego your own plans and forsake your incredible talent. I don’t want you to sell yourself short just because you had a setback, and I don’t want your entire life to become about some dumb boy.” She tapped her sneakered foot on the ground and gave me a very practiced pout. “I get that you’re disappointed your first big show wasn’t everything you wanted it to be and that you pissed off your friends by breaking up the band. I just don’t think running away is the answer, or your style, Bowe. I know you have some irrational attachment to my cousin because he was pretty much your first everything, but that’s an outdated way of thinking. Who cares who the first was? You should focus on finding the best, instead.”
I walked to stand in front of her. I put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a little shake. She was a few inches shorter than me, but her attitude made her seem ten feet tall. Remy Archer was a force of nature and had a hurricane of a personality. She could come across as intimidating if you didn’t know that hidden within all her sassiness and bluster, there was a heart of pure gold. She was one of the most loyal people I’d ever met. She was also one of the bravest, until it came to love and relationships. She could talk about not being attached to your first all she wanted, but I knew that there was no way she’d moved past all her feelings and issues where her first love was concerned. Hyde had really done a number on her, which skewed her view of all things having to do with the heart.
I reached up to pull on one of her curls. It immediately sprung back into place as she stared at me with a hard look. “It’s not that he’s my first. It’s because he’s my only. He takes up so much space in my mind,” and in my heart, but I wasn’t going there with her. “There’s never been any room for anyone else. I need to spend some time with him to either evict him totally and move on, or I need to accept that he’s always going to be there so I can stop wasting time trying to forget him. Plus, a change of scenery might do me a world of good. My dad still has a studio in Denver. He said I can have unlimited access to it while I’m in town. He also reminded me that he got his start playing open mic nights in Denver. He encouraged me to try and play by myself in front of a new audience. He seemed to think it might be good for me.”
It wasn’t like I could set up a solo gig right away in Austin. Not without pissing off Joey and the rest of the band I just ditched. That would be a total slap in the face, and while I would always put the music first, I wasn’t so callous as to move on so blatantly and obviously without them.
I let Remy go and started around the flashy little car to the passenger’s side. It wasn’t the ideal mode of transportation for a road trip, but I bet she could cut a solid hour off the drive time with how fast she drove. We’d just have to make sure we didn’t get pulled over along the way. Not that I didn’t fully believe she could talk her way out of just about anything.
“As for Ry having his life all planned out, if he’s not willing to adjust or to make changes and some adjustments for me, then that’s something I need to know now. I’m not going to sit quietly in the corner while he’s out there achieving everything he was always meant to. I’m not a sit-on-the-sidelines type of girl. I’m not easygoing like Aston. He’s the one who threw down the gauntlet. He should be ready for me to pick it up and run with it.” He showed up and turned my life upside down. It was time he got a taste of his own medicine.
I slid into the low-slung car and waited while Remy did the same. I sent a text to my folks, letting them know I was about to hit the road. I also sent the twins a funny video message of me and Remy blowing them kisses. The girls were sad, not only because Remy had only been in town for a short while and they didn’t get to spend much time with her, but also because I was planning on being gone most of the summer. They told me they would miss me and that they were sad they had gotten jobs this summer so the whole family couldn’t go. I felt bad for messing up the annual trip for so long. I didn’t realize how selfish my desire to stay away from Ry was or how it had affected those around me.
“Have you given any thought to what might happen if Ry goes on to play professional football? I mean, I know the chances of him getting all the way to the NFL are about as slim as you becoming a superstar overnight, but it might happen. Are you ready to be with someone famous? Especially since that’s the dream you’ve been chasing yourself since you were little. What if Ry gets what you’ve always wanted, and you don’t? Won’t you resent the hell out of him? How long will a relationship like that last? I’m really worried you haven’t thought through all the possible scenarios of what being with my cousin could mean for you. I just don’t want you to lose your light in the long shadow that Ry casts.”
I turned my head to look at her as she pulled onto the packed highway. I tucked my hair behind my ear and asked her seriously, “Think about this…what if I’m the one who gets famous and Ry’s football career ends in college? Like you said, it’s a long shot for either of us. Doesn’t that mean it’s just as likely that I’ll make it big, and he’ll have to figure out how to be with someone in the limelight?” I sniffed a little and dug my own sunglasses out of my bag. “I have no plans to stand in front of him or behind him. Besides, if I’m standing next to him, then I don’t have to worry about his shadow.”
“I care about you both. I don’t want either one of you to get hurt.” She swore as a big pickup truck cut her off. “I know Ry and Aston just broke up, but that’s like a starter relationship. A trial run. It never had legs or any deep meaning. If you and Ry end up in something serious, that’s the real deal. That’s the kind of thing my mom and dad have. That’s the kind of thing your mom and dad have. You’re still so young and have so much to accomplish. I’d hate for you to lose sight of that just because you fall in love with someone just as ambitious as you are.” She gave me a look I couldn’t decipher because her mirrored shades were back over her multicolored eyes. “I fully plan on giving my cousin the same lecture.”
I smiled at her and changed the subject. “Ry’s going to be happy to see you. It’s been a long time since you went back home. Are you sure your friend is cool with us staying at his place the rest of the summer?”
Remy nodded and turned her attention back to the busy road. “Yeah. He already told me we could crash. He has a spare bedroom and a Murphy bed in his office. He’s working on a project overseas right now and doesn’t know when he’ll be back, so he doesn’t mind us being there. I told him I’d keep his plants alive and keep an eye on his sexy neighbor he’s been crushing on for months. He keeps telling me the guy must be a spy or something. Apparently, he’s always dressed in a black suit and comes and goes at all hours of the night. I’m going to try and bump into him and put in a good word for my boy.” She laughed a little. “Just call me Cupid.”
I rested my head against the window and watched the traffic in front of us. “Did you tell your parents you were coming home for the summer? I bet your mom is thrilled.”
Remy and her mom, Cora, were cut from the exact same cloth. They were both tiny little powerhouses. And since they both had such big personalities, they often clashed like two turbulent weather fronts. Remy was a woman who wouldn’t be pinned down or ordered about by anyone. Her mom was someone who wanted to protect her kids against every bad thing and the world was going to throw at them. It was a situation bound to cause friction between the two. Remy left home as soon as she could and hadn’t gone back for any real length of time in years. I knew her parents wanted nothing more than for her to settle in one spot and find someone to be happy with, but Remy had no plans to do either. The longest she stayed in any one place was six months, and I don’t think she’d had a relationship last much longer. It was almost like she knew if she stood still for longer than a moment, she would have to face all the feelings she was constantly running from.
“I told Zowen, so I’m sure he told them. I wasn’t up to the twenty questions my mom would have for me if I told her I was coming home. She’d want to know why. She’d get on my case about how long I’m staying. She’d grill me over what I’ve been doing for money and how I’ve been spending all my time lately. She treats me like I’m twelve. I need to be in the right frame of mind to deal with her.” Her mouth turned into a tight line as she talked about her parents. “I’ve missed her as much as she misses me, but sometimes her concern feels suffocating.”
“It’s hard for parents when we start making our own choices, and they can’t stop us. I always thought your mom was cool and so chill. It’s always weird to hear you talk about her being overbearing with you.” I had a feeling there was more to the story as to why there was so much tension there than Remy had shared with me. She could be downright cagey when she wanted to be. Plus, how one viewed their own parents was often different than someone from outside the immediate family. There was a whole host of things that colored how we viewed those who raised us and guided us into adulthood. “That’s not how I see your mom at all. And for real, what have you been doing for money lately?”
Remy had a fine arts degree and worked as a graphic designer for a bit before deciding she wanted to travel and get out of Denver. Since then, every time I talked to her, she was doing some random job for a living. She was a dog walker. A nanny. A social media manager. A personal shopper. A bartender. A food critic, and last time I’d asked, she was upcycling old furniture from thrift stores and selling it online for a nice profit. She was in San Diego when I called and asked her to come to Denver with me, but she hadn’t mentioned what kind of job she would be leaving if she went with me.
“I was building websites freelance. I have a friend who started a small design business and asked me to come work for her. I can do most of what needs to be done remotely, so I’m actually still working for her for now. It’s the first job I’ve had that has anything to do with what I went to school for. Isn’t that crazy?” She shook her head a little. “I kind of wish I was more like you and pushed harder against my parents when they told me they wanted me to go to college. I barely graduated and only just now found my degree to be useful. I would rather have traveled abroad and gone out to see what the rest of the world has to offer than sit in a boring classroom.”
I hummed a little sound of agreement but reminded her softly, “The reason you barely graduated wasn’t because you didn’t like being in school. It was because you were too busy worrying about everything Hyde was doing. You were obsessed.” I secretly thought she still was, but she did a much better job of hiding how she felt about the boy who broke her heart than I did.
Remy stiffened next to me, but she didn’t deny the truth in my statement. “Exactly. So, you should listen to me when I tell you I’m worried about what might happen to you if you get involved with Ry. I know exactly what it’s like to leave pieces of yourself scattered all over the place because of a boy. Sometimes those pieces get lost, and putting yourself back together the way you were before becomes impossible.” She made a distressed sound and reached out to pull on the purple ends of my long hair. “I wouldn’t wish that struggle on my worst enemy.”
I caught her hand in mine and held it lightly. “Well, there is one big difference between my situation and yours.”
I hated to point it out because it was the one and only soft spot Remy had ever had, but she was worried about something she didn’t exactly have first-hand experience with.
Her eyebrows lifted over the top of her sunglasses as she asked, “What’s that?”
I cleared my throat and rubbed my hands up and down my thighs. “You and Hyde, it was always a one-sided thing. All those years you chased after him, and he never budged. He never treated you as anything more than a friend. With me and Ry,” I blew out a breath and turned my head to give her an anxious look. “Sometimes I like him more than he likes me, and sometimes he likes me more than I like him. But it’s never one-sided. We always like each other, even when we don’t.” Maybe after spending time together this summer, we could finally figure out how to like each other the same amount at the same time.
Remy’s hands tightened on the steering wheel, and her mouth turned back into a fierce frown. It was on the tip of my tongue to apologize, but as if she sensed I immediately regretted my words, she waved a dismissive hand between us. “You’re right. I guess I didn’t think about what Ry would have to lose if things went south between the two of you. He’s got as much on the line as you do.”
He did. Which meant we were both going to win big or lose it all. I wasn’t sure what option scared me more.